Ok, I admit it. I need help managing the hobby. It would great to hear how the vetts do this.
Do you budget the amount of time you allow yourself per week (meaning on boards, email / phone bookings, researching new providers, going to sessions, and even day dreaming about future or past encounters)?
Do you set a weekly or monthly financial budget?
Do you use the hobby as a reward or special recognition for a personal achievement?
If you are having problems maintaining your forecasts, wtf do you do (I am way over my projected allotments - lol)?
Do you plan time away from the hobby – weeks even months – to assure that you are in control of it and not the other way around?
As for me I had originally planned on 10 hours per week, 1 ~ 2 hour session per week, and skipping every other month as to not get carried away. In reality I have been spending 20 to 30 hours per week, averaged 2 ~ 2 hours sessions, and I have not yet implemented the skip every other month strategy (but it sure sounded good in concept). I also find my strip club habit has not reduced as I manage to get into the club at least once per week sometimes twice. I am not ready for a 12 step program, but I can see that I have to make some changes.
For me, I have to budget for hobbying. I don't have any extra money to go beyond my budget. I can afford to hobby once per month. That's it. So, that prevents me from overdoing it.
You make it sound like a part time job, and at that point, I think the attraction would begin to diminish. I hobby when I can afford it, period. I put away a little at a time, and when I travel, I have a little cash to enjoy myself.
And I'm not saying this to be a jerk...but you could start by cutting back on the overanalyzed, overthought, overlong posts you put up on this board every day. They must take you hours to write, read, and respond to. I'd suggest more reading, pondering, and making your own decisions rather than having to have a debate about every last little detail of every appointment you've had. If I posted as much as you did I would never get anything done.
Having said that, I think you should continue to post, just not about each and every last little thing. Pick the important topics and go with it.
Good advise
SLO - you are right! I am thinking about only posting topics on the weekends going forward.
write it all down (in code if you think it prudent) and reflect on it frequently. That includes names, amounts, dates, locations, etc.
Total and summarize as you think well.
It prevents me from making rash decisions.
I used to tape receipts from my "sprees" in the local bookstore to my front door. When you look at that every day before you leave, you think twice your purchase habits.
I wonder how many providers have a receipt book with them, I think that would be funny as hell. Could you imagine that in an itemized tax return? 
b-
I mean this with all good will, but you're not managing the hobby -- it's managing you. My personal answers to all your questions was "no," yet I have to keep my spending and time expenditures within limits or else the hobby would run away with my life and ruin other things that are very important to me and others. It would also ruin my appreciation for the hobby and its practitioners, a few of whom I've developed very strong feelings of affection for. Despite the risks, expense, occasional disappointments, and necessary furtiveness, I don't regret any of my involvement for a single minute, but if it dominated my life all that would change.
No one can be a model for you, you have to work it out for yourself, but from what you wrote you are borderline obsessive about the hobby and I'd suggest focusing on other aspects of your life that are important to you. None of us can be a hobbyist every waking hour!
Funds are limited so I hobby on the average of once every 3-4 weeks. Sometimes I'll go 6 weeks without a date and other times there are two dates within a week. I never, repeat never, take from the family budget to pay for my fun.
Time on TER is about 1 hour a day, more if I am home alone.
Haven't been to a strip club in at least 5 or 6 years.
And I need to get it under wraps. Fortunately; I should be able to do that with in the next 2 weeks. Unfortunately it's because I'm having knee surgery! lol
I used to only see 2-3 providers a year. I counted up the other day and I've had 18 appts in the past 6 months w/ 1 more on Friday. So I hear what you're saying and need to find a happy place in the middle.
May you should get some surgery. lol
B
-- Modified on 1/30/2008 11:36:33 PM
It seems like you are thinking about it waaayy too much, almost obsessively. The number of posts you make and the amount of thought you put into that question is a huge red flag for me that you are in deep and need to step away from the hobby for a while. If you have to ask a messageboard full of people if you are addicted or not, and ask for help "managing" it, then you are already too deep. Take a break. You are on a path to throwing away the rest of your life just for a few 2-hour pay dates. I honestly just have fun with it and don't think about it. I keep an eye out in my area for new girls, etc, but I don't get much deeper than that. I check TER daily, but I don't analyze different aspects of hobbying. It should be fun.
I don't have much to say about allocating time, but let me describe how I handle the finances which also serves to control the number of sessions.
Every week I go and get my entertainment funds from the ATM. It's a fixed amount which will cover dinner out, movies, lunch, etc for the week. Whatever cash is left at the end of th week when I revisit the ATM goes into the hobbying envelope. This fund builds up at which point I spend it. I set things up so that if I engage in my normal entertainments I will save enough so that I can have a 2-hour appt once a month or possibly two 1-hour appts in the month.
What I like about my system is that it forces me to make choices between eating a more expensive dinner, seeing a movie I don't quite care for, doing full price drinks rather than happy hour ... or spending the cash on hobbying.
But ultimately it's about self-control since if I wanted I could always go to the ATM whenever I wanted.
A hobby isn’t a hobby unless become you completely obsessed during the “discovery” period. With every hobby I have been involved in (soccer, golf, wine, running, strip clubs, TER, Adult Friend Finder), there has been that long period where I have overdone it. That period where I wanted to taste (pun intended) every nuance that the particular activity offered.
I guess as long as you don’t bankrupt yourself or put yourself in physical danger in the pursuit of your desires, I don’t see any real problems. Eventually, you will decide whether this is an important part of your life, and allocate the appropriate amount of time and money to it. Or, looking at it another way, if your obsession with this hobby does not decrease, but your enjoyment does, stop and take a look at what’s really important to you.
To answer your question more directly, after I have paid my bills, and put my budgeted amount into savings, I take any excess cash and throw it into my desk drawer. When I have enough built up, I will make a date with a provider in whatever town I will be traveling to next. If that means I go a couple months without seeing anyone, that’s the way it is. My hand and I have always been good friends.
Herr, thank you for your post. This assists me with adding perspective to this issue. It is true that the "discovery" period is likely a time of overindulgence. Perhaps it is time for me to move beyond this initial phase and allow it to naturally take its place in a lower priority position overall but still enjoy it for what it is.
So when I have a chunk of disposable money I determine how much I will put toward the hobby and set that aside. When it runs out I stop until I get the next chunk. This is in part because a substantial portion of my income is from a quarterly bonus.
I usually try to plan the money to stretch to the next bonus, but I find that I hobby more frequently at the beginning than near the end, deciding to spend that last visits worth at the beginning of every third month is always tough.
As far as time spent researching etc. That follows the money. I find that when the money is thin the research is thin.
Anyway it works for me.
-J
to manage this hobby we are in you might want to give thought to this system. Divide your monthly income into 6 jars after tax and allocate them as follows;
Jar 1 10% Financial Freedom Account-this money is for your future to include investments etc. You never touch the principle you put in,just the interest
Jar2 10% Education- taking courses seminars,tapes,books etc
Jar3 55% Necessities- this is what you need to live on to pay the rent, food, gas, etc. If you can't live on 55% you are living way past your means
Jar4 10% Long Term Savings- saving for a big ticket item like a car, vacation, Big screen TV
Jar5 10% Charity-you must give to get back. You can donate your time to a charity and take the 10% and put it in another jar.
Jar6 10% Play account-This is the best jar because whatever you save in this jar goes to the hobby! Best part is if you donate your time to charity instead of money,take the extra 10% and add it to the hobby.
Think about it
Great financial plan. Some ladies are considered charity since you are donating to their college fund.
I had difficulty managing it- spent so much time the first four months that all other areas of life suffered.
I had to "retire" from the discussion boards- this is first post in a month because your topic hit at home. In the past month, I've 'lurked' twice a day for 5-10 minutes.
On visits, I found an ATF that I will see as often as possible, probably weekly, but with the not posting, I'm down to a managable 2 hours per week lurking plus maybe 2-4 hours a week with ATF. I am finding my life coming back to normal.
-- Modified on 1/30/2008 9:35:29 PM
Wishing - I couldn't agree more. The boards make up 50% to 60% of my total time spent on the hobby. Although I have learned a great deal I believe substantial reduction in this area is where the most time will be saved. Thanks for coming out of "retirement" to share your insights.
TS2007, you ask a lot of questions:
1) Do I budget time? No...I am on the boards when I have time. The hobby does not control me...
2) Do I budget financially? Yes, of course. The question is whether I adhere to it...
3) Hobby as a reward to myself? Yes, to an extent.
4) I take this as you are hobbying more than you planned/can afford long-term. Be careful...you can damage yourself financially if you overplay your hand...big time!
5) Planned time away from the hobby? Not at this juncture...
6)Two 2 hr.+ appts./wk.? You must be rich...or otherwise, you will eventually spend your way into bankrupcy. Personally, I can handle 2 one hr. appts./wk. for a stretch...I usually avoid the two hr. jaunts because of the expense, and the fact that I need more time typically to get the 2nd pop. Multi-hour appts. are great, but for me, fall into the splurge category, only to be indulged at certain times...
7) Strip club activity. This cannot be afforded while I hobby, and had to be deep-sixed. Not that I mind the trade off...
Be mindful of the financial impact the hobby has. And stay off the boards if this encourages you to overindulge. You mentioned the 12 step program...if you are thinking about it, you are a candidate. Have a good one...
Stay off this board for 2 months. Cold turkey. You need to get more involved in your life (real one). This hobby is a fantasy. And...don't tell me how insightful this comment is or how helpful it is or...just go away for awhile.