I have been seeing this one "Client"/"Hobbyist" for 2.5 to 3 years now. And he is married. He says to me right before our "Time Together" that he really feels uncomfortable with me referring to him as a "Client". And now he wants me to refer to him as my boyfriend. The only way for me to separate my feelings for him is to refer to him as a "Client". And now I seem to fall in love with him to an extent. I am assuming that he does not want to leave his wife because he will lose everything he has worked for up to this point. Any suggestions?!!
You both know the arrangement the two of you have with each other, both the client/provider relationship and whatever unspoken contract you've made with each other over the past 2-3 years. Like, maybe, it's never okay for him to be 20 minutes late, but if things come up it has to be understandable that you might be 20 minutes late once in a while.
You call him friend instead of a boyfriend. That might help with this falling in love thing. Seems strange that people can be perfectly happy in a polygamous situation and still pine and sigh longing for a monogamous relationship. Why do people do that?Stop and find a civvie to fall for, not a client. He's a client. Not a boyfriend.
When does referring to him as Client come up? I can't recall a time when a provider has called me a client in my presence. So, is he asking you to think of him as a boyfriend instead of a client? If so, he may be trying to take the relationship to a different level. If all of this is the case, then I would ask him directly "Am I your girlfriend, mistress or provider?" Then take it from there. Good Luck!
-- Modified on 3/29/2016 6:04:00 PM
It is what it is.
If he were your boyfriend he wouldn't be married, or seeing you as a provider.
If he's uncomfortable he can get a divorce or see someone else.
Do you want to be in his wife's position in a few years?
I'd keep business business...but that's me.
Again,it is what it is.
Treading on dangerous emotional ground for yourself there I would say. I can't speak from experience though so it's hard to know how to advise you really. For me I can always keep separate the business from the personal and it's nothing to do with how it's named. I am friendly with clients and care for some of them and like most but that's as far as I've ever felt.
Good luck!
I was wondering exactly the same thing. Why would either client or boyfriend come up, unless you were introducing him to someone?
Sounds like the client wants to take to the next level which for him as a 'boyfriend' he no longer has to pay for time.
Judging by some of the loonier guys here, that might be a more apt descriptive name.
by being a Mistress! IMO there are a lot more advantages to being mistress than wife -or being his hoe.
Tell him you want to be sure that you don't cross the line and fall for him, and that "boy friend" tends to do that to you.
Try any of the other pet names: Luv, hon, babe, sugar, boopsy, OK, maybe not that last one but you get the idea. Or as someone else suggested, just call each other by your names. That's what they're forIt's not that I can't. It's just I do have a certain amount of respect for him(I respect him enough not to put his name on here to protect his marriage). And I got to admit that I am physically attracted to him. He's tall & Sexy & Successful to an extent.
Maybe you are right. But the fire has been burning for 2-3 years. And it's way too warm to put out
The one visit we had together after days(14-90 days) of not seeing each other. he looks at me as he stood in front and asked me if I realized that it has been two and a half (almost three years). I told him that I did. And the next thing he said was "I need to ask you to not refer to me as your client. I want you to refer to me as your boyfriend." He says his marriage is complicated.
I did not bring it up. The "Client" did. And what I am trying to figure out is why he suddenly brought up the fact of how long we have been seeing each other and why did he want me to suddenly want me to call him "Boyfriend". I am afraid that if I question him that he may never show up again, but then again.......I can't just not ask.
I don't want to be in his wife's position
you are the only "other one". Then, you may consider yourself his mistress, but not girlfriend. That would be reserved for when he is divorced.
What are the Advantages?
I am going to have to tell him that I don't feel comfortable calling him something other than a "Client" and take a chance.
He is your favorite client, a special client or.......whatever term you see fit. Try not to reduce him to "just a client".
I saw she had me named "Great Client" in her phone. I asked her to change it to my real name.....bonordonor & she did. I have to admit, I was a little jealous of "10 inch". End of a somewhat true story.
-- Modified on 3/29/2016 10:23:53 PM
Not meaning to seem cruel or doubting here but something just doesn't add up for me. If the client brought this up why are you saying you cannot inquire about what it's all about? Also given your other responses I have to wonder if most of this isn't coming from you rather than the client.
Are you being fully honest with the post and yourself here? I hope so because if you're not then you won't be getting any useful advice from anyone. It might then all go south, in a bad way, and you'll end up blaming people here (perhaps) which then would create further problems. That said, you should talk and get clarification (if you're wondering how to do so you might check out a book called Crucial Conversations that offers some good insights to approaching such discussions or similar book/tool on interpersonal interactions). In addition it's your emotions so if just calling a client a boyfriend fans the flames of love too much start thinking of ways to put some cold water on the emotions when you use the term with him -- assuming you are trying not to go down that path.if this were a civvie relationship, would you hang on while a married guy kept saying "marriage is complicated?"
the client/provider relationship makes it on 1000 times more complicated. really unless you are in love with this guy totally (and not just kind of crushing) get out. and if you are in love with the guy totally, no good will come from it still. sorry but this relationship is doomed. trust me he's a jerk and will never leave his wife.If theres so make fire just give it to him for free lol hahahaha is the fire still there or is it burning out
he is getting this?
Is he feeling the same for you cus he not wanting to leave his wife, is already the reason you should stop.
much better connotations than "client".
I left him a voicemail about him wanting me to call him "My Boyfriend". That this was strictly business and that's what it was from the start. And I told him that I needed to know the reason why he truly wanted me to call him "My boyfriend". Now, I wait for a response. I want to believe that he brought up the subject of how long we have been Acquainted and how he wants me to call him "My Boyfriend" Because he finally got the affection that he lacked at home and that he opened up his heart & soul and started to feel what he wanted with his wife. And that he wants us to stop being "Provider"/"Hobbyist" & be a couple, But only time will tell.
See up to the point that he mentioned it. I only thought of him as a client, because I told myself that he does not want me due to the fact that I do this full time.
I am being 100% truthful here on this site.
No matter whether this is a Provider/Client relationship or a CIVVIE relationship.
Welcome back fancy I missed you
Jesus ballsucking christ...methinks the kitty has more issues than she's willing to admit...
advertising bbfs is just crazy so and doing so is even more crazy.
Must ask if that is why the guy wants the boyfriend title? In another post in this thread she said she does this for a living, the last guyshe sees each day must get one disgusting mouth full of goo in the daty
As long as you both can keep things in perspective, why not just let go, and enjoy yourselves? You get to enjoy time with him, free of the obligations of life. In other words, you get the bast part. Enjoy that, and don't ask or go for anything else.
Love him while you're together, think of him while you're apart, and enjoy it. Don't ruin it with anything else. Believe me, it can last for years.