: 60 and Over Discussion : With all due respect guys

sweetman 93 Reviews 2316 reads

posted 12 years ago

1 / 8

I decided to write this as a new thread instead of posting on the "What if Your Wife Found Out Thread" which is getting old, even tho it's a continuation. Many of you said your wives are not interested in sex which makes your life very difficult. I sympathize.

I'm reminded of what sex/love/advice columnist Dan Savage says. (Check him out in print or you tube if you don't know him. Extremely informative and very funny). Anyway, Dan Savage always makes the following point. If you insist on a monogamous, sexually exclusive relationship, then you must accept responsibility for fulfilling 100% of your partner's sexual needs. If you fail or cannot accept that responsibility, then you must give your partner permission to seek fulfillment elsewhere. Anything less is just not fair.

I realize that for many hobbyists, especially us older guys, their relationships at home are too entrenched. Changing the basic contract with your spouse may not be an option any more. It's a shame though. And I'd advise anyone entering a new relationship to make sure the ground rules are more enlightened and fair. The goal should be a relationship that enhances both people's lives, not one in which you have to hide your needs or do without great sex.

mrfisher 115 Reviews 400 reads

posted 12 years ago

2 / 8

Amen eom

END OF MESSAGE

Mars62 15 Reviews 444 reads

posted 12 years ago

3 / 8

What if she enjoyed humiliating you? (eom)

END OF MESSAGE

sweetman 93 Reviews 521 reads

posted 12 years ago

4 / 8

Re: What if she enjoyed humiliating you? (eom)

Eve tho I think you meant this as a joke, I'm going to answer seriously. People have kinks. It's all natural and it's all good. If her kink was to humiliate me I'd have a choice to make. Either try to be GGG and do what she wants, or give her permission to fulfill her humiliation fetish elsewhere.

KSM46 33 Reviews 458 reads

posted 12 years ago

5 / 8

I wish it were that easy.

Sweetman, There is wisdom in what you are suggesting. Unfortunately for most of us, your idealism could never be a reality. I could never imagine in a million years my wife saying to me, " I'm no longer able to satisfy your sexual needs at home, you have my blessing to seek that elsewhere" just as there is no way I could ever tell my wife, "Honey - I love you very much but am starved for a physical, sexual need that you can no longer give me. I am going to seek that outside but I promise, it doesn't diminish one iota my love for you." I can't imagine marriage vows that include this escape clause.

We are constrained by moral and religious bounds, by a "for better or for worse" commitment. The validity of your last sentence notwithstanding, the alternative for many of us is that both of our lives be enhanced by my discretely seeking sexual fulfillment outside. I am a happier person and that enables me to be a happier person in every aspect of my life, including at home.

My ideal would have been a different one. More effort should be put into not only real sex education ( not just lesrning about safe sex but learning how to make sex magnificent) but relationship building. A couple should enter marriage with not only a commitment but also the tools to make sex a key component of their lives. The unique bond that physical intimacy brings should be a vehicle for an increasing spiral of physical and emotional desire for each other. I'm afraid that my ideal however is also unrealistic.

And so, I like many others, have found a joy in sexual fulfillment in this world while maintaining a happy, loving relationship at home.

Erik_S 30 Reviews 427 reads

posted 12 years ago

6 / 8

disagree

You and others may not like this, but maybe it's worth playing devil's advocate. My intention is not to point a finger or blame anyone. Remember I'm a hobbyist too.

I don't think anyone can ever really completely fulfill a partner's sexual needs, certainly not in the long term. So I think your premise is wrong. Marriage is for better or worse, and does not depend on the sexual interest or health of your partner. You have control only of yourself, not of her. Pledging to be monogamous means YOU will be monogamous no matter what. The other thing is that everyone can't gin up sexual interest all the time. If she loses interest she probably can't help it. Women do tend to lose interest after menopause. It's most likely not about you.

So commitment means being willing to do without. If, like me, you can't do without -- then you can't. Admit it. Go ahead and find whatever alternative you need, but understand that it's selfish and really never justified morally. Don't put it on her. Do what you need to, try not to get caught, but don't pretend she's the cause. Now I'll duck and run for cover.

After5Diva See my TER Reviews 493 reads

posted 12 years ago

7 / 8

With all due respect guys

I'm sorry but this menopause card get's play too much, and no I am not there yet. I know women in their 60's & 70's that are hot an horny. When I was younger, my needs were stability & maturity thus I was attracted to older men. Now I'm older I prefer younger men for sex and mature gentlemen for conversation.

A good marriage is a lot of work, for both men & women. But after so many years, you just get board....even the women. To think that one person can satisfy all your needs: emotionally, sexually, intellectually, spiritually, financially ect..for a lifetime? That's a lot of pressure and very unrealistic.

Many men say they would like for their SO's to give the green light for outside activities, but if she
( the wife) begins having a good time, they get upset. Several times I've seen men talk their wives into experimenting with the swing scene only to their surprise she turned into sex machine...just not with him.

A women's sexuality is more complex than her male counterpart. Orgasms feel good no matter what the gender or age. I think there needs to be more education in sexuality and less shame, in doing so many relationships would see an improvement.

hgfgs 24 Reviews 439 reads

posted 12 years ago

8 / 8

I'd love to hear that proposal

"Honey, I want to spend my life with you. But just in case, as we age, and if our sex drives diverge, I want your agreement that I can play around."

Bet that goes over well.

Posted By: sweetman

I decided to write this as a new thread instead of posting on the "What if Your Wife Found Out Thread" which is getting old, even tho it's a continuation. Many of you said your wives are not interested in sex which makes your life very difficult. I sympathize.

I'm reminded of what sex/love/advice columnist Dan Savage says. (Check him out in print or you tube if you don't know him. Extremely informative and very funny). Anyway, Dan Savage always makes the following point. If you insist on a monogamous, sexually exclusive relationship, then you must accept responsibility for fulfilling 100% of your partner's sexual needs. If you fail or cannot accept that responsibility, then you must give your partner permission to seek fulfillment elsewhere. Anything less is just not fair.

I realize that for many hobbyists, especially us older guys, their relationships at home are too entrenched. Changing the basic contract with your spouse may not be an option any more. It's a shame though. And I'd advise anyone entering a new relationship to make sure the ground rules are more enlightened and fair. The goal should be a relationship that enhances both people's lives, not one in which you have to hide your needs or do without great sex.