Would appreciate any feed back regarding what is expected from the Hobbyist when supporting a provider in the role of suger daddy.
As I undertand the situation there are no standard relationships in the business only those issues that are agreed to before hand.
I have seen more than one provider that wants it all one way. The hobbyist pays so the provider can go party (give it out for free and snort nose candy) and disregard any commitments.
I would really appreciate some feed ack.
Personally, I have been interested in establishing a relationship like this with a couple of different ladies over the years. To my mind, it involves the commitment of a minimum level of financial support per month from the gentleman, which the lady can rely on receiving. And a level of service from the lady that goes noticeably beyond what the same amount of financial expenditure would buy on an ad-hoc, non-guaranteed basis. But it's been my experience that MOST ladies whom I'd proposed this to were reluctant to be tied down to it. Frankly, I really don't understand why. These ladies were certainly NOT averse to seeing me for prolonged periods of time. I just think that it has to do with an aversion to structure in their relationships which may be what leads many of these ladies into the business in the first place.
I have had a few of these relationships in the past. In fact, I really PREFER the "sugar daddy" arrangement over providing. In all three of my experiences, I had succomb to being a paid girlfiend. They paid my monthly expenses, clothes, etc (no nose candy..I don't do any drugs or go out much). And in turn, I STOPPED providing to others and was available to them whenever they requested. It was pretty nice and a win-win for all involved. I'd gladly go for the same arrangement again, but being pregnant makes it a bit difficult.
"These ladies were certainly NOT averse to seeing me for prolonged periods of time."
Don't you think your money had a lot to do with it too? It's a lot like the beer google theory. The more you drink, the better looking an ugly woman becomes. In that same theory, the more money you give them, the more likely they will want to spend time with you.
I have proposed levels of arrangement ranging from $1K to as much as $5K a month. At the lower level, I was simply looking for something on the neighborhood of 2 lengthy evening dinner dates or 5-6 shorter sessions a month, (or some mix of these) pre-paid. At the higher level, I would have been looking for something much more exclusive, with the expectation that I'd probably be spending a few evenings a week with them. I was very willing to be flexible about it, with the level of funding to be commensurate with the shared time involved. It could have been done through me simply paying the rent and the car payment for them, or it could have been done more directly.
My sense in all these cases was that the ladies were not looking to be tied down in any way to some type of commitment. In particular, I would think that a $1-2K a month guaranteed customer without any expectation of exclusivity would make life much easier for some of these ladies, in terms of at least knowing where the rent payment would be coming from.
I dont mean to be critical or judegemental, but to expect a provider to be exclusive for $60K a year is not very realistic. For arguements sake, lets say 10 nights per month(a few nights a week). That would be 500.00 per night. When you say "night" do you man the entire night? Or an hours time? If its the entire night, it seems to me that there is really no incentive for that arrangement in the eye of a provider. She can EASILY make that with NO expectations other then the expectations she sets for herself. Pony up 100K and you would possibly have more success finding someone. This is of course only my opinion. I've never considered an arrangment like this, nor would I.
My expectation for $5K a month was along the lines of say, 2 full evenings a week, wherein my dates got priority over any other dates. These didn't need to be all-nighters, just full evening dates, with some significant (i.e. multiple pop) recreation around things like dinner, theater, a night on the town, etc, although there would probably also be travel involved to nice vacation spots, which might involve more time together (but in fun places like Hawaii, Napa, Paris, Aspen, etc. which, I should think, would compensate for the added time). $2-2.5K a month might involve a half dozen short (hour or so) dates, and maybe 2 longer dates a month. $1K/mo might entail perhaps just the 5-6 shorter dates, or just the 2 longer dates.
To me, there are a few over-riding questions as to whether this type of arrangement makes sense. First of all, is it in fact better for both parties involved than just a typical pay as you go escort/client relationship? Assuming that the two people actually DO get along and trust each other, as well as enjoy each other's company at some level beyond the sex, I would contend that it should work for both. The lady gets a risk-free baseline level of revenue, above which she can choose to augment it or not as she sees fit. And the gentleman SHOULD be able, by committing this level up front, get more time with the lady than he'd be getting if he were paying for it on an hourly basis. The interesting question that is raised in this thread is the viewpoint that IN FACT, the gentlemen who have experienced this seem to be saying that they end up getting LESS time with their companions than they would be getting in a pay-as-you-go type arrangement. If that's truly the case, I would not be interested in it. And I would NEVER initiate it with someone whom I didn't feel some connection at a level beyond the sex. I DO believe that I can tell when I am viewed as just a human ATM, as opposed to an enjoyable way for the lady to make some money.
This is an interesting idea....and I don't think that you are unreasonable in your offer. Although the woman would be making less per evening (for instance - I would be making $400 less per evening in this case vs my normal rate), but the tradeoff is certainly there. Spending time with someone where you have a comfort level and (hopefully) a mutual affection for one another, safety, interesting dates and outings...I think that it would be well worth the trade off of the potential money that the woman could make, should she not take this offer.
Keep trying - you will find a woman who is boht trustworthy and worthy of your time/money. Best of luck...Syd
There you go. In our capitalist society, risk ought to equate to reward in some way. Otherwise, money just stays at home, right Sydney?
Therefore, in the abstract, time sold by the hour (with an elevated degree of risk) ought to be more dear than time sold in a single, relatively risk-free, arrangement.
Notwithstanding the above observations, however, had I the means, one of the pleasures of being a Sugar Daddy would be supporting the object of my interest in the style to which I'd like her to become accustomed.
In other words, had I the means, I'd overpay since it would benefit her. Call me warped, but helping others in this sort of a win-win scenario might actually be kinda fun!
Is really not the same thing as a SUGAR DADDY. A sugar daddy spoils his baby and pays MORE, not LESS. I think what you seek is more of a Mistress type arrangement where you wind up paying less in the long run... like buying in bulk, so to speak =:O But that is not about being a sugar daddy. And several ladies I'm sure would be happy to do that, it's just hashing out the terms that can be tough!
Hugs*
Tamara
Sorry, but I can't understand the logic in paying more than the companionship would cost on an hourly basis. It sounds like the guy is giving up flexibility, is committing the cash up front, and providing an extra degree of security for the lady, and is getting nothing in return.
My understanding is that a sugar daddy is a benefactor, in exchange for an extended level of companionship, not simply someone to be played.
"But it's been my experience that MOST ladies whom I'd proposed this to were reluctant to be tied down to it. Frankly, I really don't understand why. I just think that it has to do with an aversion to structure in their relationships which may be what leads many of these ladies into the business in the first place."
Or they recognize that maybe they were more fiercely independent than they thought, and that they didn't enjoy it! And you had the magic word right there: 'tied down'. Did you think that might be the reason?
I for one have been accused more than once of being 'anti-marriage', and felt badly that I left that impression. My reply was 'No, not at all. Marriage is a very beautiful and special thing - for somebody else. But, what you are seeing is not so much 'anti-marriage' but very much PRO-single!'
I LOVE being single and wouldn't trade it for the world.
Being in a relationship such as the one you describe would be like taking a fish out of water and slowly watching it die, struggling for air. It would strip me of being who I am - very independent and have been since I was a kid. That type of arrangement would soon have me a very unhappy, unnatural person.
-- Modified on 12/19/2003 8:11:35 PM
-- Modified on 12/19/2003 8:21:11 PM
I was never tied down and to be frank, I had total freedom to continue escorting, touring, traveling or doing what ever else my little heart desired. Yes, there are stipulations and you oblidge happily and be available when the time comes but it's a little price to pay for having total access. Total access I mean bank accounts, security codes, homes, cars, cash and whatever else your little heart desires but until you've experience it you'll never know if you can handle it.
I tried that once. It was before the dot com bust, when I had some money.
I think you already found out what it is like. Whatever you give the girl will not be enough. The longer it lasts the more she will want to shop and party--and the less she will be want to "give" you.
The problem is too few girls looking for a "sugar daddy" are really able to honor a commitment. If you found a starving student, instead of a party girl things might be different. Unfortunately, in contrast to party girls, responsible girls looking for a "sugar daddy" are hard to find--or at least that was my experience.
For a true exclusive, my limited understanding is an income plus living expenses. You can expect to pay a lot of money. It can work well for a single guy who wants a live in companion.
Imagine it would be a lot harder for a married guy. Would probably need to ask some of those guys on the richa dn famous list how they keep a mistress on the side which is essentially what you are talking about.
There are a few agencies that offer this service. You would probably have to ask around the high end ones.
Suppose the last thing is to simply set up some sort of recurrent payment in exchange for services. Example 5grand/month for a set period of time for services. You get the picture.
that is what i was looking for before i started this. don't get me wrong i love what i do. i would like to move somewhere( live in Fl now) haven't done alot in my life so i need to try something different. don't know where to go but if i had a sugar daddy he could help alot. if anyone is interested email me.. sassy= [email protected]
I think just a few Sugar Uncles would be perfect!
I had a woman on full scholarship. It was expensive, but very worth it. What was expected from me was that I paid for EVERYTHING! but in return she trained like a division one athelete. Every time I saw her, it was game day.
I respected her free time, but when I called it was expected she was to be ready when I said so. As in any employer/employee situation I expected the up-most professionalism. Drugs, tardiness, rudness, tiredness... please, these were grounds for dismissal.
Hell, I even gave her a very generous severence when the gig was up.
I don't care what the fees were - it would never appeal to me.
I honestly don't get the appeal for either side..
It was not for sex. It was for business. Did we ever? Yes, but that was not the main reason I did it.
I had a business that needed a certain look. I did not want a trophy wife, so I hired a trophy courtesan. She got supported in a way she wanted and I got wealthy.
Trophy wives get half! Trophy courtesans do not. When I was done, she went onto another gentleman in my same field.
She has enough money to retire anytime she wants. But if some man is willing to take her to paris, venice, tahiti and buy her things, why not. This woman was smart enough to learn and invest from what she saw when she was with her clients. Now she has more than many of her previous clients. I say good for her.
Sedona, you are right, it is not for everyone.
F**k!! what a discussion. Is this what is considered "Crazy Money". I'm sweating where I'm going to find the scratch to see my ATF for an hour this weekend and you gentlemen are discussing OWNING your ATF.
God truly must hate me
RMBR.
from a sugar daddy point of view.
you can expect to pay 6-10K a month and see her once or twice a week. And that is the average end. And dont expect her to be home waiting on your call 24 7. But lets hope she's smart enough and a good enoungh actress to make you feel like her only. Thanks what the monetery buys you.The fantasy that you have her all to yourself...
You might want to check out a site www.sugardaddie.com. I hope I'm not breaking any rules by posting that here.
I have had rather extensive experience with that site, from a unique perspective. A woman approached me with the idea of engaging her services as an escort, but as I quickly got to know her I realized she was more cut out to be a sugar baby than an escort, so I helped her find a sugar daddy. Surprisingly, it wasn't easy. She is young, extremely attractive, and was quite willing to be sexually accomodating, yet she repeatedly ran into men who were liars and phonies.
I can tell you this:
1) The going rate for a sugar baby is about $5,000 a month, for which you can expect to see her occasionally but not continually. If all you want is sex, escorts are probably cheaper.
2) You should be prepared to show you're for real, and to get taken now and then. But if you're prepared to spend $60,000 a year once you have a sugar baby, expect to spend some money to find one. Accept that you will send a girl a couple hundred dollars and get her a plane ticket, and sometimes on the day she's supposed to come up she will have "Car trouble" or a "sick relative." Consider it a cost of doing business.
3) Don't come on too strong about sex, but let her know it's part of what you expect. Expect to start giving her some money before you get sex, but let her know that the financial support will ramp up as the intimacy does. Some women DO expect financial support without sex.
4) Understand that the younger she is, the flakier she'll be.
Escorts and dancers are not good candidates for this kind of relationship. They are, by and large, skilled at carefully regulating what they give to a man. That's not what you want for this kind of money.
Why would you want to do that when there are so many lovely providers out there?
I would have considered this with four providers I have had the pleasure of seeing. However, when reality set back in and I thought about it the unfortunate realization was that it would never work long term for several reasons.
The major reason is trust. Would either party really be able to say that they totally trusted the other?
I thought that I had a relationship that had a strong foundation of trust and that we both had been through enough together that we could discuss any problem or misunderstanding that occurred. Boy, was I ever wrong! When push came to shove, she didn't trust or respect me one bit! I'm glad the fallout happenned when it did, because I had ordered a Mercedes as a gift for her in mid-February. Thank goodness it didn't arrive until early June (even with the strings I pulled)! The irony was that it was stolen the next month. She never knew it was for her and I have heard from credible sources that the provider has questioned whether I ever had one at all!
Two of the other providers wanted to borrow money. Enough said! The fourth may have worked for a while, but it has always been a business like relationship and she has two teenage daughters.
The moral of the story is to be careful, don't trust too easily and remember that hobbyists are Human ATM Machines!!!! If you want love and trust, buy a puppy!
Best wishes! I hope I'm wrong if you pursue this. If I am, I owe you a night on the town (if the arrangement lasts two years).
"...remember that hobbyists are Human ATM Machines!!!!"
So true, motley fool. I always get a good chuckle when the guys on this board talk about falling in love with a provider or when they think that a provider has genuine feelings for them. They always should ask themselves the question of whether the provider would feel the same way about them when the money runs out. 99.9% of the time the answer is no, but guys continue to think otherwise. Thanks for telling it like it is.
I have been seeing this client for over two years and last month, he told me he was in love with me. I do also love him very much but the situation is much more difficult for me now. I refuse to let him buy me anything even though he can afford it. I don't know why I am now like that, but anyone I truly care for I have a hard time accepting gifts from. I actually bought him dinner last week. I guess it interfers with the whole "independant" thing alot of providers are use to. I don't do drugs, or drink and I don't party. I've always been self sufficiant and to imply that all of us are looking for human ATM's is just wrong. That's like saying all hobbyists are looking for is sex. That's not always true. Compassion and understanding goes a long way in this business.
-- Modified on 12/23/2003 2:13:11 PM
You make a good point but I can see where a man might want exclusivity without the boondogle of marriage. Even if total trust is not there at least they can't walk away with HALF.
Hell!; If I could afford it I'd love to "make an offer she couldn't refuse" to a certain someone. I'm not saying the arrangement would necessarilly "work" but it sure would be entertaining on many levels.
IAATM So C'mon lotto, make it happen for me
Cm
I agree with Sedonasandiego completely. I tried it with my ATF (all time favorite)and it quickly ended our relationship for the reasons that Sedonasandiego discusses. I did not understand the other side. We are very slowly rebuilding a friendship relationship, but nothing more at this time.
We had a very close relationship until I tried to be the sugar daddy with no strings attached from my part. We supported each other through some very difficult times this past year. She sent me e-mails or called me every day during my 2 operations and recover this summer. I tried it after my recovery.
Just enjoy the pay as you go plan. We all like our independence.
Someone posted somewhere, "guys like the girls and the girls like the money." Is this what's being said in different words in these posts?
To me being a sugar daddy it's simply just another way to waste money and time. Ladies, all ladies providers and non-providers get a real job, put laziness aside lol. By the way isn't marriage in most cases the same thing? Married men are the sugar daddys of their wives. Thier job pays for the wife shopping and SUVs, lol. I will stick with the girlfriend thing, or regular providers.
-- Modified on 12/20/2003 11:41:59 AM
Your cost will vary depending upon what part of the country you're in, (LA and NY will be the higher end, obviously.) However, the amounts given are pretty accurate, $5k to $10k per month.
What is expected of you will vary upon the woman you choose. Most seem to expect a great deal and want to limit what they provide.
This is, invariably a financial arrangement for them, (not surprising.) I knew one guy whose girl hated him. He never could see this. He was only a source of cash. This is very common. Another had an arrangement with his wife. He could take his girl anywhere, but she got the same kind of trip, etc. (neither of these guys were me)
Anyway, keeping brief, not something I'd recommend based on my limited experience. I considered it recently, but had a friend knock some sense into me. Glad he did.
Take it from a sugar baby who has a great sugar daddy who is actually the hottest man alive, trouble in paradise can occur when daddy decides to trail off and skip visits.
True, I could get a regular job but then I wouldn't be available to him on the day he needs me and he is not a flexible cat. So I keep myself open and then if he doesn't see me that month, I have a hard time making it.
We're not talking the kinds of numbers that were mentioned here. We are talking a set rate that could cover a car payment and then some.
But rather than complain, I don't say a thing. I consider myself lucky to have his attention and company at all and I don't push things because if I were him, I would prefer to know baby is there when needed but in no way a "responsibility".
I don't know anyone who lays down the type of money you mentioned here, not in this economy.
I am a 48 year old white male, and I own a fortune 1000 business in
L.A., CA. I am looking for an attractive young lady to satisfy my needs,
companionship, dinner parties, gala fund raisers, etc.....I supply a penthouse
apartment in Toluca Lake, a new Infinity 2004 car, Full medical and dental
coverage
and approximately $20,000 per month. If you can commit to one man for a period
of time and are interested in this type of arrangement, let me know.
When I e-mailed back that I was interested, he gave me his phone number and we chatted for about three weeks before finally meeting. He was busy ( a workaholic). He was real and had done this before with several other girls in the past. Very nice lifestyle. Private jet, yacht, homes invarious places around the country and in Mexico. The last girl had just left him in December to move to Texas to start her career in Psycholgy with her newly earned degree obtained while in this arrangement. He was very reasonable in his expectations and I very seriously contemplated uprooting and moving out of OC to do this. I knew he wouldn't be attractive but we got on famously over the phone and in our e-mails. He had a great voice. When we finally met, he seemed completely a different person. Not happy to meet me. No sparks, no anything. I had to close my eyes and listen to his voice to be sure it was him. We had lunch, which was nice, and talked more about the arrangement and it just made me realize that there was no way I wanted to go and do this because as nice as it would be for me not to need to schedule any appointments, I would be so unhappy that it wouldn't be worth it. I thought about doing it for six months or a year and couldn't even bring myself to do that. Some things you just can't compromise on and your happiness is a big one and your independence is another.
If you ask me this does sound like a great offer and if it is still open I would love to have a chance to meet the guy and see if I think I would be happy. The workaholic part is no problem to me as I have my art and other outside interests that keep me busy. If you could send me the offer and contact information or in alternative send him a note that I would be interested I would appreciate it for frankly I hope to find such an arrangement either way. [email protected]
I want to thank all of you who responded to my questions. As I said at the begining there appears to be no set arrangement. or structure.
From reading what has been written it would appear that there has to be a good deal of positive chemistry, trust and a willingness for both parties to understand the others need for independence (to what degree).
In addition buying a dog is a great asset as well! There is a web site about cocker spaniels but I wont go into that 
Again thanks for the feed back. It has helped a great deal.
PS I also found a number of web sites on the issue.
Let's get real here.
For most the role of sugar daddy is bit more modest than the $120k per annum some are flaunting.
For me what it gets down to is this:
I will be the one who goes exclusive and funnel all (well at least 90%)my hobby money to one provider.
In return, I don't want to get dinged by the clock.
I'll spend sdditional dollars on trips, presants and dinners that I think that she will enjoy (and that she can decline). In return, I don't want to pay "overnight rates" when I've just spent $500 on a Bodega Bay bed and breakfast. Sh*t, if I spend $200 to take her skiing at Tahoe, I don't want to pay meter as well.
I don't expect her to be exclusive or even always available but I do want her to recognize the extra I lay out to keep her happy.
What does she get? A couple of g's month-in-month-out that she can depend on and a client who she can have fun with.
Maybe this isn't technically a sugar daddy, but I'd like some feedback on my expectations
What I'm hearing is, in general, that ain't enough jack to get what you want. My take is that it IS, if the lady actually really likes your company, and the places you take her, but it is not, if she views it as strictly commerce, and you're just a steady source of income.
I'm a consultant and a charge a lot less if i'm on retainer than I do for casual clients even if they are regulars.