A medical device salesman was trying to sell a doctor a new computer that could diagnose anything with nothing more than a urine sample.

The doctor was incensed at the idea that all his years of medical training could be replaced by a computer.  “There is no way a computer can correctly diagnose anything with just a urine sample.”  

“Oh, it’s true”, said the salesman.  “We can test it right now, if you’ll just give me a urine sample”.

The doctor thought a moment, and told the salesman he was too busy right then, but to come back tomorrow.

The doctor went home that night with a plan to foil the computer.  He took a urine sample collection cup and had his wife pee in it, then his teenage daughter, then he added some oil from his car, and finally he masturbated into the cup.

The next day the salesman came back, and the doctor presented him with his sample.  The salesman poured the contents into the funnel at the top of the computer.  The thing started to sputter and shake, and whir loudly.  Finally, “ding”, the sound of a bell was followed by a printed report shooting out of the paper tray at the bottom.

The salesman took the paper and read it.  His brow was furrowed and he rubbed his chin.

“Well?!” said the doctor, “I guess your computer’s not a smart as you think!”

“I don’t know”, pondered the salesman, “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“What does it say?” the doctor said with a smirk.

“It says,” the salesman cleared his throat, “your daughter is pregnant, your wife is having an affair with your neighbor, your car needs a tune-up, and if you don’t quit jerking off you’ll never get rid of your tennis elbow.”