Ok, right now I'm in a somewhat difficult situation right now with my provider. I've been seeing her for a little while now, and she's great; nice personality, easy to talk to, and very easy on the eyes. We've been emailing each other back and forth a lot, and have nice conversations when we see each other. The other day she flew out of town for a big gig, something she's hoping will be a very good paying, steady source of income that will eventually let her leave the profession once she has enough money. We text messaged each other back and forth on her flight, and we've been talking through email quite a bit lately. We get along really well. In one of her latest emails, she said that she would really like to be friends, and even revealed her real name to me. Now, here's the problem. I'm afraid that at the rate we're going, I'm going to develop feelings for this girl, if I haven't already. I already understand the boundaries between provider and client, and I know she doesn't feel anything like towards me. Believe me, I'm no looker. I don't want to, but something tells me I should just break everything off and not see her again, but that's easier said than done. Providers, does this sound like a ploy to suck every last dollar out of me? Guys, have you experienced this before and how did you deal with it?
-- Modified on 4/4/2005 4:12:31 AM
It's not uncommon for friendships to form in this industry.
You gut is telling you you will get hurt. How is this not your primary concern? This factor is why you will see a resounding chorus advising you avoid it. Not the most fun thing to hear I bet.
But these guys have been down the road. And if you are the one-in-in-a-million exception, please remember the warm fuzzies you have now may well be replaced in ten years by boredom. That's if you get her to agree on boundaries in regard to her taking clients. At some point, she just might remember what an easy thing it is to call an old client when she needs an influx of cash.
This is a horrible generalization, but the escorts tend to fudge the truth to avoid a confrontation. And if you start asking questions that indicate you suspect something, that's when they really get mad. God bless the exceptions who respect that trust takes a while to earn. But more common is anger for not trusting 100%
But, since you're asking, watch it. That you developed feelings for her which are not reciprocated, is not likely to engender a lot of empathy. Sad situation.
Loved this comment: "escorts tend to fudge the truth to avoid a confrontation"
You could replace "escorts" with "men" or "women" and the same holds true.
Universal statement applies to a universal argument
this was a specific situation
your quote is for the guy a couple of days back who was about to pitch escorting to a "friend"
yikes
It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.... Old quote but if you are a strong person then why not take a chance. Just remember your limits and be open. If you really become friends the big thing is to comunicate honestly what is going on in your head and heart.If , somehow you feel she is trying to drain your money then she is probably not trying to be your friend. Mutual respect is the key you are looking for. Set that as your Goal and keep focused.. Good luck..
my sentiments exactly, providers are people too and they also have needs and wants, even if other provider/client - friendship/relationships don't work never know maybe this one will if both are open and honest with each other.... it should !
forget the statistics remember its between 2 people no matter what they do or have done in the past
Veni Vidi Vici, I came, I saw, I conquered; Julius Ceaser.
Tis better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all. Alfred Lord Tennyson
These two phrases above all represent how I live my life. If you never reach for the brass ring you never really enjoy the epitome of the ride.
You seem to have a good hand on your feelings or you wouldn't have written the post. Regardless if your a looker or not(neither am at all but I have had relationships with many many breath-takingly beautiful women.) But unless you are willing to take a chance and let people get to know you and spend time with them then you will never, ever know. Some day you will look back at a life full of what if's? Rather than a life of accomplishment. Remember accomplishment is not always acheiving a goal; but knowing you tried your absolute best to, then there is no failure in life.
Have you spent non-client time with her? Is she only looking to spend time with you as a client? If so I think that immediately tells you what she's after. Try floating the proposition of spending "friendship" time together with no monetary cost involved (unless you want to take her somewhere etc.)
Use measured caution, but don't ever leave yourself thinking "what if?"
Good luck, keep us posted.
If she's asking you to be her friend and you like her, be her friend. Don't make it conditional , don't complicate it, just enjoy her company and friendship. If anything else develops than go with it but dont assume anything other than she likes your company and likes talking to you.
I have developed two very great friendships with providers, one local and one long distance. Neither one has ever tried to take advantage of me in any way and both of them are a constant source of enjoyment, laughs and never cease to make my day. I wouldn't trade them in for the world and can't tell you how much I value their friendship.
40-watt has a point about limiting clients. If either of you are suggesting that then I say to leave now before you become her sole support. On the other hand if you are willing to accept that she is a provider and don't put limits on her then the friendship could be very beneficial for both.
to his question....
-- Modified on 4/4/2005 7:45:14 AM
-- Modified on 4/4/2005 7:45:55 AM
If you like her as a friend, why not be her friend?
If you want to continue the physical/professional part and still be friends, my guess is she can handle it if you can. She doesn't sound like a nutcase from anything you've written. She doesn't sound pushy or needy or anything at all along those lines. She sounds like she is very professional and responsible and just happens to like you and trust you.
To me, that's nice. If you have a S/O then of course you're playing with fire. No way around it. But if you don't, what's the big deal?
Of course, the final question is whether you are able to handle friendship with her and not want more. That's more difficult; no one can tell you what to expect here anymore than they could in any other incipient relationship.
You say you are not good looking. Guess what? She may not agree. She may not care. If anyone is able to deal with romance with someone not especially handsome, it is a provider. I suspect that many providers have gotten good at looking for something deeper in people. Maybe she sees something in you that you don't even see in yourself; or that you don't immediately share with others.
There's no way to know what she is thinking or where this is heading. Why not ask her? If you're thinking about ending the relationship due to this concern anyway, what are you risking?
I agree with Mr.Ed and 1woody. What do you have to lose since it's not like she is after your money and if you are being careful. I think you're afraid because you might fall hard for this girl and afraid to get her. But guess what, this happens with any hot female friend you might have. Instead of just breaking it off, why don't you make a decision whether to see her professionally or just be a friend to her. I think it is harder to find a friend in this hobby than a good provider. Maybe if you are both mature about it, she can be a friend and a provider if you can keep your feelings in check. Good luck to you!
Honestly, I don't know if I could be friends with her and not eventually want something more. Not only that, I'm afraid that the more I get to know her, the more I'll start to care and worry about her. She's still out of town at this new gig, which is about 1,000 miles away, and I feel myself worrying about her, thinking about the dangers of the profession and what could possibly happen to her. I'm also afraid that I'll get to the point where I'll feel the need to "save" her from the profession. I'm the kind of guy that gets attached easily, and the last thing I need are these things on my mind slowly driving me crazy. I enjoy talking to her and spending time with her, but I know this is going to end badly. I think it would just be best to end it and hope she understands. Thanks for the replies.
-- Modified on 4/5/2005 11:56:50 AM
Oh boy where do i start and how do I keep it short here.
Yes you can be just friends with her, but the physical connection needs to end, or one will get hurt.
If you wanna keep the physical connection without hard core feeling always keep the money between you. Once the money ends and sex continues the Relationship begins. weather or not that is what you want.
Tiring to be just friends with bennies can smack you upside the head one day, and you find your self in a place you never wanted to be.
You need to discuss this with her not us, find out what her intentions are with just you.
And it can get complicated!!
But, keep in mind that we are not just providers, we are women, with feelings just like everyone else. We can love, laugh and live.
The skeptic in everyone belive that she may just be out for the money, but she can obviously take care of herself in that arena. You did not say if you act as a "benefactor" or not, otherwise that would be a different story.
So honestly, to me, it sounds like she may actually want to be friends....suprise, suprise, lol. So, treat it like any other relationship ~ go slow, be honest, and enjoy!! Friendship and love are beautiful things that need to be embraced. Fear of being hurt keeps us from plunging into the unknown....but it sometimes hurts more if you never tried in the first place.
Live life with NO regrets!
Be safe.
Hugs,
Vanessa Sue xoxo
The key word is she said “friend” not “girl friend”. It is really easy for a guy to get this mixed up. I recently let myself misunderstand my status, and was very embarrassed when I was put in my place. Once you think of a provider as a girl friend, it is very tough to settle for a girl friend experience. If you want to keep your provider, I would suggest not getting to close.
At the very least I would have her clearly explain what activities are client time when she expects to be paid vs. what activities are friend time where no compensation is expected.
I am making this statement only by what you describe in your post. You talk about emailing each other and nice conversations. In no way have you indicated she's pushed you for more appointments, longer appointments, gifts, trips etc. that might seem like she's more interested in your wallet. Does she extend out sessions and always charge you? Does she let you take out to dinners and you have to pay for her time? Or is some or all of this off-the-clock? Does she hint at gifts she'd like to have and do you buy it for her? Does this happen frequently? Answers to those questions would help in understanding how much your relationship is based on money.
You also said she's thinking of getting out of the business if this "big gig" of hers works out. If that's possible, she may already be thinking about a civilian life where time with a guy is only time and not about being on or off the clock. It could help explain a change in her behavior.
I understand your concerns about a provider being interested only in your money. From their perspective, I've heard of ladies concerned about gentlemen interested only in their looks and their talents...and pushing to get as much time as they can free. So those concerns about "being used" or manipulated go both ways.
I would suggest following your instinct on whether you feel this woman is genuine. From your post, I would be less concerned about this as a ploy and more concerned about the fact you're developing an attachment for her that you don't think is reciprocated. If that's the case, I think you should be honest with her about it and maybe you two can work it out so you have the space to settle into a relationship that will work whether it's mostly professional, partly professional and part friendship, or stop seeing her professionally and be her friend.
One final personal note: I think this business can be lonely and I think it's common for a girl to want friends.
Good luck, Ryu.
Lia
Eden B's PA, Lackey and Friend
-- Modified on 4/4/2005 3:42:30 PM
outstanding
you're a smart woman
I have made friends with a couple of providers, some have helped me "talk things out" some I have helped "talk things out" and some it is mutual. Friends? Got enough. I don't have enough. I have one provider that to be honest, we talk well beyond the time - and for whatever reason, it seems to help both of us. She has an SO, and I am not wanting an SO. Oddly enough, the more I see her, the more that I think of her as a friend - and not a VERY hot chick. Although the sex is even better now than when I first saw her. I would say continue, you'll know what is going on as time progresses, as you would with a civvie.... Good luck, you may be into a good thing.
if she really appreciates you as a friend, imagine how devastating it would be if you pull the rug out from under her now.
You two need to talk - nicely. Don't be blunt and tactless like some of us men sometimes can be. Sometime soon when you are together, ask her what she has in mind as far as your friendship. Listen real well, pay attention and take it slow and easy.
Lia's first paragraph asks questions that should give you some indicator of whether she wants your money. I'm supposing this is not the case.
Perhaps she simply needs a friend, not necessarily a romantic, in-love type of friend; at least not now. If so, be that friend to her. She apparently feels comfortable with you and has confidence in you. It's ok for you to care and worry about her without limiting her. Perhaps with time, things will deepen, perhaps she'll retire, perhaps your relationship will have grown, who knows. You won't know unless you try. Don't let her down now.
I will qualify this by saying all this is based on the premise that you are single. If you are married, buddy, you better keep it to a more casual friendship. You already have other committments you need to honor.
Wish you the best. Let us know how it goes. 
I'm always open to developing a friendship, under any circumstances.
What's the phrase? "Like water off a duck's back." Everything is a continuum to me... just think of how many individual events have to occur for two people to meet. Then how rare it must be to actually meet someone you click with - one in a billion, literally, given the odds!
I've asked, time and again, the question about how providers become friends with their clients. Nobody can answer it, and I think the reason is, nobody knows. It's part of the human condition, not a logical, rational issue up for discussion. The answer is different for every provider, and has alot to do with their personality and their reasons for being in this business.
If you're questioning your own motives, talk with her.
If you're questioning her motives...
Maybe you don't trust her as much as she trusts you, and you might want to have a long talk about that.
I found that by just coming out and asking what I'm thinking, a provider is far more honest with me than if I try to weasle the information out of them. And I feel better about it, too.
Its not uncommon. I had a regular (who I've lost contact with) who always talked about her kids with me. She enjoyed talking with me, and, in fact, would call me occasionally just to talk. I miss her now, since I've lost contact with her. Kelly, if you read this, please contact me.
Heart, shmart, enjoy her for she is worth, you will probably get more time with her, she'll stop watching the clock. If she call you to hang out make it clear that's on her dime. Maybe you'll get a bunch of freebees. Stop winning and enjoy.