as to why a man would be unable to have an orgasm other than through masturbation? I fully understand that only each of us knows what feels good where, when, and how, but . . . This is someone who has a partner who is ready, able and most definitely willing to provide ANYTHING he desires EXCEPT water sports, brown showers, or S&M. Despite my willingness (and have even gone so far as an MFF), in 14 years, there have been only two orgasms--both elicited early on in the relationship through vaginal intercourse, and not through masturbation. I have never made an issue out of this for fear it would create a chasm in what has been the best sexual partner I have ever had or even dreamed, but sometimes I would like to understand. Like anyone else, I would like to occasionally know that I was the source of such a pleasurable experience for another. Any thoughts would be welcome.

The brain can get us worked up in a second, OR shortcircuit us just as easily.

Everyone is different..... What turns me on, may do nothing for you, and vice versa.

If someone is THAT messed up, then long therapy may be the ONLY thing to turn them around.  Most of us hear just need a place and some free time and we're raring to go, so it is an alien concept to most of us....

There can be many reasons. Medications can be a contributing factor  (especially anti-depressents) Now that's ironic! Take your med's and you get a good reason to be depressed. This has been a problem I have experienced on occasion, no problem getting an erection, just comming. My suggestions would be to avoid drugs and alcohol. Also try to build the anticipation, try an extended period of foreplay with lots of teasing. You also need to relax about it, if you are so worried you won't be able to come, you won't be able to, it's "trying too hard".

I am one of those that has a hard time cumming having intercourse. And as far as BJ's go, nearly impossible. The visualisation of a woman playing with herself whilst I'm masturbating is a real big turn on for me. What will make me cum quickly is teabagging while masturbating.
My only reasoning for this is that I had sex with so many different women several times a night nearly every day, that I need a firmer grip on junior than a vagina can accomadate.

But for me, I don't feel any less of a man because of this little kink of mine I just don't like it when my partner feels inadequate and I have to say it's not you it's me.

I don't have an answer, but one of the places that might be helpful is talksexwithsue.com Sue is a sex educator and really great. If you have cable TV check her program "Talk Sex with Sue" on the oxygen network. [ps it is a call-in program so even if you don't get through, someone else with a similar concern might.]

-- Modified on 4/1/2004 5:58:46 PM

No big deal. I have used a cock ring and lots of luscious lube while I face my partner. I masturbate, he masturbates, heavy eye contact and dirty talking with role play. I slip another cock ring around his testicles. When he is almost ready to blow, I try to synch my orgasm to almost breaking point, and I release the rings, put the condom on that was already out of the wrapper, and pounce him. Simultaneous orgasms all around. Very fun.

1. Unsnug vagina: not enough stimulation. see #2

2. Too much masturbation: I'm of the opinion that too much vigorous or rough masturbation dulls the sense of touch there.  Anybody have any thoughts on this?

3. Anxiety:  As someone mentioned, fear seems to hinder us.

4. L-lysine, an amino acid, is taken by some for prevention of various varieties of herpes including oral and genital as well as shingles.  It directly counteracts L-Argine, another amino acid, which seems to bring about herpes outbreaks.  However L-argine is reported to be useful to the penis, helping erections if I'm recalling correctly here - correct me if my memory is wrong.  So I'm wondering if taking L-lysine would adversely affect male sexual function.

I once heard that a guy can masterbate enough to the point that he trains his penis to get off in this way.  The person took care of business much the same way each time for a long period of time and could not climax through vaginal intercoarse.  He was told to back off and to attempt to recreate the position he used to masterbate in sex.  

This was along time ago and I cant remember where I heard it so take it how you wish.

XOXO Charis

Michelle, if you'll allow me to quote Mr. Don King, "DAMN!"

for all the candid responses I received. I am slightly relieved to read that it is not totally unheard of, and many of your responses are similiar to my thoughts, but others gave me even better insight. Thank-you again!

I think thats a purely psycological thing, but I am no psycologist.  If the plumbing is intact and works its not physical.

Me I will take a warm living breathing woman anyday. That hand only come out to play when no woman is availible.

Thats just me anyway.

Not unusual -- I've heard it reported by others, as well. I had one girlfriend who was so hung up on getting me to cum quickly, that she "blamed" me for having "masturbated too much" earlier in my life, to the point that I had somehow "ruined" my capacity to enjoy her stimulations and ministrations. Heh, that relationship didn't last long. Anyway, I can't cum generally from oral sex. I mean, it's nice and all, but often I (gasp) fall asleep from the utter relaxation type of stimulation it provides. No matter what manner of work the lady is doing, I have to sit up and really remind myself to try not to zone out, pay attention deliberately, or I'll just ... nod off. Isn't a comment about her abilities. It's just my own neural pathways.

Don't sweat it. Being achievement-oriented in sex isn't ever a good plan, I don't think. If nothing else, it makes ya raw.

I am mature, and before I started seeing providers I always had bareback sex.  When using a condom, I find that most of the sensations are gone, and I go on and on and on.

Also, some of the providers, after having children, are somewhat loose.  

Without a snug fit and the loss of sensation from the condom, I sometime can only finish manually.