"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."---Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest (& her hair color is?)

"Whenever I watch TV & see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry.  I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies & death & stuff."---Mariah Carey (who obviously should stick to singing & not talk)

"Smoking kills.  If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."---Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokeperson for an anti-smoking campaign. (not sure if she got the job or not)

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."---Winston Bennett, Univ of Kentucky basketball forward. (wonder what his GPA is?)

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."---Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC (guess it helps your clarity of thinking when you're stoned)

"We're going to turn this thing around 360 degrees."---Jason Kidd after being drafted by the Dallas Mavericks (what college did he attend anyway?)

"Half this game is 90% mental."---Danny Ozark while manager of the Philadelphia Phillies (bet Yogi Berra would agree)

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.  A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."---Joe Theisman former Notre Dame & NFL quarterback & currently sports analyst (no mention of whether he received a degree)

"I love California..I practically grew up in Phoenix."---Dan Quale, former Vice President (Dan could always be counted on for a good quote)  

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."---Dan Quale again (uhhh, say Dan...)

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, & the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so that I could converse with those people."---Dan Quale yet again (give the guy a break, Spanish is a Latin based language)

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment, it's the impurities in our air & water that's doing it."  Al Gore, former Vice President (Dan Quale ain't the only one)  

"We are ready for any unforeseen even that might or migh not occur."---Al Gore again (see above)
 
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."---Bill Clinton, former President (& you thought it was better at the top?)