and yes, I feel it does happen with some more than others.

Hobbyist can be older, younger, taller shorter......
How does this happen upon opening the door?

Does the provider make this happen?

Your thoughts if any?

How else to explain the attraction I have to such a variety of gals in terms of age, weight, techniques, etc.?

Maybe someday scientists will have some way to explain this through DNA, etc., but I sort of hope they don't.  There's something magic about it, and I like the magic

 If you think you've "connected" with a provider, then she's done her job.  And it is a job.  When you're at work, you're nice to your customers, even the ones who you hate.  Because that's your job.  

 A provider may like you 'as a client' if the following are true:  

1. she sends you unsolicited texts for hookups.  Note these are personal texts, not group texts to her client list.  
2. She spends off the clock time with you.  
3. She shares personal info with you, like her real name, where she lives, etc.  

 But even when the 3 items above are true, you're still a client.  You're still paying for it. When she stops charging you, moves in with you & becomes your full time girlfriend, then you've connected.   --z

no need to analyze it overmuch. Life needs mystery and excitement.

The tone of communications I think has a bearing on things.  After that, it usually is a matter of a person's personality and their approach.  I've had a number of occasions when everything just clicked upon meeting.  I wouldn't say it's one particular factor that made a difference.

Chemistry is very real and the beautiful thing about it is it cannot be planned, anticipated or arranged. It just is. I think what makes a good provider is a sensitivity and openness to connecting with others; receptivity to various kinds of chemistry; and willingness to go where the moment leads

or it diminishes the possibilty to ignite. Of course the woman has to be willing and capable of entering ... and yes, it is nagical.  

The unicorn, the reason we repeat . .  and repeat ... and  
 

And in particular pheromones. But I doubt it's the whole story -- vision is still important and I suspect the role of the initial impression meeting, exceeding or falling short of expectations will impact as well as I think the changes in the mental state will change both one's own chemical state and how it's going to react to those pheromones as well what we give off.  

But I also suspect that it will remain a bit of a mystery for a while yet and we should enjoy that aspect more than the pure science of "connecting". And as others mention in the end does knowing make it any better? So yeah, lets keep some of the magic!

A nice looking women stood next to me. I made room for her bags and she gave me a dazzling smile.  I made an abstract comment about the current presidential race and she gave me a just right laugh and a very clever answer. She wasn't gorgeous (except her eyes and smile) and I am not ugly, but I never made it on looks alone.  
I thought to myself that if I was;t married and not on my way to a party, I would keep chating, ask her to have dinner with me right then and who knows.  Of course none of that happened, but meeting some providers feels like that that.

Too cute.  

IMO I think men are looking for a connection here more than not.

-- Modified on 2/7/2016 11:31:27 AM

I'm sure there are some skills that make that moment of attraction occur that the better providers have figured out but I don't think it's a science that they are batting 1000 with. It's a bit like the Tango -- you need two.

I am curious, is the question one of those academic questions you are curious about but the answers really don't matter or is this about having connected, from your view, with someone and wondering just how real it might be versus just the results of a skill provider you should be happy about but not let the emotion grow?

what a buzz kill the truth is.

For me if the woman is hot, and can "act" like she is in to it. That's all I need.

One is she may also like you as a client more than other clients even without doing any of the three things you mention. I think it's easier to fake a "connection" with some clients than others. It's still not a real connection, but it's not a struggle for her to do her job as she doesn't find you repulsive.

Secondly there is a gray area between being an outright GF and being a client that I have often found myself in. It's when she starts charging you for an hour yet stays all night and does it on a regular basis and she does it even when business is good, turning down dates at full price to spend time with you at a tenth of her normal rate.  

I don't say this to disagree with you as I think you pretty much nailed it, just to say it isn't always quite so black and white. Although most "hobbyists" will continue to delude themselves that they feel some sort of connection that is only a hooker doing her job well.

There have been a few times where the pre-date correspondence (usually email) between me & a provider just clicked and we chat like GF's. When that happens its almost a given that when we eventually meet there will be fireworks

While I can enjoy myself in almost any situation, and can create a nice atmosphere, and good physical experience, there is nothing that can replace true chemistry.  

Science is actually pretty close to figuring a lot of this stuff out. We tend to be significantly more attracted to people who have immune systems that are different than their own. This gives your potential offspring a better combined immune system.

that is YOUR definition of "connecting."  Most would use that definition for those they date or plan to engage in a relationship with.  IMHO when a hobbyist visits a provider..........it can be as simple..........or as complex, as they both (the operative word) agree to..........just like the customer/provider examples you include in your post.

But.........to take it a bit further.........in a number of settings.........when human beings interact.....although rare..........it IS possible two people can relate on many different levels.........and not move in together........or profess their love for each other.

There are a number of people who I conduct business with..........who charge more for a comparable product/service.........yet, I knowingly choose them........because we "connect."  Am going to bet.......not every one of their business transactions go that way.

-- Modified on 2/7/2016 8:55:46 AM

... the genitals

The genital part of our brain does strange things to trick us.
 

 People who……….rely on the ellipsis……… are unable…………to write………..a logical sentence.    --

...two of my very infrequent repeats have been markedly less stellar than the first meeting.  Maybe it's over-anticipation, or too much adrenaline on my part, but both times the second meeting didn't have near the connection of the first.  Time of day?  Familiarity breeds complacency?  Factors outside the date?  Who knows.

....it's rarely as good as the first one.

Do you have any idea just how many SPOTY votes you just lost with this one post?

I am both shocked and amazed to be saying this, but yours is most likely the best post in this entire thread

you might or might not learn something...but either way the frog dies!

i currently have 2 atfs (well, 3...well, 4 if you count the girl from san diego.  anyways...)

one lady makes me feel as if she really, really loves being with me.  i see her as much as possible.  but in back channel talk with other mongers it's clear that she makes them feel exactly the same way.  one guy put it perfectly:  she makes me feel as if she has a tiny secret crush on me.

so, her chemistry with all us guys is strictly if deliciously artificial.  i know she doesn't like me more than her other clients, but when i'm with her my disbelief gets suspended faster than lindsay lohan's drivers license.  plus she's given me plenty of otc chat (and hj) time, a ride home from her incall when my car was out of service, and lots and lots of texts and emails simply to flirt and chat.

but it's pretty obvious that's her schtick... extreme gfe... and she's happy to provide it to any paying customer.  once i realized it was artificial chemistry, i was able to enjoy her for what she was:  a consummate showman (or woman).

then i have another atf who remarked on our first meeting that we had great chemistry... i chalked her remark up to provider talk (if you can fake being genuine, you got it made).

but that lady has gone on to change her touring schedule to accommodate me when i was incapacitated and couldn't drive a long ways...  and has visited me, bringing along her daughter (as well as some much needed groceries), as i recover from this surgery.  she has texted me that i am her friend and she is available to help me through my recovery.

i'm guessing this goes beyond provider talk into true chemistry.  and bonus points: she is actually literally the most beautiful woman i have ever had sex with!  

so in this endeavor, chemistry is usually of the first kind:  a skilled provider making her client feel like the most special man in the world for an hour or so.  but every so often, rarely, you can find the second kind:  true chemistry between two human beings.  when you find that kind, take good good care of it

I do think something has to be naturally there for a real connection but it does depend a lot on the mental,emotional,ect state of provider and hobbyist. I'm sure there is times that back good connection could be made but one person might be checked out,withdrawn,ect...

So sure there has to be something there but the energy you bring to the table is key IMO

Was I yelling? I can't always tell because at my age....hearing you know.  
And there is an old medical saying:"Stood on loins seldom leak"
I guess its time to get an editor

END OF MESSAGE

In his case I'd say more wishing than thinking.

 
Thank you  
2016 =28

articulately stated!  Sadly your eloquent post is way over the head of some TER ghetto-ites who's narrow focus is limited to their own narrow perspective.  Definitely not due to your artfully crafted choice of words..........but due to THEIR closed minds

I read someplace that the key to being likeable to someone, is to act as if a rapport between yourself and that person already exists.

You've pretty much decided that you'll like me, or else you wouldn't be armed with an envelope. And for my part, I've already decided that I'm going to be as welcoming and agreeable toward you as it's possible for me to be. Maybe I'm not THRILLED beyond belief to meet you (hey, you're not Price Charming or my favorite author, etc), but I'm more than happy to spend time with you, make you happy, and yes, take your money...

Just two people, already pre-armed with a positive attitude toward spending time together... it's absolutely possible (and quite easy) to experience a mutually pleasurable interaction, and a sense of rapport, which is the essence of 'chemistry'  

I'm a shy person, but in this business, I can talk to almost anybody about anything. I just have to *want* to (which, in my personal life, I often do not).

Guys like Zangari, Jack and myself aren't vilifying the hookers for doing their job and doing it well, that's what we pay you to do. We are complimenting you on your skills when you do such a good job at it that some (or many) hapless john confuses your acting skills as the real thing.

It's those hapless johns we are trying to bring back to reality, not you ladies. By and large, you ladies are plenty well grounded, it's not your fault that a bunch of clueless johns constantly fall in love with you and/or think your feeling toward them are genuine. It's the johns that need a slap in the face to bring them back to reality, you should be thanking the guys like Zagari for reminding the lovesick johns that it's not real, for every guy who actually listens to him and comes back to reality, there is one less potential stalker out there seeing love and "connection" where there is none.

Let me repeat, we are NOT criticizing you for "faking" it. We are reminding the johns not to confuse good service for "real feelings"  Please look for my bill in your inbox, all major credit cards are accepted. lol

What you said about the first provider: "a skilled provider making her client feel like the most special man in the world for an hour or so"

Some people just have that gift of making others feel more special.. but, it's not an act, it's just the way they are and is born of a natural courtesy and warmness.... It feels natural to them to treat others as if they are special, because they have an inner kernel of kindness and positivity toward people in general.  

I'm not like that. I'm certainly not negative about people, but I'm an introvert. I genuinely like most of my clients, and do think about them from time to time (in a positive type of way). I certainly hope I make them feel special, because I do (generally) think that they are nice people who deserve for a person to make them feel special. And I like to make them feel good...

It can't be ALL artificial.... as I was told once at a (shit) job, good service has to come from the heart. Otherwise, it feels forced and fake (like when the guy at Best Buy greets you like, 'Hi can I help you find anything?' and you know he's really just thinking, 'God, fifteen minutes left until my shift is over.. PLEASE don't ask me anything').

I've heard that there is a rather large crossover in this industry between nursing, education, and other service professions... that doesn't surprise me in the least.

You're a top tier poster.

IMHO, the bigger issue is why any client really cares if an escort likes him/her or has a connection.  I have had two "relationships" with escorts (one a popular porn star)  that went way beyond the 3 items you list above and have come to the conclusion that such relationships are insane.  I wouldn't date a hooker if she paid me.

we can't all be the most special guy in the world to her, or else none of us are.

i also know she has a irl boyfriend, and he's the most special guy in the world to her, as it should be.

and i'm not saying she's consciously setting out to fool us... yes, she's just that kind of warm hearted fun loving girl.

she does, however imo promise a bit beyond the provider/client boundaries with every guy, without any intention of following through (at least with the half dozen or so guys i've back channeled about her with).  that is to say, i know from a fellow monger that she wrote him intimate emails, which he called loved letters, making him feel like she actually liked him beyond provider/client parameters (turns out she didn't, surprise surprise).  another monger has expressed frustration that she told him in so many words that his appointments would take precedent over others because he was one of her first and biggest fans in this hobby.  but now she doesn't return his emails.  and i know for a fact from communicating with another client that she once skipped an appointment with me set 2 weeks in advance because she was running overtime with aforementioned client, and she didn't bother to let me know we weren't meeting until literally 15 minutes before my appt time.

in other words, her mouth writes checks her business model is not willing to cash.  and not just with me; i hear about this pattern about her from more than one fellow monger.  could there be individual explanations for each and every instance that a client has been disappointed in her actions?  yes.  and i admit, i still see her even after she blew me off for an appt. she has more than made up for it in following sessions;  however she has never admitted that she blew me off for another (saying she got her time schedule mixed up; hard to believe because she employs a booker; if my booker screwed up an appt schedule that bad, i'd fire that booker).

i still see her, but i don't swallow her cutesy i got a crush on you act anymore.  i take her for what she is;  a consummate showman (woman).  the sex is great, the hours spent with her are out of this world, but i don't believe there is a real connection.  

to me, a real connection is about human beings touching each other on a psyche/emotional/intellectual level;  this girl touches men on an envelope/orgasm level.  which is all p4p should be.  i'm not saying what she is doing is bad; it's just what it is: p4p at the most nuanced and supreme level.

she's great at it; a few more excellent reviews an she'll be in the top 10 in my city, and she will deserve it.  she just kinda implies a few fibs; or at best, she does nothing to correct any misinterpretations her clients get about their relationship to her.

one of my other atfs is exactly the opposite:  she will not return any email or text unless it's setting/confirming an appointment.  during our sessions she's wonderful, she loves to chit chat about our respective lives, and she's an incredible lover, in that she makes me feel like i am an incredible lover (trust me, i'm not).  but this woman does absolutely nothing to let me believe there is anything between us beyond provider/client.  and for that i love being with her.

chemistry happens on different levels; but connection must be genuine on a personal level. and imo honesty is a big part of human connection.

She sounds more flighty than anything, and the characteristics you describe can be attributed to bad business and time management. .

With this girl, maybe her mouth writes checks that she does mean/want to keep (within the moment)? But maybe she's just irresponsible and overwhelmed? She likely has a lot of people pulling on her... I don't even see that many people, and even I have called a client by the wrong name (once, twice, or a dozen). It's so easy to get confused. However, even if I mix up names/times/details, I do remember a general sense of the person and the time we had together..

I've had someone special in my life while providing. However, just because there's someone to whom I'm committed long-term (or want to be committed to long-term) doesn't mean that the rest of my clients are simply dirt under my feet. There are lots of different types of relationships in life, and each person I meet (even if I never see him again) brings something different to my life

Of course there are grey areas, but what most lovesick johns see as a "connection" is usually nothing but good service on the part of the lady.

For some reason you still seem to believe I/we are blaming the women for this, when in fact I thought I made it VERY clear, I feel the exact opposite. I have long been on record stating that guys, especially married guys who claim to love their ATF's are completely full of shit and don't deserve reciprocal feelings because they are already proven liars and cheaters. How much plainer can I say it?

Keep in mind I am someone who has had many LTR's with ladies in this line of work. I have never done so when in another, so called "real" relationship, and I never have considered a relationship with a hooker a "real' relationship when either I was out fucking other hookers behind her back, or conversely when I was paying a woman to supposedly be my GF. I don't like lying to others, and I most definitely don't lie to myself. I don't try to delude myself that a woman is in love with me, yet still charging me for sex. When I find myself in a relationship with a provider the usual trade off is, we take money out of the equation and I take fucking everything that moves out of the equation. This of course usually does not happen over night and that's where those grey areas leading up to a "real" relationship come into play.

I think you are trying to put words into my mouth and the mouths of other guys who "get it" when you attribute many of the statements you refer to  as coming from any of us. Those kind of statements are made by the clueless johns we make fun of, not by any of us. I think you are picking a fight with the wrong set of johns, It's the BSU type that you should have the issue with, they are the ones that claim to love you, but rush home to their wives directly from your bed.

i certainly don't mean to imply she thinks of her clients as dirt under her feet, and i dont' believe i wrote anything to say as much.

quite the contrary, i said she's genuinely a warm-hearted and fun-loving girl... but she is promising, if only by implication, more than she is willing to follow through with.

if this were any other business, that would not be considered something to overlook.  it would be bad business.

"oh sure, bob, since you're my friend, i'll throw in a few extra thousand units for you next time.  whoops, next time totally forgot my promise of extra units, hey no hard feelings, right?"

my original post contrasted her with my other atf, who honestly goes beyond provider-client parameters to let me know how special i am to her.  you don't bring your daughter to meet your client, unless there's genuine trust and connection.

which is what the thread is about.  i wouldn't consider our "flighty" friend a true connection with people.  but she is great at p4p, which is what she is doing.

i would consider my other friend, who introduced me to her daughter, among other indications, a person who has a genuine connection with me.

and that's all i'm saying.

.......Over the years I've connected with quite a few providers, but what keeps it "real" for me is the envelope. No one leaves an envelope filled with $$ after seeing a girlfriend or SO.

I like your explanation about chemistry specially coming from a provider point of view,this means what we all know that is possible with a provider to fell in love with a hobbyist but is more difficult for us the hobbyist to identify if it is chemistry or real feelings because we are always thinking that providers are putting on a show to make us come back for more,so it is a very confusing situation although is more likely that most of the time is a very good acting.

 You've set up a false dichotomy above.  My ATF knew as much about me as I knew about her.  And if you were to poll the guys on this board, I'm fairly certain their ATFs knew a lot about them.  It sounds like you've never been in the type of P4P relationship that me & others are referring to here.  It's like we're trying to describe the Beatle's White Album to a deaf girl.  
But you're not alone--most TER providers are just like you.  
     Here's another false dichotomy that TER providers love to engage in:  OTC = STALKING.  That reveals more about your client list than about me or my TER brothers.  Stalking is a criminal act.  As I've stated on this board before, you should only spend OTC with clients who you trust.  But If you think that most (if not all) of your clients are potential criminals, than I feel very sorry for you.  You've put yourself in danger with the men YOU'VE chosen to see. --z

of attraction that is due to the chemistry that attracts you to her.

It can certainly be (and regrettably often is.) one way.

If that is the case, then be thankful for her talent at convincing you otherwise.  What a boring world it would be without some play acting now and then

How much OTC time she happily gives me, or the number of flirty texts or emails I receive, or because I know her real name and where she lives.    

Chemistry, especially in relation to how it's thought of here, is complicated.   It is hard to define and quantify, but we know it when we see it.

It's seen in her smile and in her eyes.  It happens when I often make her laugh and, rarely, cry.  It's when we can both simply "be ourselves" with each other.   And it's when she is comfortable telling me about things that she doesn't really care for, but always cheerfully puts up with it anyway for others.   Or, even better, it is there when we both can truly express what we really do enjoy.   And, it happens when I no longer have interest in seeing anyone else.

Lastly, it seems that this special connection exists when the intimacy between us becomes much more magnified and intense when I view her as a woman having talents, skills, abilities, and dreams--other than what get described over and over in her reviews.

but for me, a real connection does not imply feelings of love.  and i always warn fellow mongers never to allow themselves to start to feel love for providers;  that way only heart ache lies.

to me, a real connection is the feeling that the provider actually likes being with me, actually likes the sexual play we indulge in.  orgasms are not necessary for me; in fact fake orgasms kind of put me off (when i catch them at it;  i'll admit i usually don't).

all i want is a feeling that the lady is genuinely glad it's me there at that time and i'm not just a conveyor belt of product to be manipulated for the pay.  that's what a connection is to me.

i never fool myself into thinking a woman has romantic feelings for me.  i am in the entertainment business myself, having performed thousands of times.  to me a provider's job is much like an actor's/comedian's/performer's job.  

in theater there is the willing suspension of disbelief; when i see a performance of cat on a hot tin roof, i know i'm not at a real southern plantation watching a real family squabble about a real inheritance;  but i willingly suspend my disbelief to enjoy the performances.

same with providers.  i know i'm not a great lover, i know the lady wouldn't be doing these things with me without an envelope in the equation.  but boy, i'm happy to suspend my disbelief and enjoy her performance.

when it goes beyond a performance and i get the feeling that the lady is actually happy (not necessarily in love or even sexually excited) that it's me she's spending time with; that's a connection.

i think alyson and gagambler are both right, but are coming at it (and speaking to it) from opposites sides of the bed.  it happens.

it's like that book says:  women are from venus;  men have a penis.

I would think that, even if the provider is faking the "connection", there must be some basis for such a connection in the guy's head.  If she's not his type as far as personality, intellect, conversation, etc, there's not going to be a perceived connection anymore than there would be in a civvie relationship.

There's providers on this forum who I can tell by the tone and substance of their posts that I would connect with.  With others it would never happen  Even with the ones who I think I could connect with, whether that would happen depends upon her acting skills.

I cringe a bit when people soil an otherwise good post by reaching for "When she stops charging you" as the prerequisite for a provider caring. That would be like a provider stating that clients don't really care about us and are faking a connection unless they pay but drop the expectations of the sex and time

I agree, if you feel a connection, the provider is doing their job. I love the intimate time I spend with providers, but I have no illusions about the fact I could easily be diagnosed as having "Reduced affect". I am just not emotional, so I am sure i will never see anyone with chemistry.

Calling them friends is great. I know most of my regular providers civie names and details. I have been to lunch with one several times with her picking up the check once. However no matter how friendly they are, I know I am just a client and respect that boundary. Hoping they do to.

Current quandary, I had some non hobby professional interaction with one provider and have been texting with our civie phones. She has a few times mentioned her availability using this method vice my hobby phone.... It's all about boundaries...

How were you able to differentiate "real feelings" and not falling in the category of a "hapless john" yourself when you say repeatedly you have had 100's of p4p ladies as girlfriends?

I'm confused lol. How is that different than these guys whom you are knockin? lol

Please explain it to me Gag  ;

 The OP made an unsupported claim ("We Connect").  I'm sure he feels something, yet how would he know what his provider is feeling/thinking during the session.  The OP offers no explanation for his claim--he just *knows* how she feels.  

 I don't accept empty claims like that & neither should you.  As I suggested earlier, what a provider does after the session *may* give you some idea of your status on her client list.  If she's sending you unsolicited texts for appts, or spending OTC time with you, or sharing her personal info with you...then at least you've got something objective to discuss.  --z

Perhaps the discussion would be better if we all keep our comments to our own personal experience rather than opinions and anecdotal evidence from others comments. I think it's safe to say both are present -- that situation where both feel a connection but realize there is a professional service relationship that is present and cases where some want to step past the service relationship.

I'm sure GaG is correct about the novice -- been there done that and still do. I also think the same occurs on the provider side. I've had a few conversations about "Pretty Woman" and "Cinderella" hopes with some girls. We all hope for something better/more in our lives. And lest be honest, while less common I suspect there's as much acting on the hobbyist side as there is on the provider side because there a reason why there's a market for the GFE and not merely an easy fuck.

END OF MESSAGE

Dozens maybe, but certainly not hundreds. lol

It's easy to tell when a hooker actually starts having feelings for you, as Zangari stated, she stops charging you, moves in, and never sees another guy again.

Ok, maybe it's not that cut and dried, but the only way to be absolutely sure a woman in your line of work has genuine feelings for you is to take the money out of the equation. If a hooker tells me she has feelings for me, but still wants me to pay for her "time", that certainly doesn't count as a GF.

The guys I am knocking are the ones who book a few dates with a lady, get REALLY good service and somehow confuse said great service with real feelings. That's the difference between them and me. We all misread signals sometimes, and even I have mistook "really good service" for genuine feelings, but before I went all GaGa over the woman and professed my undying love, I have always had enough sense to test the relationship before assuming she had "real" feelings for me.

Then, a mutual connection is equally unsupported in the scenario you described. The client/former client has clues of what the provider is really thinking, but she does not necessarily have any more idea of their feelings and/or intentions.  

If mutuality is needed for a connection, then there should be a laundry list of sacrifices for both parties, not just the provider.  

 

-- Modified on 2/7/2016 6:20:21 PM

for me at least, there are different types of chemistry.

For one person, the minute I see him at the door, there are charged sparks. We have amazing sexual chemistry and a sensuality together that goes far beyond lust.   However, we aren't in love, but we do appreciate that our sexual connection is off the charts.

For another person, we have a different but also amazing sexual connection. There are certain things that excite us both, and we seem to complement each other perfectly with those interests. Again, it's a connection that goes beyond what is typical.

With a couple of others, while I feel the sex is nice, it's really the mental chemistry that goes above and beyond.  

I guess you could say I'm the type that connects with quite a few, but I really don't put on a show for most people, and even though I have chemistry, it doesn't mean I want a "real" relationship (I like having my variety of connections!).

the illusion of GFE. I'm sure that most providers are skilled at finding something "good" about each client and magnifying the "good" into chemistry.

not. I was exaggerating lol.  

But just how do you "test" a relationship for her real feelings? Now this I am curious about

Thank you for sharing btw.

The way to be absolutely sure a "hooker" has developed "real feelings" for you is to take the money out of the equation.

Now I don't mean be a dick about it and say" bitch you are mine and I am not paying you a cent", but I mean going out on OTC "sex optional" or in my case "sex only if YOU ask for it" dates. It is usually quite easy to tell if she is interested in the "real me" or if I am nothing but an ATM to her.

Now Please don't get me wrong, I don't claim to be "all that" and I doubt I end up with a "real" GF more than one or two percent of the time, but one or two percent out of all the women I have met this way over as long a period as I have been doing this is still a rather large sample size.

But the short answer to your question is "take money out of the equation" and you will find out rather quickly how she really feels about you.

it really was that simple. But unfortunately there's usually a lil more to it than just that lol.  


-- Modified on 2/7/2016 11:40:18 PM

i'm not talking about love or romantic feelings.  i'm talking about a genuine sense that the lady is happy that it's me who she's spending time with.

i have a lot of friends.  i'm glad to spend time with all of them.  i don't eat lunch with fred and think "boy i wish i was with bob right now."  i enjoy each one for their separate unique qualities.

i'm hoping my provider dates feel the same about me... not that they would rather be with me than any other client, but that when i'm with them they are enjoying themselves.

i'm a performer by trade.  even tho every house is unique, and every audience is unique, tbh i don't care where or for whom i'm performing when i work on a large scale.  i'm guessing it's similar for providers and their clients.

to me a connection is when the girl makes me feel like she likes the fact that i'm there, beyond my envelope.  it happens sometimes.  those ladies are the ladies i see more than once.

  The post was written from the POV of the OP.  If the OP makes a claim "We Connect", then he needs to provide some rationale for that claim.  Telepathy is not an acceptable rationale.  --z

Telepathy is unacceptable, as well as delusion.  There's no shortage of clients professing love/adoration without realizing it's the dopamine blast talking. Or, in the longer term, developing a craving (disguised as love) to conquer the unattainable.  

Even within the confines of a single session, they have at times felt a connection with the 'session version' of the provider, a character sometimes delineated by the client's imagination more than the provider's.  

A smitten client would benefit from an assessment of the provider's behavior, but also a gut check on his end.

I think the disconnect in the comments here is that some are defining a connection as having romantic feelings or even love, but others appreciate that you can genuinely connect and enjoy someone's company without being in love!

I meet clients I wish I could date in the real world... but they are married or live in some God forsaken state that I would never move to. Doesn't matter. I get "fed". I get energized by being with someone with whom I have good chemistry. It is a blessing when I get one of these guys... a gem in a field of stones.

To guys that mistake good service/ politeness for interest in a close friendship/ LTR(or even if I had a great time and connected really well with you, that does NOT mean i want to be anything other than what we were). So I completely agree with what you guys are saying

They should already know not to get infatuated with a provider or excited at the potential of a LTR or friendship.  

Unless she's pushing to see you for OTC time and texting/calling asking how your doing ect, she isn't into it. You cannot convince her, it will just make things worse.

 
I towed that line a few times when i first started providing. I think of it as, you make her so uncomfortable that she doesn't want to insult you and hurt your feelings so she entertains your agenda and gives into your will for the sake of avoiding conflict.  It gets to a point where the relationship gets out of hand and she stops contact.

Now I am direct about how I am not looking for mentors, best friends or LTRs. Many times i make good friends but usually because THEY ARENT bothering me about going out and doing things I don't care to do and they understand what our relationship is so we can both enjoy the time we have together without the games.

If you feel you have a real connection with a provider, enjoy the precious moments of time that you have together. It can happen a lot but usually not a sign of her wanting to be mor

None of us are machines.  And while it is foolish for men to not understand the fundamental realities of these encounters, it is also very small-minded not to appreciate there is full humanity on the other side of these intimate yet non-intimate dates.  There is a range of feelings/thoughts as wide as the ocean that both women and men can have.  The knowledge of the fundamental nature of this business is always there and inhibits us in most instances (or should) from indulging or running with these feelings that can come up, but a huge part of the enjoyment of this hobby for me indeed was meeting and talking to so many interesting ladies, and for me, the more "real" they were the better.  As one lady friend described it, these situations can play out at times like dating on steriods.  Ultimately, this is what lead me to take a hiatus from the hobby - as I realized I was ready to look for true intimacy and a committed relationship - but damn if I didn't meet a lot of fascinating women while doing this, learning a lot about myself - and a little bit more about women - in the process.

Again, you really did articulate your thoughts amazingly well here Alyson.  Kudos.