I wouldn't have any guilt over your situation. If you love your girl, but the sex just ain't that great ... then rejoice and take solace in hobbying. It will allow you to be with your gf and really enjoy her company ... without the whole "bad sex" thing becoming a deal-breaker or a hindrance to your relationship.
You need to be true and trustworthy to yourself before anyone else. No girl is going to complete you, nor you her. Get your needs taken care of in a safe and harmless way. One that won't involve sticky feelings or emotional ties. Just play safe, do your thing, come home and be extra nice to her. If you treat your lady like the queen she is in all other aspects of your life, then she will appreciate you, and in an indirect way, she will benefit from your hobbying, because she will be the benefactor of a happier, healthier and more confident you.This is sort of unusual for this forum, but I really don't know who to ask.
It's been almost a year since I've visited a MP/escort, and that's because I've been dating a girl for almost a year. I love her very much, and she loves me. We plan to get married within a couple years.
The problem is, I miss mongering so bad. I find myself looking at reviews and ads, and I think about the providers I've had every day. Couple times, I find myself going to massage parlors that I know are legit because, I dunno, that's as far as I can go. I really care about my girlfriend, so I can't bring myself to "go to the dark side".
The fact that sex isn't that great makes it worse. She loves it, but not me. We're not a great "fit". I'm not big, and she's pretty loose down there. I think if she were tighter, it'd be a LOT easier to accept that I'd have to be a one-woman dude, but alas, she's not. I mean, I can barely feel anything down there. And it makes me think about the providers that were so tight it made my toes curl.
I feel like I'm stuck. I love her to death, but at the same time, I'm afraid I'm not ever gonna enjoy sex the way I did before, especially since some providers in the past just rocked my world. I dunno what to think. What say you? Please provide some insight
I don't think you should enter into a marriage based on lies and deception. (That can come later! 
Just kidding!)
You could try getting professional (COUNSELING, not Provider) help to deal with the problems, as you've described them. It might come to include couples counseling, pre-marriage, to see if it has a chance of working.
You could try to figure out how to tell your GF about the problems on your own. Bad sex is one thing and not anything new. However, once you disclose mongering, there is no turning back. (Does she know about your previous mongering?) You could lose her right there or she could be more accepting and help you to overcome the compulsion ... or maybe even join in.
If you plan to go ahead without open discussion, be sure you have a good pre-nup and no morals exclusions.
Good luck.
If you read at all, check out this book called "The Ethical Slut". Highly recommended. It's also available in an e-version for your phone if you don't feel comfortable holding onto a paper copy.
Loving someone and being sexually monogamous with them doesn't need to go hand-in-hand. But it seems that you do not want to live a lie with your new love. My advice is: don't. Don't live a lie. Discuss your desire for variety more openly and explore whether your SO is open to possibly even exploring with you, or having a sexually-open relationship within whatever boundaries you two decide. And do it sooner rather than later... you know, before you're actually married.
Love isn't always enough on its own to form the foundation for a successful long-term relationship. But Love & Good Communication combined? Now that's a powerful pairing.
Good luck...
Consider the "lifestyle". You could look out for the next reality TV show or documentary on swinging, and "happen" to turn it on while you're both watching TV. Or find an article about it online (maybe you happened across it while reading some articles on GQ's website: http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/gq-sex-and-relationships-paris-libertines-swinging ), and ask her what she thinks. Don't push, just listen, and gauge how she feels about it. She will most likely be horrified at first. But don't say anything more about it for a while. Later in the relationship- another couple of months, "happen" across something else along those lines. Maybe ask her how she feels about male strippers (did she see Magic Mike? etc.). Ask if she'd ever thought of that before. Gauge her feelings about it again. If she's so horrified that you'd even brought it up, then don't do it again. Either suck it up and resign yourself to that one woman, have a talk with her about your reservations (I wouldn't mention her looseness), or break it off and go separate ways. Or decide to live a dishonest life, lying to both her and yourself.
However, if she's open to discussing it, excellent! Take baby steps about it and always, always make it about her. Always. If she'll go that direction with you (swingers parties, clubs, dates, etc.), you should never, ever let her go. Do everything to maintain your relationship with her. It's so rare; honor that. And perhaps buy her some ben-wa balls. 
(Hint: If you think you're not feeling it during intercourse, chances are she isn't either.)
Whatever you do, it is best to deal with this before crossing the point of no return. You won't be fair to her or to yourself. And ultimately, the dishonest option almost always ends ugly... even if you're never found out- do you want to live with that stress? The unnecessary extra cortisol in your system? You have a golden opportunity right now to do something bout it.
-- Modified on 3/21/2016 2:10:42 AM
Other parts of your message were much better than the "resign yourself" suggestion.
It's one thing to eventually have the sex part of your marriage go downhill and have to face the choice of either getting out of the marriage or "resigning" yourself to the only two other choices which are to do with out or become a cheater. It's quite another to go into a marriage knowing damn well you and your future wife are not compatible sexually.
Not to mention the OP is already thinking about hookers on a daily basis and still has a current account here on TER, does this sound like a guy who sounds like his potential marriage has even a snow balls chance in hell of working?
and yes, I think that is exactly what she was going for when she used the word "resign", and if not, it most certainly was the message I was going for.
Not to mention the OP is already thinking about hookers on a daily basis and still has a current account here on TER, does this sound like a guy who sounds like his potential marriage has even a snow balls chance in hell of working?
and yes, I think that is exactly what she was going for when she used the word "resign", and if not, it most certainly was the message I was going for.
Resignation is too mild. "I said no mayo on my sandwich. Oh well, I'll just resign myself to scraping it off and having a little bit of mayo stuck on my pastrami. I'll live." OP is too screwed up to just resign himself and adjust to a marriage based on the status quo.
If he got some counseling, maybe a few hours on GaG's couch, he could come to accept his own mongering and not worry about the sex-cheating as long as he fulfilled all of the other aspects of marriage that he and his betrothed agree on ... AGREE on. (Emotional support y/n, financial support y/n, joint or separate bank accounts, take out the garbage, Thanksgiving at the in-laws, separate vacations / vacations together ... whatever THEY agree on.) That's not resigning to the status quo, that's CHANGING the status quo.
Or maybe, with counseling from opposite-universe-GaG, he'd learn to deal with and quell the TER related compulsions and just remain devoted and monogamous. That's not resigning to the status quo, that's CHANGING the status quo.
As things stand, with no changes, "resignation" is DOOM. And I think that's what you said when you said, "does this sound like a guy who sounds like his potential marriage has even a snow balls chance in hell of working?" No, it doesn't! Without change, it's DOOMED from the get go.
-- Modified on 3/21/2016 11:09:39 PM
it was tongue-in-cheek for "It's never going to work the way it is currently". And I never for one second imagined that would be a realistic option. Indeed, neither person deserves to be stuck in a marriage where neither is truly happy.
No matter how much I scrape, I can't get all the mayo off of the pastrami. I'll resign myself to eating it without further change and wash it down with a cold beer.
"Resign onself" means "to accept that something unpleasant must happen and that you cannot change it" and similar. I said that to enter into the marriage and just accept the misery and angst would never work; OP is so obsessed that such a marriage is doomed and would not simply "resign" away into 25 years of unhappy toleration.
But, I think that OP can change (see my post above: the subject line got truncated.
"Do we agree on what" should have said:
"Do we agree on what "resign" means?" but the resign means got lost when I modified the post.
Accept that he can monger without "cheating" his betrothed.
Accept that he can live w/o mongering.
Get her permission to monger.
Get her to join in!
Etc.
Marry as is? Doom
That would be a tough call. But better now than later after marriage. Like the two above advised. Be truthful and gauge her reactions to explore other options. Maybe catch her at a good time and say "how do you feel about so and so...or for example , what if or have you wondered or do you have a fantasy or what would you do if you can act out your fantasy.." Something along that line. To see her perspective or moral standing on things? Not sure if confessing about past things are necessary. Have a good fresh start and if she had a fantasy , maybe you can share yours too? Menage a Trois?
For sure, being sexually incompatible is a big part down the road. No matter how deeply love is. We are merely humans with weaknesses. Our thoughts will wander and our needs unmet and our desires unfulfilled.Perhaps couple years but years after years...That's hard to achieve happiness.
I wouldn't have any guilt over your situation. If you love your girl, but the sex just ain't that great ... then rejoice and take solace in hobbying. It will allow you to be with your gf and really enjoy her company ... without the whole "bad sex" thing becoming a deal-breaker or a hindrance to your relationship.
You need to be true and trustworthy to yourself before anyone else. No girl is going to complete you, nor you her. Get your needs taken care of in a safe and harmless way. One that won't involve sticky feelings or emotional ties. Just play safe, do your thing, come home and be extra nice to her.
If you treat your lady like the queen she is in all other aspects of your life, then she will appreciate you, and in an indirect way, she will benefit from your hobbying, because she will be the benefactor of a happier, healthier and more confident you.
Especially if you can't enjoy sex with her.
And it's not really feasible. No matter how much you love someone they won't necessarily be able to fulfil every one of your needs. I was married once. I loved him very much and fancied him like crazy too, but it didn't interfere with my desire to carry on with my secret life as a provider. I sometimes even had better sex with clients than with my husband but it was strictly physical release. It didn't mean I loved being with my husband any less. That was LOVE and sex is sex. I am able,to separate the two things so I don't see why you can't? No one else's rules need to apply to you. You have one life and you have to live by your own rules and morality. I felt no guilt though other people would have believed I was totally terrible.
In every other way I was a great wife )
...tighter even Kegels though don't actually tighten the vagina. Vaginal cones AKA "pussy weightlifting" works on the same principle - tightens the pelvic muscles (used to stop incontinence).
Surgery is also an option. I know an actress who had a much younger boyfriend and she went in for a "tune-up" to be tighter for her boy toy.
Or wait until she has a baby. If she has an episiotomy, tell the doctor to throw in a few extra stitches for you
Have you ever given up anything that you loved, like a favorite food that you realize is bad for your long term health? For me, I have to mentally make that food distasteful, so even though I know I really enjoyed it in the past, I'll be physically repulsed by it. Then I really get creative with the new lifestyle. In your situation, I would suggest thinking about all those distasteful, worrisome aspects of mongering, and feel relieved that you don't have to deal with them anymore. Then get creative sexually with your girlfriend, try new things out, by her outfits, have sex in new places, fantasize about her in the ways you do when you see an ad for a new provider or a great review.
There are two other orifices to consider plus hands, feet, underarms and then loads of interesting fetishes to explore.
Don't leave the mind out of the equation either. If two people love each other and have an interest in sex, then where there's a will, there's a way.
Even if you do have a need to see other providers still, consider inviting your girl friend for 3 ways.
There's a lot of territory for you to explore yet and you don't have to resign yourself to a boring sex life in order to share your love with this person
Good head goes a LONG way towards sexual satisfaction!
Steph xoxo
and willingly reciprocate in kind ...
Is there anything better? Not when
your getting a great BBBJ. 🙏 ...lol
Left unresolved, sex with your lady will not get better after getting married and you'll eventually stray and join the legions of spouses tortured over living a double life. Bad sex leads to resentment, resentment leads to contempt, and contempt will kill any relationship in the worst possible. way.
It may not be an easy topic to broach, but with the specter of marriage on the horizon, for both your sakes you two need to feel out your views on sexual non-exclusivity. It can be done in baby steps.
kudos to you for holding out so far ...not many can, many would take an easy route and book a provider right away without giving it too much thought ....
there is more to sex than traditional way to do it...maybe some night after romantic dinner and some wine you can talk to her about trying other ways to pleasure each other
Recently I did some checking on sex positions for small guys. I was surprised to find a lot of them have the woman with her legs almost closed rather than wide open. I suppose it gives her more friction on the vaginal walls, but it also gives you a tighter pussy.
Decide whether you want her or mongering. There's a lot of married guys here who monger, but I'm pretty sure they're doing it because the situation at home sucks or isn't as good as providers. I'm sure at one time things were good enough to get them to marry the women.
Starting a marriage with a big lie is a mistake.
1. Dump her. Many marriages fail bc of bad or no sex so get out now.
2. Tell her you think you should see other people but keep dating. That way you aren't cheating on her.
If she says no to number 2, go to number 1.
Just remember that number 1 isn't squirt, it's pee. I am 100% sure.
Don't even waist you time worrying about the mongering now but get on the same page about the sex and what''s there and isn't there. That discussion will tell you what the next steps are.
You received a lot of great comments and advice here. Pick one. But I think you are OK, you just have this little problem of being twisted up about this marriage thing. So here'e what ya do: Whenever the idea of marriage comes to mind, no matter if you thought of it or someone brought it up, go in the bathroom put your head on the edge of the commode reach up grab the seat and slam it down on your head over and over until exhaustion or unconsciousness. EVERY time the idea comes up. There ya go.
Yes you could try to bring up swinging,polyamory and such depending on how open minded she is.....may not be the best idea to ruzh into geyying marriex either...but in all honesty a lot of people don't go for that and that's why we providers are here....we save marriges baby! Lol just sayin....
It's been almost a year since I've visited a MP/escort, and that's because I've been dating a girl for almost a year. I love her very much, and she loves me. We plan to get married within a couple years.
The problem is, I miss mongering so bad. I find myself looking at reviews and ads, and I think about the providers I've had every day. Couple times, I find myself going to massage parlors that I know are legit because, I dunno, that's as far as I can go. I really care about my girlfriend, so I can't bring myself to "go to the dark side".
The fact that sex isn't that great makes it worse. She loves it, but not me. We're not a great "fit". I'm not big, and she's pretty loose down there. I think if she were tighter, it'd be a LOT easier to accept that I'd have to be a one-woman dude, but alas, she's not. I mean, I can barely feel anything down there. And it makes me think about the providers that were so tight it made my toes curl.
I feel like I'm stuck. I love her to death, but at the same time, I'm afraid I'm not ever gonna enjoy sex the way I did before, especially since some providers in the past just rocked my world. I dunno what to think. What say you? Please provide some insight.
A couple additional pieces of info could be useful-I will just throw it out there-hope not to offend -
1. Is the gal a lot over weight ? If so that makes it difficult to get to the vagina with equipment classified as small - especially in missionary position,
2. Has she had a child or children that would have stretched her vagina ?
3. Are you able to go bareback or are you perhaps using a condom ? (Sensitivity can be an issue with a condom obviously).
4. Have you tried doggy style or cow girl ?
5. What positions have you tried and were any more successful than others?
These are serious areas to consider. Good Luck !
It's been almost a year since I've visited a MP/escort, and that's because I've been dating a girl for almost a year. I love her very much, and she loves me. We plan to get married within a couple years.
The problem is, I miss mongering so bad. I find myself looking at reviews and ads, and I think about the providers I've had every day. Couple times, I find myself going to massage parlors that I know are legit because, I dunno, that's as far as I can go. I really care about my girlfriend, so I can't bring myself to "go to the dark side".
The fact that sex isn't that great makes it worse. She loves it, but not me. We're not a great "fit". I'm not big, and she's pretty loose down there. I think if she were tighter, it'd be a LOT easier to accept that I'd have to be a one-woman dude, but alas, she's not. I mean, I can barely feel anything down there. And it makes me think about the providers that were so tight it made my toes curl.
I feel like I'm stuck. I love her to death, but at the same time, I'm afraid I'm not ever gonna enjoy sex the way I did before, especially since some providers in the past just rocked my world. I dunno what to think. What say you? Please provide some insight.
I have had 4 kids and I am tighter than tight!
I have always worked out and have been athletic
I coached 4 sports for 20 years, played football and officiated sports
I work out Iike few women or men my age
I'm talking about hard core work
Boot Camp
Planks elevator planks pulsing planks squats jump squats hundreds of crunches six inches leg ups mountain climbers walking lunges push ups bear crawls suicides sprints and more non stop for an hour
I do this 3 days a week
I believe that this work out keeps my pussy tight
Work out with the girl you love for 6 months and see if it tightens up her pussy
I hope so
I love working out and I hope you do too
-- Modified on 3/21/2016 4:48:19 PM
I'm impressed! You sound like a lady that shouldn't be missed! Keep up the good work!
that makes me not want to meet
you more than a already do. PM to follow
It's been almost a year since I've visited a MP/escort, and that's because I've been dating a girl for almost a year. I love her very much, and she loves me. We plan to get married within a couple years.
The problem is, I miss mongering so bad. I find myself looking at reviews and ads, and I think about the providers I've had every day. Couple times, I find myself going to massage parlors that I know are legit because, I dunno, that's as far as I can go. I really care about my girlfriend, so I can't bring myself to "go to the dark side".
The fact that sex isn't that great makes it worse. She loves it, but not me. We're not a great "fit". I'm not big, and she's pretty loose down there. I think if she were tighter, it'd be a LOT easier to accept that I'd have to be a one-woman dude, but alas, she's not. I mean, I can barely feel anything down there. And it makes me think about the providers that were so tight it made my toes curl.
I feel like I'm stuck. I love her to death, but at the same time, I'm afraid I'm not ever gonna enjoy sex the way I did before, especially since some providers in the past just rocked my world. I dunno what to think. What say you? Please provide some insight.
are you really posting this on all the forums you know? I hope you disguised the facts because she could stumble onto it, or someone would do it for her, and she'd realize what a self-centered ass you are by hiding that you don't even like to fuck her? Forget about yourself a minute. Give her a chance to find a decent guy instead of wasting a few years until she divorces you after finding herself in a miserable relationship based on lies.