This whole thing is obviously under your skin, but you seem reticent to spit out what is bugging you.

Lots of people hear from former lovers from time to time.  They share a few laughs and memories and then go back to doing what they were doing before.  (Just remember to keep your pants on.)

What is so different about this case?

And as far as how you close an email, on the 1-10 scale of significance, it rates about 2.5, so don't let that get to you.

I posted about this on a recent thread on the Erotic Highway board on "internet husbands", so I'll be brief.

I had a torrid affair 30 years ago, but the timing was wrong.  I was getting divorced and she married another guy out of desperation (financial) as much as anything.

She kept in touch with me over the years and I knew there wasn't a lot of emotional satisfaction in the marriage.  For a long time I hoped she'd get divorced and we'd finally get it right and be together.

Well, the years went by and she started emailing me on a regular basis.  Her kids are in college and I know she's feeling a little lost.  I'm happy to be a friend and a sounding board, but I no longer want her to end her marriage.  I've come to realize what we had can NEVER be recaptured and we'd both realize that fairly quickly if we pursued it.  I also don't want to break up her marriage.  I don't think she wants that either, she just needs someone she can share things with and reach out to when no one else is there for her (her husband is emotionally reserved, I've met him).

So after a couple years of almost daily emails, we've settled into a very enjoyable friendship and aren't signing off with love (we always did in the past) or anything else that would confuse the issue.

I'll always cherish the wonderful love and sex we shared, but I'm satisfied now to have her in my life as a friend- a friend that knows me better than almost anyone.  I say this because I realize that my actions in the past came at a very high price (divorce), and now she's in the situation I was.  The difference between me at age 30 and me now is, now that means something to me.  

I am enjoying reminiscing with my old lover via email.  There were several messages the fist day as we established that we were really who we said we were.  My initial message to her was only the Name of the place we met.  
So we have mostly messaged about our goodtimes, the years in between...  nothing about the physical sexual relationship.   The closest we have come is she remarked twice about Choc Chip cookies (I used to make from my mother's recipie).  The latest remark was about eating cookies in bed.  
At one point I said "I was crazy in love" (back then).  She replied "Me too"

The shoe is on the other foot this time as she knows I am married.  (Last time it was her.)  
Once I have used the closing "fondly"...  frankly I use this same with Fav providers.  I thought it was safe.   She has used the closing "L/U", "831" (Ubran Dictionary= I Love You).   This has me slightly spooked.   She can't "L word" me.  She hasn't seen me for 30 years.  I could be Hannibal Lector for all she knows.   I guess I am used to the L word being poison to providers.  I'm afraid she's fishing for me to say L back.  

As best I can tell, we are several hundred miles apart.  I don't have her physical address but these days, anyone can be found.  We have not exchanged phone numbers.   I do not intend for us to ever meet face to face.   I am determined to keep this under control.  I have backed off to only a single message per day.  
H

Previous thread:  http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewAll.asp?MessageID=2788&boardID=64&page=1&view=2

but depending on their emotional stability know the limits. Getting to involved with each e-mail can get some to get carried away with emotions to hot to handle. Just because older should be wiser doesn't mean someone won't get hurt. "L/U" is used without being intimate in nature while others truly feel a more deep attachment. You can't know exactly whats going through her mind at this time or what will progress with each contact. The holidays bring out much soul searching and thoughts of what if.

Hope you find that happy medium and she does to or and old friend will be hurt and lost forever

Kisses Haley

Above the waist or at least fully clothed.

My woman's intuition is sensing something but can't put my finger on it

Kisses Haley

Seriously, it helps to be able to talk about these things with some understanding people because most of us don't have the sort of friends that would understand the question the way those of us here do.  

Everyone who reads my posts on TER knows more about the deep dark secrets of my personal life than any of my closest friends.  And I think that's one of the reasons I keep posting here after 11 years- it's the only place I can be 100% open and honest.

as long as it is in the abstract. it gets more difficult up close and personal.

i have a situation that involves occasional face to face dining. i  have the sense, from verbal cues, that i am expected to _do_ something. i've been quizzed on the details about why it didn't work out on previous occasions. i'm at liberty, she's _not_ but questions why i don't "make things easy" for her.

yeah, i still love her, but nothing is going to happen. i am not inclined to the drama that would ensue.

It's very easy for emotions to get involved when you re-connect with an old flame. You remember everything good about those times, & tend to block out anything negative. If you two were once close, her saying "I love you" is probably more-so her reminiscing on old times & what used to be. People change over the years, sometimes drastically, but those old feelings of "lust" can easily be mistaken for something else, especially with the thought of what could be.

Just remember there is a reason why they are an ex......we tend to focus on the good times only

Indeed, there is a bit of the path not taken...   35 years ago.   A part of me will always love her...  but it is a very small part.  There is a lot of water over the dam since then.  There are no "do overs" in life...  
I do not want to mislead her into thinking there is a chance at romance again.  That would be just mean...  and to devalue what ever love we did have back then.  
You tell me that is is possible...  after an interlude...  to be platonic friends with former lovers.  I guess that is what it must be or walk away.   I will proceed with this goal in mind.

(And I'm not going to stop being a monger just yet.)
H

After 30+ years that will probably cure you....

I was thinking the same thing! as someone here wisely said mother nature give its  and father time takes it away..........but that go's both ways  send her one  too!

First in the interest of full disclosure I turn 58 next month but I am definitely 60 with the wind chill in New England

Second, I think this may be the only board that this type of caring dialogue could take place so thanks for all of you being there.

The experience that you are having has become so common since the advent of social networking, we could probably each name a friend or a friend of a friend with a story about long lost relationships. In one case a dear friend of mine left his long term SO and married his former sweetheart. That marriage lasted just under 3 months. I am not suggesting that this is the norm because honestly I don't think there is a norm for this type of thing.

I tried to place myself in your shoes and here is what I came up with ( this is with the complete understanding that I know nothing about you and I am not presuming to; this is what I thought if it were me and filling in some blanks based on the rapidity which your posts seem to be evolving from hey look what just happened to hey look I am caught up in a tornado of conflicting emotions). Being married means something and no matter what I would weigh the consequence of what I was taking away from my relationship to give to someone who by any definition is now a stranger. I then started to think about what would happen if I took the step to get reacquainted and was unable to control the tide of events and found that I had let an intrusion loose on my family that forever changed everything. I just could not find a justification for that risk. I don't feel like I am explaining myself well and am sounding bit preachy but the final analysis was that what I have right now and what that will continue to grow into is much more wonderful than the memory of a long lost love. In some ways that lover must still be with you, she obviously left an indelible mark on you and it might be best to embrace those traces of her that show up in who you are now.

So in the words of Forrest: and that's all I've got to say about that!

I feel you sense something's not right and to proceed with caution.    Just my 3 cents. (inflation)

Was because of reconnecting with  an old college friend whom I met for dinner on a west coast business trip a few years ago. We had been in touch on email and after dinner, just moved naturally into "desert" at her place. It was my first sex outside of marriage ( where sex is infrequent, at best).  Saw her only that one time but the discovery of how nice it could be led me to thinking about occasional seeking outside fullfilment, eventually to TER and to where I am now. I agree with all those who have advised you to follow your instinct!

than she.  Asked "what I want her to say".   I've not responded to that yet but I think she is really asking where this is going.   She aknowledges my unavailable status & "does not want to harm that."  She has no idea I hobby.  
The Love we shared was Special & will always be a part of me.  It is nice to remember her fondly & smile at the thought.  It is rare to be friends with ex-lovers...  at least for me.   It would be nice to "just be friends".  
H

Made me laugh...  more apt to look for PUSSY in the last place you got some...

One more thought.... switch roles for a minute and pretend someone else posted your dilemma on the board... what would your advice be to him?