A farmer is having problems with his prize stallion and decides to ring the local vet. So the vet comes round and asks what the problem is. "Well" says the farmer "he seems to be having a bit of trouble 'getting wood' as it were, can you help?". "That's easy" says the vet, and reaches inside his bag and pulls out a long rubber glove. He puts it on right up to his elbow and shove his arm up the nearest mare's front bottom. He rummages around for a bit then pulls his hand out and wipes the gunk all over the stallion's face. The stallion gets very excited, gets the biggest boner it's had for weeks and proceeds in humping the living daylights out the mare. The farmer is amazed by this and turns to the vet. "Look, I've been happily married for 25 years but recently I've had a bit of trouble in the same department, do you think the same thing would work for me?". The vet doesn't see any problem with this and after being paid leaves.
When the farmer gets back indoors, he finds his wife has gone to bed early, so he creeps upstairs into his bedroom. His wife is fast asleep, so he rolls up her nightie and inserts his hand in her front bottom. He then rubs his hand all over his face and gets very excited, he's got the best hard on he'd had in 25 years, so he wakes his wife up all excited and starts shouting "look Marjorie,look". She rolls over,takes one look and says "Why did you wake me up to tell me you had a nose bleed?"