I've been learning the lingo, and I'm still confused at why we use the acronyms and euphemisms so much.  Shorthand I understand, but the reviews also seem often to tiptoe around the truth.  Instead of writing, "She offered me a tour of Greece", why not just spell it out -- "She asked me if I wanted to ___ her in the ___".  Would this be considered crude or indecorous -- and if so, why?  Whether or not we use the euphemism, we're not fooling anyone -- everyone knows that we are describing, in our fictional story, a fantasy of an illegal act.  
 No simple answer I know, just interested in putting it out there for discussion.

When you meet a nice girl, do you say "I want to fuck you ASAP?"

When your aunt tries to fix you up for a date and you don't want to go, do you say, "She's just too goddamn ugly?"

I agree we get carried away to the point of fetishism with these terms, but if you question the fundamental concept of courtesy, maybe you need to develop some social skills.

It's not a matter of tiptoing around the truth. At it's core, this modicum of civility is what keeps the delicate balance in a transaction fraught with possible legal, psychological and physical danger. It simply makes it safer for the girls.

You need to GLADLY honor this or stay away.

If you don't believe me, call one of these PROVIDERS up, explain to her that you see no need for euphamisms, then ask her if she's any good at sucking cock. See how far you get.

-- Modified on 6/19/2005 10:23:23 PM

First, who's to say you're not fooling anyone?  The best propaganda and advertising is based on euphemisms.  In many ways, George Orwell's "1984" was about bending thoughts and dominating people with language.  

I'm not saying that the use is always that malignant.  What we used to call "whores" are called "providers" and "johns" are called "clients" and "hobbyists."  This is for the same reason that an undertaker (which had been a euphemism itself) became a funeral director.  This indicates an effort to change the thinking about it.  With "whore," it's a term of insult.  The terms changed, partially because there's a part of the market that wants to think differently about the practice.  Partially it's to deal with the increased communications of the internet-- johns and prostitutes don't communicate with the frequency done over the internet now.  Euphemisms keep to two groups from going to war.

Moreover, it has a self-psychological effect, too.  We're less likely to act like criminals if we don't think of ourselves with terms of insult.

Plus, creative euphemisms are pretty fun to come up with and fun to read.  The fact is it encourages you to think more about what your write and say.  And it would be boring and self-deceiving to recite every sex act the same way every time.    

...the ladies ladies call me "sexy" rather than "fat, bald, old, and ugly".

When I am in the throes of an intimate liaison, I have been known to get pretty loud and "nasty". But thats a part of the "letting it all out" aspect that is a part of who I am. Once the uninhibited climactic period is over, I'm back to my usual mild-mannered gonzo self. But come on man, there is no need for crude vulgarity just for the sake of being vulgar. Other than some stand up comedians, how many people do you actually know that sound like this:
Fuck man, the fuckin son of a fuckin bitch just wouldn't fuckin stop what the fuck he was doin to fuckin walk to the fuckin store to buy a fuckin condom so he could fuckin hammer the shit out of his fuckin bitch's cunt." I'm going over the top of course, but its just to make the point.

Civility does have a function in society. And whether you choose to recognize it or not, this board, for all its prurient qualities, is still a place where civilized people with common interests associate to one degree or another.

I personally, prefer to be civilized... especially when in conversation with a lady. Ok, sometimes my occasional rants on the politics board can be over the top. But thats different!

The idea of being a lady in the boardroom and a slut in the bedroom is fine. But it goes both ways. Be an animal in the bedroom if that is your style, but be a mentsch in the boardroom. And in your reviews.

Peace

Why be an uncreative bore when you can spice up your writing with so much color and flavor?

Before I write my next review I plan on studying up at the http://www.starma.com/penis/ site.  

That way I can say things like "I couldn't wait to take my 100% all-beef thermometer - you know, the ol'  Louisville slugger - and play hide the one-eyed wally in her tunnel of love!  Aye, I'm talking about filling the cream doughnut with my yohgurt shooter!

-- Deep (starting my day with a bit of 'assault on a friendly weapon') Heat

The movies "Grumpy Old Men" and Grumpier Old Men"
When you see the outtakes of Burgess Meredith at the end with the "I'm gonna take the boat to tuna town" stuff, you'll fall out of your chair laughing so hard.  He's got a million of them.

And it makes for easier and more pleasant reading.

"Ladies" is actually a pejorative term in the woman's lib movement.

I, for one, prefer the "euphemisms" more than the crass writing style.  Sometimes I cringe reading the reviews.  They sound like they were written by a 7th grader.

Thanks for all the posts.  I should clarify, I actually prefer the more poetic phrasing here to F this & F that.  We are mature people with a common interest, not mobsters.  I was just interested in gathering thoughts on why the insider lingo is so predominate.  
Some possibilities that have emerged:
1. More creative and varied use of language -- for the most part I agree and this is what I like about it, though some of the euphemisms and acronyms are repeated so often that they aren't really all that creative.
2. Legal, "they keep us from getting arrested" -- not sure I buy this; like I said, everyone knows what the terms mean so we're not fooling anyone including LE.  You can make up a new name for crack cocaine and still get arrested for selling it.
3. Keeping it clean -- this is an adult site, and the acts described are pornographic in nature.  Many of us enjoy reading the juicy or even lewd details, and I think talking dirty has its place in the reviews.  But I agree with Dr. Gonzo that this could very easily be overdone.  
4. Avoidance of insulting language -- "Provider" is not just a euphemism, it appropriately elevates the respect for what these professional ladies (not "whores") do.  On the other hand, is "anal" insulting or base compared to "Greek"?

I just enjoy the language and coming up with new ways to say the sexy stuff.

DFK = She removed my tonsils like Hannibel Lecter with a scalpel.

Greek = "My Harley went into the dark tunnel in North Hollywood and came out in Thessaloniki"

DATY = "I hereby swear to worship and adore Emma's toast and vegemite for the rest of my life"

BBBJ = There's no such thing as a bad pizza.

true that a detailed description of an act or moment can be both erotic and stimulating. However some people do not have the ability to describe in length a fantasy with true descriptive words ingeniously enticing you to continue reading. Instead it is easier and more time saving for them to say," We visited Greece", "Russia was nice" "The snowball after the BBBJTCCIMNQ was new for me" "I love BBW's"
IMHO   ROFLMAOPIP   TTYL  BFN  IOU  CUL8R
A.

I prefer double entendres to just plain euphemisms...

"She paid me lip service so well."

Referring to BBBJ or just the illusion of GFE in general?

Marvelous, absolutely marvelous...EOM