@milesandmiles...no you're not...
I am only too familiar with this topic....1. as a woman myself, and around the same age as yourselves and spouses ... I know first hand exactly what your ladies are going through, because I've had the same issues as mother nature wreaked havoc. It's called menopause where symptoms range from hot flashes that can stop you in your tracks as you try to regulate, , to waking up in the middle of the night in a puddle ..sometimes more than once (night sweats) night after night could lead to sleep deprivation which will wear on a person's mental/ emotional state aka mood swings. Then we have the painful intercourse, low libido, hormonal weight gain, sometimes all together... Our situation isn't too much different from men as we all get older, you experience Low T and we no longer produce hormones progesterone and estrogen... our vaginal walls start to atrophy and in the absence of estrogen the walls will become thin that is why sex becomes painful. So I was going through this first hand, I looked into my options regarding hormone replacement therapy ... but my research produced information about the process and what can be done with "synthetics" with side effects of stroke or blood clots.. Not knowing anything different , scared the bejeebers outta me and said nope and sucked it up for a few more years until she raged again (mother nature).
The symptoms got intense, Then hormonal weight gain came out of nowhere... and my mental/emotional state was fragile, wanting to rip people's faces off ... my libido was low... I didn't care about sex...besides, it hurt. So I was feeling frumpy and grumpy. This time I learned about Bioidenticals...a compound cream custom made ... the "perfect recipe" with the right ingredients in the right dosage, derived from natural sources and health risks were minimal, leveled me out, got everything in balance. I wasn't ready to accept the fate that Mother Nature was extending, instead I was going to recapture my vitality, embrace my sexuality, I looking and feeling better than I had in years....basically dropped kicked her to the curb. The guys on the other hand, what your were up against with your relationships i'm sure didn't feel there was much you could do about it and knew if the wifey decided she wanted to accept the hand of fate that was Mother Nature , you were doomed never to have sex again.
It was right around the same time I entered this arena (2011) and along the way, I was hearing a common theme among my clients, sharing with me their situations at home, their relationships with their spouses (or lack of) as to why they were doing what they were doing....seeing me. In hearing their stories, I could relate, i understood their confusion and frustrations and even hurt. And when I offered my side of it and what my outcome was, suggesting their wives look into getting their situation under control by exploring their options. I was surprised to hear that 50% of the men said their wives had already, either explored the Hormone Replacement Therapy but got scared off when they found about synthetics ...some knew about bioidenticals but still rejected the concept....but why? Why would they forgo filling better, more balanced, and more vibrant? My clients would tell me they loved their wives and expressed to them that they weren't going to divorce over menopause but they were looking for something, needing something they weren't getting.
Then I had an epiphany. It occurred to me there was another hang up, this was more a generational thing, and it had never occurred to me before till then. Again because I'm in that same generation and being a woman, I remember there were certain expectations bestowed to me as I was growing up.....a set of belief systems and expectations that dictated to us what our roles (and responsibilities) were in our society.. as a daughter, son, husband, wife, father, mother. Even occupations were stereotyped for women as what we were suited for like waitressing, hairdresser, teacher, secretary.... be a stay at home mom, with actresses like June Cleaver as our role models.... As a girl growing up, education was impressed as important so I was told to go to school, get good grades, graduate, get a job., get married, buy a house, have kids, in that order...and I did, literally!!! And I remember my step dad telling me as he was noticing me, that he told me he would rather have me learn the birds and the bees from him instead of learning it out on the streets and get knocked up...Because boys as would be young men, would do that... he knows. I remember somewhere within that time, in those moments...that SEX was not meant to be fun....it was a duty, a function to carry out as part of our womanly, wifely duties!
So you see, Mother Nature comes along and dries us up, fertility wise...makes sex painful, and even though most of these women knew they had options and what they were regarding menopause, hormones, treatment, still chose to not do anything but accept the hand that Mother Nature was handing us, not really caring or wanting to look, feel, or be sexy... why?... standing on the above biological technicality that they did what they were built for, procreation, and they were done....done, done....DON'T TOUCH ME done!! And these poor gentlemen, many who had already had "the talk" when they asked their wives ..."Okay you're deciding that you don't want to have sex anymore, that's your decision for you...but what about me, what am I supposed to do?" And you got that look that told you....you're in it for the long haul.
I feel I became evolved..... when I understood the dynamics of our... biological makeup and it's functions, the societal norms and expectations, intertwined with religion, and realizing those things didn't apply to the 21st century any more....especially when options were available and we could change our direction. But to stay with old ideas and practices when they didn't relate any longer and to superimpose my will onto someone who is supposed to be important in my life, near and dear to me and realize how my decisions will impact them and expect that person to adopt the same outlook?....because we were married? Seemed selfish to me. Women need to understand that the decisions they make when they approach this phase of their lives, will impact not just them, and the expectations of fidelity, monogamy, are they reasonable or selfish? If women understand the latter, then they need to evolve... have "the talk" with you men, letting you know that her decision and the implications it presented aren't fair and maybe in so many words or less, gives you the green light, and set the ground rules. If a woman can do that then she has evolved..
You may have to revisit that @milesandmiles by asking her direct questions like what @Steve_Trevor suggested with, "So my advice is, have a conversation with her about the lack of sex if you haven’t already....Sorry for the "War and Peace" novel... but this topic has been an issue and further challenges the concept, "Monogamy, is it ridiculous?" Thanks for reading
