I wrote this as a PM to a fellow hobbyist who asked for guidance navigating the strange waters of SA and I thought it might be of general interest so I'm posting it here.

What makes SA so exciting (and so dangerous and weird!) is the very fact that there is virtually no clearly defined protocol.  Every arrangement is unique and you have to make it up as you go along. Also there is no way to screen the guys or the gals. That said, it can be very, very rewarding.  

You will find a wide variety of expectations among the women there.  I ignore those who say "I am not a prostitute"  "No pay for play" or words to that effect.  I also ignore those who say they want a platonic arrangement.  I mean really, what are we there for??

Then there's a very wide variety of financial expectations.  Even though I limit my searches to those who have checked either "expectations minimal" or "negotiable"  I still have found some who are very happy to visit for multiple hours and receive a gift of $200 all the way up to one girl who refused to even meet me for coffee unless I gave her $500.  Needless to say I passed on that one!

One thing I try to communicate as early in the message exchange as possible is that I am not willing to commit to an allowance.  I prefer a gift-per-visit arrangement.  If the woman does not agree to this I move on.

It's also best to get some idea of what she expect$ per visit.  If you can do this before you "meet for coffee" that's great.  But certainly by the time that first visit "to see if you have chemistry" is over, you should know if you two want to meet again BCD and if so, how much she expects.  I made the mistake of neglecting that one time and, come date night, I discovered she wanted much more than I had thought!  I wound up springing for a fancy bar tab, a hotel, and her gift and it was a costly evening.  But way fun!!! (I do love fucking slim, pretty 21 year old blondes!)

Be prepared to invest some time and energy exchanging messages.  Sometimes it can take months.  I've been messaging one woman for 7 months and still never met her.  OK she lives far away and I haven't had the chance to go visit, but still.

On the other hand, I received a message recently from a 21 yo who found my profile and thought I seemed nice.  We exchanged several messages that day and by evening she had invited me to visit her "tomorrow".  The next day we exchanged texts and she decided to fore-go meeting for coffee and said just get us a room.  She met me there and really fucked my brains out!! Said she had not had sex in 3 weeks and was really, really in the mood for it. So we went from first contact to first fuck in one day's time.  That's gotta be some kind of record, especially for SA.  

Yesterday I had another exquisite session with my current SA ATF SB.  We really seem to connect on sexual, intellectual, and emotional levels. It's amazing to us both that we are so compatible given the 45 year age difference! So I plan to keep seeing her as long as she will allow, probably to the near exclusion of any others. I guess this kind of long term affectionate mutually beneficial relationship is what SA is supposed to be really all about.

Hi,  
Pardon my ignorance, but what is S.A.? Feel free to pm me if not allowed to say on TER.
Thanks.

END OF MESSAGE

I have much the same experience on SA.  I have really enjoyed it, just have trouble sometimes sorting it down to one I want to meet next.  I follow the same rules you do. Many are just young ladies in need of a little extra every month and are cool and enthusiastic.  I am not as patient as you though, I never chat online or by phone more than a few days.  If they are not ready to meet for lunch or coffee, then they are wasting our times.  No pressure, just don't have time for that much bs for a casual relationship.  

I have met some great ladies and had a great time at it.  I have one in Florida right now that I see whenever I am down there and one up here in Atlanta I just met last month that is super hot.

SA seems enticing, due to all the reasons you said.  Is it possible to function in that world as a married person?  Undisclosed name, etc

If not oh well this has worked out pretty good

I've been on there for a year off and on. What everyone else said is spot on with my experience.  You have to talk to a lot of girls to find the right one but it's worth it. I'm currently seen one 20 years younger than me that fucks the living shit out of me every time I see her and really seems to enjoy it as much as I do.  Single mom working two jobs just trying to provide for her kids. She's hot and a wonderful girl and I like her a lot.  

 I've had my share of the ones that want you to send them money before ever meeting. Or that want you to give them money just to meet for coffee. Or they want you to get in your car and drive to where they are right away and give the money. Screw that. There are really legitimate women on that site.  

 I was pretty nervous the first time I actually went to this girls house. With no reviews it's always a risk. But it turned out great. What I like about this arrangement is not on the clock. We take our time.

I do think you can function as a married person on SA.  Many of the women there are fully aware of the serious discretion required by guys with a wife at home.  Others say "no married men" so those I avoid.  I am married, but my wife knows about my hobby and gives me her permission, so I don't need to hide my activities carefully like most married guys do.  If absolute discretion is something you need, I'd let the ladies know that before you meet them and see if they are ok with it.  Many women seem to actually prefer married guys since they feel safer and often think you are not going to get all mushy on them and ask them to marry you!  They don't want that!  I actually had 2 SBs recently tell me they broke up with their SDs after the guys became too attached and proposed marriage.  So being married is sometimes an advantage.  Good luck out there!