A very interesting, thoughtfull and engaging post. Your comment in the last paragraph really had some meaning for me.

"Besides the obvious regular visits, I wonder how many members actually took time and effort to show their appreciations for their ATFs/current favorites.  Whether or not they would slow down their new face seeking activities to accommodate their ATFs' financial needs in this still challenging economy?"

  I'm not a wealthy man but I have always made clear to my ATF that I could always be counted on. She recently repaid my loyalty by twisting my ego,emotions and soul into a knot all basically for the love of money. Thankfully I have some very good friends in our community that are helping me deal with a pain that I thought I was steeled against.  I think about the young couple in the VW Bug you mentioned and it makes me yearn for a traditional relationship. Then again as you mentioned their relationship could be as dysfunctional as any on the Jerry Springer show.

     "thoughts about life's priority, relationships and hobbying"  In one law office a couple signs a pre-nuptial agreement. Next door a deposition rages on about who is going to get what in the divorce. The guy in the VW Bug is probably pissed because he has to buy his gal something for valintines day and I feel guilty for thinking about broadening my horizons (provider wise) even though my ATF treated me like s**t.

  Yeah; Valintines day can get you to thinking

    Cm.  

-- Modified on 2/13/2004 6:36:24 AM

while I appreciate your sentimentality regarding the sending of a Valentine's Day acknowledgement to one's ATF, taking the time to do so can go unappreciated. Sent off such a gesture to two very special ladies this year and neither even opened the e-card that was sent. One would expect them to at least read it even if they didn't have the time or interest to say "Thank you."

all too true ... one could even say that those of us who flock to the hobby and TER are "dysfunctional" individuals who have their priorities mixed up (a blowjob over a new pair of shoes, a pornstar over a contribution to your retirement fund, etc)

perhaps all that money and time spent on personal gratification could've been used in a more productive way securing the more lasting pleasures in life

i don't have the answer ... if i did, i wouldn't be here

A more thought-provoking post than that which I usually find.
Yes, I would prefer a LTR to the periodic interludes with my ATF or the other providers with whom I've spent my time. That said, I've already been married once. For my divorce in 1975, I had to give my ex the house, the cars, alimony, child support and over half the cash value of my business. I say over half because to raise half the cash value of the business, I had to sell some heavy equipment and take the loss between what I paid for the equipment and the residual cash value for what I was paid for the equipment. "Half" (as it applies to domestic relations law)is a concept that more than scares me; it also pisses me off.
  However, I made several decisions many years ago (consciously or unconsciously). Result: my life is pretty much consumed by work. One of the byproducts of these decisions is that I have neither the time nor the energy for someone who gets upset because I didn't remember "our four-month anniversary" or other such "important" holidays.
  My ATF says she's in the business because she is high maintenance. That may be, on the other hand my relationship with her is rather low maintenance. All I need do is make sure her donation is in the proper amount and place. Yes, I do bring her flowers or candles or a little teddy bear when I visit. I take her to nice restaurants. I like to treat my ATF as I would like to be treated. In return, she is the drop-dead gorgeous woman on my arm for social functions (and the stares and jealousy of the others in my industry to me is priceless). From time-to-time, she keeps me warm through the night. After we finish rolling around, we usually cuddle and talk like old friends. While we are friendly and, perhaps, even romantic; I don't mistake her for a friend or our relationship as a romance.
  I've had a number of mistresses and ATFs. I've taken most of them on vacations and always treated them well. Two common threads run through all these women. 1) They are all intelligent and well-read. 2) They are all visually stunning. I'm a realist and for lack of a better word, a businessman. I can understand an exchange of value for value. We just have to agree upon the amount of compensation for services rendered. I also understand that while I may be a little sharper than most of the knives in the drawer, I'm rather larger than most men and not as easy on the eyes as they are. I know my ATF's company is a result of a commercial transaction and not an affair of the heart.
  Perhaps, I could have married a second wife, a woman who was as intelligent and as beautiful as some of the women noted above. I don't know. Perhaps, I'll never know. But, I do know there are a number of women who have had their educations partially financed, houses, cars, health insurance or other expenses partially paid by funds provided by me in exchange for their temporary company.
  IMHO, my relationships with my ATF is a more honest transaction than that between me and my (now ex) wife. My wife allegedly married me for love. In the end, all she demanded was money; or I was going to jail (the judge's words). For the time we were married, I could have had the most expensive PSE for less than my ex-wife received in our divorce and have had a helluva lot less stress. This is why I have an ATF and will never have another wife.

Wonderful post, GC.
This year is a year of introspection and of change. And, if one sees all things as 'working together for good', then one can only hope to see the right message at the right time in all things. Otherwise, the trials of life have little value and only difficulty when one misses the purpose and 'message'.

So, I say, lift your glasses in a toast to 'balance' that one can evaluate what this Game means, and how it fits into your life with the emphasis being on appropriate balance. That the expense of the Game be one affordably disposable, and not one that belonged to the mortgage or the children's education.

I caught one episode of some show "Fat Fiance" or something, and the girl who was pretending to be engaged to this guy was crying because she had to fool her whole family into believing this whole thing. She had a great, caring family, and she could see all the pain this was causing them. I couldn't imagine hurting everyone and then telling them it was all a joke for a million dollars. It reminded me very much of the movie "Indecent Proposal", which I recommend everyone see and think about, and then watch again months later and see if you get a different feeling or message. A million dollars would help me help a lot of people, but I don't care enough about it to see the damage done. Money is just not that important.

You speak of your date with the lady and the young couple in the convertible, and you see the difference between 'happiness' and 'joy'. Happiness is fleeting, and slips through your hands like cupped water. Joy is everlasting and deep and stays with you. The sustainable place is contentment (as discussed on the next page in another thread), where we are grounded enough to handle how temporary and relative happiness is, and grateful enough to recognize the joys.

In your next post you mention an end to friendships. I call that 'house cleaning' and recently began pushing the 'refresh' button about every three years. Acquaintances and friendships are in our lives for a reason and a season. I've had to do the same when people continually are a negativity to your life, or (here's the accountant in me) when you recognize after much time that you have little return on your investment.

During these months (it will be four by the time I come back!) of recuperating, I have felt more genuine care and 'love' from many of you here on TER than my 'real' friends whose offers of help haven't even amounted to a phone call or email to see how my surgery went! I feel I can trust KylieSD to be there in one phone call (and I haven't even met her) for me, more so than people I've known for 4 years!

There's much we learn in this Game just due to the nature of all the intimate intricacies. Keeping it in the perspective and right balance is key.

Thanks for sharing your tender thoughts with us, GC. And a tight hug for you for Valentine's Day.

Much love,
Sedona

Thank you for a post that made me stop and think.  As I read parts of it I felt that the emotions were my own, but you said them far better.  I won’t comment on all of it, but one paragraph in particular grabbed me very forcefully:

“As with many hobbyists, there are always tensions within my mind between seeking new faces or continuing with those who are my favorites.   Maybe I am getting older and more sentimental.   I think ultimately it is better and more rewarding to spend time and resources with someone I care compared to the thrill of meeting new ones even though they could be sensational.”

I have found that I been seeing very few new Ladies recently, but keep being pulled back towards three women.  Each is very different, physically and emotionally, but all have common characteristics:  they are bright, comfortable, and fun to be with, and I have come to care about each of them individually.  I have spent hours with each of them and we never took off more than our shoes, and it was completely fulfilling for me.  I have spent off-duty time with each of them where the bed never stopped bouncing.  Other Ladies I know are more erotically skilled, or more physically beautiful, but my interest in meeting new Ladies doesn’t seem to be there.  

I want to do exactly what you refer to:  build my emotional attachments with these few Ladies.  Fortunately for me, all three seem interested in the same, at least for now.  Maybe it’s just my getting older.  Maybe it’s a passing fad.  But so long as my travels take me near them, it’s a hell of a lovely ride.  I am getting more pleasure out of this hobby now than when every meeting was with a new Lady.

I don’t know that there will be a lot of replies, and some of them might be more appropriate to discuss in private e-mails.  I’m surprised I actually posted this here myself.  But I would look forward to other people’s thoughts (both men and women)
I have not been very good about keeping my account here active because numerous things have been keeping me very busy, so if anyone would like to write to me, send a note to my yahoo account at Old_Traveler69.

PS:  Sedona, don’t think this means YOU are off my list of Ladies to see; I most assuredly plan on meeting you at the first opportunity I have!