Hate it when that happens

Yeah

Page upon page of reviews refused to state the "fat-assed" nature of a provider. I made a date with a goddamn fatass because of dumbass reviewers. I sure as hell stated her phoney photos.

Bet she loved reading that lol

ROFLMFAO !!

So that's what burning pussy is like, huh??   hahahahahahaha!!!!!  
And here I was thinkin' only UD'Oh could paint that kind of a picture.  
Darlin', I'm picking up the next round at the bar.

your friend musta been despirate to attack whatever was in the fireplace?
Deprived

I'd been fucking this hot gal from Philly and I guess I pumped her full of air.  Later, she was finishing me with a BBBJ while I fingered her, which made her queef.
Later, she asked if I wrote a review to please not mention the queefing part.  I said no problem, but why not, assuming it had embarrassed her.
No, she said, but added that a lot of guys love it when a girl queefs and, since she rarely did it, she was afraid guys would expect her to queef for them and then be disappointed when she didn't.
As for me, queefs are fine but not really a turn-on.
Then there was a gal who cut herself shaving her legs right before a session and bled all over the bed before she could get it to stop.  That session ended on the early side

pull out and she hadn't prepared properly...shit on a stick....that was kind of weird...but then again so is greek.

I started hobbying back around 2004.  I thought I should join one of these review sites, so I started with another one other than TER.  Ultimately I switched to TER, but while with the other site, I got to know another hobbyist who was out in LA.  We'd exchange emails.  I had a business trip to LA and asked him who I should try to see when in LA.  He had this girl he knew that he said was completely wild, really good looking, and did everything.  I asked if he could hook me up, and he said sure.  So I got her contact info and emailed her and she replied.  The vibe was pretty good so we talked on the phone and she really sounded great.  I was going to be in LA for 5 days so we set up our time for the evening mid week.  All was cool.  The night I arrived I got an email from her telling me it looked likely that she would have to cancel as she either had come down with a GI bug or had eaten something bad as she was throwing up, had a fever, and was basically iiving in the bathroom.  If I had been a bit more experienced I would have said, no problem to cancel....but the little head was over ruling the big head.  So I said, why not wait til wednesday and see how youre feeling and then we can make a decision.  She said ok, wednesday comes and I call her in the afternoon.  She tells me she is feeling a lot better, but not completely feeling right and thinks we should still cancel.  I'm so fricking horny I put all my charm on and offer to up her usual fee and she agrees to come to my hotel.  She shows up...what a hottie...Gorgeous, awesome tits and ass, great face...super nice.  We are naked almost immediately and I am doing her in missionary when all of a sudden I feel her finger in my ass.  I start laughing and say I had no idea you were into ass fun, and she tells me she loves to get it up her ass.  So I immediately turn her over and get her on all fours....lube her up, me too, and next thing I am sliding in to her....after a few minutes she says "do it harder....let me really have it" so pedal to the metal am I am giving her everything I have.  About a minute later she yells (and not in a good way)...oh shit, oh shit...so I kind of freeze figuring that maybe I am hurting her...next thing I know she lets rip a huge shit storm...it blew out of her ass and covered my genitals and stomach.  It smelled awful...completely fucked up the bed sheets...the look on her face (I can only imagine my own)....went from the best fuck of my life to the worst in 10 seconds.  She was so upset she wouldnt take her fee.  I jumped in the shower...she didnt join me...I told my buddy later what happened...he thought it was hysterical.

who told me he was 6'4", I'm barely 5', and it was going to be dinner and drinks and everything. I didn't want to look silly walking around with the height difference being so huge, so I got out my highest shoes, 7" wedges, those things were almost like stilts. So we agree to meet at a bar, and I head downstairs, and right outside my apt, BAM, I fall, not flat on my face but smack right on my knees. I manage to get up, and see my knees are completely bloody, I walk to the bar and it only gets worse, the bartender ends up pulling up a chair so I can rest my knees and he helps me clean up with 2 HUGE bandages. My date walks in to me being propped up and incapacitated swollen knees. The blood turned into pretty big bruises, I couldn't blow on my knees.

It was a great time anyway, but still.

I am becoming good at guessing a guy's weight. he said he was 350lbs and when I saw him, I was like..there is no fking way he is 350, more like over 400. Shit. Was not putting him on massage table and decided on sturdy king size bed. Seconds before he shoots his load, the bed dropped six inches. I just kept up with the HJ/BJ  until he came...Damn bed has always been on risers. He was mortified, but now I am just in wonder and have to replace frame as it is not repairable...

Right. Like I'm going to tell you that. Nuh-uh. I did find out this guy doesn't review, however. Had to do with cat allergies and a terrible runny nose and runny eyes.

Only thing good that came out of that was that I revolved through that outcall door in 45 minutes from a 90 minute appointment. Sweet!

-- Modified on 12/16/2013 8:30:53 PM

...was the time I was giving a lovely provider a bit o' muffin munchin' (to repay some of the fine oral she had given me) and she was *very* enthusiastic about my technique. She got to bouncing around so much on the edge of the couch (we had yet to progress to the bedroom) while I was kneeling in front of her that she bounced her pubic bone right into my nose. It hurt a bit but I kept on going, being in "the zone" and didn't notice for a minute or so that things were getting rather wet (I had my eyes closed).

Yep, opened my eyes and noticed blood everywhere! She'd given me a hands-free bloody nose -- and it took a few minutes to get it to stop. Fortunately, no big problem -- we were able to resume activities and all ended quite nicely about an hour later.

Back when I was working with an agency I let a girl use my incall.  

I had a date later that day and as things are getting hot and heavy I reached into the night stand--no covers.

She used ALL my covers and without my permission. I got dressed and Flo-Jo'd it down the block to the pharmacy and rushed right back.  

Lesson learned. But it was pretty sad and funny thinking about me running in jeans and wedges.