Looking for perspectives.
Have been seeing a regular SB for 3.5 years. For me, an ideal arrangement. Early 30s, sexy as hell, fun, smart, a genuinely good person and our time together is delightful. But I know these things have a limited shelf life and I have been fortunate. Of late getting the vibes that the string may be playing itself out, and maybe it should. Though not neglectful, she has shown signs of ennui and less appreciation that in the past. Of this I am certain: She has no other SDs though she does casually date her own age, and that's okay by me. I am not jealous. We have genuine affection but certainly not romantic attachment. I don't pay her enough to expect exclusivity, plus she does have dream of eventual marriage and the white picket fence.
Wondering if it's time for a preemptive breakup, a la George Costanza. I'm honest of that motivation; it leaves me in control. I think I would be more devastated if she called it first. I am also of a certain age, though with all due respect to Sweetman, while I'm not quite there yet but still can't help but believe I am aging out of the game, so there's that to consider. But potentially calling a premature end might be even more stupid. Then again, there's always the small chance it lights a fire under her. There have been instances in the past when I was wrong about an imminent end.
Anyone been in a situation like this and how did you handle it and how did it play out?
It doesn't seem there is a reason to stop if it's still fun, unless you feel a need to go to the bullpen.
You might think about doing different things to spice things up, take a trip, go out on the town, etc. just like in a real relationship.
"I think I would be more devastated if she called it first."
This sentence makes me think you may have too deep an emotional connection with her. I am friends with all my SB's, but I don't get attached to them emotionally. If they tell me they can't or won't see me anymore (or even just ghost me which happens a few times), I will feel a little bummed if the sex is great and/or I enjoy her companion, but I will move on.
If she has shown signs of disengagement, you can ask her if everything is all right and offer to cool off a bit for a while. If she takes you up on your offer right away, then you have your answer. If she doesn't and gives you some explanation for why she is not as engaged as before, give her another chance to see if she will become more engaged again.
Everything he ever said about relationships was wrong. I would NEVER pre-emptively cause a break up. You'd be ensuring a loss instead of keeping a worthwhile thing going. Makes no sense. And as for aging out of the game, yeah, I can certainly relate. But I plan on keeping going as long as I can! Will the PYTs want to date a guy in his eighties? In 4 short years I'll let you know!
Seems a bit hasty to call it quits when your arrangement is still delivering all the benefit you signed up for. Sure, as others suggest, try to mix it up if you want to reignite a spark - take her to Las Vegas, or a full day at an upscale spa, with a full day retreat for 2 in a luxury hotel the next day. Maybe ask her what experiences are still on her bucket list?
But I can assure you with 95%+ certainty, that 3, 6. 9 12+ months after you end this without need you will be punching yourself in the dick wishing you hadn't. Every time I talk to (or look at the now huge IG and OF accounts of) the half-Philippina/half-Italian 22 year old I dropped when I realized she was in the Sugar Bowl as an ill-conceived reaction to being molested by her father (6-yrs to 18-yrs old), I realize I made the right decision for her (and me because I am not a slime-ball fucktard). BUT goddamn! I miss fucking her.
So have a conversation with her about how you can make herhappier... and then go for it - as long as you get what you want out of the arrangement.
Life is good
The Cat
Herb is right!
Don't do a pre-emptive breakup, that's like saying give away your gold before someone steals it. It makes more sense to talk with her and try to work out why she's cooling off. Everyone and all relationships go through these periods. It would also be a good exercise in practicing non-attachment. Getting emotionally hooked in an SR is delusion. Enjoy the ride while its in motion, but do not jump out till it stops.