I don't know how appropriate it was to do this, but I just came upon this post and I had to bring it to everyone's attention. Obviously it has been overlooked because otherwise it would have received MUCH more attention than it has already gotten (it's THAT insightful). Frankly, I've been rethinking my own hobbying for quite a long time now and this guy just put (almost) everything I've ever thought into words. I don't see the 'humor' in this post as the guy who originally copied it claims he did. Please read on:
"I copied this message from someone who probably was burned by a provider(s). I guess if they did their homework or used TER, some pf the problems could have been avoided. I thought it was a funny post, and wanted to share it. Happy holidays.
From a message posted on Craiglists:
You can skip this intro if you want and go straight to the GLOSSARY.
Well, hopefully this is the last time I ever even click on the "erotic" part of Craigslist. I think I'm going to see a sexual addiction therapist. I always thought sex addiction was bullshit, but you know guys, when that feeling comes over you it's like being a junkie, and you can make some bad decisions. You gotta have it. I've wasted money, I've snuck around, I've lied, I've said "this is the last time," I've done things that could give me HIV, I've gone to places where I could get killed, I've been in situations where I could be arrested, I've ruined relationships ... and for what? Some truly ugly, nasty, old, fat women. Are they occasionaly "up to snuff?" Yes, Occassionaly. But more often than not, it's an outright dissappointment, and never satisfies any long term needs. And I, like some of you, am an attractive, bright, college educated, likable person. Why am I doing this?
Here's a GLOSSARY for you to understand what the girls are really like:
(I apologize to the ladies, but I'm just reporting my experience)
Voluptious= fat
curvaceous=fat
not skinny = fat
rubenesque=fat
busty = fat
cute= ugly
mixed race= black (nothing wrong with that, just telling it like it is.)
american indian-spanish-cuban = black
best head = put baby lotion on a hoover and attach it to your penis
20's = 30's
30's = 40's
39 = 50
cozy apt = skanky rathole
non-pro = pro
student=pro
money for the holidays=pro
it's my fantasy=pro
just doing this for a short time=pro
can't pay my bills= can't pay my drug dealer (pro)
artist=pro
for a short time only=pro
pro=look out!
one hour=1/2 hour
PURE BLISS=empty, depressed, disgusted, suicidal and out $200.
Time and again, I've been downright disgusted by what I've encountered. even the photos can be VERY VERY misleading. (I've also been disgusted with myself.)
Never do outcall, then you're stuck with them. You don't want them screaming and ringing the neighbor's bell. At least with incall you can bail if you want to, and trust me, if you feel like bailing, DO IT. Go home and masturbate, and you'll know you made the right decision.
As far as the ladies go, I feel true sympathy that you have to do this for a living or to support a drug habit, etc. In the bigger picture, I don't think what you do is WRONG, but I do think misleading people, lying, pulling the old "bait and switch" is wrong.
GUYS, I know some of you are in the throes of lust, but take my advice: wack off. With the money you save, get a nice haircut, buy some good shoes, and try to get INTO A RELATIONSHIP. Yes, it's work, yes it's pressure, but at least there you will find TRUE SATISFACTION. Imagine being able to look into the eyes of the person you've just had sex with and not be disgusted with them or yourself. If you can't stop, get help. You can see a "normal" therapist, which is often covered by insurance. Nobody has to know the real reason you are going (or even that you're going) How do I know? I've done it, it helped, and unfortunately, it's time for me to go back.
that's all I have to say.
GOOD LUCK GUYS AND GIRLS!"
Hey Aug5...you gotta do what you gotta do but insulting these providers along the way is a bit odd (not your words but you seem to agree that they are all fat drug addicted liars). I think we all 'struggle' with the morality issue to some degree (obviously a bit less than you though). What has struck me at the beginning is that the providers by and large (those reviewed in particular) are really smart, beautiful and witty. Geez, you even state this in some of your reviews. So what's up? I think if you want to leave the hobby, then by all means do so...but maybe say a kind word on your way out the door?
"I don't know how appropriate it was to do this, but I just came upon this post and I had to bring it to everyone's attention"
I guess there's always the possibility he wrote it and is presenting it as someone elses, but I don't think anyone who frequents TER would have had so many bad experiences.
Just my 2 cents...
I do my homework. I always show up clean and presentable and I ALWAYS treat her with respect and bring a small gift to boot.Not that many bad experiences? Guess Again!!
>but I don't think anyone who frequents TER would have had so >many bad experiences.
You guys really ran with this ball! I definitely did not write the original post (you already seem to know this). It just struck a chord with me. I've NEVER moralized about hobbyists (including myself) or providers. We do what we have to do to get us through the day or pay the bills. Period. By the way, to all the ladies who may actually read this, being plump, 'meaty,' or babyfat never actually bothered me half as much as being too skinny -- just to set the record straight; the gentleman who wrote this little rant apparantly has different tastes than I do.
Frankly, I can remember having some truly good experiences with providers in the past, and I have reviewed them (it's the rare ones that deserve recognition). But generally I don't get services as advertised, and the ladies are often sullen and disinterested -- and seldom as attractive as their photographs. I leave feeling as empty and unfulfilled as the guy who originally wrote the post.
I guess, in the final analysis, if an experience goes badly it's probably the guy's fault. We all create fantasy lands and unrealistic expectations in our heads, and then we are upset when a girl we've never met before and have only known for five minutes fails to be emotionally satisfying for us. It'll take some time, but I suppose I'll figure this out for myself.
By the way, I just don't have time right now to read the rest of the posts -- I'll respond tomorrow night.
"Buh Bye,then. Don't let your a## hit the door on the way out".
if you take a look at my reviews, they're good and bad. Uniformally, the bad ones are a result of my bad judgement, lack of patience, or poor planning. In every case, if I've planned well and did my homework, I had a nice time. In a couple cases of taking a chance, it worked out fine. Most of the time: if the great reviews ain't there, you're not going to be a happy customer.
Sex addiction? Yes for many of us, both providers and hobbyist.
Many of us are addicted to good sex, better than alcohol or drugs, but can be a considerable problem for many of both sexes.
But your view of the gals you have met excapes me. I have been in the hobby for over three years, and during most of that time I have been out on the edge. I only recently started seeing providers that have been review. Until then I saw providers out of the paper and word of mouth. Although I will admit I did go through a few sessions I am not proud of, for the most part I met beautiful, inteligent and very sexy women. Some of them like Jordan Kay, Lynn Taylor, Sky and others are people you would be proud to be seen with at any occasion.
I take great acception with your view of the ladies in this profession and their selfimage. What we do may not be the best of all worlds, but it certainly is better than anything else I can find. It has saved my marriage and I truly thank the women that have given me so much during the past three years.
If you need to get out of the hobby than do so, but please don't blame the ladies for your problems. Lets be thankful that we have such great women to meet our needs. Again thanks to all of you.
SlowStart
I've been extremely fortunate thanks to TER. I'll admit I'm addicted, but it is such a NICE addiction.
He might still be addicted, but he would have better experiences. (:
-- Modified on 12/20/2003 11:03:41 PM
TER almost never lets me down, but I did have one situation with a girl with tons of outstanding reviews
it wasnt accurate- her attitude was terrible- i am not going into details here, but it was a horrible experience all around
she even prank called me after another guy posted a poor review of her(she thought it was me)
i still havent posted a review of her, but i probably eventually will
I don't think so !!!!!!!
I thought it was evolution!
Not to mention selfish, disrespectful and immature.
Another loser, degrading women. What's the insight?
-- Modified on 12/21/2003 8:35:20 AM
He doesn't degrade women, he doesn't like those he's selected and we don't know who they are. If you don't think that there are some real ugly, dirty, disease ridden, overweight pigs out there then you are having a mind fart. And just incase you can't read this right, I do think there are some fantastic ladies out there and I've seen a few... one just last night (thanks Netmichelle..just awsome).
Sure it's selfish. But that's the point of the post. To share HIS feelings.
Immature? Hardly. It's probably quite insiteful and honest and self assessing. The insite is toward his path into the world of aoying for sex. He doesn't feel good about what he's done and where he's going.
Another loser..what is a loser? Probably he is if he continues in a path of self degredation. But if he finds himself well healed, strong, and feeling good about himself in the future then he made some corrections in the course of his life and that is anything but a loser...in my book.
Now your post I suspect you find uplifting to yourself by stepping on his post. Hmmm..? Immature? Selfish? and if you are a woman, degrading. IMHO
"The insite is toward his path into the world of aoying for sex."
Oh.. thanks for clearing that up, and so articulately (:
-- Modified on 12/22/2003 11:47:14 PM
I hate to say it but he is somewhat adequet with some of the providers available these days. I can't emphasize how many times my agency sent me out as someone else. I don't have to lie about my looks, or description or my service but I am fortunate in that sense. Alot of agencies these days are concerned with the quick buck and nothing more which is very sad for the ladies as well as the potential clients and can lead to a lot of hard feelings down the road.
That's very well-put. I'm glad that there are some ladies out there who didn't take this personally. If you get this message you should read my reply to "Xenopus" (above "re: get a grip on yourself."). Take care and Happy Holidays.
if you agree with this view why are you even here..I would think if you blindly called agencies..yes probably most if not all descriptions would be false..I myself am not at all fat..Ive been acused of being anorexic..lol..and Ive seen alot of girls with even more slammin bodies than I have (and mine is slammin)so who ever wrote this original thing is obviously very sick of the hobby..and is having very bad luck finding people up to his standards..and I am really the age I say I am and if I ever find the need to start lying then in my own opinion I am too old for the profession...and dont feel bad for me..I have bought a home(going on #2) paid for a Masters degree.. car all cash...the only real reason someone would say all those negative things..is because he is really telling how he feels about himself..people that are that negative..exspress there own dissatisfaction with themselves and their life by picking out traits in others that are similiar to traits they have but are either unable or unwilling to admit they have..he probably was bullied as a child..never amounted to much..but always tried to live a facade..above his own means.the person at a party that always has to one up someone..oh and his penis is probably very small..thats why he feels the need to degrade woman..some people with these traits end up..either abusing woman or really losing it and going around killing female they feel are dirty..he needs help..bigtime...
-- Modified on 12/21/2003 5:27:18 PM
Woah! . . . I'm not 100% sure I should be answering this one -- you sound like sort of a ticking time bomb yourself. Anyway here goes.
I don't really know the guy who wrote this, so I don't think I should be speculating about his penis or anything else about him. But honestly, look at yourself in the mirror -- do you REALLY think he was talking about girls with YOUR body? I personally like my ladies to be babyfat or "meaty," and you're probably far too skinny for me, but I can tell that you're attractive without even seeing your face. And yet something tells me that you "doth protest too much." What made YOU so angry about the comments of one man whom you think is crazy anyway?
Now here's the bottom line (in my opinion). You must get ALOT of losers who were teased as children, have small penises, and never amounted to anything. I'm not trying to moralize here but isn't being a loser, like, the BEST reason for seeing a provider in the first place. Yeah, I'm sure you get alot of married guys who don't have time to cheat on their wives with a girlfriend or mistress; and probably some really rich powerful types who want to be dominated and such. But am I really wrong to think that most of your clients fit into the loser/small penis/never amounted to anything category? I know you probably can't tell me the truth about this, otherwise your regular clients might feel insulted and stop coming. If I weren't a loser I probably wouldn't have any need for this hobby, and never would have gotten into it in the first place. Let me know what you think. And no hard feelings, ok?
There are quality providers out there! Unfortunately you never had the pleasure of meeting me! My ad tells the truth, I always give a full hour (even for the guick guys), I'm attractive, college educated,and have an amazing personality(you can read my reviews). I don't do drugs,smoke, and I rarely drink alcohol (twice a month).
and
please don't feel sympathy for what I do for a living. I made the choice. I have the ability to not let this affect my life outside the work place. Yes I am being degraded for money but I'm a good person, I put out a good vibe and fortunately I've had the experience of meeting awesome gentlemen.
and
the money I make- it's in the bank. It's hard to get ahead these days and lucky me I have security now.
Good for you! You figured out the key to business -- marketing! Marketing means finding out the needs of your customers and satisfying them, so as to turn a profit. Lying to customers is bad for business, and will put you out of business.
And congratulations on being healthy, saving money, and being educated. But like I said to SexyMegan, the original writer probably wasn't talking about girls like you.
I can't imagine why you feel like you're being "degraded." Every business person has to sometimes bend over backwards to satisfy the customer, and that's all you're doing. It's the men who are really being exploited. We are sexually vulnerable and can't stop throwing away money on the ladies. So smile -- you're in a very good position to see some substantial profits.
By the way, I WOULD read your reviews, but I can't find your link. Now you have me curious.
Happy Holidays.
-- Modified on 12/22/2003 11:34:58 AM
I personally feel degraded b/c I'm dragging down my moral and intellectual spirit by selling my body. I know I'm worth more. A job for me should be one in which I'm using only my brain. Call me old-fashion but I still believe love snd sex go hand in hand.
Your probably a gentleman and are very nice to the ladies so it might be hard to comprehend where I'm coming from, you just have to be a woman to understand. (just like I don't have a dick so I can't fathom your need to "spread you seeds". There are just some things the other sex can't grasp and thats a good thing.
I think both men and women are being exploited in this game. It has its benefits on both sides. Thats why its been around for so long.
Oh yeah, I know the writer wasn't writing to me. I just wanted him to know that there are women out there who represent.
Not to prolong this but. . . I think you ARE using your brain. You feel unhappy and degraded, and yet you are able to keep them coming back for more. Sounds like good acting to me, no?
Yes, I do try to be a gentleman. This is not always easy when you're looking for Greek, or some VERY kinky S/m. I sometimes wonder how I've managed to ask for these things politely.
Finally, I disagree with you on only one point -- I don't think women are generally inclined to "believe love snd sex go hand in hand." Think about it. . . if that were true, there wouldn't be any female providers out there. Perhaps the opposite is true -- maybe women are MORE capable of detaching themselves emotionally from sex than men are. Besides, if you NEED love to enjoy sex, than you probably don't enjoy sex at all, only warmth and companionship. But then again, as a man, I probably will never truly understand how the opposite sex feels. At least we agree on that much.
I wasn't referring to others only myself when I said that believe love and sex go hand in hand. Thats why I dubbed myself old-fashion.
Have a great holiday!!!!
Well, I have to disagree with the original poster one one point he made... there certainly are very beautful and good natured providers. So the glossary is certainly not accurate.
But, I have to agree with the main point he tries to make. Hobbying is not good for either party - the provider or the hobbyist - in the long run.
The provider and the hobbyist become confused and messed up, eventually - unable to distinguish between love and lust, real life and fantasy, temporary contentment that sates the senses and true happiness that is everlasting.
The hobbyist is taking advantage of the fact that the provider needs money, and probably has no other skills to earn it or is too accustomed to instant results - i.e., $300 in one hour! The provider is taking advantage of misguided males who are, of course, whether they admit it or not, on the eternal quest for love and intimacy, and are looking for it in all the wrong places, and have not yet realized why they are behaving thus.
Some - very few - do realize what it's all about, and see the big picture, even though they've become jaded paupers in the process. Some, like myself, even after understanding what it's all about, are unable to conquer the habits of their bodies with their weak minds, and so are ruled by their addictions...
Sorry if I sound harsh and gloomy - I would rather call a turd a turd, and not try to spray perfume over it.
That's actually very insightful. But I don't think the providers are themselves being "taken advantage of." They are running a business, plain and simple. Some of these girls are actually educated and skilled and could get "regular jobs," but would rather do what pays best. I respect that.
As for the guys, you are right in thinking that men are sexually vulnerable. In the end, we're the ones who are being exploited.
But who am I kidding? As for myself, I'll probably be back in the saddle in a few weeks, kinkier than ever! Take care and Happy Holidays.
An interesting thread we have going here. Some intelligent feedback of the nonbashing variety. Some food for thought:
The stimulation of the pleasure center in the brain via orgasm. What more potent experience can you possibly compare it too?
Read up on sexual addiction. The author of the original post shows clear signs of addiction:
1. Decision making skills impaired in order to fulfill his need.
2. Behaves in such a way to fulfill his need that he does not like him self.
3. Performs behaviors that are high risk to himself (illegal activity, STD risks, places him self in danger due to the places he goes to fulfill his need).
4. His behavior to fulfill his need has interferred with his relationships to such a degree that he is in personal distress. (I wonder if he went into debt, lost time at work, and/or broke some personal promises he has made to him self too?
5. He is obviously at the point of seeking professional help. The kicker will be if he actually does seek help. Most people don't unless they have either been given an ultimatum
(friend(s),spouse, boss, or other significant person in their life), been court ordered to get treatment, or get the courage to pick up the phone and dial their local Community Services Board.
I certainly don't approve of his bashing providers. Unlike some speculation that his penis size has something to do with his self esteem (not true based on well documented research), this guy is angry at him self more than anyone else. And yes, I agree, he is a loaded gun in the sense that he is a client that has "gone bad". This man would be a risk to a service provider or to previous providers.
Lessons this guy should have learned before entering the hobby:
1. Be a responsible adult. Takie care of yourself and your responsibilities before "playing".
2. Research a company, product, or service and learn the "ins and outs" before entering something that is considered risky. (TER and other boards/sites are a keyword search away and help newbies. Discussion boards are a wonderful resource as well).
3. Be a wise consumer. If it's not what you want, then why buy it in the first place? Shop elsewhere.
4. (Going back to number 1 in my last section a few lines above): If you are not taking care of business, if it is becoming something that is taking over your life, then get help.
5. IT'S ONLY A HOBBY. Treat it like one. Don't let it evolve into something that takes on a life of its own.
Endnote: For some folks, service providers are the only "safe" social outlet they have. Among the many things service providers do, they above all are called to a Service that is honored by many yet in contradiction to that honor they are ridiculed by society. May there yet be a day when that ridicule is finally silenced.