and it's tough not to get carried away. Have you ever found yourself getting very attached to someone you met in a financial arrangement and how did you handle it.
Well it's a simple question but tough for many to answer i'm sure. I get very attached to my long time friends and find myself feeling a little hurt when they move on. I have learned that this is the way it needs to be to keep both of us safe since most men are married. I have had two relationships with men who met me this way and both seemed to end the same way. Now I realize how much fantasy is really involved and that even when someone says they love you they actually love the working girl persona and not the everyday person you might be. As a provider you need to be in control all the time but as a women it is only natural for the inner you to come out. This might be very different to what you see is what you get.
So who else might have a view on their personal relationships that started on a financial note
Kisses Haley
You're right Haley. All I can say is I understand what you're saying here. My case is not the "help I've fallen for a provider and can't get up" but I have had some experiences that I believe let me know what you are talking about. I won't share them here. I actually started to but decided against it. It is true however that because of the intimate nature of this, getting attached is very easy to do and it's hard to let go.
gets a bit more involved than they meant to.
I have some wonderful continuing experiences in it, and others that were, let's say, not so much.
It's proof of our humanity that this happens.
The best advice I can give is to remember the good times and forget the rest.
Its a little more than just sex. There is a fantasy. And GFE is involved.
I have found as long as it is just a date its not really a problem. Its the communication that gets me. Cause the lady becomes less of a provider and more of a woman. And if she is flat out straight up with me then I start seeing more of the woman. Gets very confusing. Cause if she likes me she will start sharing her life with me and little by little and the closer I become. Scares me.
To handle it I go to the nile. I have to take along look in the mirror. Then a long look at her. And reality come crashing back. So I repress my feelings as much as I can. Hard part is I get an email from her and I jump, feel like a teenage boy. I read the email and go back to that mirror. Repeat after myself "its all a fantasy". Whats really bad is I think I could show up for a date and she could be in an old bathrobe and fuzzy slippers and I would still be overjoyed.
Sad aint it? And the worse part is I sit here and kinda look for her PM or email. Makes my day. I know gents, I am pathetic.
I have had my share of clients come and go some I had to quit seeing as they wanted more than I could give them......the ones that are married are out of bounds period ......I would never take another womans husband no mattere how rich or handsome he was.....she come first always and have sent many away but did try to help them with advice on how to fix their marriage and feel I have done that with a few you cannot take something that was never yours to begin with and yes it is sad as we too have strong feeling towards some of our special clients but you have to wish them the best and move on when things get too involved .......
...but I think at the end of the day I realize that for me this would be a highly unlikely way to lead to anything other than the shared fantasy it has been on the few occasions I have participated in this "hobby". In fact I walked away from this about 7 years ago and have not seen anyone in this way since but I have recently found myself drawn back to this community. I rarely post anything and I haven't as of yet seen anyone again. Maybe in part because of this very dilemma of trying to stay focused on the fact that this is an arranged experience that can be gratifying but it is only in the moment and once we part ways it is essentially a fond memory if things went well and nothing more.
I'm not married and I'm not going to comment on why married men might participate in this but as for myself I appreciate Victoria's comment regarding not taking another woman's husband. Despite my very average appearance I have found myself "hit on" by a married woman on a very rare occasion. Three times in the last 20 or so years this has happened to me and although I was "tempted" I somehow managed to bring myself back to my senses and not follow through on the temptation. BTW I found myself especially attracted to one of these women, and more than in just a physical way. Some might think I was crazy for just not going for it but I couldn't help but think about how I might feel if I were married and my wife were to betray me in that way. I know it can be more complicated than it might appear as to why some one strays outside marriage but for myself if I ever commit in that way then the commitment is complete. I'm only speaking for myself and not trying to give some moral/ethical lecture.
Victoria you are one of only three providers I have seen and although my memories are fond of each of you I know my place in this arrangement as a client, where I might possibly share a brief bit of social time because I enjoy getting to know a little about the person I am with, I have no illusions as to the nature of these "dates". In fact I wouldn't be surprised if all three of the providers I have seen have little, if any, recollection of me although at the time I may have, for the briefest moment, thought that I may have made a favorable impression (That's a tongue in cheek comment if it's not obvious).
I think part of the reason I chose to respond here is that I actually contacted one of the providers I saw years ago and made a bit of a mistake in thinking she might like to simply get together for lunch, NOT a "date", because I was going to be in her area for a job related function. She was sweet about it but it was clear that I had stumbled. Hopefully if I am back in that area again perhaps she would still be willing to see me on a "date" if I ever decide to go down that road again.
Sorry if I've rambled on too much.
Hi Blue just went back an read your review of me from 2004 how time flys bye.....anytime your in my neck of the woods again that offer is always open for lunch .......it would be my pleasure dear
... especially so as we get older. My path in life has taken a turn that I would not have predicted back in 2004. Even if I never participate in the "hobby" again, as I said I have fond memories of those I have seen and if I ever find myself in your neck of the woods Victoria I would consider it an honor to have lunch with you. You are a sweetheart.
And after about 3 years ( I knew him 8) he said the L word. But it was a luv ya kinda way after I got him a gift one year. He stayed on with me until his last weeks of his life that said alot.He knew me in both of my worlds . It was really "OK" to let him in . I truly miss him . He was the best guy I ever met in this hobby. Very UTR not a member of anywhere . All his friends knew how his marriage had him down and I was found by one of them and recommended to him. One or two other providers may have been introduced as have heard,when I went on an 18 month hiatus The feelings just got in the way so I had to .Picked back up later was very much so stronger and intense. It was amazing. The guy who referred me, was never a client although I suspected him to be the referral source, I didn't ask him until the discussion came up about the illness and time left of my partner, and I asked him . You were the friend who found me for him aren't you? And he said yes I am. His friends all knew and were very polite to me never judged me , but happy for their friend to had met someone he can see on a regular basis. I was sad that someone can pull their spouse to such a state of sadness that he was forced to look elsewhere. I never heard a good thing about the spouse . So here's to ya my friend , who had the best mouth on earth may you rest in peace and I am glad I got the best years f your life. You are resting now , and at peace .
Kisses
Angela
-- Modified on 1/21/2012 10:17:30 AM
-- Modified on 1/21/2012 10:18:35 AM
Getting to really know someone really takes it up a notch! One of my provider friends commented to me last week and said you really fell for my "retired" friend. I said yes and asked if she kept in touch, wanting to know how she was. I still think of my "retired" friend but that is another story.
When a session is more than sex it really makes you think about life. it is these few moments that keep me in the hobby but I also enjoy the p4p security it offers. I am always shocked by ladies who say they will leave their man if they caught him cheating. ln most cases cheating by their definition is having sex with another woman. What they should be worried about is their man falling for someone else, not the sex. In fact the most trouble I ever had with my wife in the hobby was over a lady I never had sex with. probably why I am still married.
I think this is a good forum for this discussion because us older people have seen more time in a relationship and know whats involved. The ladies I "fall" for have a zest for adventure and are independent enough to follow their dreams. My wife pushing 70 had this love for life when we met but time (20+years) and age has taken its toll and physically and mentally she can not go on my idea of an adventure.
As I look to my provider friends I have to ask if we "fell for each other" where would WE be in 20 years. Could I dare put a 30 40ish provider in the position I am in now? From her perspective would she think I stole her life of adventure 20 years from now? I could go on about life and the hobby but I will end on this note People are not meant to be together for a life time. So if I can find some happiness with a provider no matter how brief or long, I will go on the adventure. Spending any serious amount of time with someone will let you see who they really are and you then can continue the adventure or not.
Any other board the sharks would already be out and I would have already been flamed by now. At least here we can share what we're dealing with. That said, I know there are those of us that fall into two groups. 1--it's happened to you. 2--you've lied about it happening to you.
I'm not asking for advice. Maybe just rejoicing a bit to finally have a place to tell my story. And hopefully find out how those of you who are honest deal with it. I know all the crap and lectures about she doesn't love me. That she only loves the envelope. I get it. Seriously...what chance does someone my age have to be shacking up with a smokin' hot 25 y/o but for the cash.
But we all have experienced that magical connection with one provider that's absent with any other. And truth be told...I due believe a relationship has developed between us that I've not seen in the other 70 girls I've seen. She texts me daily. Emails. Phone calls asking my advice and opinion. And while I am well aware that she sees it as only friendship, maybe even a mentorship...it just feeds the fire I'm trying to control. Besides...I'm going no where. Already have a family that ironically I love very much. Love my wife....just she just won't sleep with me. That's why I'm here in the first place. But I'll never leave. I'm caught in my own little "Dante's Inferno"....kinda like being careful what I ask wished for, because I got it.
So, I think about her all the time. While I love the fact she feels close enough to me to confide in me, it also hurts a little when I see another review, or get a text from her when she's touring or see her next ad posted. I ache that I know it's not real between us, and that it could never be real.
So what are my choices? Walk away....and leave behind everything that's special and unique about her just because I'm breaking some unwritten "hobby rules"? Shoot...I'm already breaking the law, right?
Or, live for the brief glimpses of fantasy--and yes, I know it's fantasy--that I have only been able to find in her....knowing that every day is a personal torture I bring on myself. But when she curls up next to me....I don't care.
your not stupid. It happens but your right when she is that much younger and your attached its not a good thing but would be very hard to end. I am glad I am not attached . As I too have some ATFs that I am attached to . I wouldn't say I am in love but It is sort of like being in love especially when she seems to feel the same way. I have had one of my favorites tell me she loved me but I think she just meant as a friend. But you know when I call her and ask if she is available she says she is always available for me anytime and even on short notice. She is half my age . Won't go into anything else but I think its great. Like you I know it won't ever be serious thats why I keep seeing other providers and have other ATFs . Personally I have to connect on a little more personal level . Sometimes even Viagra don't work if I don't feel a connection . I have no problems otherwise. I hope you get it worked out eventually.
I really didn't intend to appear like I was a basket case, although in re-reading the post it did appear that way a bit. But I'm ok with things like they are. Like you, I need a personal connection, and we have both indicated to the other that there is definitely a connection between us.
I have actually continued to see other providers, although not at the frequency I did before meeting this girl. I am, surprisingly, a very well-adjusted mature adult. I do work hard not to let this get out of control. Maybe even the words "in love" is a little too much. Let's just say that given a different time and place, a few less pounds and a little more hair, I can certainly let my idle thoughts drift to "what might be".
For now.... I'm OK, and can't wait to see her again!
...you're on the right track. Enjoy. You are right to know that it is what it is. I like a connection with the ladies I see. When it ends it ends. Be sad, but be glad for the good times.
why would you think it impossible for your ATF to not have deep feelings for you. It is very possible and why I know is because I have been in those shoes. I have been around longer than I want to admit and have fallen in love with so many of my men friends. I know their wives names, their kids names and all about them. I have shared so many secrets with them that nobody else knew and continued our communication even after our bedtime story came to an end. I keep in contact with friends I met 30 years ago. Longer than most marriages last these days.
Why I know she could care deeply for you is that at the age of 25 I met a man in his late 50's. Our relationship spanned 25 years and my feelings were love in every way. He was my mentor and a good friend. I worked as an escort many of those years while seeing him. He gave me $300 when other ladies of that time were lucky to get $50. He spent winters in Palm Beach and then the Jersey shore in the summer. When he was away he still made sure I was OK. When I moved to Orlando 20 years ago I would drive South to see him every week and yes see a few other old friends.
Stop the torture and accept what you can't change...Your marriage If it's possible for you to love your wife and then bed and have feelings for another women why not the same for your ATF. You support your wife and you help support your ATF.
Kisses Haley
I definately have feelings for my Favs, especially #1 Fav. But as you observe I am not single & we have taken it as far as we can unless some terrible accident befalls another human being. Neither of us are willing to wish this on someone... so we go on.
H
A very different type of service but it is possible to be professional and and the same time have close personal friendships with some of my clients. This world is no different - I have a number of real friends among the companions I have met and it is possible to maintain friendships with boundaries.
I have been in a service business for 40 years and have developed many friendly acquantenances over the years-it is no different in reality in "The Hobby". You just click with some people and some you don't-you typically don't invite one another to Thanksgiving Dinner but if you do click with someone-there is nothing wrong with maintaining the relationship at that sort of level-sex is as was said the most intiment thing you can do with another person-so enjoy the fact that you have that emotional bond-discipline yourself to keep it what it is.
IMO: Sex is far less intimate than true friendship. Sex is based on continuation of the species, and it just happens to be great fun. Romantic love and/or devotion is a reaction to a natural psychotropic endorphin released by the body that fosters monogamy etc for about as long as it takes to raise the kid to about age 5-7.
When I see long term marriages that are still truly working it is because they are "Best Friends" If that connection or level is never achieved a marriage will dissipate along with the aforementioned endorphin.
a provider told me she was on the lookout for a husband. When I told her I thought that was odd, she told me providers make great wives and it happens all the time. I wonder.....