As a couple of you already know, I will be having to say farewell to a loved one this week. He was my best friend when I was growing up, and in many ways was still my best friend when I last saw him alive a few minutes after 3 this morning.
He was a man full of life, and also a man with his share of demons, who had made some bad choices in life. He had the uncanny ability to piss me off more than anyone else in this world with the exception of my ex-wife, and the ability to make me laugh like no one else ever could.
He was always there for me, no matter the time, no matter the place… and no matter how badly I had fucked things up. He stood by me thru thick and thin when others turned and walked away, never doubting my abilities or that I was at least trying to do the right thing, even though I hadn’t succeeded.
He was far from perfect, but if you had met him only once you would have always remembered him, as I’ve found out in the last hours just how many had and did. He had a life-force that touched everyone it seemed, even if it was only because he was volunteering me to do something for them.
I now sit here and hope that I can somehow find a way to live up to all the things he hoped for me and believed I was capable of accomplishing, but I just don’t know if that’s possible.
It’s an old cliché, but there were so many things I wanted to say. So many things I assumed he knew, as opposed to making sure he knew. There was always tomorrow. Tomorrow has come and gone for him and now I can only hope he really did know all the things I wanted to tell him but never took the time to say.
I ask all of you to read this and know it was not written for sympathy. I wrote this because it’s the only way I know to remind everyone of what the really important things in life are. The things that we lose track of as we become bogged down with the daily grind. The things we so easily take for granted…..
Say “I Love You” to that someone special in your life everyday, and mean it with all your heart.
Cherish your family; you really do only have one.
Value your friends as if you’ll never have another, true ones are so hard to come by.
Revel in those around you and accept the good points with the bad ones.
Just love those loved ones like there’s no tomorrow, for there may not be. This may truly be your last chance to drink from life’s well.
I’ll see you on the other side dad. I miss you…
Michael
-- Modified on 5/2/2005 8:17:00 PM
Am sorry for your loss. For what its worth, I talk more with my Mom now that she is dead than I ever did when she was alive...and find that I actually do listen to her more than I could when I was younger.
Gone but not forgotten - and living on in the imprints left behind.
-- DH
Sorry Snowblind, I hope he led a full life.
Peace
sorry for your loss
I read this the other day and had saved it because I wanted to remember it.
When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws. Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure.
Aaron McGruder, Boondocks, 07-04-04
So I pass along to you and thank you for your post. Ive been needing something like this and I think its time I re-evaluate my priorities and start to value all I have been given.
Im sorry for your loss.. Big Hug.
Thank you for sharing such a private part of yourself with us. Remember that you have been blessed to have such a wondeful dad-not everyone is so lucky. Sounds like he was fortunate to have you as well. I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you also for reminding us of the things and people we need to appreciate in our daily lives. Every day is truly a gift as are those who touch our hearts. You have touched my heart today. Most heartfelt blessings, Roxanne
I know all to well how it is losing the ones you love the most. Lost my mom and dad at 17 and 19.. It teaches you and makes you so wise in life.. bless you and your family , I know it doesnt mean much.You don't know me , I am just some chick from an escort board. I got a chill and actually tear to my eye typing this..
Be well and my best to you...
Sorry to hear about your dad, that is a shocker how fast it happened. I know he was getting around a bit better and preparing for another round of physical therapy....sorry to hear of your loss Michael. If you want to talk or anything, let me know...you have been a good friend
Michael, It is a sad and sorrow time for us all when we lose someone we love deeply, even if its not expressed. I find comfort in your word, they are honest and heart-felt. My prayers and condulences go out to you and your family. Rest assured that your love one is in a better place now, no more suffuring or inner demons to contend with. Just remember some day you will join your love one once again. God bless you and carry on with pride. A friend.
My condolences on your loss.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and love of your father with us.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. As I have shared with you before, I have suffered a similar experience, and know some of what you are going through. There is nothing I can say that will help to ease your pain, But maybe this might help put things in perspective.
This poem was given to me, by someone who was very close and I loved him dearly. I didn't quite understand or fully appreciate the poems meaning at the time and thought it a bit odd. I stuffed it into my desk drawer and forgot about it. He died a month later. .It wasn't until shortly after the funeral, as I was cleaning out my desk, I found it again and things started to became more clear.
Hope it helps, and hear is a big hug!
Megan
Reason, Season, or Lifetime Friends
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. S/he has come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
S/he is there to meet a need. Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, s/he will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes s/he dies. Sometimes s/he walks away. Sometimes s/he acts up or out and forces you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that the need has been met.
When a person comes into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. S/he may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. S/he may teach you something you have never done. S/he usually gives you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons. Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. You must accept the lesson, love the person/people anyway, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
Source: Anonymous
-- Modified on 5/3/2005 2:59:44 AM
Michael, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. My sincere condolences to you and your family.
When a close friend died a few years ago, the following words were spoken at his funeral. They were the most comforting words I've come across, so I pass them on to you.
Aphra
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we still are
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow on it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolutely unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you at an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918
Canon of St Paul's Cathedral
"Along the Road"
I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chattered all the way.
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne'er a word said she;
But oh, the things
I learned from her
When Sorrow
walked with me!
-Robert Browning, Poet
He knew!
Cheers!
-- Modified on 5/3/2005 5:22:09 AM
Michael,
Thank you for sharing that deep and personal loss that you are experiencing. I hope that by sharing it helped ease the load I'm sure you feel your carrying.
Your words are beautiful and as a son I feel your pain and your feeling of loss. As a father I aspire to be the man, father and friend your father was to you.
Rest in peace Michaels father.
Live in peace Michael.
Hi Snowblind,
I'm sorry for your loss!
"Go Rest High On That Mountain"
Vince Gill- Singer/Songwriter
I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain
Chorus:
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son
Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing
Chorus:
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son
has already made your father's life have a meaning that would have been fulfilling to anyone.
Snowy, you know I'm there with ya, and I know you have a lot of individual thoughts and feelings that this has triggered which are going to be in your head and heart for quite a while. I know, though, that your Dad would have looked back on how much you have been there for him of late and how much he affected you, and he would have felt himself a lucky man, indeed. Celebrate the things that you remember about him, his joys, his achievements in life, and his struggles, and know that the legacy which is inside your heart is the greatest gift that you ever could have given to him, and it means no less now that his spirit is in a place that you only don't see him. He will still hear it and understand it.
Several great bits of writing have been posted already about this (with special mention to Megars and Aphra). This is nowhere near as deep, but when I read your thread, I for some reason immediately thought of this song.
Peace, brother.
LEADER OF THE BAND
------------------
An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet maker’s son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none --
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay
A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn’t wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.
My brothers’ lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And I’m in colorado
When I’m not in some hotel
Living out this life I’ve chose
And come to know so well.
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I don’t think i
Said ’i love you’ near enough --
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.
by Dan Fogelberg
Sadly, mortality hangs over all of us, and far more dreaded than the danger of dying is having a loved one die; it often wounds us and can cripple us.
We are told to honor thy parents, but it is closer to the truth that parents worship their children and live concealing it. They'd rather have Santa Claus give gifts than admit that they would give them. It is only in the most dire or most happy times usually that this concealment falls away.
Your father was just such a parent.
So, Snowblind, if it ever feels like the grief and pain from his death may buckle you, remember that he lived foremost to strengthen you and to better you and to see you dazzle the world, but never to put you in grief or cripple you with sadness.
May your memories of him warm your life always and the brief memories of his death strengthen and never chill you. Honor him this way.
-- Modified on 5/3/2005 5:30:57 PM
Ciara, you are FAR more than "just some chick from an escort board". Snowy's post made me think, after I wiped the tear from my eye, that he chose to share his thoughts in this community. Many of us communicate about private things here, even though we've never met each other. It's like a family...we jab at each other, but we lean on one another when we're down. I often skip most of a topic, but head directly to your posts, because they usually bring a smile to my face. I know that spending time with you would bring me joy, because you've shown that you are interesting (the pictures show your outer beauty). I was hoping to spend some time with you on an upcoming trip to Buffalo, but since I'm going to visit my parents, and my dad's health is failing, I think I'll spend it with them.
Michael, your words touched me deeply. I still have time with my father. Thank you for reminding me to use it wisely. Your father would be proud of you.
Your post is very eloquently stated.
My dad passed 33 years ago amd my mom 6 years ago, and not a day goes by that I do not think of both of them.
Your dad my not be with you in body but he will always be with you in spirit and in your heart.
Be strong my good man.
Condolences, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you for sharing your feelings and emotions. You brought tears to my eyes; I'm sure you're shedding a few. I believe your desire to share and express yourself is part of the healing process. You can't do anymore for your father, but all others you care about are waiting for you.
Thanks again; I won't forget.
I lost my father 10 years ago, and not a day goes by when I don't think of him. I wish he could have been with his grandchildren longer, so that they could learn from him as I did. The hurt will slowly disappear, the memories will bring you smiles and contentment. He will always be there inside you. Never let the feeling go.
can ease your sorrow. Just want to let you know we all understand the pain and hope it will pass.Good to see your toughts .Thank you for sharing them with this board. You honor us all by including us at a time like this.
My heart goes out to you a this time, I sadly lost my dad 20 yrs ago and my feelings mirror the eloquent and moving way you described a father. Just recently I lost my mother to an illness that had worn her down and she just couldn't fight any longer. We were on great terms at the time of her passing and we spent many hours together discussing all things pertainig to our family, to see her go was one of the most difficult times in my life and if it wasn't for a dear friend ( you know who you are ) who was there for me I wouldn't have coped as well as I have. It's stated that time heals all wounds but some leave a long lasting scar that is easily re-opened at times and the grieving begins all over. I understand what you are going through Snowblind and please feel free to PM me if you would like someone to talk to at this time who totally understands. All my best to you.
is such a wonderful thing to say. And to know that you were there for them in the end will give you great comfort as time moves on. May your fathers memory give you a reason to laugh, to cry and to have a drink with your friends. My sympathy for your loss.
... to say "I love you" when I mean it. I'm sure he was proud of you, and I'm sure you've been a standup son during his time of dying.
you cherish live through you for others to see.
This community is always the greatest for so many reasons. To all of you have posted here, PMed, emailed, and called me, my deepest thanks. 
Your words of support mean more then you will ever know.
I'm sorry, better words should be written for the outpouring of well wishes and support that been shown the last day, but at the moment, my mind is all used up and I get the words I want from my mind to the keyboard. Forgive me.
M