Well since you asked... Part One
Posted by G2   , 6/27/2001 7:37:44 PM  

I'm not an expert but I can give a little info on a few of your questions.  I've known two providers, and a few other women who loved, craved, wanted, needed, and had to have it.  One of the providers wouldn't consider sex complete w/o finishing with anal and it was the only way she usually had orgasms (intense ones).  The other provider enjoyed it enough so that she brought up the subject w/o me asking and would happily participate about 35-40% of the time.  She said she didn't feel like it all the time, but when she did, nothing else would satisfy.

We all know everyone isn't into anal, but more women might be if they were introduced to it with a careful and considerate partner.  It's pleasurable because there are a tremendous number of nerve endings in the area of the anus.  Many of them seem to have a connection to those in the genitals, or are at least close enough that anal stimulation reaches the vagina and clitoris indirectly.  Just like nipples or clits, some women have much more sensitivity in that area than others.

I can think of at least three reasons some women would not like anal.  1. They don't experience much sensation in the area so they don't see the attraction  2. They don't like the idea of it   3. They had an inexperienced or inconsiderate partner that led to a bad experience.

Regarding #3, that's the one that gets most women turned off.  Anal sex is not a "zipless fuck," it requires some time and preparation to be enjoyable.  Most guys don't want to invest either. Unlike the vagina which is pretty compliant and designed to accomodate the penis,  the sphincter muscle is much tighter and requires a lot relaxation and slow stretching to comfortably accept a penis.  If a woman is experienced with anal sex she may be ready with minimal preparation.  But a newbie that wants to experiment may require 10 or 15 minutes of gentle stretching to relax the muscle enough to be ready to begin.  Even then a little pain may be experienced initially.

They key is for the woman to be in a comfortable postion (that means in bed, not up against a wall) and the man to be patient (that means not standing there with your dick in your hand getting antsy).  If you are with a first timer, I  recommend starting with vaginal sex to completion.  This will get the guy in the right frame of mind (patient) and will be conducive to taking the care needed.  Like any muscle you want to stretch and relax, start slowly and work up.  Lubrication goes w/o saying (KY, Astro Glide etc.- not saliva)  Start by gently inserting a single finger or a very small dildo.  I prefer a finger because I can judge the level of relaxation better.  Very gentle motion will get her used to the feeling of having something in there (a unique sensation).  A second finger, or a dildo can continue the process, but don't be surprised if it takes at least 5-10 minutes or more of carfeul stimulation for the woman to get used to the feeling and begin relaxing enough to proceed to the second finger or dildo.   Afterall, we spend our lives contracting, not relaxing this muscle.  It's a natural reaction to contract, not to relax, that's why it takes some time and practice.      

The reason I hold off on anal until I'm ready for my second orgasm is that if I already have an erection, I'll most likely lose it by the time I get my partner ready.  I prefer to use the time spent getting her ready to recharge my batteries and get me ready for round two.  That way I'm not rushed and I don't blow the whole deal by being in a hurry.  Despite what the pornos show, a condom is a must in order to avoid a urinary tract or prostate infection for the guy.  Also, it should go without saying that back and forth between anus and vagina with either fingers or penis is out.  A condom also has the advantage of slightly less friction than skin to skin, making it easier for the woman.  A penis in a condom is also slightly smaller and, therefore, easier to accomodate.



-- Modified on 6/27/2001 8:16:26 PM

(Note, unedited from the original 2001post)

When the anus has been gently relaxed and stretched, use plenty of lubricant and begin to slowly insert the penis.  Slowly means it might still take a minute or two to insert even having done the above steps.  Once inside you have to realize that vigorous thrusting is out, especially for a beginner.  Some women build up to wanting that, but don't start that way if you ever want to do it more than once.  Also, until your partner gets comfortable with anal sex (not after 5 minutes but after many sessions), the more vigorous stroke should be pulling out, not thrusting in.  

The man has to always remember to moderate his movements and use much more control than with vaginal sex- even when your are orgasming.  You can't just pound away or you could injure your partner.  

So to answer your first question last- in a world of condoms usage that makes vaginal sex mostly an exercie in remembering what sex used to feel like, as opposed to an actual physical sensation, anal sex provides the feeling that has been missing since the 1980's.  I personally can't feel a woman's vagina when I'm wearing a condom.  I enjoy her face and body and nice sounds, but frankly I could be between the pillows and it would feel the same- masturbating, for example is far more intense of a feeling.  I usually only orgasm more by willing it mentally than by physical stimulation (if you don't know what I'm talking about, wait until you're in your 50's).  Anal sex, on the other hand is just the opposite.  The tightness of the anus provides much greater sensation, even with a condom, and makes orgasm both intense and inevitable.  That's why guys like it, and the women that give it a chance tend to feel the same way.  

There are good books available on the subject, but I don't know the titles anymore.  There's a whole smorgasbord of sexual experiences and anal sex deserves to be on the list along with male multiple orgasms and many others.  Exploring and mastering the many different ways to enjoy sex is the difference between being a sexual gourmet or just a burger kinda guy.