is a lonely life.
A post i read recently.
True? Yes or no.
If your providing career is lonely...yep, time to find something else to do.
Otherwise the word will get out that you just aren't into the sessions, are distant from your Janey's, not responsive to DATY and you're not faking your orgasms to the delight of your customers. And you could try lowering your donation rates...might bring you some new customers.
Perhaps you can take over for Mike Wallace..RIP 
u sound bitter
It can be isolating. I spend many days away from home, friends and family and there is really no point in dating. Many of the girls I know who have a SO either have to hide it (ultimately ending up with less business), have a pimp/boyfriend who takes 90% of their money or is dating a married man. I am one of the providers who ended up dating a client which is almost always a bad idea because they can always threaten to use it against you in divorce/child custody disputes. Maybe some providers are lucky to have someone who doesn't care and supports their decision but I can't imagine there are too many. I think loneliness is the price you pay for making a good living.
THEN THE OTHER OPTION IS TO FIND A SWINGER BF, SO I BETTER START GOIN TO
IMHO....what alot of ladies NEED,(besides money) is not gonna be found in this BIZ.
Of course you ladies are intelligent enough to already know that, without me mentioning it.
As in all areas of life, i'm sure the biz has been good for some and not, for others.
Life is life, no matter the profession.
It does make goin on a "normal date" hmmm not as motivating or endearing shall we say? when u can do an appt , have fun , and also be 300 bux the richer at the end, or you can go out all week and "date . and then go work at a normal job 40 hours . i think i will stick with savn my o" s my genuine O's for my nice clients and 86 the dating game, . Its workin out ok i am satisfied , the clients are hapy, and i def am reliefed to be alone a bit at end of all the emails phone calls n appts all week, i do enjoy that quiet time with no penis or any one for that matter here! sometimes silence and just nice peaceful music and a good excercize routine then save the energy for the company is cool by some people, i am guilty of the falln for the clients, i have a new one i am all a sudden all excited about now, again, after that last one broke my heart, or did i break his too? or did we self destruct? oh well unfortunetly men are not irreplacable to me, i have a new one i like now. or three, to be exact.................at this exact time, no its more like five, ok i have a harem . I am a slut, it is what it is,,,,,,,,,,,,,
glad to see you posting again angel..welcome back..we all missed you..
with all of my stalking. I call them unexpected late at night, I text them all the time even though they don't want it, you know, the average things that stalkers do. Providers are never lonely once they meet me.
J/K
Than when I was NOT in this business. Have friends both in and out of my provider world, and a loving, supportive family.
There are a few people in my life that love Aria because she is an embodiment of who I truly am along with some of my deeper desires and fantasies.
My real self is never lonely, always busy but never lonely.
I believe that sometimes one takes too much time hiding who they are to discover anyone that will love them as they are including friends, SOs and etc.
Sometimes I do feel alone because I have no provider friends, but I have others who not necessarily fill the void but they provide happiness and fulfillment for loving me and all my alter egos. (what, did you really think it was JUST Aria?)
Not really sure if I answered the question but my meager two cents.
The whole inner life of a provider and of a SO of a provider and of the relations between a client and a provider who have remained client/provider but have also become friends (I have three friends like this who are still friends decades after they each have stopped seeing any clients including, of course, me as a client) remains mysterious to me and seems at the same time very important in what they say about intimate and deep emotions and experiences.
I know the provider/client relationship is a professional one, but so is my relationship with patients. I have trouble really understanding the relationship I have with many of my patients, particularly those who are fatally ill, but it is intimate and important, yet professional. I suspect certain lawyers, financial managers, etc have similar relationships. I also suspect none of us has the personal pressures many providers do.
Someday I would love to get a better understanding of the inner lives of those of us who have these professional/intimate relationships.
Although the 2 parts of our lives may be separate. There is still a lot of overlap and this is still a very IMPORTANT part of who we are. This is how we make money, how we learn new things about the world. When we have to keep it hidden, it seems lie we're hiding a part of ourselves. For that reason it can feel really isolating.
So, how do you deal with the isolation, or don't you?
that I can openly discuss my provider life with and "bridge some of the gaps"... But I don't tell them every time I get an inconsiderate email or a NCNS. In these instances, I am super grateful for the camaraderie of other providers. In my post I mentioned that it can seem isolating, but in cases like mine, that is not the case. I hope that was clear.
....issues with good or bad and in-between it was in that sense before I began talking to more providers, before I knew what the provider board here was and before i got access to it. I'm still trying to manage how to deal with having an at least somewhat serious relationship with someone in no way involved in the hobby.
When you find someone your comfortable with , you never truly know why there there some is sex, money or just to be around you..First thing when they get mad your "just a Whore" ect So it can be lonely so I just don't Date. I dated a few clients & that turned out no so good too!
I think the majority of us guys care about you girls more than you know. And I don’t necessarily mean in an emotional way (clingy). We’re sort of all in this together, right? I live at home with a family and I’m lonelier than I’ve ever been most of the time. This is half the reason I hobby. No one should be that lonely, providers or hobbyist.
Whether you ladies know it or not, most of us really do care about you as a person. And we’d be here for you if needed. I hope yall know this even though it's not the same as a SO.
But there are plenty of men who do genuinely care. One of the most revealing and surprising things for me in the hobby has been the opportunity to appreciate you as people, as women, and not as "service providers". I too am a service provider ( of a very different kind), and yet have some very special friendships with some of clients, never losing sight of the professional nature of the relationship. In the hobby world, where I am the client, I value the friendships that have developed with a number of the women whom I have met, and I hope that for you it helps mitigate some of the "aloneness" being expressed in this thread. Some of us really do understand your world and are here for you. I hope this makes some sense.
Doing this, you have 3 options. 1) Keep it a secret and tell no one, 2) Be open about it with everyone or 3) Tell a few and keep it a secret from others.
Each evolves into 3 unique scenarios. Number 1 & 3 yield a double life and most of us (I'm assuming) fall under that umbrella. I would imagine that number 1 is the loneliest of them all. At that point, you don't have a support system of civvies who can keep you connected with the world outside of providing. Making you feel lonely because of the secret.
Taking it from a business angle, any job that is a one man army can make you feel lonely. I read an article on Entrepreneur dot com by a solopreneur who said she feels lonely because she is her business and he clients change a lot, making her miss the bonding you get in other environments. Its much the same with providing. If this lifestyle is a huge secret, you will find yourself just about always alone because you can't manage it in front of anyone. They won't understand why the emails are coming left and right, random phone is ringing, or why you have to leave suddenly. You have to be available in some form (for email and appointments) almost all the time.
In each of these scenarios, its what you make of it. Loneliness is not an option for me, so my friends and family know. I also make sure to keep up with those in my personal life, even just associates, to keep me from feeling I'm so in the "dark" that it yields loneliness.
Each evolves into 3 unique scenarios. Number 1 & 3 yield a double life and most of us (I'm assuming) fall under that umbrella. I would imagine that number 1 is the loneliest of them all. At that point, you don't have a support system of civvies who can keep you connected with the world outside of providing. Making you feel lonely because of the secret.
Taking it from a business angle, any job that is a one man army can make you feel lonely. I read an article on Entrepreneur dot com by a solopreneur who said she feels lonely because she is her business and he clients change a lot, making her miss the bonding you get in other environments. Its much the same with providing. If this lifestyle is a huge secret, you will find yourself just about always alone because you can't manage it in front of anyone. They won't understand why the emails are coming left and right, random phone is ringing, or why you have to leave suddenly. You have to be available in some form (for email and appointments) almost all the time.
In each of these scenarios, its what you make of it. Loneliness is not an option for me, so my friends and family know. I also make sure to keep up with those in my personal life, even just associates, to keep me from feeling I'm so in the "dark" that it yields loneliness.
X
i would say yes, being a provider is lonely. for those of us who like (and even need) time to ourselves, it isnt so bad. being in hotels day after day is one thing, but the nights and sleeping alone sucks sometimes.
i consider it lonely also, because there is little chance for me, as a provider, to find my ONE. most civvies are out because they would just not understand the dynamic between the provider and hobbiest. most hobbiests are out...well because they hobby. lol the chance of finding someone who would not only understand, respect, and still want a relationship with me is pretty much nil. there will be a time when i will want someone in my life, but for now...not!
you're not lonely. For providers who are able to date whilst doing this it may not be lonely, but for those of us who do not want or even believe in that type of relationship it certainly can be. I can be in a room of a thousand people and still feel alone...many feel the same way. It is not about the numbers, but a state of mind. When you want to be with your family but you are half way across the country, it's lonely. When you want to date but can't because you screw strangers for a living, it's lonely.
I have not had even a casual boyfriend since 2008 which was when I started providing. I simply will not start a relationship while I am getting paid for sex. It's naive to assume that both men and women should stop hobbying because they might go through times of lonliness. Most of you go home to your wives while many of us don't have a mate. Just because the time is filled with orgasms and money, does not mean it could ever replace what really matters in life...true love and family.
I have tons of provider girlfriends whom I adore and get to visit them when I travel, so that part is not a problem. I don't much want to share this part of my life with those I love, so I have no issues with not being able to talk to them. Simply not something they need to know as it is not who I am, it's only what I do.
I sometimes feel this is the choice I made and the punishment that comes with it. I mean how can I expect to fall in love whilst screwing other women's husbands? A bit hypocritical for me to assume I would find that or even deserve it right now. It is a choice I made to provide a better future for my child, and one I will have to live with until I am ready to move on.
-- Modified on 4/9/2012 5:09:25 AM
That leads to another question.
Where are all the guys out there that are looking for a beautiful, educated, faithful women.
I guess i live in a fantasy world and life is really not that simple, but it should be! ( i love you and you love me and we give each other our all )
I guess i think too much!!
Loneliness is a state of mind more than a description of the geography with respect to others around you.
I recall a provider I met way back in 1989. I had known her for a few months, and was seeing her on 12/31 in the afternoon. My wife and I were already at odds, and we weren't doing anything that evening as a result. I mentioned this to the provider and she offered to have me spend the evening with her, OTC.
I didn't take her up on it, but she and I have remained friends all these years, even though she hung up her spurs over ten years ago.
That is a person who will never be lonely.
remain friends with for a long time. I would however cut off all ties if I fell in love and got married because I don't feel holding on to the men who once paid to fk me is a good idea when trying to put the past behind me. I don't have problems having an abundance of good guys and gals around me, but I want more than that one day. I want to cherish what is given to me from the hard work I once put in to attain it.
I am very pleased to hear you found a friend and a true one at that, in this life.
800% spot on.
I'm guessing not really....
That was for lungman as a provider...as that was his question...or at least the way I wanted to interpret his OP!
As for you ladies, I did like many of the replies to his question.
I thought you understood my sarcasm....but I guess not on this go-around
My life is the opposite of lonely! I have lots of friends, school keeps me busy-I even do volunteer work from time to time. I would say that there are things I have to keep a secret, but who really wants to share the details of their workday with their family and friends? Simply put: I put in X amount of hours as a provider per week. These are the only times I look at TER, communicate with clients, post ads, etc.. The other hours are full of things I enjoy surrounded by friends and family-yes, only a few of my friends know that I provide, but escorting is a tiny part of my life that I refuse to allow to invade the rest of my life. I do have escort friends I can talk shop with, I think this is important for people in every line of work. So, while a few hours a day are spent as my companion persona, many more are spent as who I really am-far from lonely.
Touched by the responses from the providers and have a lot of empathy. Sex and love are so intertwined that it is difficult to separate, at least legally, and that is why a challenge for society to fully accept prostitution, which by the way was termed as the oldest "oppression" by Gloria Steinman as she differentiates between consent and welcome. While any job can make you lonely if people around you are not friendly and supportive, but as long as you can find somebody to let off your steam it is manageable. Keeping your daily life a secret closes that option and can be draining. Same is also true for men in this business. For example I can't share my hobbying, limited to occasional same provider, with my close friends, and that sometimes bugs me. They wonder aloud why, as a single, I am not dating anybody. I am not sure they will understand why I pay to have companionship and of course sex. I mentioned to only one friend and his sermon continued for months until I lied that she has retired as a provider. Well, I don't understand it either, easy way out, maybe, but I do enjoy the few moments out of a hectic schedule to share with the provider once or twice a month and my "real" life keeps me not only busy but anxious, so loneliness is not much of an option.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep. I think hobbying falls in the second category. Have a great day, won't you!
A post i read recently.
True? Yes or no.
My life is separate and it sometimes gets in the way of my job, not the other way around. You are lonely only if you choose that in your life.
Just as you would go out and have a good time, I do to. Involving myself in the community and causes, yes, many and it is very fulfilling. Your life is what you make it and I choose to enjoy every moment.
Being a provider means that I have learned how to build community and connections with other providers and have great relationships based on our common work and career choice. Being a provider means that I have ample time to visit with friends and take care of my body and health. Being a provider means that I belong to a sisterhood of other women who are sensually powerful and have made choices to heal the world through the arts of sensuality and sexuality. I am so blessed to be a provider and am certainly not lonely or lacking in any way.
Sitara
Many providers take great pains in the verification process for seeing new clients but do less in prospective mates and friends. This decision leads to fouled relationships and pitfalls.
Many providers fail to be honest about their lives with their family and friends from fear of being outcast. I say if your family and or friends can not separate you the person from your career choice, not having to like or understand it but still supporting you the person.
Many providers deep down inside are ashamed of what they do or how other people will see them and rather than educate people directly around them, they choose to stay in the shadows making this life a deep dark secret. So when they watch news reals and tv shows they either abstain from speaking or say what is PC.
I have found if you are comfortable with yourself, find people that know you, love you, accept you with all your faults and desicions money or not, job or not then you wont be lonely. It is the secrecy that causes such.
It is more to do with using it for what it is (a business) and not making it who you are. Maybe that's why so many of us don't show our faces or broadcast what we do to make money for the time being. It is simply not our life's ambition and there is nothing wrong with that.
Also consider that the corportate world will never accept this even though friends and family will, so you are always having to lie to someone. Many women here spent years in college and don't want to toss it in the toilet.
Quite frankly, I don't want to be friends with people who think this is somehow cool other than the ones who are in this life with me. I would never date a guy who thought this was ok, because that's not the kind of man I want to spend my life with. There is nothing honorable about fkin another woman's husband IMO. This is a JOB, not a lifelong career. Just my opinion of course, but my views on things are a bit different than most who are in this life.
By your logic every guy cheating on his wife should also "be open" because if she can't accept him for what he is, they should not be together. People do things based on needs at the time, and don't have to share that with every person to feel accepted. Being lonely because of the hobby has very little to do with not being able to tell someone about it. Who cares? I was more talking about those of us who do NOT live the sex life of the hobby outside of it in an open relationship. We don't date or have casual sex whilst providing...that's where the lonely times might come into play.
-- Modified on 4/10/2012 4:06:54 PM
I am not being condescending at all I am just unfiltered.
So sorry you are ashamed of your choices, I wish you all the best in your future corporate decisions. But considering the fact that you can loose your corporate job as a teacher for having a picture of yourself on your personal Facebook in an adult bar holding a beer. Or loose your job because someone from your company demands you turn over your personal social media passwords, or reports seeing you at a particular place the company disagrees with, even if on your personal time. People who are expected to live life in a man made bubble for some company that will downsize them in an instant is just not in my future plan. Been there won't do that again. I am self employed the american dream. I see no need to make hundreds of thousands of dollars for years on end just to go be the manager at some retail store for $40,000 yr. Why not earn my money this way and buy the store. (opening soon in Providence RI ladies pm for details) That seems like working backwards and all my life has gone forward. In this profession I make more than the "average salary" Maybe I am a bit different from most providers in the fact that I joined the military at 17 twelve days outta high school, I have two degrees obtained in my "SQUARE" life, I had jobs as a manager overseeing budgets of millions of other peoples money, skills learned then that I use to better my own life now. I don't knock anyone's choices but I do find it sad and disheartening that even yourself looks down on this CAREER CHOICE. I'd say anyone who is ashamed of their doings would probably do better in things they are proud and can be proud of. And simply if you are ashamed of what you do you should quit.
As far as friends go, I'd rather surround myself with people who love people and not judge them. I personally don't find any one career more honorable than the next. I took no more pride in protecting my country than I do in my own self. Wearing that uniform did not make me a proud american no more than wearing a garter and stockings? ps someone who passes judgment and not concern is not your friend. It's kinda like you are one of the politicians that pass the laws to punish us dearly right before they go see their escort. I just don't understand that logic but to each his own. You like it I love it, I just don't know why others are I don't like it so it's bad? But i'm still gonna do it?
Lastly the comment about the cheating husband and you quote "every guy cheating on his wife should also "be open" because if she can't accept him for what he is, they should not be together"
DING, DING, DING, http://www.divorcerate.org/. The divorce rate here is around 40-50%, now could that be because people are not getting with people they are actually compatible with or because they are doing what is good for the time, as you said? Maybe if the guy likes multiple woman he should marry a swinger, or a bi-woman or a retired provider, most are always talking about how wild and horny they are anyway, if she's retired he'd not know because her face was covered as you said. I am really sorry but that sounded like it made as much since as God gave half a rubber duck. OF COURSE you should be honest and open with your mate, if you can't then maybe just maybe they shouldn't be your mate. I'll say good luck to you when you get married, ya'll are gonna have a wealth of secrets and life to not share together. And if you are worried that your potential spouse will judge you, again maybe just maybe you should reconsider settling for someone you have to lie, cheat and keep from. Honesty starts when you look in the mirror for most people.
It is a sad you only want to be friends with tricks and hoes, else they should all be closed minded about me, what happens in the lives of many many people world round and what you do now. I just hope that when you do retire and get your corporate job, you don't hold that opinion if you ever have the opportunity to hire people. If you cannot see the irony of your own words, I am glad that I left that world for this. There is nothing wrong or shameful about being a sex worker and if you feel that way, honestly you should work retail. Much more honorable and rewarding I suppose?
Yes, escorting is lonely if you have to lie to everyone around you. I would supposed triple the lonely factor if you are an escort who is ashamed of yourself and dislikes what you do and anyone that would understand, befriend and accept your personal choices about your career. Honestly and truthfully, I wish you all the very best, I hope you start to feel better about your choice and the people that decide to partake, we aren't all bad, lol, some even kinda cool, maybe unfiltered but still understanding and cool. I hope you get the best corporate job the company has to offer at a salary greater than yours now and I pray it's not in HR, heeheehee.
Love, Joi