A lady has to look out for her safety these days. Just taking a whilelist OK doesn't cut it any more. The provider you want to see, would like to be able to email or talk to another provider to make sure your the real deal and not a flake. Guys can start out great but get weird after a while and I'm sure there are a few ladies who can testify to that. Sure there are some ladies that have not problem with just a whitelist OK but they are putting themselves at risk. Most ladies won't do it and I don't blame them or have any problem with them wanting references outside of TER.
Welcome to the world after the Craigslist Killer. Same world just a little different