I can't and never would speak for a provider since I'm not one, and the providers you are interested in are female providers. I read a recent heated thread where Meena beautifully made that point to someone who was trying to lecture her on orgasms and providers who called himself an accountant.
But the medical facts are as the NEJM large series substantiated, that spermicides do an excellent job killing sperm should their be a nexus of a broken condom and the provider were at a point in their cycle where they could be impregnated. I don't have any doubt that the group of providers I've seen post here are very sophisticated about birth control, STDs, etc. It would go without saying that they would be. In fact, in the case of some infectious diseases spermicides can exacerbate them/make them worse.
Spermicides not only don't prevent STD transmission, they may increase STDs as well as HIV transmission:
This is a quote from the most recent CDC recommendation and literature summary on spermicides taken from the CDC article linked above:
"Studies examining nonspecific topical microbicides for the prevention of HIV and STD have demonstrated that these products are ineffective (38,39). Studies of spermicides containing N-9 have demonstrated that they should not be recommended for STDs/HIV prevention (40), and more recent randomized controlled trials have failed to show a protective effect against HIV acquisition"
The recommendations by infectious disease lit, OBGYNs, other specialties, and the CDC is that women who have multiple sexual partners whether providers or civies, *don't* use spermicides, but every individual should make their reproductive decisions for themselves with the help of their physician, and I'm not telling people what each of them should do, rather telling them the medical reasoning behind what might be best for them to do.
Nonoxynol-9 causes vaginal irritation in some women, and penis irritation in men, and it's not that uncommon. MDs see it. Your pain at the time, was possibly because the spermicide seeped into your urethra and the nerves in the urethra as you can imagine are highly sensitive to things that get in there like catheters or liquids. Most males experience that at some time once or more in their lives.
Spermicides can ulcerate the vagina or penis in the right person, although they don't do it often or they wouldn't be on the market just as with side effects of any med. The bell shaped curve of medicines always have at least about a 5%-6% side effect rate at a baseline and some have more when they are taken through clinical trial stages to get approval for marketing, called NDAs.
During anal sex, it is possible for spermicides to cause rectal lining sores, increasing the risk for STDs. This is one compelling reason for providers who allow anal sex, and a number of them do, not to use condoms *with spermicides* during the anal sex that they may choose to have. Note I didn't say don't use condoms, I said don't use condoms with spermicides for the anal sex.
Spermicides don't have efficacy preventing bacterial or viral infections as was first thought when they got to market in the early 1980''s. In fact spermicides don't prevent STDs at all we know now, and that message may not have gotten across to the general population. In fact if a spermicide were to cause penile or vaginal ulceration, and fortunately most don't, it would increase the chance for an STD to be transmitted. Series after series in the literature have confirmed this like the NEJM large series. They do have efficacy in killing sperm, but a lot of docs I know recommend only using them for a limited amount of times say 3X/mo to help with birth control because of side effects. Spermicides have a place for women who don't want to use oral contraceptives, and they will show up in breast milk but don't harm a baby.
I saw a forum on another site where a veteran client recommended bringing condoms if you saw a provider that might run out someday after an active session with multiple pops.
I would think that if you quickly explain to the provider "I'm allergic to x so I brought what works well for me", that they would not have any problem with that at all, any more than if you told them your allergic to poison ivy and you'd rather not climb through it. Good providers want you to have a good experience, not one that causes you a medical allergy if you know you have one.
Communication is important, and helps whether it's what you want the provider to wear, or what you would like to do, and I would *think* providers would want you to communicate to them rather than not.
If you think you have something that might concern a provider why not wait until you and your dermatologist get this situation under control? I suspect he or she will reassure you very quickly. and you'll be able to put that propblem behind you and go on to enjoy the hobby.
From what you described, what you have is very probably an allergy, not a communicable infectious disease, although diagnosis without seeing a patient has obvious intrinsic limitations, and isn't ever the way diagnosis should be done, and the timing is you are close to seeing your derm appointment.
What has begun to flourish and spread in medicine now though are websites where good MDs voluteer their advice from every subspecialty or area of primary care, and email or even chat communication between docs and their patients. The digital age is alsy greatly enhancing the ability to diagnose and treat in the sense that images and other studies needing interpretation of an expert can be relayed to a bigger center with more expertise in house from small towns or cities, and smaller hospitals to bigger ones with more trained personnel and more tools and equipment.
I am sure there have been situations where someone has X and a provider or a civie girlfriend interprets it incorrectly since they aren't all physicians. You are describing redness, with no blisters or lesions I think.
In a few days, you will get this quickly resolved with your doc and be past this problem. If I were you I would take some of my own condoms to your visits with a provider and just say "I'm alergic to spermicides"--getting into a medical seminar about the relative merits of spermicides with a provider who might not have the latest CDC infectious disease info won't help you of course when you're there to have a great time during an hour, but I feel confident they will understand your allergy, if that's what you in fact have, and it sounds that way, easily.