Hello Love Goddess,
I have been indulging in the hobby for a little less than a year now and for the most part saw well reviewed pros with whom I had great times. Encouraged by this and thinking that I have enough experience to venture further I decided to try to see a "non-pro". I think I was more drawn to the thrill of the chase than actually expecting to see a real non-pro but the next thing I know, I had exchanged pics with someone and set a date to meet. As skeptical as I was, she showed up, she was sweet, hot!, real and I had the best sex I have had in who knows how long. We really hit it off and literally had a hard time parting. So far so good ... but maybe too good? Not only was she a non-pro, it was her first time too. I told her I would like to see her again and she agreed but at the same time she has become confused about the experience.
My problem is that I obviously would like to see her on a regular basis if I can, but would I be hurting her in the long run? The catch is that I am not married but I do have an SO (she knows this) so while I can help her financially I cannot give her a real relationship. If she were a pro she would be my ATF and we could happily exist within that framework but that's not the case. To complicate matters further she has implied that she will not accept compensation and that would make feel like I am having an affair instead of enjoying the occasional luxury service. Do you think we can give it a try as a somewhat modified friends with benefits relationship or is this a disaster in the making?
Dear Foiled Again,
Wow, some action out there in the non-pro arena!
Now for your posting: "she has become confused about the experience." Hmm..SHE or YOU? I'd bet money that it's both of you, not just her.
Now let's clear your own putative confusion: It seems to me that you already feel guilty about not being able to "give her a real relationship." Well, IMHO, no one "gives" relationships, they are a mutual endeavor. Also, the money part is always easy when short-term mating is concerned - remember Charlie Sheen who paid them not to have sex, but actually to leave?
So yup, you ARE having an affair if you continue to meet...because she won't take money from you and she's clearly not a professional provider.
Now on a 'moral' scale..what's worse - having sex with someone for money...or for free..when you have an SO? Well, I can't answer that one for you. Only you know the gauge of your own personal moral-o-meter.
Should you continue as a "modified friends with benefit relationship"? Is it a "disaster in the making?" Can't say either. What I can say, is that this lady doesn't want to be a provider, and, she also seems to want to spend more time with you, the confusion notwithstanding. But if she's like the majority of civvies out there, she'll be tired of sharing you with someone else. My prediction is that you'll have some fun together, and then it will naturally peter out..unless you really get knee deep into this woman and decide to choose between her and your SO. Hey, it happens every day out there. That's why, if you really want to insulate against potential breakups, see providers only and keep your boundaries ironclad.
En garde, Foiled Again,
the Love Goddess