1. Guys who show up early, as in more then 5 mins. Most girls need time to make themselves look good for you, and we don't like to feel rushed. If you happened to get there early and call first to see if it is okay to start early, then great. But if you already have the room or apt #, and just show up knocking on the door, then you are a dork. If you are going to be early or late, CALL AND LET US KNOW!

2. Guys who nitpick over less then $50 dollars. Case in point: I have my set rates. Every so often I offer a special that clearly states an expiration date. After said date, client will call to schedule and verify rate. When you tell him it is less then $50 more, he argues with you and/or doesn't schedule. I understand it doesn't hurt to ask, but if $50 or less is such a deciding factor for you, then you can't afford to be doing this, point blank. Same thing for guys that have such a problem with an extra travel fee of $50 or less.

3. In continuation of #2....A special is called a special because it DOESN'T HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. Don't expect to get those same rates every time you book thereafter. Girls will post on their sites and/or tell you what their rates are. Again, it never hurts to ask, but to know beforehand and then shortchange the girl once there clearly reflects what a cheap bastard you are. If you don't want to pay the set rate, then wait until we post a special again. Don't keep asking for it.  

4. Guys that use their board status as a way to get discounts or special treatment. "Oh, my screename is Mr Dumbass, and I post all the time...what kind of rate does that get me, and can I CIM, get BBJTC, greek, etc? You know I will post a review of our time, and since I am doing you such a favor, you owe me." Um, excuse me- go blow yourself! It is good to let a girl know your posting identity to get her to feel more comfortable with you and know what you like, but to expect benefits out of it is not.

5. Guys that think they are a professional photographer because they have a digital camera, and want discounts or freebies for taking said photos. I get at least 3 emails a month from guys offering to do some new photos for me. When I ask if they are a professional, they say "no, but i have taken photos of escorts before. And I will do yours for a freebie." If I am going to pay anyone to take my photo, then they will be a pro who has years of experience and examples of quality work that I like. Not some cheap bastard who got a digital camera from his wife last year. You are supposed to be using that to take pics of your kids, not scam escorts!

6. Guys that are whiners, either in person or on the boards. If you get bad service, then write a review stating exactly what happened. Don't keep crying about it, sometimes months afterwards. If a girl posts an ad and you don't like her look, attitude, rates, whatever, then don't go and see her. But don't post whining "your rates are too high" or "you have too many screening policies" And when you see an escort, don't whine to her about all of your problems. It is fine to say "I have been having some problems with this and that, but I have come to you to get cheered up," and then proceed to have fun. But to take up half the session with whining about every little thing wrong in your life, and then call us occassionally to whine some more and feel comforted, is not okay.

7. Guys that don't have cell phones. Wake up! It almost 2004. You can get a pre-paid phone anywhere and only use it for emergencies and the hobby. Verizon has a good plan with "Free Up". There are NO PHONE BILLS sent to your house, thus no records of who you have been calling. You talk until your minutes are up, and then you buy more time by cash or credit card.  What are you going to do when your car brakes down or when you get mugged and need to call 911?

8. Guys that no call/no show. It takes 1 minute to call a girl and tell her you can't make it for whatever reason. There is nothing else I can say about this. Karma will get them though. They will get ripped off by a bait and switch or a cash and dash and they will deserve it!

9. Guys that talk to you like you're stupid. Any decent person should treat any other decent person as their intellectual equal, even if deep down they know they are not. And btw, sometimes girls will play a little dumb to make you look smarter and feel better about yourself. That doesn't give you the right to talk down to us.

10. Clients that want to gossip about other board posters or other girls in the business. Are we in high school still? Yes, I know provider a, b, and c. I think they are great and wouldn't mind doing a double with them. Or I don't know them. That is the extent of what I should be saying. As for clients, I don't want to talk about them, just like you don't want me talking about you.

11. In continuation of #10- Clients who want to get too personal. I also don't want to talk about my significant other or where I really live or where I am really from. I don't want to tell you how much I make per week either. Can't we just talk about our favorite movies or music? What we like to do for fun, in and out of bed

12. Clients that have bad breath and/or body odor. Brush your teeth and use listerine within 10mins of meeting your provider. Carry a travel kit in your car and tell whoever asks that you saw a news report on how many germs are in the human mouth and you realized you needed to start brushing more. If you have any doubt whatsoever that you are not totally clean, then ask to start off your session in the shower...lots of fun and a great "ice-breaker".

13. Clients that have stubble. Either be soft and furry or clean-shaven. If you have any questions as to why I say this, take a piece of sandpaper and rub it against your balls. That's why.


I think I will leave it at lucky 13. Any ladies should feel free to add on.