I debated with myself before posting this. I read a lot of threads where some guys talk about the ladies here as commodities or products. I know that there are many who don't, but there are also many who do. For those guys - and anyone else who cares, here's what happened.
I have a friend (ex-girlfriend) who is a UTR provider. She is in her mid-20's. She has a Masters and is currently pursuing her PhD in Economics. Due to a variety of reasons (primarily financial need, of course), she entered our world. At first, she posted on CL, then moved to a small agency in her area. She quickly decided that it would be more economical to go indy (plus she got tired-out by the non-stop action that many agency girls complain of).
Eventually, she got even smarter and found a Sugar-Daddy. He told her that he had hobbied before. He told her that he had LTR's with providers before. He put out all the necessary disclaimers. He treated her well. He bought her a small car. He paid for her apartment. He visited her every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He told her all the things that girls like to hear - I love you - You're the love of my life - I'm only with my wife because of (pick your reason).
After experiencing the hobby for a few years now, I tried to guide her. "Be careful. Remember that it's only a transaction. Don't get connected!" She knows I hobby.
After about 9 months, she cracked. She got emotional. She began to have expectations. She got jealous. She did all the things that a provider doesn't do and that an SO does. They began to fight and he just ended their arrangement. Now, she is hurt. Since she went exclusive with him, she has no other source of income and she was moving towards the "real world." Now, she's scared, alone (she has no family within 3,000 miles her) and doesn't know what to do once the money that she has saved peters out. She doesn't want to return to this world.
My point in sharing this story is not to make you feel sorry for my friend, after all she was warned and chose to deny the truth of the situation. Rather, it is to remind you that while the thread below reminded us that the men hobby for many reasons, the girls/women/ladies that provide are just as varied. They have feelings, they hurt, they cry, often by the things that we, their clients, do. It is the risk they take for the financial reward they reap, but it is no less painful.
So, while they may allow us to use them for "time and companionship only," appreciate what you get and know that you have no idea who they are.
Can't we just get rid of all the asshols and have some fun?
Very well written! I completely concur.
"So, while they may allow us to use them for "time and companionship only," appreciate what you get and know that you have no idea who they are."
I completely agree. Enjoy your time with a wonderful lady, then go about the rest of your day.
I am just a little confused though, your friend is scared of what to do when her money runs out, yet she has a Masters in economics and is about to get a PhD? I would think getting a job wouldn't be a problem.
b-
Currently, she is finishing her course work and has not begun her dissertation. She would like to be able to focus on her studies and still have money not only to pay her living expenses but also her tuition at a fairly large university. Where she lives, retail doesn't cut it and her current level of experience will make it difficult for her to get a good job right away.
She's smart and she will succeed. Right now she's just scared and hurt.
That's how I got through college and post-grad. Most people do this. Loans can cover tuition and living expenses. Wouldn't your friend be well-versed in these matters if she got thru college and a Master's program? If money is to tight why is she pursuing a PhD?
Here's my take: They all say they're well-educated, and say they are in this hobby to get through school, blah blah etc etc. I find this difficult to believe for the most part. This person with a Masters degree and in a PhD program wouldn't be in dire financial trouble. All the providers want us to believe they are high-class and well-educated (even though some websites have spelling and grammatical errors). I just find this difficult to believe. An educated person can make a living and hobby for fun (and it's a good way for extra $$$). But this story here is not believable.
With the economy the way it has been, I personally know plenty of people who can't get a job in their chosen field and who have ended up working at the local retail store, bankrupt, or worse. Don't give me this total bullshit generalization that anyone with a degree can make a living and hobby for fun until the unemployment rate and homelessness are both zero.
I've known her for several years. I met her right after she got her Bachelor's. I was there when she chose her post graduate institution. I visited her on campus and I have read her work. She is as intelligent and as educated as I have stated.
As for finances - school and money don't automatically go hand-in-hand at the same time. During her schooling, she has received no financial support from her family. She has no credit (No, I don't mean bad credit - she's never had a credit card or any credit account) and her parents refused to co-sign a note). She's been on her own financially for quite a while now.
She is still in school and has not written her dissertation, so the real jobs aren't there yet. I assure you, they will come.
So tell me, how do you know that everyone with a Masters Degree and in a PhD program is rolling in loot? I really am curious.
Typically, Masters and PhD programs at reputable universities provide stipends in exchange for teaching responsibilities. Nobody ever got rich on a stipend, but it allows students to finish their degrees without starving. Something she should look into.
i agree there are far more claims of degrees than actual degrees in our industry and most are not pursuing anything remotely connected to getting a degree.
but once you stop shopping on cl, you'll find that quite a few of us do have degrees and quite a few of us do this because we like it.
you'll be hard pressed to find any spelling errors on my site.
grammy might be iffy but better than most.
the site was built by me, text written by me, photos were shot by me so i could probably make a living doing something else if i wanted to.
I also agree, very well written. We all do have feelings. Being new in the biz I have not run into this nor do I want to. I am sure it will be rough on me being that I am single and may run into that single man-but I think I will stay clear of this. Like my gf told me "do not mix business with personal". Believe me it is rough, esp since I am only outcall. I would love to do incall but my home is my home and I have not built up my biz enough to get an incall location. Sadly, I know I am losing alot too- but I have to do what I have to do.
Lastly, I wish your friend all the luck in the world.
Bella
I'm just curious as to why you think it's smarter to have a sugardaddy? I wouldn't advise anyone to have one guy only. That's when it gets all weird and possessive. Plus, you can make a lot more money by being independent, and sleep at night without any worries. Sugardaddies monopolize your time and try to make the relationship into something that it's not. For me it's very phony and pretend. I also don't think this girl was cut out for this business at all. You need some thick skin and you need to be able to have two lives. Obviously, your friend wasn't able to have that, that's why she drifted into the sugardaddy scene. And her two lives became one.
Maybe your friend thought that providing was going to be an easy way to make money. Maybe those economy theories she's been reading had her believing that.
The whole whore thing is just a word. It's all about how you feel. And if you have two lives, nobody calls you one in your other life. And there's nothing wrong with "this world" either. Plenty of money and sex to go around. And when she gets her PhD, she can quit. As for assholes, I'm not meeting any. Maybe it's because of screening and avoiding relationships longer than an hour with people.
She was looking for a way to pay the bills and she loved sex. Having a Sugar Daddy paid the bills, she had sex and free time to focus on her schoolwork. However, I think that you're right. She wasn't thick skinned enough and it did get all weird and possessive.
She's young. She'll learn. I'm still learning. We all do.
-- Modified on 1/9/2008 10:57:24 AM
AMEN. brother!!! I have one primary provider and I love being with her. She smart, funny, and very very good in bed. She is the perfect GFE. I respect her. I try to please her as much as she does me!!
Thanks for the thoughts......all of them!!!
Every day, even several times a day?
As Groucho Marx once said: "I like my cigar but I take it out every once in a while."
The line is necessary, but with that level of activity, any line is going to get blurred.
I see several providers and space out my visits. That way it's always a wonderful new treat when I show up at their door.
We are both human, and prone to the errs of the flesh. Let's not make it any more difficult than it needs to be.
i used to have a 'no more than once per month' rule to keep from becoming financially or emotionally dependant upon any 1 client.
i have since relaxed (i cant follow rules, not even my own) but ive always felt it was a good guideline.
This is a very cold and difficult message to read.... but probably happens more times that we would wish... on both sides of the transaction. Once a provider asked me "would you ever consider taking me to a movie? or out to eat?" I did. but alas... I know that right now, in my stage of life - what I would seek in a LTR and what a provider could offer? well - they are different. And so - I pay for an hour or more of pretend. (and yes, with some, the "pretend barrier" ceases to exist - at least from my perspective)
Much has been made of hobbies - provider relationships... but much as civie relationships... there are risks... they are very real - and they are very much in play whether in civie life for in the hobby.
I feel for your friend - but as we all know, when emotions come into play... well.... logic conveniently leaves the room. Time will heal her.... I would say be the friend she can talk to.... else you may have a situation that would not be recoverable....
sometimes the illusion is so good that we forget its not real too. once.
she wont forget again.
Unfortunately many women are in this profession only as a "last resort". Fact of the matter is once you've been here, it's really hard to not recognize and remember what "easy" money this is. I don't care what sort of degree you have, chances are you won't make the sort of hourly pay you can make as an escort. That's why there ARE those with great degrees and excellent jobs who DO continue to partake in this line of work (ok, that's ONE of the reasons).
Yes, we are human and we all make mistakes. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that. I can only hope she learned from this mistake and doesn't find herself in the same, exact position a year or two down the road. Really, while I'll be the first to admit it CAN happen, this is no place to go lookin' for love.
it sounds like a tall tale.
Only a fraction of graduate students pay their own way when going for a PhD in economics. You say she is very bright and you've even read her work. I don't know what that is supposed to mean, but a FEMALE grad student, that is any good at all, would have universities falling over themselves to get her into their program. Women (and other minorities) are under-represented and therefore in high demand for graduate programs in economics. That means full free-ride on tuition, and in addition financial stipend in the form of a research or teaching assistance, if not an out-right fellowship. Starting from year 1.
So either she is not a very good student, or something else is amiss in this story.
eom
Worked on you HOW? What are you even talking about?
Anybody can fall for somebody in this, even the most professional people.
She went from being an independent provider, setting her own hours and presumably making good money, to a married sugar-daddy who provided a "small car and apartment" and expected to be able to drop in on her several times a day??
Why??
I don't see that as a step in the right direction myself, unless she just wasn't cut out for this line of work and wanted to be White-Knighted
And for those saying suck it up, get a student loan, eat Top Ramen, no woman would do this unless she were desperate or stupid,etc
All I can say is I have never met a MAN who wouldn't be a male provider for women if there was any market for them at all
Call us what you will but don't lie to yourselves and say it doesn't piss you off a little that women HAVE this option if they choose and guys pretty much have student loans and Top Ramen!
she should lower her standards of living from well paid kept women to starving student. move into apartment with roommates. get a job as a waitress. work at a retail clothing store. work for the school in some capacity. She is smart as you say but is probably just unwilling to change her comfort level. If she wants to make xxxx? per hour she gets fucked by men for it. If she is willing to accept 10 bucks an hour she fucks who she wants for free.
when I was in college we ate top ramen and had great sex.
Ive had some great sex lately........and havent had Top Raman ever in my life that I recall!
They arent mutually exclusive