this topic has come up many times, but now i think i can add a twist to it.
i saw a provider and we really clicked. she is in her 30's and im in my 20's. we had a great session and then talked afterwords. it turned out we had a lot in common and many mutual interest.
a few days later she called me to se what was up and asked me over to her place, me not being sure what to expect so i went to the atm and withdrew her full donation amount just in case. she said she rented a movie and we went to her room and layed in bed to watch it. i was happy it was in her bed and thought that it would lead some where. she fell asleep half way through the movie so nothing did occur but i did say goodbye when the movie was over and we hugged on my way out. a few days latter we went to a bar and had some drinks (i invited her) and we talked alot. she told me her last boy friend was my age (im thinking great!). we then went back to her place and talked some more but that was it.
the next day we got coffee in the morning (sat.) and hung out all day went shopping, had lunch and then went to a movie. i offered to pay at each place but she would have nothing of it.
i finally asked hew whats up? would we continue to have a proffesional relationship? a personal relationship or what?
she said she did not want me to be client bec. it would be to wierd and she cant have a relationship now bec of her work (not sure if i would want to while she was still "providing") and really wanted me to be her friend. she has invited me to her family functions, i have house sat for her while she was away, she lent me her laptop on my last trip to watch a movie on the plane, and we hang out atleast a few times a week.
here's the problem, while i enjoy my friendship with her i still want to see her. im not apposed to paying her fee, infact i would insist on it as to not cross that line, but she says it would be too wierd for her.
we talk about her work freely, she tells me more than i want to know infact sometimes when we are hanging out and her phone rings and she sets up an appointment she will get ready infront of me like im one of her "girl friends". she asks me for my oppinion on which thong th put on and has even taken a bath infront of me and asked me to sit in the bathroom and talk to her, rather than make me wait outside.
what do i do. i value her frinedship but still am atracted to her. im not looking to get into a relationship but would still like to see her any advice on how to acomplish this?
You have so many friends that you can't stand having another? Your description is quite clear that she wants a friend far more than she wants you as a customer. If you can stand having yet another friend, I'd take the honor and find a replacement provider.
I agree with packetinspector. She wants you as a trusted friend, not as a lover. What you should do is find another person or persons to provide for your physical needs while maintaining your friendship with your friend. If things get too difficult, you should sit with your friend and explain that you have to break off the relationship.
Hello,
I have not posted in a while, but had to respond to this post. I can relate to your situation. I have the same problem dealing with a client on a professional and personal level. He claimed that he would not cross the line and had the same intention that you mention above, but he did and is now causing tension between us. You mention that she only want you as a friend and that could be the reason at first, but sooner or later, she will expect more and from reading your above post I don't think you are considering taking her home to meet your family... Distant yourself "keep it simple"
-- Modified on 11/28/2004 8:01:08 PM
Ahh this can be a dangerous situation.
The part where she makes appt in front of you intrigues me. So do this:
Next time you are over at her house just hanging, call another provider and set up an appointment in front of her.
I suspect she won't like it very much.
you're lusting for her body and she's not interested.
Teasing you by dressing and bathing in front of you is not cool.
My free advice is..... RUN!
-- Modified on 11/28/2004 8:33:13 PM
Don't pretend that you are interested in her as a friend if what you really want is sex.
Just figure out if you want her as a no-sex friend. If not, end it.
so the concensus is that ill never get with her again, be it as a client or as a friend, the question now reverts back to me, just like my alias, what to do?
It may take a bit of practice but it can be of great assistance regarding any male/female venue. It is very important to learn not to covet, control or possess any female. Most important! As we are all human, we are what we are and will do what we do, no matter the circumstances. You can have any kind of relationship with any women that you wish to have relationships with. If she wishes to be a provider, that's just fine. You met her as a provider. Don't think about making her change. Stay out of her way and don't interfere with what she prefers to do. She will make her own decisions (regardless) because it is inevitable that she will do what she wants to do anyway. Don't attempt to control her. If she considers her relationship to you special, that's great! leave it at that and don't go looking to get deeper. Accept her wishes for what they are and don't try to take it any further. You can still enjoy her for the person she is to you as, well as, her acceptance of you being, better than, without any great loss. The relationship does not have to become an overly burdensome issue and you don't really have to go getting all serious and go over the edge. Control yourself!
Have fun, enjoy and accept everything for what it is and don't try to change it.
When I am in an unrequited love situation with a provider I go find another one and make an appointment with her every night for 5 days in a row.
I forget all about the other one in 5 days. About the same amount of time it takes to quit smoking.
Spendy, but this works, I guarantee it.
LOL! WOuldnt it be less pricey to just get some nicorette? * smile*
This post seems to pop up quite frequently... I still am not understanding I guess, why it doesnt seem plausable to have a friendship with those we meet.. Why most are against it.. We have normal lives just as well as all of you... In this business it is hard for us to keep true friendships outside of this profession.. So yes, at times, we do look for friendship within our realm of clients.. We know we can be real and honest with them.. Most providers... even all providers at one point.. have to lead a double life. No matter what walk of life we are from.. Even if this isnt the only thing we do.. We still have to lie, mainpulate, deceive at times... sometimes we get trick questions asked such as " Whats your name" I have to force myself to say my real name at times and not bust out with "Ciara" ( generally, this is when I have to start taking a week or two break" LOL!
If there is anything most difficult about being a provider. IT is leading a double life... It is most refreshing to us to meet a gentlemen friend that we click with...That we can be real with. And that is what life is all about, isnt it ? Real!
Since she's a provider and a friend, maybe she can recommend a provider for you to see.
As a provider that has befriended a few people I hope to bring some light to this topic. At least from my perspective. I find it very nice to be able to hang out with a guy on a platonic level. There are 3 occassions that I have had close to the same situation and I have found myself not wanting to have sex with them once a friendship has been established. I think it is because I really have had my fill most of the time and just want to hang out with someone I trust and respect. I know this has caused some frustration for my friends, but I can't change that. It is a problem sometimes. I have come to the realization that it isn't a good idea to do that anymore as I end up hurting someones feelings which makes me very sad. It is a very difficult thing sometimes.
....But the pimp/boyfriend prevented it.
"Ray Charles"
Say what?...Whose on first and What's on second.
Cheers!
You need to find a new provider. Trust me, it is not worth getting emotional with a provider.
Nice to hear this point of view. Met a provider 3 months ago and we just got along great for many reasons. Since then we have spent alot of time together both for "business" and socially. While we have feelings for each other, a long-term relationship is not possible but a real friendship has developed that gets stronger each day, based on mutual honesty, respect, caring and the pure joy of being together and sharing some of life's experiences. Most important is we trust each other and do not have unrealistic expectations.
Sounds to me like she is being very honest with you, wants and needs you for a friend, go with it.
Why not just enjoy her friendship, she sounds like a very nice person. She obviously trusts you so trust her. Let her know that you have a very strong physical attraction to her this way she can make a decision on how she wants to deal with it.
Give her some time to figure things out, she sounds like a very inteligent lady that is trying to keep your best interests in mind.She probably has concerns about hurting you with her occupation and she isnt ready to give that up.