My wife and I have all the secrets for making a marriage last:



1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,

some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesday's, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in

Cincinnati.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested

the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread

maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to

sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost

weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now.

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the

garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

10. Remember... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

... I said, 'Dust!"