To read recent threads is to know that eventually you will need to step away from the computer, swallow a few Tylenol and have a shot of brandy. The dull ache that permeates the frontal lobes of your brain can be over whelming.
To sit and watch whom I consider one of the classiest women of the last decade defend herself against slander is hard to swallow. The more amazing part is the slew of alias cloned members who feel the need to add fuel to the fire by pretending that their well thought out statements and master of the English Language somehow affords them the right to be cruel. No matter how subtle.
I learned a very long time ago that the higher you are put on a pedestal the more your ass is going to hurt when you are knocked down. And it happens to everyone. The list of women in this industry that by choice, design, hard work, great marketing or just seeing the right people, managed to carve out a reputation that seemed beyond reproach who were systematically brought down by a spiteful review or a well timed malicious post is far too long to list here. And there were times it took more than one review or a thread that contained an inventory of names that when searched for in the database could only be found when slander was the name of the game.
When talking to women who have found their way to my e-mail box asking for advice as a “new girl” or needing some marketing strategy I am always surprised. I attribute it to the fact that I managed to survive the trials and tribulations of this industry fairly well intact. I tell them all the same thing. Be fair, be honest, do not give out too much information unless you are ready for everyone to know about you. It does not matter how much you trust someone, all information becomes public at one time or another. I learned that the hard way. And always, always be yourself and do not pretend or enjoy something that you don’t. The scrutiny of this industry is far too severe to add anymore unnecessary criticism.
When looking at reviews stop and step out of your own perspective. Just because someone chose to see you does not mean you are compatible on any level for anything other than the obvious. Everything else, the conversation, laughter and fun are the icing on the cake. I used to read my reviews all the time. I would laugh, I cried a couple of times but mostly I was in awe. I sat on a couple of occasions and said to myself “Self…..were you in that room with him?” One time a gent wrote about the incredibly spiritual encounter he had and the other was what a rude bitch I was. I could only think about how I was just being me.
The anatomy of being an escort on the net is far more complicated than most people think. You have the element of online dating/business in as much as you are trying very hard to put your best face on for the public. There is no one out there who hasn’t at one time or another professed to be smarter, better looking or more physically endowed that you really are. It is human nature to want to be the best we can be. You say you are 10 lbs lighter, one cup size bigger or you are 5 years younger than you really are. Perception is reality. You are selling an intimate commodity after all.
But because of the fuzzy moral line that has been drawn, human beings, being the savages that we are, take the opportunity to assert our aggressive nature in ways like slander, cruelty and downright vicious lies to somehow make ourselves superior, therefore becoming the Alpha even if it is only in our own minds. This goes for men and women alike. And so begins the struggle. A woman with an impeccable reputation can have a bad review or be maligned on a message board for the whole community to see and WT had it right on…you have options. But no matter how you choose to respond, you will always be wrong. You can’t win. The fact that those words were put to a keyboard and sent into cyberspace means that there is nothing you can do about it. It is there.
So what do you do? Let it eat you up inside? Worry about what the people of this community think of you. If you go that route you will be washed up and bitter long before your time. If you completely ignore it, there are those who are convinced that if you don’t say anything you are lending validity to the case at hand. My best advice is to keep doing what made you so popular in the first place. Life is an infinite circle of good, bad and mediocre. You can’t always be on top. If that were so then it would get really lonely.
The recent issues concerning ladies of a more stable reputation don’t bother me in the sense that I worry how their business is effected. I know based on how they have faired in the past tell me that this too shall pass. What does concern me in the overwhelming need of some men and women to constantly try and deceive the public into buying their bullshit. Fake reviews and slanderous posts can be chalked up to “oh it’s just a message board” but I worry that these are people who give and take companionship here. How do these people behave behind closed doors? Where do we draw the line in the sand against those who feel that it is an underground community therefore we are all fair game. It is a sobering thought.
Very Very well stated. It happens not only in this business/hobby but in all businesses. With the internet and being able to throw out items without having to face the person we too often have the spineless show there heads too often. Thanks
I'm a bit too frazzled right now.
But for now, I'll just say: don't drink Brandy and take Tylenol. That's a very bad drug interaction. Can you say: organ transplant?
Ibuprofen and Naproxen don't interact with alcohol.
I know zin, I hope yu took the suggestion in the way it was meant...things get so bad around here sometimes that my suggestion, with it's horrific side affect, would be better. I hope I didn't frazzle you but if I did I look forward to your response.
The majority of the people here (TER), don't pay a dime, save maybe to their ISP and the local bell. The reason we cannot legislate their brand of truth (more like cowardice)is we live in a country whose constitution gives us basic protections against all who would want to silence even the most vile among us. Does that make it right or justify it? Never. But, what also confounds this notion that people can slander and/or libel people in the e-space has yet to be adjudicated in a court where message boards are concerned to my knowledge. Unlike corporate e-mail for example, the acid test has not been won as yet, but it's coming. Sure, there are real people behind these screen names and as in the real world, people love bullshit and sensationalism. And your premise is right, you cannot un-ring a bell. Perception will win over the hearts and minds of people just because someone typed a lie in an IM box or a chat room or one this message board.
What I would add for every sex worker out there and the 'punters' that follow them is: you are not what you do, you are not anyone's object unless you allow people and their games to have power OVER you. So, when you cry, get mad, down alcohol and any drug, or drive around to blow off steam, they win. It's as simple as that. How about learning to live the life of a duck and let the water (and bullshit) roll off your back? There will always be people who have the insane need to muckrake and drive gossip to a higher plane. When we fall for it, who, I ask you, are the losers? When perception gets in front of you, sometimes it's best to run for cover. Because to air the linens often brings about the intended result. Sometimes, we have to be bigger than the lie.
-- Modified on 9/22/2005 1:42:32 PM
Usually the one to jump into a heated debate a recent experience with another discussion board's distaste for polite candor prompted me to stay conspicuously absent from the recent food fight on our LA board. After witnessing the hateful vitriol spewed by many of the ladies and several of the gentlemen toward Starfishhunter is it any wonder why several posters "hid" behind aliases. Starfishunter is going to be held as a Pariah for a long time to come for an otherwise accepted and valued act of altruism on these boards. In all fairness to Nicole she showed Star' more respect and understanding for his motives than others who had nothing to lose. This more than anything said pro or con is a testament to Nicole's character. There were a couple of ladies involved who could learn much by Nicole's gentle humanity. There were also a few gentlemen who although they knew Nicole only by her posts angrily brandished pitchforks in her defense as if they were regular guests at her dinner table. I found this sycophantic demonstration as equally shallow as any "cheap shots" given from behind an alias.
This controversy should never have become as big as it did. The allegations should have been investigated as they are in any other such instance and then the verdict fall quietly as it usually does. The ugly mob scene witnessed over the last 36 hours will negatively influence the review process for some time to come.
FR.
-- Modified on 9/23/2005 1:39:46 AM
I would find this whole thing very amusing except that it is my consumer dollars at stake. I had thot when I found TER that I was is some kind of paradise for men. You want a hot chick for a few bucks? Look up her ratings and fire away! Right? No, because it turns out that most of the ratings are inflated and the ladies are heavier, older and a lot less sexy than as advertised. This is where the discontent comes from. I have seen over 10 highly rated women and half of them should never have been rated higher than a 7. The fact that they all got 9s and 10s tell me that the rating system is a big fraud for a number of reasons. But it is what it is and when I see someone with a string of 9s and 10s, it tells me that it could mean anything. I've come to depend more on what is written on these discussion boards and the individual opinions of well known reviewers. These testimonials count more than a string of 9s or 10s. The numbers are almost meaningless now.
Oh boy, what did I miss?
I guess I've got to start reading posts other than my own.
-- Modified on 9/23/2005 10:06:20 AM
I get reminded of that in different ways. The totally unexpected hostility there reminds me of it again. How else to explain this? I think no matter what race, what nationality, what gender, what heritage we have, we are all decended from cannibals, and even the best of us have one shackled somewhere inside.
Your last point, is the best: the hobby is risky in plenty of ways. Besides all the obvious risks, a more subtle one is the risk degenerating into real criminals. I hope it can eventually change society's mind about the criminality of sex-for-money, but you are right about the danger of the shadow life in an underground community. We may be playing in foul territory right now, but the game here is real, and it still has fouls. Shaming one of the best people here on suspicions alone, or just on hatred, that is a foul anywhere.
Part of the problem is, like any other borderline community, it is an opportunity for criminal opportunists: frauds and robbers. This leads to a lot of cynicism. As a result, you'll have people who can't believe something good about it, ever. If a woman is too good, to them, that's absolute proof of a fraud. This could be solved by winning legality for the hobby.
However, the second thing is unsolvable, and that is the difficulty of detecting lies even in the best circumstances. The incident you write about came up when some studious hobbyist thought he detected fraud. It turned out, he was badly mistaken. The lady in question forgave him when he retracted, but by then a whole avalanche of meanness had started.
Skepticism can be lifesaving in the hobby, but for the guys who joined in that frenzy, the thought of your pain makes me smile. You kept at it long after the original accusation was debunked, retracted and forgiven. I think your standard of proof was deliberately low, and you didn't really care too much if the allegations were true or false. The fun of punishing a woman of first class beauty, kindness and stature, that meant more to you than integrity. For the misogynists crawling around here, being here does you good, but you do nothing good for the rest of us. I think you should leave until you get human flesh out of your diet.
I'll add to WT's analysis: there's more to it than convincing those who don't believe you. It's far better that she fight because of the effect it has on her, on those who have seen her, and those who support her.
Finally, good post as usual, CelticLass. Better even than your usual standards.
-- Modified on 9/24/2005 2:39:33 PM