Right off the bat, I know now that I didn't ask this POT the right questions (e.g. Do you love sex? Are you adventurous?).
I had two non-BCD meetings with a POT. We agreed on an allowance and I was clear that our arrangement included sex. However, I did not specify any acts.
At our first BCD meeting she reveals that there will be no sex without a condom (agreed). But, she also tells me that she doesn't french kiss, she doesn't care for manual stimulation (receive), doesn't like to give or receive oral (she is repulsed by the touch of stubble/facial hair on her hoo haa) and doesn't like to be on her back (no mish). To be honest, I was caught off guard, so we ended up cuddling on bed for the rest of our first BCD.
I've already made the decision to break it off face to face (mostly, because I want to see her reaction when I explain that I was expecting something more BCD). I'm curious what others would do. Here are the options that I'd considered (there are others). 1) Ghost her and move on. 2) Break it off by text. 3) Break it off face to face. 4) Break it off, hope that it inspires her to change her story, and then consider continuing. 5) Schedule a meeting, have her give me a handjob, do her doggy, then ghost her. 6) Schedule a meeting, have her give me a handjob, do her doggy and if she gets inspired, consider continuing (this was my second choice - I mean, she's hot).
I don't see any reason to waste time on her. I would break off by text. Thank her for the effort but tell her frankly and honestly that you expected more. Move onto the next one...
If it is very reasonable, I would give her another chance. I have had a similar experience. She is hot and we hit it off, but the sex was kind of boring: no FK or DATY (I can do without it), everything covered. She was very enthusiastic during sex though. That's why I continue seeing her a few times. But the last time I saw her, she was open to everything: DFK, BBFS including anal, CIMNQNS. Later on, she told me she has become an escort and maybe that's why she opened up her menu. I even wrote a review for her. Unfortunately, she got knocked up by her BF so is out of action for now. 
-- Modified on 7/8/2023 1:57:10 PM
The monthly allowance she accepted is very reasonable. Even cheap, if there were a full menu. Think 4 star escort's hourly rate. But, given the offerings, I'd rather hire the escort for two hours and have a guarantee of maximum fun.
At this point, I'm suffering from a version of the Sunk Cost Fallacy. I've invested so much, I'm tempted to invest more, just to hit that.
If you meet again you set up the expectation of payment. I think ethically that skates too close to enticing false expectations.
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I don't meet unless I intend to go thru with payment/activities. I don't wish to waste people's time, or my own.
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I have in fact explained in text why I wouldn't see them again (if bad performance.)
I feel your frustration here... It takes so much time and effort to get a POT that you really like to go BCD. So when that BCD fails to deliver on your expectations (I mean this isn't even close!), you must be disappointed.
Now let's review the key fact presented: She has clearly stated her sexual limits, and they are far less that your desires. Can you change her limits or expectations? The likelihood is extremely low. If it's even possible, it will likely take an unreasonable mix of time and/or money. Almost ANY SB will do you raw, with anal, CIMWS, etc. at least once if you offer enough inducement. Let's test that claim with an extreme case: If you offered her $1 million in cash, do you think she would accept? How about $500k? $100k? etc., There is a lower limit of what she will accept, but why bother trying to find it? You can spend that time and a fraction of that $100K looking for a POT that likes sex - all kinds of sex.
Next: I'll take this opportunity to review one of the big lessons learned in the Sugar Bowl: All arrangements end. It is inevitable. When you find yourself contemplating extraordinary efforts to extend an arrangement, it's like spitting into the wind; you're going to get soaked and not in a good way.
Once have realized that it's time to end the arrangement, then yes, text is the way to go. Ok, it sounds impersonal, the typical dickhead move. But I contend that if you want to break up face to face, you need to commit to paying her allowance one more time whether you go BCD or not. And texting does not have to be rude. You can compose an honest, though gentle, message to let her know it's not working out. She may want to reply, she may want to call or see you, or she may block you. But at least you were mature and honest. Finally, ghosting is the true dickhead move. She will have no context and could misinterpret your action in lots of (potentially) bad ways. Best to let her know it's over (at least for now) and give her the clarity she needs to move on.
Finally, how to avoid this going forward? There is no 100% solve here. Consenting adults can ALWAYS revoke consent, even when your dick is hovering a half inch from heaven. But talking in advance about what she likes and dislikes will help. For me, I have a rather specific discussion before we even talk about allowance. There are certain must-haves for me, as well as additional preferences. So my risk of getting disappointed is lowered, but never eliminated.
For those who prefer to skip the M&G and close the deal to BCD asap, (a valid strategy for many with what I suspect has a high close rate - but a strategy at which I suck), there may be a higher risk of being disappointed, unless they can find a way to get some level of assurance of what to expect.
Please let us know how you fared. We would all appreciate the opportunity to learn from your experiences.
Life is good
The Cat
Thanks Herb,
In hindsight, I worry that I rushed going BCD. Up until that point, we had only really seen one another in person for a total of about two hours (although we had exchanged 100s of texts over a few months). My excuse is that this is/was my first foray into the bowl, and I still very much have the P4P mindset.
And, despite feeling awkward about it, I made a point of letting her know that the sexual element was my primary motivation for entering into a SD arrangement. I can only imagine how much more awkward it would be to discuss specific acts with a POT, before we're actually BCD.
I'll have to work on those.
I am one of "those who prefer to skip the M&G and close the deal to BCD asap." I do that because I meet new SBs when traveling and I need to close the deal before I leave town. I simply don't have days on end to identify, contact, text, m&g, and then BCD before I have to catch a plane, usually.
Since my first meets are designed to end up BCD, I need to text or call or video with some level of specificity on all the important details. What are the expectations for allowance? What do we both like and not like? (My strongest preferences are pretty vanilla, so it's not terribly awkward to establish if she likes DFK as opposed to exotic fetishes.) Are you ready for intimacy on the first date if we have chemistry? What are conditions for bailing out -- no harm no foul -- if one of us is just not feeling it?
My best LT sugar baby ever told me via text, before our first meeting, that she just couldn't go BCD on a first date if there was no chemistry. She was very straightforward and cool about it. That let me know how I had to approach things. It was awkward in a way, but she ended up being my best.
If I had more continuous time in a single city -- if I lived in a major metro area with lots of POTs -- I might not push for BCD on first date. It might improve my closure rate, while lengthening the time between ID and BCD. I don't keep a spreadsheet, but I estimate my first date BCD closure rate at about 80 percent. It takes a lot of screening and texting and willingness to be specific about expectations.
I agree with you, HTC, that BrownJack should cut things off by text, politely. She ain't the last hot POT of the lot. But I have found that a POT can be ready for BCD on the first date if pre-meet communication is strong.
Rockford
Thanks Rockford.
I get your point. But, despite the fact that I use a burner app and a private, encrypted email address, I am very reluctant to discuss explicit acts in electronic communications (text, email, social media, etc. - probably as a result of my P4P experience). I'm just afraid of leaving a paper trail. I am also reluctant to call, or receive calls, for fear of bad timing that results in blowing one another's 'cover'.
I think I just need to get better at reading, and heeding, the signs. It's clear in hindsight, that although our first meeting was friendly and polite, and she was hot as fuck, there wasn't any real chemistry. Unfortunately, I will likely continue to let my little head impair my judgement.
I did find a way to gracefully stop seeing chicks ... by accident. It does cost one session's worth of money. Pay them in advance. Nothing demotivates a chick more than already having the money in hand and then having to go earn it. I've never seen it fail. I've offered advances if they have to travel a long distance, just so they know they aren't spending time and gas for nothing. But it always makes them lazy. Every time. Things will come up and they'll put off the meeting for trivial excuses etc. You have to hound them and set the next day ... and there is the out if you want to get rid of them. Just never schedule the meeting you paid for. You'll never hear from them. Trust me, it works. Costly though.
I'd already paid her allowance.
Without knowing it, I may have inadvertently triggered the 'Sugar Baby Laziness Response'.
Up until our first BCD, she had an impressive stream of reasons why she couldn't meet. Or, couldn't meet long enough, for any satisfying BCD action.
Lester, that's genius. At least for those willing to pay the price.
Stop texting her. If she texts you, just say money is tight right now. After a couple of texts, she will take the hint and stop texting you. I have been on the receiving end a few times if she doesn't just ghost me outright. Usually, she tells me she is busy with school or work (whatever) and won't be able to meet for a while. I will text her again after I have waited a month or so. If she gives me the same reply, I move on. One of my ex-SBs texted me before COVID and said she found a BF so wouldn't be able to see me anymore. She then disappeared from SA. A few months ago, I saw her back on SA again so I guess the relationship didn't work out. She is hot but sex with her is just so-so so I didn't bother to hook up with her again.
-- Modified on 7/9/2023 10:58:14 PM
I had an SB text me saying she had gotten a boyfriend and couldn't see me anymore. Three days later she texted again and said she could start seeing me again -- which I did. Some relationships don't last, ha ha.\
It doesn't sound like she was intentionally pulling a bait and switch, although it certainly might have felt like it from your end. There are many reasons why a SB has a limited menu, almost always due to previous bad experiences. One amazingly beautiful young blonde I dated stated categorically that she does not offer oral. That was ok with me. After a few months of getting to trust me she revealed that every time she had agreed to do oral, the guys had grabbed her head and gagged her! I was appalled! What a bunch of assholes! I'd never treat a girl that way unless she specifically asked for it (a story for another time!) She actually gave me great, enthusiastic BBBJs, and I was even able to stroke her hair and caress her while receiving oral pleasure, without triggering her fear of asshole behavior. So yes, I think it is possible for a girl to expand her limited menu. Is it worth finding out? Only you can judge.
As for breaking up, text is def the way to go. I have had to do it myself a few times when the first BCD was underwhelming. I simply say: thanks for giving me the opportunity, but I did not feel as though we had the kind of chemistry in bed that could sustain an ongoing arrangement, and I suspect you felt the same. Best of luck.
I reported this detail in another post about the same POT. For closure's sake, I'm adding it here as well.
I did send her a very apologetic text telling her that I was bowing out of our arrangement, because it was clear that the activities that I wanted, she did not enjoy.
I received her response almost immediately. She 'Liked' my text. Period.
Like some escorts, some SBs truly enjoy sex, and getting paid for it is even better. Unfortunately, many are in just for the money. They want to do the minimum "work" and leave asap. I count myself lucky because I don't think I have met any SB like this. Some of them are quite unskilled in bed, but they always seem to enjoy spending time with me (not just for sex but also for conversations) and are never in a rush to leave.