Anyone is welcome to reply, but I’m particularly interested to hear what the ladies think. I’m probably going to get roasted for this, but here goes. I’ve been seeing a provider for more than two years. We’ve had MANY memorable times together. Suites at the Ritz, numerous Michelin-star dinners, twosomes, threeesomes, and even a foursome along the way. I’ve given her countless presents, bought her flowers, jewelry, clothes, and gift cards sent “just because”. I’ve also recognized gift-giving holidays and special events (anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc… My birthday came and went yesterday without any recognition from her. After dropping in excess of $20,000 on her, was it too much to expect to hear “ Happy Birthday” from her?
Unless she is really bad with dates, forgetful, not organized- basically a hot mess. But that’s why you enjoyed her for many years .
One thing I have to add, you mentioned Suites in 5 star hotel, Mischelin star restaurants - that was for you. Don’t consider expensive dinners a gift. It’s nice, but it still work for us and a lot of times very stressful one.
Felt the same way recently , did the same with a provider I was seeing over a year. It’s a business and all we are just customers, no emotional or personal connection, though most play the role when they are together with us. I did not take it personal, however I agree, I felt a happy birthday nod would have been nice after all that was invested in her and after all I did to help her personally outside the hobby.
Did she know it was your Birthday? Like do you two follow each other on social media where it states it is your birthday?
Yes. She knew. We had a very special date on her birthday, and she told me to “watch out” on my birthday, because she was going to make it extra memorable. I’d say mission accomplished. 😔
Well now I feel bad for you. Sorry buddy. It is kind of shitty if she said she was going to do something for you and then didn't.
That was a big detail that was missing but not blaming the OP. If she mentioned she was going to do something and failed, that is difficult to defend. She is human too and maybe she meant to and just forgot but regardless that makes the story a bit more hard to swallow if I were in his shoes. Sorry this happened to him as I am sure it was very disappointing.
Ouch! That sucks. It seems like it’s bothering you and I’m sorry you’re in this.
I’m just going to ask some questions / play a lil devil’s advocate here if that’s okay.
I am not really sure if you just sort of feel slighted, feel like you didn’t get something that you deserved; or if you’ve gone and caught serious feelings for this woman. It doesn’t matter if I know what’s true there or not. However, is it possible that she doesn’t know either? What I mean is, is it possible she sensed you were getting too emotionally engaged and “forgot” about your birthday as a way to say, without saying, “look I like you and all but we’re not going to date”?
That wouldn’t make it okay, she should be upfront, just a question.
It’s also entirely possible she had every intention of doing something cool for you birthday but didn’t put it in her calendar, got a new device, whatever. It’s up to you to decide how much slack to cut someone who does that, just like in the rest of your life. You probably should be talking to her about it if it bothers you that much. Move past it, forget it and continue the fun with her. Or if you can’t do that then ask her about it. You have to figure out where you are on that.
My biggest question is this. If she promised to make your birthday extra memorable, how is she supposed to do that on her own? Kidnap you? Of course she could’ve called or texted a regular on his birthday, especially after you had that conversation. But that wouldn’t be memorable. “Extra memorable” requires being in the same room at a minimum, IMO. That requires YOU SCHEDULING with her, even on your birthday. Because you’re the customer.
Maybe she’s over there butt-hurt that you apparently saw some other gal on your birthday? Maybe “watch out on your birthday because I’m going to make it extra memorable” meant something like “if you schedule me on your birthday, I’ll make it extra awesome by being extra enthusiastic and doing all your favorite stuff and maybe some OTC time and perhaps I’ll bring a lil cake even”?? That’s how I would’ve taken it. I mean not with exact expectations, but I mean I would interpret it as they’ll make it awesome IF I come see them.
I actually have been told something along the lines of I’ll make your birthday great and I never took it to mean she was gonna show up at my door with balloons. It’s if I go see her.
How exactly was she to make your birthday extra memorable without seeing you?
She’s not your girlfriend. She still has to respect the boundaries of the industry.
Maybe I don’t understand the full situation but that’s how I’m seeing it from here.
She could have called him. Could have sent a lengthy text or email. Could have offered him an OTC lunch/dinner for the next time they meet. Could have sent him a gift card by email.
Not saying she had to do any of it, and yes it would be unusual to do, but let's take the OP at his word and that the lady did say she would make it extra memorable and to "watch out." She could have just said "well I hope you have a great birthday" but she went well beyond that.
At that point, and this is just my take, is that when she communicated that to him, she was essentially going outside the typical "boundaries of the industry." It's rare, but it does happen as it has happened to me on several occasions over many years.
I am a huge believer in etiquette, but there are those occasions when you know someone so very well in this realm that there is a certain flexibility in the standard rules that would normally apply, but both parties must be ok with those etiquette changes as consent is everything.
But as usual your post is well thought out well said and I am not saying you are wrong. Good point about them getting together so maybe she said those things with the expectation he was going request a date on/near his birthday? Still too many facts unknown. Good post, as usual.
Am sorry you feel this way but it is apparent that this relationship is not what you had envisioned it was
Wish guys would understand that to most of these women you are just a client, a transaction, a hundred dollar bill to them. Nothing more!
I/we know that in the hobby, but why do they insist that it’s not that way with us (as she has said many times), only to drive it home with a sledgehammer? I’m not trying to be over-dramatic. I just really dislike BS. If it’s just business, leave it there.
Well, for starters you were spending a lot of money on her. I think unfortunately even if we know in our head what is going on it is still hard for our heart to understand. It was not right for her to say "it is not that way with us" unless she truly felt that way, which it does not seem so at this point. I wish I had a good answer for you, but I do not.
So, are you saying she acknowledged your birthday previously??
She told me to “watch out” on my birthday - that she would make it memorable.
"Don't have expectations of SWs outside of what you are paying for and you will never be disappointed."
It's great advice. Now that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt as I am sure it did, but that is where civie dating differs from p4p. In civie dating there are tons and tons of expectations but in this realm there really cant be, again, if the expectation is up and beyond the scope of the you pay for X and get Y in return.
The only question is whether you are pained enough to stop seeing her. Only you can answer that but give that some serious thought bc it sounds like you really like this girl and she may be impossible to replace so my advice would be not to do anything that would burn a bridge even though you may want too.
Give yourself some time. But I do understand why you are upset/disappointed. You are only human.
I personally am not a big "remember the date" person, so no? I have no clue when any of my client's birthdays are. I have had several that have booked that day with me to celebrate and I will make cookies or cake, but sorry, not something I keep track of. The only reason I even remember my current BF's birthday is because it is the same day as my ex husband's. (Weird, I know!)
I posted my birthday on twitter, so I did get a few clients that posted, that was a nice gesture. I did have several that sent me small gifts, also nice.
You are not going to get roasted. I understand you are hurt, but remember to you she is one. To her you are one of many. I am not trying to be harsh it is just reality.
And please remember you did not drop any amount of money on her. You paid for her time, which you received. It is a transaction, she is not your girlfriend. (I am assuming, unless this is some sort of SB arrangement) Any above and beyond is a generous gift, but if you expect reciprocation unfortunately you are just going to get hurt.
Sorry to be harsh but anyone who thinks a girl sees you as anything but a wallet with legs is headed for a fall.
True, but she explicitly told him she was going to do something special for his birthday. Didn’t even have the courtesy to text him Happy Birthday. Dumb business decision since he seems to be a good client and hurtful whether it is related to a hooker, girlfriend, or friend. She treated him like a POS and he should be furious. I think there is a distinction between a “love interest” and just treating someone with respect
If you are paying someone to be with you, they are there because you are paying them.
to rent, or at the most, a short-term lease.
If it floats, flies or fucks, rent it.
I send Birthday wishes to my friends who I care about & even buy them gifts. You need to reciprocate as a provider. She just wants your money, and gifts. She could have called, or text you a surprise nude, or sexy time video custom made just for you. Get creative as a caring provider it upsets me to know some providers are disrespectful to their long time lovers, and friends. It’s time to end your relationship because it’s clearly one sided. I dump clients. Time to fire a regular it happens. Our needs change. You outgrow them. She doesn’t care about you & is ungrateful.
But since you have me on ignore you’ll never know! lol
Those she cares about and those she doesn't give a shit about. Did you get that from her comment, too?
I guess it’s just a blunt reminder that it’s just business in the end - and we shouldn’t ever believe that it’s anything more than that. There are times when you relearn things the hard way. I’m wiser, now, and I won’t fall for that one again.
Similar thing happened to me although it involved a much longer time period and a lot more outlay. I did confront her about the situation: "thanks for forgetting my birthday" and, without going into particulars the response basically was "I am a ten, there is long line of guys that will pay a small fortune to fuck me so I can act the way I want to". Essentially, I a super hot so you are lucky that I even deign to see you. I expected more from her just out of respect. As much as I hate to go down to Lester's disgusting level, his observation about hot chicks acting extremely self-centered and with GPS off the Richter scale has more than a kernel of truth. I think I know who you referring to based on your review of your foursome. if I am correct, she is hot. So, this is not a general lesson about hookers and clients but more of a lesson to beware of super hot young babes because they don't need you. As Lester would say, the older ones act much nicer and are much more trustworthy because they have to.
Eventually, we all learn that we are just a wallet to providers and nothing more.
If you dropped over $20k on her over a few years, yes I would raise an eye brow.
One NEVER forgets a good client.
I have a pain in the ass client who calls whenever his stocks move a few pennies (which means multiple times a day during the week), but since he pays me 1% management on almost $5 mill....I DEFINITELY remember his birthday!
Hope you haven't fallen in love with her
Some of us have intuited this situation prior to subjecting ourselves to it, some of us have not. The truth is, you pay this woman to care about you. Others do the same, likely plenty of others, and she probably does a good enough job of selling that dream to people like you.
Of course, these women are human, just as you are, and from time to time the professionalism flies out the window and they end up dating one of their customers. Read that like it's a penthouse forum, because it won't be true for you, and, of the stories you've heard, most of them are probably bullshit. Fun to think about, but, bullshit.
So, do you expect a happy birthday from your plumber? How about the guy who changes your oil? The garbage man? likely not. You pay those folks for a service, they provide the service, and that's the end of it. They don't owe you anything outside of that, and hookers aren't any different. Sure, all of the above *could* leverage their ability to provide a more personal service, and that *may* allow them to become more profitable, but remember, profit is the goal, the means to get there is all just a dream.
And sure, some ladies market themselves in a way where they want you to think they care about you. Go book them a half dozen times and then ask them for a ride to the airport and tell me how that goes lol
Feel for you. I really do. But listen to your brothers on this board. Almost to a man they are saying the same thing. See mongering for what it is, and use it for what it is. Otherwize -you think long.....you think wrong.
The best you can expect is that she will consent to continue seeing you from time to time unless she has a conflicting date with somebody spending substantially more than you do. It's not even reasonable to expect that she will remember your birthday. At that level, you are lucky she remembers your name. Sorry, but it is what it is.
I once asked a provider what she was going to give me for my birthday. She asked, "What do you want?" I said, "How about a free Happy Birthday fuck? She said okay, and then said, "Happy Birthday, Fuck."
I think your reaction to not getting it is perhaps a warning sign for you.
I would not worry about the fact that she forgot the actual date of your birthday at all. Hell, lots of people do that to someone they should NOT forget.
My text to her the very next day would have been:
Bad news, you forgot my birthday 🤣
Good news, late birthday celebrations are even better!! Where you at!!
Feel free to copy and paste that!😆
PS, if she forgets the wild ride she promised, then you got a complaint. Today, you got no complaints!