Last night I created a profile on SD.com, for no other reason than sheer curiosity.
Honestly, a lot of the profiles seem really interesting, but I can clearly sense that there are huge potential upsides and potentially catastrophic downsides to all this. Also, I can sense that people there, on both sides of the transactions, have liturgies/protocols/moves that the other side expects them to be enact/respect, and which I am totally unaware of at the moment. I figured I would post a message here to ask for your brotherly advice eventually, but a message from some 20-yo student just hit my SD mailbox and I need to pay for credits to read it. All of a sudden the system has started sucking me in, and I am not sure I am ready: the hobby as I have known it so far may be expensive, but it comes with no strings attached, which is huge. I have a feeling that this is not going to be the same here, and I may be confronted with the full spectrum of human misery no matter how ready I am to handle it. In total honesty, the reason why I am a hobbyist in the first place is because my libido has grown bigger than the one of my significant other, but I wouldn't jeopardize the balance of my private life just to fuck around a bit.What shall I do?
Let me ask you guys a few questions to get the ball rolling. - what economic expectations will those 20-something have on me? Will they understand that this is only about fun and not relationship?
- should I get those credits and explore? Is there a way to buy SD credits without using a personal credit card?
- I live in Northern VA. How's the SB scene here compared to other places?
- what kind of attitude do you guys have when replying to a woman you met online?
- are there significant differences between white women and women with other ethnicities?
- how strongly does the location they live in correlate with their economic expectations in your experience?
- what kind of people are generally met on that website? are there stats? what kind of expectations do they have?
- how likely is it the profiles are fake? what about scam/blackmailing?
- how do you guys make sure that the person you are talking to is not a minor? judging from pictures that might be the case for some of those profiles.
- will I understand that this is only about fun and not relationship? Or will I seriously risk losing my mind? I know I am probably coming out as naïve, but I feel I have to start somewhere. Thanks
You are asking excellent questions. Fortunately, most of the answers have already been posted here. I suggest you take an hour or two+ (yes, really) to read up. Try using the keyword search to zero in on relevant posts. Once you have consumed the "tribal lore" come back with additional questions. You will find many of are happy to help.
Next, I suggest you step away from the "hobby" lexicon here. Sugar dating is DATING, not hooking, at least for most SB's and SD's. The profiles you see are (mostly) placed by women who want to date men who are:
- Generally older - therefore more mature than a 20-ish bar douche asshat,
- Generally well-off - and can afford nice stuff, meals, etc., as well as helping his SB with bills...
Treat an SB like a hooker and you will get hooker-ish behavior. Treat her like that sweet, sexy hottie you could never pull when you were in college and you get a sweet, sexy date with that hottie lasting a few hours or more for the same spend you might have dropped for an hour with the hooker.
Finally, if you don't have the budget to spend on site fees, at least for a little while, you don't have the budget to be a SD. So yes, take a risk on that $25-$100 fee needed to talk to the potential (POT) SB and see what happens.
Ok, actually this is the real "finally." Most of us have much more success on Seeking, rather than SD.com. Both have their share of scammers, crazies, and fuglies mixed in with the gems. But most of us ultimately get better results on Seeking over the long term.
Life is good
The Cat
I will second the comments made by my esteemed contributor here: it is dating, it requires some investment and SA is generally better for hunting.
Most importantly, it IS a relationship for a large number of gals, ranging from full "no strings" to FWB to a full-on sugary commitment. The big difference is gals can say no if they don't like you or your attitude. Even if it is no strings, it's not the same as a hooker experience where you fuck and walk away. This is a chance for gals to live their own fantasy of being arm candy for a wealthy guy and tasting the luxury life.
Most will expect dinner or other activities.. but you have to want that. If you're married it's a lot harder to do this, and if you do it's probably more practical to have one regular squeeze than to play the field, because of the time and energy it takes to find an SB.
Read and learn.
I "third" the Cat, as well. 'Mouche is correct about the time and energy it takes to chat up, meet, and establish an actual arrangement with a SB. That's why most of us build a rotation, a number of SBs we see on the regular. It's not as much variety as dating a different escort every week, but lot's better than investing all your energy into just one. Once your rotation is established you can relax a bit, quit trolling as much, and enjoy what you have. Of course, you never quit trolling entirely. There is always attrition even in the best rotations, and always new opportunities to upgrade! I have 3 young lovelies and I'm seeing each of them every 2 weeks. 2 of them were added to my rotation over a year ago, and the new one was added about 4 months ago. With 3, I get to have wonderful sex with a different wonderful young woman every 5 or 6 days. I feel like I'm living the dream.
Thanks a ton, Sweetman. I envy you. What's the monthly damage (ballpark) for you?
Are you married? If yes, is your wife aware?
I gift 2 of them $200 per visit and the third $250. If a month goes by with no cancellations that's $1300 in gifts, $15,600 per year. I figure that with fuel for the RV, taking them out to eat, and misc gifts, it's well over $20k per year. I suspect my sugaring expenses may be at the lower end of the spectrum since I don't live in an expensive big city. (I'll answer your other question in a new thread!)
very interesting. Thank you.
Which site did you use to establish the connection, if I can ask?
I only use SA. I've investigated others but never paid up to try them. Right now SB seems to have a number of appealing possibles, so maybe I'll ante up and see what happens! If I do, I'll report back.
actually, I have another question. I certainly cannot bring a SB home. How big an assumption is it that I can stay (and perform) at her place? If that's not a possibility, I imagine I'll also need to pay for hotel/motel. How do you handle that?
Are there hotels that one can book by the hour?
apologies if this sounds naïve.
In my experience very few SBs can host or are willing to. Nearly zero. So you are going to have to provide the venue, one way or another. I have often brought a SB home, but I understand that my situation is unusual and does not apply to most other married guys. I have used hotels, but I don't feel comfortable doing so, plus the expense is significant. I understand that there are some places that will rent a room by the hour, but have never found out more. My normal m.o. is to use my RV for sugar dating. It's fun, and discreet and the girls seem to enjoy it a lot! I find a large parking lot in a big shopping area, park as far away from the buildings as is practical and have them meet me there. During daylight hours I'm never harassed by security, so it works great.
hats off to the fuckmobile! This is brilliant.
I agree with Papa Sweet (as usual). Honestly, this is not my area of expertise. I'm not married, no kids, no SO and I own my home. But here's my take on your question. Others here will have additional advice and personal experiences to share.
Most SB's can't or won't host. They live with parents or family, roommates (including BF's!), are embarrassed by humble digs, or are worried about getting tagged a slut by nosey neighbors. Consider the optics if she lives in a college dorm and has a strange old guy (or multiple old guys!) coming to see her every few days. Not good.
So you will need a solve for this. Ideas:
1. Use your phone's app store to search for "day use" or "short stay" hotel apps. If you are near an airport, or major business center, availability is almost guaranteed.
2. This one is a bit creepy, but I had some success in San Francisco; look for day spas with private/hot tub rooms you can rent for a few hours. These are notorious hook up facilities - granted in SF they cater to the male Gay community - and they won't be bothered by couples going BCD, as that is their core business model.
3. If you have a low-cost motel around (say $35-$65 a day), consider asking for a monthly or weekly pre-paid rate. You may find the cost lower than renting a 3-5 star room a few times, although be cautious about safety and do not leave valuables in the room.
4. Go mobile! Like Sweetman, invest in an RV, or even rent one. You might be able to sell the SO on all the awesome road trips you can take together. Or she may actually like the idea of you and your "boys" getting out of the house for a weekend or two...
As suggested, add this cost into your annual Sugar Budget plans. Then add the location costs into your consideration of how much allowance to offer an SB.
Total Spend per date = allowance + any or all of these: dinner, travel, lodging, shopping, STD tests, tips, cash gifts, etc. If you don't know your true 'per date' spend, you can easily offer more allowance than you can really handle for a longer-term arrangement.
Life is good
The Cat
you answers were very informative. Minor clarification: I do have the money for the website. What scares me is paying with a credit card with my name on it. Next thing you know some hacker is obtaining the list of all transactions (with the real name of the transactors), and some asshole is publishing it online. My point was about how to "pay discreetly". Leaks have happened in the past and will happen again
Thanks again.
If you pay a monthly fee, blast away at every potential candidate. Time is the limiting factor, so broadcast your queries far and wide. It's a game of numbers and a limited time window.
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If you pay by the contact, be very selective. A ton of chicks will message you, but it costs too much in that case to respond to all of them. About 99% will be dead ends.
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Remember that many sites have bots or rainmakers who will entice you to subscribe, but will not end up even answering your first inquiry.
... in my experience. You pay for each new contact you make and there seem to be a million profiles on there who just send messages to get you to read the message and pay the fee. So, you pay the fee, read the message, respond, and then never hear back. Also, a lot of the profiles are cross listed on SA and those turn out almost universally to be fakes. At least in my experience.