My ATF,
 
I knew this day would come, and I’ve tried my best to prepare myself for it. You’re too smart, too beautiful, and too fantastic a woman to do this for too long (not that there was/is anything wrong with a woman making a choice to empower herself financially), and honestly, I’ve wanted you to be able to walk away from this since I developed feelings for you…
 
The first time I met you, I knew in the first few seconds that I needed to see you again. Your beauty, your sensuality, your personality, your joie de vivre…captured my heart. After our second meeting, I was hooked. The rest is history.  I saw you 31 separate times in a year, and that wasn’t enough.  
 
Before I met you, I was…resigned to going through the motions, knowing I was stuck in a relationship where I felt nothing towards the other person and vice versa…I would just see a companion once or twice a month and that would be enough.  
 
But then I met you.

And I remembered what passion, desire, and longing was. And not just physically…I remember the first time I booked a multi-hour appointment with you, I had plans of hours of debauchery.
 
But more than the physical, we talked. And the more I learned about you, the more I fell.

You are as beautiful a person on the inside as you are on the outside. You have left an indelible mark on my life that remains, and I miss you. In the too short of time that I knew you, l shared with you my thoughts, fears, and dreams...and you shared with me parts of your life as well. Am I the only one that you told these things to? I would like to think so, but even if I wasn't, I'm glad you shared with me. That’s all that matters.  

I hope you are happy and though I miss you terribly and wish I could have seen you again to say goodbye, I knew that you weren’t going to stay around much longer.  

With all due respect to the other ladies out there, you are too good for this, and I told you as much.  You have so much to offer, and I hope that if and when you choose someone (not that you need a man, you are strong enough on your own), he treats you with respect and courtesy. You deserve no less.  

I meant every word I said to you, and I hope life gives you all the best. I won't forget you.  
 
Not a day went by when I didn’t think about you…what you were doing, when could I see you again, what else I could do to spoil you and make you think of me on occasion.  
 
I dreamed of things we could do together…taking you out to dinner and a show at the Kennedy Center, going white water rafting at Harpers Ferry, hiking at Old Rag in Virginia, boating on the Bay…
 
I’ve been around in this community for almost 20 years, and from time to time I’ve heard the stories of clients falling for companions, and I thought to myself “Why?”

NOT because I didn’t think a companion is worthy of love…EVERYONE is worthy of love, but why would one allow oneself to fall and allow themselves to be hurt?

Well sometimes one has no choice. The heart wants what the heart wants.  

I know you were never mine, but I fell in love with you nonetheless. To be clear, you did nothing wrong…you didn’t give me mixed signals…you were just yourself…a beautiful, sensual, smart, personable, and caring woman. I allowed myself to dream big…and no dream was bigger than thinking a woman like you could fall in love with me.  
 
I’m an adult man who should know better.  
 
You ignited something in me that has been missing for the past 20 plus years, something I hadn’t felt since my early 20’s: passion. I’ve enjoyed the physical intimacy we shared, but I enjoyed the conversations, jokes, and smiles just as much.  
 
You truly are a phenomenal woman: successful, confidant, independent, and capable.  
 
I’ve always been respectful of and treated the women I’ve seen with dignity, and I’ve never thought ill of them or judged them. And I’ve never done that with you…but one thing I’ve done is thought to myself that you’re better than this. I’ve always felt that no man, including me, deserves you like this.  
 
I will leave you with a few lines from “Bigger Than The Whole Sky” by Taylor Swift (yes, this middle aged man is a Taylor Swift fan):
 
“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
 
You were bigger than the whole sky
 
You were more than just a short time
 
And I’ve got a lot to pine about
 
I’ve got a lot to think about, I’ve got a lot to live without

What could have been, what should’ve been…”
 
Take care of yourself. Live your best life. If and when you meet a man who captures your heart, I hope he loves you wholeheartedly and unconditionally, and allows you to enjoy your interests and spend time with your friends. I hope he is free of any insecurities and accepts that you love him in return.  
 
I miss you, and you will always be in my heart.  

You are a bad ass chick who doesn’t ride bitch.