Maybe I shouldn't be a hobbyist and need to give this up before I get in too deep and wreck my entire life. I'm struggling with how other hobbyist keep this second life a secret from their SO. I've got a locker where I keep my extra funds, condoms, provider reviews, etc... but recently I left a copy of a provider's web page in my car, my wife found it, and I was struggling to come up with a good story to explain why it was there... maybe I'm just too careless for this hobby and should get out before it's too late... Am I alone in this struggle or are others facing the same dilemma?
maybe you can say it belongs to a buddy who rode in in your car?
For a lot of married guys this is part of the fun, the cloak 'n' dagger bit, but I'm a single guy observing this. If you printed up a webpage and left it in a place where she could find it, like the car, you're really not into it. This doesn't necessarily mean you should quit hobbying, maybe you could get into it.
There's plenty of reason to get into it: the illusion you have to serve up your wife every day regarding the holiness of monogamy. That's enough alone. But perhaps you believe that too much yourself. Maybe not. You'll have to examine it.
I'm an old Sam Kinneson fan. Hell isn't anything after you've been married. I've seen that same theme put into practice many, many times.
And now gays think they want marriage. You talk about killing their social movement...
/Zin
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "maybe I'm just too careless for this hobby". Hopefully your SO bought whatever reason you gave her, if not you may have increased her suspicions, if so there are other things to consider.
Do you have a cellular phone which keeps a record of all of your calls?
Do you use a shared computer? If so, there is software that can track everywhere you've been.
Do you have a PDA which is not password protected?, and may have incriminating phone numbers.
How do you account for the cash withdrawals or the cash advances on your CC or checking account?
Does your SO wash your clothes or take your clothes to the cleaners? Do you always clean out your pockets.
There are probably many other things to consider, and I'm sure the more experienced hobbyists with SO could give you some additional advice.But here's the bottom line, this is not a hobby in which carelessness is an option, it requires that you think about eveything you need to do to cover your tracks. If this is too much work for you, at the very least consider taking a hiatus from the hobby, until you formulate your strategy and have developed the discipline to execute against it.
Good luck and don't ruin your life because of carelessness, you'll never forgive yourself.
I can't imagine having to cover my tracks as you guys with SOs do. I have become so cavalier in making the hobby part of my life-style that I truly wonder if I could get into a traditional relationship without being found out almost immediately.
write down only the barest minimum--a phone number, no name or anything else;
dispose of the evidence, hopefully no bigger than a post-it, in a wastebasket just as you're entering the provider's apartment or home;
do not download from this or any other site where the page is anything more than perfectly innocuous;
think of the excuse before you need it--no one's perfect and even experienced hobbyists need a good lie now and then--prepare yours in advance and keep it simple and hard to disprove.
1) Use a shredder, not a wastebasket. In these days of dumpster diving, everyone should be using one of those anyway.
2) Instead of printing the webpage, cut and paste the important parts into Notepad (every windows based machine has this program) and print that, and not the web page itself.
/Zin
back to the print room, using the paper cutter to cut away the links etc., making a copy of the clipping.....I am so hopelessly trapped in the 20th century! LOL
Thanks. Your way is much better!
Everybody should laugh at himself once in a while. Keeps you humble!
It would seem a waste of a lot of paper, having only a few lines printed up, but at least the lines aren't traceable, and you could always cut/tear it down to size.
/Zin
Word is fine, but you can cut and paste, pictures, pertinent facts and even reviews into an Excel file. The difference is that you can password protect a excel file.
I'm feelin .. YIKES ! Dang! Egad! I hope she does not interpret it otherwise.
Couple of other things..
In your browser, always clear the history of visited sites after each on-line session.
For hobby-related email, use a hotmail or yahoo account that you only view messages without having them downloaded.
Always exit all hobby-related web pages each time you walk away from the PC.
Always have a ready excuse for not answering you cell phone calls from SO when practicing hobby, e.g., in the gym, etc.
Of course ensure no odors, e.g, perfume, lipstick, etc.
Put hobby-related information on the computer in a password-protected file - especially easy using MS Excel file.
All I can think of for now...
e
I've only been doing this since March, and have been averaging about 2 appointments per month. In this short time period I have played by the following rules:
1. Keep it Simple. A simple well executed plan will work almost every time. The more complicated things become, the more chance you have of something getting f***ed up. I love to play golf, and my wife knows it. I usually play as a single, so there are no friends to worry about, and no stories to make-up. Saying that I'm going to play golf free's up 4-6 hours of my time. Simple with no questions asked.
2. Use an alternate web browser, and do not create a desktop shortcut for that browser. If your household uses IE, then you should use Netscape, etc. Commit your user names and passwords to memory. Use off the wall passwords that only mean something only to you. Never let your system store that info. Also, clear your location bar history after each browsing session. You should also have a second email account that you only access from your hobby browser.
3. Cell Phones. Only keep a providers number in your cell as long as you need it. The first thing I do after an appointment is delete any calls pertaining to that provider. Erase provider messages ASAP as well.
4. Commit all directions to memory. Pretend they are a speech you have to give to your boss. Know them that well, life as you know it may depend on it. If you can't do that, then use a small post it note, and get rid of it at the providers place as suggested by a previous poster.
5. Money. I'm not the one to comment on this. I don't use money from our account. I buy and sell penny stocks. I make $400 - $1000 in profit per month, then I'm out. This amount of profit covers my hobby cost. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOUR HOBBY MONEY THIS WAY.
Very good advice.. I especially like the golf idea. I do usually play with a partner, but we can easily modify that. I like ideas 3 and 4 also. Will not go with item 5.
Thanks again for the great advice
JS
Just hope she handcuff you to your bedpost and pulls out a silk whip.
Sorry folks. I had to cut short the first reply. I'll conclude with no numbered headings.
When possible, always take a shower after the session. Your wife is like a blood hound, and will pick up any new smell in a fraction of a second. You should also refrain from getting to involved while you are dressed. There is no way to get rid of the smell before you get home. Unless you have a bomb proof reason for coming home dressed differently than you left that morning, you are going to lose. I have a duffel bag full of golf clothing in the back of my car. Most high end courses have showers in the locker room. Even before I started the hobby, I would shower and change after each round. Again, a simple bomb proof plan that is well thought out, and well executed. A plan based on my normal every day behavior.
"What happens on the Mile stays on the Mile"
Don't tell your buddies that you hobby. Your buddies are a complication, and complication f***s thing up. I also say this for two other reasons. First, your buddies will end up slipping. They will tell the wife of GF about what you are doing. Your buddies wife/GF will tell your wife, and then your f***ed. Second, you have a buddy that would love to bang your wife, and would somehow use this informaiton as leverage to get in your wifes pants. If that happens, both of you get f***ed, but she is the only one who enjoys it. Other than what you say here, take your secrets to the grave. However, if you get caught you may have to fess up to everything.
Good luck amigo.
You need to really pay to get the good service. You still need to erase your history after each session, however.