I matched with a gal on SA and we chatted by text a bit. Photos not very clear but probably would rate her a 7 in looks. She does live nearby and has a real job, so that's a plus. We made a date for dinner a few days ahead, and she confirmed that morning. But 2 hours later she says she has to reschedule. I ask for a specific time, but she doesn't respond.
A week later, she says she wants to meet and says she absolutely won't cancel this time.
Now.. I know we don't want to get too emotionally involved and this is in some respects "business" but I do feel she ditched me, and probably got disappointed or scammed.
For background, I have a nice SB now that I see around once a week at a reasonable rate. I'd give her an 8 on looks but the sex is off the charts and she's really into me. The only drawback is she has limited time and doesn't want to do much other than eat and fuck. She is fun, but I have been looking for something more of a suagr girlfriends to take on trips and go on other outings with.
In this situation... what would you do?
SB's are on SB time. They are not typically well organized individuals. I think you have to deal with them a bit like children, which includes being a bit indulgent. She'll have a life outside this and you'll just have to work around her normal level of chaos. She contacted you to cancel, which is actually a good sign. We all eventually suffer from the NCNS. Those chicks are disrespectful.
I'd give her a pass on the reschedule. If it happens again then I'd only plan a date at a time you couldn't do anything else anyway so no real loss. Finding a consistent SB is like finding a unicorn.
Sure she could be flaky (a trait which is pretty common in the bowl) but I wouldn't have a problem giving it another shot, especially since you haven't really lost anything other than some time. Totally understand your disappointment and I guess it's dependent on the talent pool where you live.
For kicks, I just did a search within 5 miles of my zip code and got 6,775 results and that's limiting search to ages 21-50, "slim" or "athletic" only and under 5'7". With those numbers I could be tempted to say screw it and move on.
I envy those numbers so much! I just did a search from my zip code plus 100 miles, and all the other parameters the same as yours. My results? Only 347!! Within 100 freakin miles! I seriously need to move.
I would def continue to pursue an arrangement with the new one while also continuing the arrangement with the current one. You don't need to make a choice, as long as you have the time/energy. And pursuing the new one in no way makes you disloyal to the current one. It's not about that! If it turns out that the new SB develops into a good arrangement, you will have the happy situation of having 2 ongoing regulars at the same time. Maybe you would have to reduce the frequency of dating SB #1 in order to accommodate #2. And that's usually ok . I always tell each new potential SB that I am ENM/poly and not offering or expecting anything exclusive. I have 2 regulars, I see each one every other week. And I'm sure they have other guys in their own rotations, so we're all happy. And I'm always browsing for new ones.
I will echo Papa Sweet's comments (duh!) but want to get there from a different POV.
I think we do ourselves a disservice when we compare one POT/SB to another. That leads to a (near) involuntary ranking of SB's and suggests a trade-off, where the SD feels he must choose the best and drop those that don't measure up.
Instead, I suggest that we consider each POT by her own merits, and then decide if we want in or out.
In this case, your POT is attractive to you, she's local, and you were ready to saddle up and ride that Philly to town. Now due to a (let's be kind and call it a) scheduling conflict, you are reconsidering the value of an arrangement with this fresh and presumably tasty pussy. So I suggest the only question you need to answer is, other than the missed date, what has changed?
Please share whatever happens next. We all learn from every experience, negative and positive.
Life is good
The Cat
Appreciate all the comments, guys. A partial update: I told her I had a crazy week (mainly true) and would be in touch in a week or so to reschedule. This gives me some time to evaluate -- and also views some of the other offers that might come up.
FYI -- I have managed 2 and occasionally 3 SBs in a rotation, so we'll see.
I ended up just settling in with the one that liked to eat and fuck because the sex was just too good to gamble on a maybe. lol. I stayed with her for about a year before moving on. It was a fucking unbelievable year of sex!!!!