Nothing I write has ever been true. I've lied about my pictures, my sexual experiences, my life experiences, everything. I just can't take it anymore. I hate most people I see, they're clingy and needy and they just see me as an object.  

I never went to went to college, I don't speak any other languages, I barely passed Algebra I, and I am NOT a sex addict.  
I'm glad to have gotten this off my chest. Which is another thing I lie about. They're implants.

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I'm a physician who got fired for stealing a syringe. I needed it for a science project for my 12 year old niece.  

Life is expensive. SMH

-- Modified on 4/1/2014 9:48:34 AM

Don't bother to lie about it.  

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Damn I was going to set a line for who was going to post the first "April Fool's Day" post.

Actually that wouldn't make me a hobbyist at all.

 
Was I supposed to lie?

I'm not all that drunk,  I have been sober the last three years.  

And my dick is actually 19 inches big. Girls refer to it as the anaconda and there's a waiting list to get access to my snake.  

Yes that is the truth.  
I am glad I got that off my chest

Contrary to popular belief. I actually am a member of Mensa.  

Wow. The weights been lifted

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And I will "offend" again!
 

  On a hobby discussion/review site replete with middle-aged men regularly claiming 2 or more climaxes in 90 minutes time; your "lies" are merely venal at worst.  

  Your 'misandry' I (and several others) did however detect long ago  

 

That's all I care about.

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and would that matter?

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We'll put together an act! You can sit on my lap and tell jokes, and I'll try really hard not to move my lips!

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The Aristocrats ?

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a low volume hobbyist, is not a hobbyist at all.  

 
Another interpretation of a LVH would be a hobbyist who likes petite women.

I paid some guy to go down there and impersonate me to fool Inicky, then I had to do it again when Inicky went back. I sure hope Inicky doesn't make a habit of going down there, this could get expensive, paying this other guy to have all this fun.

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I have never seen an ocean. I live in Dubuque, Iowa with my mother.
I have never been with a girl.

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-- Modified on 4/1/2014 1:17:59 PM

-- Modified on 4/1/2014 1:18:29 PM

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You can start on new ones now.

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Now if AF or Pimpathy were to make such a claim, THAT could only be an April Fool's Day post.

And I weigh roughly 300lbs. Thanks, Aldo.

As for my reviews, why do you think I ask for personal info? DUH review blackmail! Works every time.  

(I'm waiting for someone to take all of these seriously)

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you care about what's on the inside, not just on the outside, and you actually adore cougars...at least that's what you said last time we spoke on the phone...

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EOM!

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we are all still virgins and never slept with a girl before.

LOL I only like saying I'm 44.  

(ya beat me to it lady haha)

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What are you looking at?

A most believable confession at that.

I was never there.  I was home the entire time jerking off to Tardlor's board posts. She is so hot and sexy! I love her! She's so smart and cool, too!  And tasteful. The image of her in a sun dress eating grapes while I massage her feet has me hard enough to cut diamonds. Honest! Where's my lube?

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Hey, I thought that was our little secret.

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you are the President

Bald, pasty complexioned, huge gut and I'm so far right I have to look left with the Hubble telescope to see Rush Limbaugh.  True story.

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and I've never slugged a pimp in my life

I've never pimped a slug

but I understand how you would rather stay home and jerk off to Tardlor's posts, or maybe that "hot" selfie pic she posted?

only she doesn't wait until April first to use that line.

Had no idea some of you had a sense of humor, why did it take April fools day to come out

One of the funniest threads I've seen in a while

-- Modified on 4/1/2014 7:12:16 AM

So I found this old derelict and told him he'd won an all-expenses paid trip to Miami.  He'd never been there before and San Jose was close enough.  He liked it so much, I sent him to Jaco.  I've been secretly PMing Tardlor ever since.
We are to be married.  We take long walks in the park and I feed her grapes while massaging her feet and hanging on her every word.  She's soooo smart!
Oh, and she thinks Tardwell's an ass.  She's just stringing him along.  She told me she actually thinks he's retarded.  And she wouldn't fuck him "Court's" pussy.
So while you were fucking all those Ticas with that old guy, I was busily boning Tardlor to my heart's content.  "For all intensive purposes." LOL!

-- Modified on 4/1/2014 3:32:13 PM

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I took a trip out to Vegas which is where Robin really was when she (and I) were pretending to be in Costa Rica. I also found some old guy who lost all his money at the El Cortez while we were taking a romantic stroll down 8th and Ogden near Dowtown Vegas. I sent him to San Jose as well, and then my fake GaGambler followed your fake Inicky to Jaco.

Robin and I are also planning a springtime wedding, do you think we should have a double wedding and we could share Tardwell as our joint "best man", but then rob him of any chance of ever proving it, since his lady love/s will be off the market?

Let's do it in Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator. Roddy, can be the ring bearer and "fake Gambler" and fake inicky" can be the best men.
The wedding party will then retire to The Spearmint Rhino, where Robbin and Tardlor will have a pole-dancing competition.  Then it's off to the champagne room, followed by an all-you-can-eat dinner at Mikey's favorite beanery, The Golden Steer.
Let's share a honeymoon suite at the dump of your choice.  We can switch partners at midnight.
It should be amusing.
PS: We also need to have a contest to see who's really older.  At least Robbin doesn't lie about that.

-- Modified on 4/1/2014 4:10:25 PM

in everything, now isn't there. Be careful what you say even on a fuck board on April Fools. I would hate for your words to come back and haunt ya. LOL

We could just fuck right now and end the feud and be done with it. I'll be in the city next Wed actually. I don't book on location so let me know by noon on Tuesday if you could
           (I bet it moved a lil bit didn't it, it's ok hahahaha)

But marriage....never, ever, ever again, not even to you my love.

Too fun. It should be April Fools EVERYDAY!!!!!

 

For Frick (I mean Nick) ONLY....

Shhh lil secret between me and you....you are right...I don't fuck a lot of guys, usually one or two per month, sometimes three, and that's max. But, I assure you when I do... the dates are awesome and it beats fucking three times that to fill up my flower vase for the same amount as other ladies at the end of the month. Don't you worry your lil hiney I got it all under control haha

-- Modified on 4/1/2014 1:18:33 PM

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but I don't know about switching partners at midnight, at our advanced age maybe we should switch at an earlier hour? You know we are asleep by 8 PM

As for our honeymoon suite, I have a standing invitation at the El Cortez. You'll love it, and so will Tardlor, since she hates caviar she'll be happy to know there isn't a single fish egg in the place. Actually I don't even know if they have chicken eggs, much less caviar, I think they use the powdered kind at the buffet.

and yes, I think when we compare their ages on the marriage licenses I think my bride will turn out to be younger, but by no more than 3-4 years I would guess.

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hilarious. LOL. Wait a minute...is this an arranged marriage? Who said I wanted Frick...I might want you Frack? I don't think Robbin would get jealous. But I think Frick would be.  

Are you making shit up again Frick? I see you do that quite often.

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close to each other. Breath Nick. It's ok. Hmm, this is interesting. Are you staring at the screen waiting for me to post......I think so.  

 

Correction...it's Mr. Negative.

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then maybe I'm in your age range after all, not that far apart!  Oh, happy day!

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I thought you were gathering material for your book.

"So I found this old derelict and told him he'd won an all-expenses paid trip yo Miami..."

Why, I ought a...

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well, I'd have enough for a meal at a mid-level restaurant...I guess that's not a lot

Yes, I remember...I was actually referring to a board post from a while ago.