Most of the providers I've met are very intelligent and what sets them apart from civies in my view is that they are more openminded and outspoken, frank and honest. That's why I enjoy being in their company. Most of them have also been very comfortable, secure and open in their sexuality. I see their activity as a provider as an asset, not a liability - as long as she honestly likes what she is doing - as Savanah recently expressed.
I am trying to find a provider for regular visits that gives me more than just a GFE, in fact I'd like to find a provider who could become a GF. But what are the recommendations to make that become a reality? Regular visits to a provider with whom one has some chemistry would appear to be a given. But how does one bring this up? What does one say? I would furthermore guess that it is to a large degree also a matter of trust. So what does a provider consider to be a good sign of trust from my side? Or is this the same as what someone called seeking a mistress? But in that case too, I'd appreciate any tips on how to broach the subject.
Thanks.
"I'd like to find a provider who could become a GF."
You are making the cardinal mistake of defining us by our work - something no more valid than defining a doctor by theirs, or an athlete, or any other group.
You're not looking to meet a woman for who she is, but rather for what she does, which is a sure fire recipe for disaster. You have no background on which to base your feelings that you'd be 'fine' with what we do - too many men, initially, are excited by our work, proud of dating a woman 'other men' have to pay for. This almost always wears off, in a very short amount of time.
What lasts are deeper connections than this - emotional, personal, ethical, spiritual and life choice connections which make two people suited to each other. There has to be a deeper base for a relationship than just your liking what she does for a living.
Most of us can tell from a mile off when a man comes to see us looking for more than just a GFE 'experience' - when he comes looking for a real girlfriend, instead. And, quite frankly, it usually freaks me out. I provide a service - a temporary escape from reality, an interlude of fantasy. Of course I want to feel a connection with you, but I also want you to know where the line is drawn between fantasy and reality. If you're meeting every SP with the ulterior motive of looking for a girlfriend, you're going to succeed only in turning us off, and, in many cases, scaring us. There's a very thin line between this sort of attention and stalking, and it's one most of us don't wish to cross.
You really need to re-think this. Consider the differences between saying 'I've met this wonderful woman with whom I have so many things in common, and she's also an escort' and 'I don't know anything about this woman, but I like the fact she's an escort, so I want to date her'.
What woman could possibly be flattered by the latter sentiment?
Morgan
I do not think many would admit to it.. But hey ! It's me ! LOL
I cannot date and escort. Men think its the way to go.. Good , hot, kinky sex anytime. The last person I want to see at the end of the day is an s/o.
After answering more emails than Santa, answering more phones than a call center, all i wanna do at the end of the day is SLEEP.
As Morgan said.. Don't date someone for who or what they are..
There are some girls that are low key- low profiled- sometimes they pick you...
There are some girls that retire- and they pick a client to bring into the real world.
This is not something for you to mention. Let them mention it..
Exactly, Ciara. I think sometimes that men - some men, not all - assume that, because we're escorts, we live our lives 24/7 in corsets and stockings, constantly ready for sex and always cheerful, happy, confident companions. Fair enough - this is, after all, how we market ourselves, and how we all strive to be during our appointment times. I bring my 'A' game to work with me, as much as is humanly possible.
But on my own time? Honestly and truly? I live in jeans and t shirts and Doc Martin boots. I rarely wear make up. I like to hang out with my dogs, read a book, be lazy and induldgent. I get cranky, I have real moods, and I'm not always in the mood for sex - or, at the very least, not the kind of sex that some men might crave.
I'm a real, live, breathing person with outside interests. I'm not a push button sex machine, or a real doll.
The men and/or women who are my personal companions in my private life know who I am, and not just what it is I do. They know and respect me beyond and in addition to my work (and not, I should add, 'in spite of it').
I'm not just the sum of what I do - I'm more than that. Assuming that you know me, or that you'd want to be a part of my personal life, based only on my career choice as a sexworker, is patently insulting and a diminuation of everything I am as a person. The only thing more so is assuming that you could never be with a 'person like me' simply because of what I do for a living.
Morgan
along with a sharp mind and great body you are a dog lover who lives in jeans and T shirts.I'm finding you more interesting after reading your posts.Only thing is, I'm not looking for an SO or GF right now not to mention the distance thing(I'm in Atl) but now I wish we were neighbors.
Morgan, so much of what you say is not only true from a provider standpoint its just flat out real world.
Men buy into the "package" of what they perceive the woman is representing.In the civvie world its no different, you rarely see her not looking or dressing her best in the beginning,they always bring the A-game and quite honestly so does the guy.
Every guy out there believes his little cupcake isnt going to change after the relationship gets serious and that's what is going to keep all of you wonderful providers in business till the end of time.
Some things never change but women most certainly do.
that is the reason I would want a gf like you.
Cranky moods, no make up, dogs, books, b maybe even c or d game! I live for that!
Maybe this guy thinks you ladies are more like your professional persona than you would like to admit. He didnt once mention the hot monkey sex, but the intelligence and open mindedness. I'm sure it is hard to imagine that we could think more of you than sex workers, when we have our dicks in your mouths.
With that said, keep business just that... business.
lol
Hey, don't get me wrong - I bring my 'A' game to my personal sex life, too.
I just don't know how many men out there *really* want relationships with polyamorous, pansexual, Top oriented, orally fixated, leather crazed dog nuts with reading obsessions and a fondness for 'who's yer daddy?' t-shirts.
Oh, wait. I forgot I found one (ok, two or three) already.
if only I were looking for a relationship..
I'm thinking there might be a few more than three?
If you don't mind me talking endlessly about the things i'm passionate about then sign me up!
Hell you dont even have to listen. it never stopped me before.
I don’t want to sound shallow, but what is a good reason for a first date? You met in line at the theatre for the one showing of a new foreign film? You met at a pep rally for your favorite candidate? You met while walking your dogs in the park? You helped a lady in distress in a broken down car on the side of the road? You both like to hang out at the same watering hole?
What do all of these have in common? You really don’t know the person, and you certainly don’t know how sexual the other person can be. On your first date, you will never be able to say: “I've met this wonderful woman with whom I have so many things in common”. The best you can hope for is: “I’ve met this interesting woman, I’d like to get to know her better”.
I’m married to a wonderful woman where we are compatible in most areas. One area where there is a wide gulf is sexuality. She is more than happy to be a passive partner in the missionary position once a month. On my birthday, I’m lucky if I hear her speak a French word, let alone an entire sentence. The only time I will see her in stockings and heals is in my dreams.
There is one benefit to the first meeting being a date with an escort. At least you know that the lady is somewhat open minded about sex. OK, maybe in your real life you would only want sex once a month. At least that once a month is likely to have some fireworks. Who doesn’t like bumming around in jeans? I hope that when we go out to dinner at a romantic place on my birthday you will get all dolled up.
I don’t think it is any easier to meet someone compatible on an escort date than at any other time. I accept the fact that you are like real people and get cranky, have moods, etc. However, if you do hit it off, it is nice to know that there is an “A” game that would be more than appreciated.
..It will happen if it was meant to happen. If you meet someone, and you turn out to be compatible, then something more will happen.
Thinking though that a woman in this business is a better GF because of what she does is pure hogwash though. Now I am not saying that the women are any worse GF material, just that they are probably no different than the average Civvie.
Every single one of these wonderful women are first and foremost women. They have likes, loves, desires, and in general the same exact dreams and desires as any other woman.
As mentioned, do not let their profession dictate the way that they are in "private life"
-- Modified on 5/2/2005 6:29:29 AM
I see this from time to time and I can't understand it. Do people think this out at all?
Think about what dating a provider really means. First of all, don't assume she's going to quit her day job the moment she's her gf. She is much more likely to continue it, at least for a while if not indefinitely.
That means you're going to have to deal with her being intimate with others. Can you handle that? Will you judge or resent her or otherwise have emotional problems with that?
You are not always going to get the "GFE" special treatment. You'll have to deal with the fact she's tired and doesn't want intimacy sometimes. That she has bad habits, doesn't dress up sometimes, won't have the candlelight atmosphere all the time etc. etc. It'll be like dating a regular girl who may be very different from her GFE persona.
She may need to work evenings, take trips, and possibly be away for overnights or even weekends. This means you may not see her when you have time off. Can you be patient or will you resent her for it?
She also belongs to a high-risk occupation. That means, you may worry about her safety from many different risks. If something happens to her (and I'm sure you can visualize some of these potential scenarios) will you be there for her and help her work it out, no matter what it is?
Sorry guys, the fantasy may be nice, but reality's very different. To seek a lady out specifically because she's in the business is purposely inviting alot of challenges to your relationship. Why would you do that?
I'm speaking as someone who's dated a lady in the business. At first, I was a little naive on what it meant at first but I learned. Jealousy wasn't an issue but my concern about her safety was...not enough to say no, but enough for me to think it through. The relationship ended on good terms, but due to other reasons.
For me personally, I would consider dating an exceptional woman I felt a strong connection for, regardless of whether she did this or not for a living. But I don't go into it blindly, and I don't go into it with unrealistic expectations. I believe that's the only way one should enter any relationship and have a chance of making it work.
Also, just as an FYI, I've dated a DEA agent/volunteer firefighter, a doctor, a politician and an actress. May sound like glamorous careers, but believe me there were challenges with all those relationships because of their careers. So I don't meant to single out providers out as the most difficult career choice. I'd say closeted politician was the hardest for me personally.
Worry has been the biggest hindrance in my personal relationships - even more so than jealousy, since I'm painfully clear about who I am and what I do.
My partner(s) always have it in their minds that my work could entail risk of freedom, risk of my personal safety, and invasion of our privacy. That's a heavy load for anyone to bear, and one few people consider going into a relationship like this.
Morgan
I spend my free time very much the same. Although, it isn't really free time !
My only free time I have is laying my head down in the bed at night.. or going to work..
Escorts lead a very full life.. especially if one does it full time..
Out of the stilettos and thigh highs and on goes a mom hat- a friend hat- a family hat- hair up- frump clothes on and my good walmart sandals ! hahaha
Thank you. I think this best sums up the predicament. It's unfortunate that many men don't see this angle and they believe that somehow they can get past what you do for a living. That you offer well-thought arguments for this dilemma speaks volumes for your native intelligence and point of view. It's rare however to engage in a personal relationship with ANYONE who can truly accept what you do and can go about their own lives with a separate agenda. In the case of men, it's difficult because they often equate friendship to something that is easy and predicatble. It is not. Friend is a strong word and like you, it insults me when someone wants me to consider friendship when they are not willing to pay the FULL price for what it really means. If after they invest the time and shared experience that true friendships require, then any among us would be remiss in not looking at the person seriously. In 99% of those cases, keep them at a comfortable distance because they do have an agenda and its full of notions they will never share with you. I do wish you the best.
-- Modified on 5/2/2005 11:03:51 AM
to have such a solid and clear view of the world.
Although...I think I would have tried to hold onto the gal that was the agent/firefighter/doctor/politician/actress, so long as she was also a stripper at night...
Though I should probably note that she's just a tad gay and her favorite toy is a 12" double-ended dildo she loooves to strap on and use very vigorously on her partner.
But hey, if you are cool with that, it is a match made in heaven, baby. 
GDC
OK, so its not perfect..but then what relationship ever is? =
(with apologies to the conclusion of 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes')
Deep 'its all good' Heat
-- Modified on 5/2/2005 7:42:22 PM
Don't bring the subject of friendship up, unless you've known this person for a while. I believe it's possible to become friends with a provider. But that level of friendship may not become love.
I'm friends with a couple of women I met through this activity. One retired a few years ago, but we remain in contact. In that case it just happened; she liked me as a person and it developed from there.
The bottom line is we're just friends. That's all, but it's always nice to have friends.
Relax, meet ladies, and if it's meant to happen, it will.
To me your question is no different than someone posting that they want to date a doctor and asking for advice how to do it. It is a shallow reason to go into a relationship and the relationship will probably not end well, if it starts at all.
At the same time I do not blame you for letting your mind wander down this path. It is difficult to not develop feelings for some of the intelligent beautiful ladies you will meet who are also helping to satisfy your needs. However, instead of letting those feelings turn you into a dependent stalker just use those feelings to treat these wonderful ladies with the respect and kindnesss they deserve.
Key words here "turn you into a dependent stalker" - way to avoid - variety! only way to avoid - variety.... Once you realize what this hobby offers - and you enjoy - you will really realize that variety spices up life.... yea...
As Morgan and Ciara have written. You can see some of the challenges.
It's one thing if friendship, love and respect develop between you and a provider. It happens all the time. But to go in putting yourself in the role of somebody who's going to fall in love with one is self-deceived.
A comic in Jenna Jameson's book had a very funny recurring bit. A character drawn with a blank face with the words "Insert your face here" on it. You might as well have a blank drawing of a woman's silhoutte with the words "Insert Provider Here." You've chosen the stereotype that you want to stuff her into. How could she ever find that pleasant?
And say you succeed. One thing that hasn't been mentioned here is that you will be in danger of becoming her pimp. You most likely cannot equal her income. Can you stay motivated to work when you can quit and stay comfortable? How will you arrange household financing? You'll be tempted to "help her out" in some way. Or borrow from her. Do some of her screening for her or some such. She may even ask you to. That's in danger of then reversing business roles. Soon you may think of yourself as her business manager, aka pimp, the real brains behind the pussy. For an independent, this will become intolerable quickly.
I have to say, independent providers are generally, very good people, and sometimes extraordinary women. When I got into this, I never expected feel this way, and admire them as I do, or actually live in fear that something bad might happen to one of them.
However, just for your own mental health, you got to see and respect that there is a line between you that you cannot cross unless invited. If she likes you and wants to be your friend or even SO, she'll invite to cross it. Let her be the one to decide it, and do be patient as a sphinx for that invitation, because it may never happen for you.
And if she beckons you, cross it carefully, or, still, not at all.
-- Modified on 5/2/2005 11:21:52 AM
-- Modified on 5/2/2005 3:24:34 PM
guy needs to become a man at some point
for now he's got the doormat thing down
--- zivANAL
I became friends with a lady who I considered my ATF.
We had seen each other "in the biz" 4 or 5 times.
We then started getting to gether for friendly lunches every couple of weeks.
Then it became every other week, then almost weekly.
All this time we had gotten away from the client/provider side.
After several months of this, we decided to make a date again.
We both found out that the great friendship we had cultivated had gotten in the way of the "biz". It was not a very happy date.
So we decided that we were much better as friends than client/provider and gave up that relationship.
We became best friends to each other.
It has had it's ups and downs, but I wouldn't change it for anything.
We are best friends now and are able to talk about things that we weren't able to before.
It can be done. It takes 2 very strong, committed people and some clear boundries.
Just my opinion...
B
You want to win me over? Clean my toliet. Then while I let you look up my skirt you can jack off but you must be on your knees.
Oh you mean meet for coffee? I take it black. Can you handle that?
lol.
Bad hair day...
Cheers!
tidy. So some slave must've done it in California. I don't know if she's gotten an army of Submissives to handle her East Coast bowl.
on special occasions!
Shiver!
I did date and marry a doctor - hell - I am a doctor! Now, why are you wrong? (You could be talking about a waitress in a truck stop - or a nurse - or a newscaster... or any other job!) I did date a provider before I married my ex... Why not marry her? Because I thought that she was a gold digger! Even though on ALL our dates, she paid her own way and never EVER asked me for any MONEY - including a ski trip to Aspen. My ex... well lets just say I am still donating. Soooo who was more honest? Read on and you will get clues....
What is missing? You keep talking about the profession and not the person! What I heard was I want a woman who is a provider to be my friend/girlfriend - no description of the person - from anyone! The person I married and divorced - one and the same... told me they like a quiet night at home, by the fire with the kiddos... liked to have friends over for quiet dinners, and family was important to....
Well, that was the opposite of the woman I married... she was not stay at home (very high maintenance), when she has the kids she is not even with them...., when she said she wanted friends over - she meant exclusively her friends.... (and a whacky bunch they are), and she kicked her own mother out of her home and so on!
Interesting providers - yes - do I have some as friends - yes - do I date them? no! why not - they are not interested in me.... as a BOYfriend - they like me as a friend - not BOYfriend. Some are using this profession as a next step in their career.... Save money - and then do the profession. What other professions - it varies -any thing that you can imagine.... and then some. Would I date a provider? - why not? - but that dating - for me - would take on the same parameters that any dating of any civvie would.... and right now I am interested in a civvie - our first date was actually with our kids! NO NOTHING! MY CHOICE. I really want to get to know if I am compatible with someone before I go down that committed route again - I thought I knew my ex.... did not - so now - there will be details before I get that emotionally tied - with anyone.... come to think of it - that is not bad advice - for anyone....
So, in short - you want to date a provider - and not a person.... interesting desire... be careful, as there are civvies out there with no scruples - and there a providers out there with the integrity of saints! AND it is hard to tell them apart - by what they do for a living alone...
I honestly hope that I have not insulted any provider - read this carefully - it simply says that you cannot judge a book by its covers! lol... For the most part - I respect the providers that I have met, it is not an easy life and you have your own problems - different from mine - but they exist all the same....
And no I do not condemn guys who date providers - if the relationship works and is not abusive...
I am reminded of the time I went to a massage place in Totowa, NJ 3-4 years ago. the phone number was something like : 973-***-0070. The woman there told me her name was Candy. I paid her 60 bucks for a massage. Then she tells me that she won't do a massage without a 40 tip up front. which I refuse to give her.
Then I ask for my money and she refuses, but offers to give me a $60 discount on my next massage (yeah right).
I remember walking out of that place thinking I'm been royally f!@#ed -- and not in the nice way. I remember thinking this woman was a lying bag of excrement and there was something seriously wrong and twisted about her. She liked f***ing people (and not in the nice way).
She was like the slimy things that crawled out from under rocks, except she was worse. I would describe her as an evil person -- maybe the first really evil person I have ever met.
Reminds me of the guy who had three prerequisites for a wife;
1) Must be an aristocrat in the living room.
2) Must be an economist in the kitchen.
3) Must be a harlot in the bedroom.
He got his wish, but not exactly like he planned. She was every thing he asked for. What he got was:
1) An aristocrat in the kitchen.
2) A harlot in the living room.
3) An economist in the bedrrom
1)
…”Open minded, outspoken, frank and honest”, a lady who is also “very comfortable, secure and open in her sexuality”. Theses are definitely qualities you will find in many of the women in this business. I just think that due to the nature of their work, and they are working, this is the wrong place to be looking for love. My sister is a nurse. She fits all of the qualities you desire in a woman (no, she isn’t available), MANY of her co-workers do. I wouldn’t suggest you go check yourself into a hospital just to meet any of them though.
I’ve been dating a woman in L.A. now for almost three years, who is a provider. You’re right about all of the above qualities being attractive in a woman, and she is one amazing woman. I wasn’t looking for love; I was looking for something else and found love. Just as importantly, I had to be someone she was attracted to also. I had to offer something back. That “something” is often in love, an indefinable item.
Please don’t ask me to guess what it is she sees in me because if I can’t come up with an answer, she may read this and wonder herself!
All kidding aside, do you really want to invest both financially and more importantly emotionally with an escort, only to find out after making her uncomfortable with the news of your intentions, that she is in a relationship already? Most ladies will not tell you this from the start…for one thing, it ruins the fantasy for their CLIENTS, and for another it’s not your f*cking business, it’s personal.
Men may think they are the getting the better end of the bargain because they “pay her to go away afterwards”; in reality I think the money helps the ladies keep the boundaries of a business relationship in place.
Rather than giving you dating advice I may remind you of one thing. This attraction thing works both ways. Rather than going through life looking for your mate, maybe you should just work on self-improvement in the areas that interest you and expose yourself to circumstances that let you meet the kind of woman you may like. Then let the magic happen because it does have to happen for her also, there must be something attractive about you, for her.
I suggest you find a Mistress…both of you will know from the beginning what to expect from each other.
Hope this was worth reading........
SM
I am one that the money helps keep boundaries. I would like to ask if you were seeing her as a client first or you met a different way? Feel free to back chancel me.
Kisss
Dawn
"Lookin' for love in all the wrong places"
I have had several great experiences such as this with glowing success, however that it because that it what I seek. There is one gentleman who I see regularly who is like my BF. It does take a lot of trust and you both have to want it. Ultimately I seek those situation where it can be more intimate on an on-going, longer term basis. We both knew it and it all sort of fell into place. He even comes to my house and hangs out! Perhaps this was the expection to the rule. I say bring it up when you find someone you have chemistry with! Simply tell her you would like to see her on an ongoing basis. Or see her a few times to show interest, then bring it up. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!!!
"You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!!!"
...come into the light...come into the light...