Just a note hoping that this will help. I had to walk away from what was probably an OK person last night....here's why....
He had to stop to call his wife..."I am married, very happily, and must make this call". Fine, no problem. He goes in the bathroom, yaketty yak, yaketty yak. He comes out about 15 minutes later saying his timing was screwed up (it is about 6:10PM) and she can now talk until 7:30. We are supposed to go to dinner, (I'm offering this time gratis with a two hour private time date), but now I am expected to wait for over an hour while he talks to his wife. Then he says a bunch of blah, blah, blah, about his wife, his marriage, his happiness. I'm not feeling great anyway after still recovering from a flu and sinus infection. I tell him I think I will go home, and he should respond to his responsabilities. He replies, "But I really want to be with you". I tell him that I don't need all of the information about his wife, and that at this point I am getting ready to be implicated that I am going to do something wrong. I tell him to go talk to his wife, I think I'll go home now. He says, "well there are problems with my marraige". "I really want to be with you". Two implications in my book. I leave.
Most of the gentlemen I meet are very nice. I really like most of them. They have thier ducks in a row and don't go into things that are of no use or interest to me when it comes to thier personal love lives with whoever they may be attached to. I find that very, very tacky, as well as putting a girl in a bad position. When I get an e-mail from someone who is sniveling about his wife, I delete it. It is a total setup as far as I am concerned. LE loves to use those stupid lines to add to their case. I am here to spend time with gentlemen who are otherwise eating alone while on the road. Of course thier is the bottom line, but it is not necessary to discuss in any format. Mentioning that your wife doesn't give you sex implies that I will. That is against the law if you are hiring me right? Mentioning your SO is tacky, go to a counselor if you want to talk about that...........:P
Another set-up that was used on me when I got in trouble, was "I read your reviews and everyone says great things about you.....blah, blah, blah". I deny that any of that is true. Those are all stories for intertainment purposes only. Another way to add to the case.
Can some of you PLEASE SHUT UP about your wives and the reviews? It is so not necessary. It is very uncomfortable and adds stress to what can be a very comfortable nice time together.....HUGE waste of your time and mine when I have to walk away. I believe that a large majority of the gents I see are single, busy, divorced, widowed or have some sort of disability in thier relationship that prevents them from some simple comforts. There are of course those who are married who are out for sport. Whatever, I really don't need to know about that if that is the case. Who Cares?
I hope some of this advice will help others be safe for the holidays. There are so many out there who need and deserve some company during this time. I enjoy the company as well. ((HUGZ AND KISSES))
Jenni
Right on the money. And I don't want to hear all about "my boyfriend/husband" from the provider either while I'm trying to get "romantic"
I learn something from you all the time, girl, and am so thankful for you!
Having had the experience you've had, you can give us the inside scoop on how some things can be 'implicating' that others might think as harmless conversation! Giving us the perspective that you have makes us see it differently, thank you.
How often we all mention reviews, etc! So true..but they ARE mere fiction - we all know that, right?? We just forget..
Good thoughts on discussing their personal issues. And I can see how that might be leading up to an implication, too. We certainly appreciate that input.
I personally don't mind whatever the client wants to talk about. I don't care if he wants to tell me all about his problems - for me, it's his time, his dime. One thing I will NOT tolerate, though is any conversation that is disrespectful to their wives or SO's and fortunately, that has not even happened. I think all of my guys have been good guys and wouldn't anyway.
Thanks, Jenni.
This is another “courtesy” item that shouldn’t be any different than in any other social endeavor: If I am spending time with YOU, my focus should be YOU. If I am more interested in HER (or HIM), then I should be with HER/HIM.
And as far as Sedona’s comment, I don’t appreciate someone bad mouthing a third party to me regardless if that person is their spouse, another provider, their boss, etc.
Why do so many people seem to believe that as soon as they walk into a meeting in this “world” they can/should throw out anything resembling manners? In fact, I wonder if all the men in this world can’t be divided into two camps: those who check their manners at the bedroom door, and those who bring them inside with them?
Well I agree with some of what you say especially with respect to what a person says before they have met you. But if you've seen someone a few times and they tell you about problems at home maybe it's because they feel somewhat close to you and are opening up. I agree that opening up may be a mistake (as I may have just learned the hard way) and maybe most providers don't care, but after seeing a provider a number of times it can be easy to think that some may actually care about you as a person (probably not as true as I'd like to think). So I'd suggest in the case of clients that you've seen before, to try and cut them a little slack and perhaps give them a gentle reality check.
Of course once a friendship has been developed some conversation is warrented and fine. I know a few who have valid reasons for seeking comfort and who do need to talk. But at the starting gate is not the place. The first encounter is crucial as we all know, and always abit uncomfortable for both parties. I feel it is my responsability to make a person feel comfortable and safe from the gate, but it is also the gents responsability to make a girl feel safe when it comes to legalities, and those two items are big time red flags for me after having had the experience of the boogie man once. I really hoped to offer this scenario which really are multiple points when a prosecutor is adding things up in front of a jury. 1+1=2 Doesn't take a rocket scientist. If I was on a jury and I heard that the woman was told up front, that "my wife doesn't give me sex", or I am widowed and haven't had sex for 2 yrs", that implies that you will for the fee. Or if I was happily admitting to all of the wonderful things that my reviews said and implying that you will get the same for my fee.......If I were a jury person who was following the law to the letter, it would be my civic duty to convict.
Naturally, I spend time listening to people and thier wishes or problems. But never in a trashing situation, nor until we have established a safe friendship.
Again, wishing everyone a safe and happy holiday season.
Jenni
I didn't know that discussing wives and reviews had legal implications, THANK YOU girl for informing of this, i am so grateful
About half the providers I've seen have asked me whether I have a wife or girlfriend. And the questions into my love life don't stop there. It always makes me uncomfortable.
Hello again,
As I said before, it is not at all a good idea for introductory information. Neither are the reviews. Both were used against me, or was tried to be used against me in my case. That was my main message on the board. I used to be a bartender, and then for many years after that, a substance abuse counselor. I really do have a good ear for someone who needs to talk. And it is fine, once the relationship has been established. Still, I won't tolorate wife bashing ever. I have also been divorced 3 times. If I am that unhappy, I leave! LOL. Despite, EXTREME lifestyle changes, I leave! Amd I never, ever benefited financially from divorce. No one does. I never collected child support, nor welfare. I leave and sell my "assets" first. That is what I am ultimately paid for if we want to get down to the bottom line. But I do try to offer more by dining or going for a walk to get acquainted. I like to ask where they are from. Ask about thier work, thier travels. There is so much more to talk about than that to get comfortable with each other. Later, I don't mind talking about each other's children for instance. I met 3 men this year who's wives were terminally ill. They all had cancer, they all were in so much pain thier husbands couln't even touch them in some scenarios. Not touch them even to comfort thier wives. I believe they came to me for comfort more than sex. They all still come to see me, all 3 have since lost thier wives. So there is alot going on sometimes.
I do appreciate your input. Thanks so much.
HUGZZ
Jenni
when they are with YOU, Jenni?! First of all, who has the ability to even think about anything/anyone else but YOU when they are with beautiful, sexy and lovely you? And secondly, where in the hell do they even find the time to even think about anything/anyone else but YOU since you usually keep 'em too busy?! There is a lot to be said for staying focused in the NOW!!
I know that when I last saw you, I lost all sense of myself and simply just enjoy my wonderful time with you!! I call it, appropriately, the "Fog of Jenni"!!
That is a very good question Sparker! Why I hadn't even thought of that! Thank you, *little courtsey*. My favorite quote by Emerson.."Action speaks more clearly and louder than words".
And "action" is the happening thing when you are around!
MUAH!