I posted a few days ago that I had arrived back from Burning Man.  There were a few responses to hear more details.  My VIP membership ran out precisely at that time, so I was busy writing a new review and catching up at home from being away in a remote part of the Nevada desert with no communication with the outside world.

You may not be interested in reading the following thread, but since you have opened it, you now have to read it.  That's TER rules, I believe, and that's Burning Man rules too, I'm quite certain.  In fact, Burning Man is all about rules.  Just taking a shower involves more regulations than the "submit a review" section on TER.  So the first thing you need to know is there are just as many rules as the regular world, albeit it different rules.

For instances, you can do most anything naked there, even with a hard-on.  But throw a wrapper on the ground, in the nude or not, and you go straight to jail and "they" collect $200.  At first glance, you might agree with this approach to littering.  But here's the rub.  There are no trash cans.  You must carry your trash around and keep a trash bag at your camp and take it away when you leave.  I am told that, in the past, you use to have to do this with your poop and pee, but they have given in to wonders of port-a-potties in recent years.  But you must use 1-ply toilet tissue.  2-ply is a sin and grounds for banishment.  Bring your own corn cob.  I could go on and on about the rules and regulations, but if you've ever lived in a HOA, you get the idea.  

Your car is searched for guns as you enter the camp ground.  Even if you legally own and carry the weapon, you cannot enter.  They also check for people sneaking in via the trunk.  Its a good thing these people don't run the drive-in theaters, otherwise outdoor movies would all be outta business these days.  That irony is intended.  I wanted to ask the searchers how they felt about illegal immigration, but I took the Soup Nazi approach of total obedience to keep my place in line.

You are expected to barter or give stuff away once inside.  No commerce allow.  Except the Burning Man management that make $250+ per person.  My provider's companionship fees were paid in advance.  They were for companionship only.  Really.

Now imagine 50K people camping together.  And all these people see themselves as bikers, punks, gays, beatniks, goths, nudists, artists, anarchists, environmentalists, hipper-than-thou, etc...but in reality, when 50K go camping together in the Nevada desert, they are all hippies.  They either just don't all know that or they rough-it in denial.

So there's this region in Northeast Nevada called the Playa and its a desert, sandy area that is really flat.  Kinda looks like a place to do land-speed records.  Only at Burning Man, its a circular city of tents and RVs, formed into lots and streets for a period of about one week before Labor Day each year.  I rented a car and pitched a tent.  Never again.  The RV or a more elaborate structure is needed here.  I survived a couple of sand storms this time, but finally one storm threw my tent 50 feet into the air and left me clinging to my Coleman Cooler of Mandarin Orange favored Propel with Calcium.  That kept me anchored physically and spiritually.  OK, in truth I was humping my cooler.  But that's allowed at Burning Man.

There are themes, besides cooler fucking.  Camps have themes.  Even Burning Man itself has a theme every year.  This year was "The Green Man".  Pretty funny for a village full of single digit gas mileage RVs running generators 24 hours a day.  This place had the carbon foot print of a Hummer Plant.  But like most things political, its the thought that counts.  More interesting were the individual camps, like the one proclaiming "A2M" as their theme.  Now we're talking my language!  Those emissions aren't global warming, still I'd refrain from lighting a match around them.

Like I said, there are a lot of naked people.  Only unlike most clothing optional places, these streakers run around with dust masks and googles.  Kinda looks like they are mining for nakedness.  By the third day, I came up with the ingenious idea of walking around with only my dick hanging out.  So I unzipped my pants and pulled my cock out through the zipper flap and walked around that way.  I have named this new craze "the wag".  Its very liberating and doesn't force everyone to withstand your imperfections in total nudity.  Just get to the point, I say.

There are many art installations, aside from my penis.  My favorite was a glory hole house big enough for a person to stand inside and holes in the walls surrounding them.  Outsiders need only stick their "sticks" through and viola!  Functional art.  Very inspirational.  Although from a distance its looks like you are hugging a child's playhouse.  Maybe not so much aside from my penis, but the center of my world is the center of my world.  So sue me.

There is a DMV at Burning Man.  I am told it is worst than the DMVs in the regular world, which is really saying something about Burning Man management.  They license mutant vehicles, which are basically "art" vehicles made from golf carts, recumbent bikes and even heathen devil internal combustion engines.  I had the pleasure of riding a renegade Tilt-The-World.  Someone had taken one car off the vintage carnival ride and motorized it.  It even tilted and twirled, while navigating the passage ways of Burning Man.  There are many more, but most won't let you ride unless you are a good-looking chick with a nice pair of tits and a shapely ass and trimmed triangle.  I think the bald ones ride all day.  I guess it is nice to know some things are a constant.

There was an act of arson that prematurely burned "The Man" down early.  He was rebuilt in two days in full vigor to the sound of didgeridoos on an overcast afternoon.  Its easy to forget there's a man to burn.  That forces the question, is a 70 foot wooden man without a penis, really a man.  Post-op tranny if you ask me.  

You need a bike in this place.  It is too big and too hot for walking.  It wasn't until the last day that I realized stealing a bike is OK.  From what I understand, the tons of bikes parked around the camps are there for the taking.  Just don't be surprised to find your stolen bike later stolen.  But you can just steal another one.  I don't know the rules for sniffing the seats.  But based on all the stealing, I'm guessing sniffing rules are also similar to the Senate's rules on similar behavior.

Rules are rules, ya know.  Wag it proud.  In 08, I'm bring black cherry Propel too.  See you there.  Until then, I am wide open for rental RVs and rental ladies suggestions.  Shaved, not shaken.  Bring your own towel.