The first is there is one that is really hot but goes dark and I do not hear from her for a week or two and then get a text that she wants to come over and meet. We have never met and it's always pretty late at night. My gut feeling is there may be a drug issue here but there might be some other explanation. It's just a red flag because it's almost like a panic mode is in.
The second is when and how do you bring up the money. Do you let them give you a price or do you make them an offer? If you make an offer I would love a couple examples of how you present that. I've been trying for a few months and only had two go the distance and both came right out and asked for the amount. One was $300 and the other was $400 for a few hours. Unfortunately both of them are not very fun to be around not that great in bed. If you I have made offers to in that range have came back wanting ridiculous amounts.then what's the point of seeing them at all?
Keep looking, especially if one of them creeps you out already.
I'll defer to others about the money thing since I've no experience in the SB scene as yet
I'd forget about that one. As for the money issue, there are many opinions and many ways to make it work. Personally I prefer to discuss money before I ever meet the girl for coffee. Some other experienced SDs here will tell you they never discuss money until they meet and if that works for them, wonderful. But I HATE to go on a date with a hottie only to find out at that we are not on the same page regarding money. I've done that twice, and both times the little head has made me pay WAAAY more for an evening's entertainment than I had planned. Good fun, but too expensive.
It's rare that a SB will tell you how much money they expect, but it's common for them to ask how much you will give them. I often explain it this way: I've had the very good fortune to have met some fantastic women on this site. I've enjoyed some awesome arrangements. But they have moved away (or make up any excuse that works) so I'm available again and that's why I'm looking for another excellent Arrangement. I've always given them a gift each visit of $200-$300 and it has worked out well. (insert the numbers that work in your area and your wallet)
If you use some sort of similar approach you are telling them that:
1. They have competition and need to be realistic and competitive. Doesn't matter that "their girlfriend had a SD who gave her $5000 a month" BS.
2. You avoid any conversation about "what they are worth" which will only spiral down the drain into disappointment.
3. If they honestly were thinking about a much higher amount, you have informed them of what your local market is really like. You might even reset their expectations. It has happened.
Sometimes they are stuck on the idea of a monthly allowance. Rather than go into all the reasons I won't do that, I prefer to tell them the sad tale of how one SB scammed me for lots of money upfront and then disappeared. I was really hurt and badly burned and I'll never do that again. Trust has to be developed over time, one date at a time. this approach usually ends any requests for a monthly allowance, often with the extra bonus of generating real sympathy from the SB as well.
I echo sweetman's approach, with one additional emphasis:
Generally do not make the first offer. See where she starts and then adapt your negotiating strategy appropriately.
If you must offer a specific amount first, then couch it in the "Well this what I did last time..." or "This is how my best arrangements have gone..." approach and low-ball your max limit by 30-50%. She will probably counter, but you can then meet in the middle at something close to your target amount. If she doesn't counter, your are golden.
If she offers a specific number first, justify your counter offer as YOUR budget constraint, not, as sweetman says, her worth. She's obviously worth thousands for the privilege of simply smelling her turds. Just ask her. :p So it's got to be about how much YOU can comfortably afford in order to stay happy with the arrangement and keep the cash flowing over time.
Herbcat hits the nail on the head again ! EOM,
Generally do not make the first offer. See where she starts and then adapt your negotiating strategy appropriately.
If you must offer a specific amount first, then couch it in the "Well this what I did last time..." or "This is how my best arrangements have gone..." approach and low-ball your max limit by 30-50%. She will probably counter, but you can then meet in the middle at something close to your target amount. If she doesn't counter, your are golden.
If she offers a specific number first, justify your counter offer as YOUR budget constraint, not, as sweetman says, her worth. She's obviously worth thousands for the privilege of simply smelling her turds. Just ask her. :p So it's got to be about how much YOU can comfortably afford in order to stay happy with the arrangement and keep the cash flowing over time.
've had some luck in the Sugar Bowl. I want to know whether we are on the same range before meeting. Why spend time and money on a meet and greet if there's no chance of private time? I'd rather be off chasing elsewhere.
I take the general approach outlined above, i.e., "In the past, my successful long-term alliances have been in the range of...." Or: "My budget is stretched at the $xxx-xxx range...."
When she come at me with a number that is way off, I reply that, "I wish I could exceed that number, but my budget tops out at..."
I have found that legit SBs are less likely to want to offer first AND they are loathe to negotiate and ready to get the financials settled.
Some POTSBs have told me lots of guys don't want to pay anything.
Semi pros are often willing to go first and offer a number.
BTW, I don't quibble over $100. I either hold firm and decline and move on or accept.
One advantage of going first is the behavioral bias of "anchoring." Salespeople use it all the time. If you offer a $2-300 range, then that level becomes the focus of subsequent negotiations. If she says $5-600 first, THAT becomes her frame of reference.
I NEVER come up on my first and best offer strategy. I know that if I say my normal range is 2-400, that she will pick 400--every time so far. Many kitties out there
200 if I have to rent a hotel 300 if we don't.. What you have to watch out for are special needs
for money. If you stay low you can help them out a little but watch out for crooks. Large advances to be worked out don't pan out un less you know them real well. I'm learning too.