A personally selected gift,(I won't count a bottle of wine as that is to be shared not gifted) before the date, or tossing down some extra cash after the date?
Guys which way do you lean on this one.
Ladies, which do you prefer, and in the case of a gift what are some of the good ones you have received?
I generally like to go with a gift. I find it to be a bit more personal, and I think that a thoughtful gift is very much appreciated, in my experience.
I sometimes tip if it's a new lady that I don't know anything about. I bring a small gift for my ATF on each visit as we have known each other for a while and I know what she likes and she gets a kick out of the surprise each visit.
I sometimes do both.. I may bring a small gift to show appreciation for the appointment..then, if the session is "all that" and i know I will want to repeat..I will give a cash gratuity..50.00 or 100.00 depending..
I gave one lady a copy of Freakonomics because she likes to read.... she started reading it in the session and would not put it down.... but then agian - it is a good book... (well, I also think that she was less taken by me than me by her!) EOM.
I like to give one or the other, and not just on first dates. If I see a provider who has posted on the boards, I try to see what interests they have. So far, I've been pretty good at the books/music. One provider wrote me saying she had spent most of an overseas flight reading the book I gave her. Another said she listened often to the compilation CD I gave her will she drove in her car. Since my reading and music tastes are not in the 'pop' culture, what I give them is usually their first exposure to it.
It also makes for a better way for them to remember me if I should need a reference provided later on.
I like leaving the ladies something for their hearts/minds after our date.
BSD, I can relate to your provider liking the book yuo gave her. I used-up 30 minutes of a multi-hour one time because a lady was so surprised at the book I gave her, we just talked like two excited kids about our common interest in the subject matter.
Both are certainly a nice suprise. I have seen many websites that include wish lists, and I feel funny about having one as I do not ever want someone to feel obligated.
If it is a gift just for the point of bringing something (like the kind I used to get from Grandma for my birthday and I'd wonder if she recalls ever meeting me!!!) , I'd honestly prefer cash. If it's coming from someone who knows me and it is more personal/thoughtful, I prefer the gift.
Best gifts: Ones for my son. Anyone who knows me know he is my world. When a guy shows up with a toy in hand, I know he did not just grab a gift to be polite, and he in fact thought about what makes me happy.
Flowers! I love them and appreciate someone giving them to me, but many clients do not realize that some people are allergic to them or their date may have a cat that will break the vase, eat the flowers and get sick all over everything. There isn't a safe enough place in my incall for flowers, so please "no flowers." Another reason not to bring flowers: It's hard for my neighbors to be convinced that you're one of my freelance-work clients, or when I leave a hotel with flowers it's a big awkward. But hey, everyone's different.
I agree with Ciara, while tips are always nice. Flowers or something simple always make me happier, you didn't have to but you did, I am automatically put at ease when a new client brings you flowers or something unexpected. It shows respect and the session is that much more memorable for both of us.
"I am automatically put at ease when a new client brings you flowers or something unexpected. It shows respect and the session is that much more memorable for both of us."
a gift from a brand new client isn't a sign of respect or that he is even considerate or thoughtful. many men give gifts to women out of habit...it's just what they feel is done when they go "out" with a lady. to me, a gift from a total stranger cannot possibly have any meaning because they do not know me to know what i would like, dislike, etc. also it raises faint alarm bells in my head...sometimes it is a sign of someone who will get overly attached or possessive...and i don't need to have any more of those nightmares.
I give gifts (and NEVER FLOWERS) that I figure out that the lady will like, or even better - a gag gift! or something unique.... that I know that the lady will not have, and that she may enjoy. The book was actually inspired by the lady's my space - where she described what she liked to read - which was IDENTICAL to my reading material - and that was why I selected the book I did!
The only dud of a present that I've given was I did make a personalized CD-ROM - Don't think that it went over so well....
Other presents? one lady was visiting my home city - and it was her first visit - I gave her a map with all the landmarks on it - as well as a gift certificate to a couple of nearby shops... she seemed to really appreciate it - as it gave her something to do between clients... sightsee - and spend money! lol!!!
These were given - not as a possessive link, but more as a hey! welcome to my city... or hey, I think that you are cool! Jealousy? that comes in totally different flavors! read that post below!
If a guy cares to, and if a lady provides some insight on her website, he can figure out things that will delight her... my no's? Chocolates - or candys - but fresh fruit is a yes. Flowers - kinda ackward as mentioned above... Wine - I use to bring it, but I noticed that almost NO providers would drink with me... so I quit bringing it - and that works out well - unless we are going to have a rather full night, with dinner, then I will either bring wine - or order with dinner....
And I do beg to differ "a gift from a brand new client isn't a sign of respect" I do not give gifts to every new woman I meet. If I've flirted with the lady, or from her web site I gain some insight that I will connect with her... I will provide a small gift.
Think of it this way - two women who I met on the first date, each went out and bought a specific dress that I requested for each of their respective dates... that - to me - was a present! that is - they achieved a specific look that I wanted to see. They were not looking to possess me! merely to please me... same with a present to the lady!
Seriously, men can be thoughtful and courteous, even on a first date!
key word from my post, "sometimes"...sometimes a gift on a first date can be a sign of possessiveness or unhealthy attachment. and while SOME men, like perhaps yourself, and certainly a few of my own friends, bring a gift on the first date as a sign of respect and warm wishes, this is not NECESSARILY the case. it does not NECESSARILY mean that they put any thought into the gift or the woman whatsoever, although sometimes it is genuine, thoughtful, and sincere.
my point was simply that gift on first date does not automatically = kind or thoughtful, the way 2 + 2 = 4. not that it NEVER means kind and thoughtful. that is all.
....plus I would think that walking into hotel or apartment complexs carrying a bouquet of flowers and then walking out an hour later (and assume that happens 2 or 3 times a day would be bring unneeded attention.
I realized when I started this hobby that flowers could create problems unintentionally. Actually every time I have asked the lady has said yes. I consider it part of the BFE that goes with the GFE along with generally trying to be a gentleman (opening doors, seating the lady and not wiping my member on the drapes). B.
you mean to tell me that wiping my member on the drapes is not in the Emily Post Book of Etiquette? Rats.
Then I must sincerely apologize to all the ladies out there whom I have unintentionally offended.
Seriously, I have often brought little "personal" gifts to special ladies. Like a small handmade jewelry box, or a small stuffed animal (maybe in military garb, if appropriate). But nothing like flowers or perfumes, or anything that might cause a reaction.
...then i prefer a tip to a gift. it makes me very uncomfortable when someone who does not know me well gives me a gift, it's crossing that intimacy barrier and just doesn't feel natural. i understand that for some men bringing a gift to a woman is as natural as breathing, almost a social reflex. so they may show up at the door with flowers, a bottle of wine (which i don't drink and have about a dozen bottles getting dusty in the pantry), etc. on the very first visit. tho i understand it, i really wish they wouldn't.
i only want something extra if a man feels i've truly earned it...which cannot be determined until AFTER the experience. usually a tip is most appropriate, however if a man customarily tips then i don't like that, as that makes the tip meaningless. gifts are only truly appreciated from dear friends, regulars who know the girl beyond the profession.
the best gift i ever got? homemade ginger cookies...he stayed up late at night baking them just for me. considering his brutal work hours and the fact that he is married (therefore having to come up with an excuse as to why he was baking the cookies and for whom), i was touched beyond expression at this gesture. and the cookies were delicious!!
Lilli, I wish more women thought like you do instead of the attitude of "What you did not bring me the keys to a new car?" mentality of some women.
To me the best gifts are the ones that I have given to women that I have seen that I know well. Something that the woman might not have but wants, or something like that instead of a meaningless bottle of wine..
The best gifts are from the heart, not the wallet. Of course you know that, but many do not.
First there was my mom, she said it is rude to be a guest with no gift - a woman. then there was one of my first serious "engaged" girlfriends - she would spend hours selecting just the right CARD AND GIFT if we went to anyones house.... Then there is the ex-wife - who made getting a "little something" for the host and hostess "the quest for the holy grail!" again a woman taught this.
So! it was women who taught this to me! all reasonably well intended.
As far as intimacy barrier - I usually take a bottle of libations to my bosses house and trust me here sister! I do not wish to get intimate with him! lol!!!
Seriously, this is way too much interpretation what to some, if you didn't do it would be rude.
I always bring a gift, even for a first visit. Most ladies love candles, and the ones I have seen, have some burning already, so they can always use more. Wally World has a nice candle set in jars for a very reasonable price, and many different fragrances.
I just want to let her know I think she's special, which she is, or I wouldn't be there in the first place. Haven't had to return any of them yet.
I'm with Swim...candles are my gift of choice. Not too personal, can be wrapped in a small package that doesn't draw attention....and 9 out 10 providers I have seen burn candles and can always use them, especially nicer pillars which cost a $ more. They are also sold at any number of places which makes picking them up easy.
How can such a phrase have even been spoken?? I had a client bring me a gorgeous bottle of plum wine because he had remembered me mentioning that it was one of my faves.. I love gifts!!! Wine, flowers, plants, candles, lingerie, oils, dildos... from first time clients or regulars. The reason I love them is because it makes me realize that this beautiful man was out shopping around thinking of me specifically. He had me in mind well before he even came to see me. That makes me feel special and appreciated. I've recieved many a bottle of wine with gratefulness and excitement b/c if I don't particularly like that kind I have plenty of friends and family members who will enjoy it with me. I've recieved music cd's with new age music which I love because I would never have the chance to listen to or purchase all the types of music I would like to. So when I'm given something new to listen to it expands my repertoire. One gift I haven't recieved yet which I would absolutely love.... books of poetry. I am addicted to great poetry but never indulge in purchasing books for myself. Or journals. Anyone who knows me knows that I have an introspective mind and a penchant for writing. A journal would be a marvelous gift!! Anyway, I know all women are different, but when it comes to me... Gifts.. any and every time.. I'll take a gift over cash tip. I just love the surprise. I'm like a child when it comes to that. It makes me soooo happy.
I actually had a client who use to bring me scented candles from time to time. I love them! I would light them up, once he came into the room, so we can enjoy smelling them together
I personally like either an extra donation or even flowers. But the extra something is always always a surprise for me. I love thoughtful surprises no matter what it is!!
Gifts. I might sound like a cheap bastard on this, but I only see one woman now and we know each other very well. Usually, I take a lot of time to put together a mix CD that I know that she'll like.
Different people do different things to show their appreciation and kindness . I cannot say which is best .. I enjoy the fact that someone cared enough to think of the "little things" that we sometimes take for granted .
...her both with roses and a tip. Of course, she had listed roses as a gift she liked. The roses were part of setting the GFE mood and of course the tip was to show appreciation for a wonderful afternoon.
Choosing a gift is a major thing for me, and I'm such a perfectionist that it has to be JUST RIGHT. I can't buy gifts for someone I don't know very, very well.
Everyone loves cash though, so any "extra" from me will be some lovely bank notes
In her blog at http://www.theinternetescortshandbook.com/ , Amanda Brooks notes that some clients give gifts to try to cover for the fact that they're difficult or obnoxious. And one provider mentioned to me that she hates gifts because she sees them as having implicit strings attached -- either:
a. The client has expectations of getting something "extra" because he feels (perhaps only subconsciously) that the provider now "owes" him something in return for the gift.
and/or
b. The client is going to feel more free to misbehave because he feels he now has a reservoir of goodwill that he can draw down.
Since she hasn't entered into either type of implicit deal voluntarily, she feels imposed upon.
Notwithstanding this, I'm an inveterate gift giver. I consider each session to be a special treat. And giving gifts seems to me to fit well with such occasions. To avoid making the recipient uncomfortable (e.g. due to one of the reasons mentioned above), my gifts are not extravagant (with cost of each perhaps averaging $50). I try my best to find an appropriate gift, and I'll look for a wish list on the lady's website and even scan discussion boards and reviews looking for hints.
I can understand that cash is often (perhaps usually) preferred, but money is always handled so circumspectly that I can’t use it to convey the message that I'm trying to send -- which is that I'm glad to be there with her, that I'm appreciative of the appointment (which at the very least will generally have required her to spend time screening and fitting me into her schedule), and that I see it as a special occasion (worthy of a gift).
I certainly don’t intend to cross any "intimacy barrier" (mentioned by lilli), and I don’t give gifts that might commonly be associated with real-world romantic relationships -- no flowers, lingerie, sex toys (unless specifically requested!), and so on. My gifts are generally things like bottles of wine (I've become a regular at what's considered on of the PA/NJ/NY area's finest wine merchants -- Moore Bros.), candles (I live near a place called the Earth Spirit New Age Center, that has some unusual and probably outrageously overpriced candles), books (if I have a clue about her interests), and so on.
Well, cash is the ultimate utilitarian gift. She's sure to get something she likes with it, while a gift can be a crapshoot no matter how much thought you put into it [i mean, what if every single date gave her Godivas, or a Mark Cross pen, or a Coach clutch, or a Victoria's Secret camilsole.etc...? Pretty soon she's be sick of the things as well as having more than she'll ever need].
A gift shows that you've taken some time to understand her as an individual and taken the trouble to try to get her something she likes, if not needs.
One provider mentioned to me that she was a student of psychology and actively read the subject in her free time. Next time i saw her, I gave her a bunch of psychology books which were otherwise slated for donation to the local library. She squealed with delight and seemed very apreciative, especially by the fact that I had followed through on my promise to do just that, but I absolutely can't swear it was sincere on her part. In spite of that, i was awfullly pleased with myself.
I promised her a homemade baked ziti the next time around, as she loves Italian food. I shold have quit while i was ahead and kept my mouth shut.
It's not that much different from the civvie version of the question. But in either case, remember, it's the thought that counts.
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