For the guys:
Suppose your SO is dying of a terminal disease and pass away. How long would you wait to hobby again?

For the girls:
If you know that your client lost his wife a week before he has an appointment scheduled with you, would you keep it and ignore the event and try to cheer him up or would you cancel it as a sign of respect for the dead?

-- Modified on 11/4/2005 4:29:17 PM

I suppose it would matter how long she suffered with the disease.  I had a family member die after a long illness, and much of the grieving occurred while he was still alive.  I've known others that were diagnosed and passed within a week.  The latter would be tougher to shake off on the way home from the cemetary.

...unless one has been through it. I suspect many of us would take it much harder than we imagine and would be out of the game for quite some time.

-- Modified on 11/4/2005 6:25:48 PM

I'm losing my touch.

I lost my father, whom I was very close to and admired greatly.  It was not sudden, he withered away from liver cancer for 4 very long months, his mind was as sharp as a tack until his last breath, I saw him almost every day during this time.  He was 85 years young.

I didn't stop hobbying though.  The truth is, I needed it more than ever to keep my equilibrium and as a release from the grief and the pressure.  I know it is not exactly the same as a SO relationship, but there are parallels.  I also spoke about my feelings towards my father's death with some of the providers I saw (some that I have known for many many years and who know me very well.  All in all I am glad I spoke to them and that I was able to seek comfort with them.  BTW, I was recently divorced at the time.

Cheating on your SO is already worse than disrespectful. I wonder if the motivation for waiting would be genuine.

The answer is that I would wait until I could.  I don't know how long that would last or how that loss would be expressed in me.    

Respect for the dead?

If he's fucking someone else when she's alive, what does it matter when she's dead?

I would ask him directly if he thought that was what he really needed right then, all things considered...

If he said yes, I would follow through on the date.  Perhaps he needs that intimacy to help him transition and not feel so alone...  Of course, I would pay special attention to not allowing boundaries to get blurred due to the obvious emotional vulnerability.  It can be a fine line to walk...

xoM

"Respect for the dead"....

Well first I would respect the dead as his WIFE.

Second I don't know if I could sleep at night for awhile. Itd be like a stab at the dead if I didn't cancel the appt. Dead loved ones watch us, even though Sylvia says they lose all pain after they transcend.