The other day I was thinking back on my years in this hobby and all the appointments that never occurred because the provider didn't show up.  Often (but not always) I got a text or email after the fact attempting to explain why the provider didn't make the appointment.  Some of those reasons included in no particular order or frequency: overslept, totally forgot the appointment, got sick, lost phone, phone lost battery power, phone didn't work, menstruation started, previous client went over the appointment time, got kicked out of the hotel, family emergency, delayed arrival due to plane/weather, no room at the hotel, death of mother (twice from the same provider 6 months apart!), ran out of condoms, decided to quit being a provider, stuck in bathroom (door was locked and wouldn't open), and got sick of sex.  There are others, but I think this was a good sampling.  In some instances, I know the excuse was actually true.  In many cases I had no way of knowing if she was telling the truth or not.  And in a few cases I knew it wasn't the truth.

Then I got to thinking about which instance was either the most funny or at least kind of interesting.  About two years ago a provider I had set up an appointment with texted me about an hour before our appointment to say she couldn't make it.  She had been with a client earlier in the day and was using various sex toys when one of them "broke off in her butt, and she could not get the piece out".  This resulted in a visit to the local emergency department of a near by hospital.  She described in detail the conversation she had with the ER doctor and all the things they had to do to retrieve the part...I never laughed so hard.  I thought I had kept the email, but unfortunately I must have deleted it so I can't reproduce what she said...but suffice to say...it had to be real because nobody could make that story up.

So for all you mongers out there, if you have an interesting story or appointment cancellation excuse that was funny, odd, or just stunningly original, lets hear it!!!!

A few months later another guy was showing me pictures of his family, and guess who one of the kids was?

C'est la vie! Everyone's got their reasons.

why don't you just tell us

I have way too many stories from providers. The biggest excuse was that someone died, "my uncle", "my mother's cousin's aunt in law", grandmother.

I have to babysit my grandaughter because my daughter is going out with some friends.  

Nice to see strict parenting.

It was about 90 minutes before the session, an incall. I was showering, shaving etc, and I realized that my bikini wax was starting to feel a bit like stubble. I figured I'd shave to smooth things up, and I freaking cut myself! It really stung, so I dropped the razor and as I'm getting out of the shower, I nick my toe on the razor. So I get two bandages, and I text my client to tell him that my dog isn't feeling well and I'd have to cancel. He was pretty understanding and we rescheduled for just a couple of days later.

I fessed up when I finally did meet him and we both had a good laugh about it. He hadn't even remembered my excuse, just that I'd canceled. All in all, things turned out well and I've seen him lots since then.

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tell me his family had been swept downstream in a raging flood.  Seriously, if that honestly happened, I would be distraught and care less about the appointment.  When I told him, I was sorry for his loss, but still owed the cancellation fee!  Lo and behold, he kept the appointment, "before his flight home!  I was embarrassed for him. lol!  

I no longer waive cancellation fees for any reason and the awful excuses have stopped.

-- Modified on 9/21/2015 3:13:30 AM

He told me he had to cancel because he had to undergo surgery to repair a retinal detachment. It sounded serious. Got me wondering how that would happen.

it happened at recess at school.. at 9:30am.  

he had to go pick her up..

he is still messaging me from the dr......

i politely ask for a cancelation fee since our date was at 10am........

he thinks that I'm so rude. and how inconsiderate seeing how much money he is going to be out of to fix her arm..............

i remind him that insurance will take care of that....................

he laughs and says oh yeah, i forgot. i said, now you can pay me double for making your day.

then i just laughed and moved on with mine.

some people think that others cannot tell when they are lying. its so funny. most lies have so much detail to them that you will mess up.

when i lived in vegas i cannot tell you how many people had "food poisoning."
i would reply,
"im not your wife, no need to lie to me.. is it really alcohol poisoning or did you get robbed by a casino girl or lose all of your money gambling?"

funny enough, they would usually reply and fess up!

thats when i would reply and let them know that they could forward me a $100 amazon card and we could all move on with life.
xo

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and with all the places I have tried I have not once gotten food poisoning. Yet amazingly so many of my appointments get cancelled due to food poisoning. Where in the world are these guys eating that is making them so sick? The guys usually get all flustered when I ask them which restaurant made them sick because I want to make sure never to go there.

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i had food poisoning one time last year. i had a sandwich from the cooler section of a 7-11.

it was the first and only time i have ever had food poisoning so i cannot grade it a 1-10, but.. if it was a 1 or it was a 10, i had no interest in explaining myself to anyone! i was actually on a weekend date. and i could barely move. we made it to the pier and i sat there shaking. i couldnt see myself caring to explain to someone that i had food poisoning! my worst hangover from my precious life didn't even compare!!!

bogus. Heard this 6 times from 6 different men of the hobby. Enough for me to retire

How terrible for you.  

I was hoping to hear the story.  I've been out of the country for a while and missed reading your posts.

The good ole food poisoning excuse god...that excuse is so tired.lol
Funny how the guys who say this always have to cancel they are so sick they cannot see anyone during their vegas stay.Well....how come there is new reviews posted during his vegas stay but yet he had food poisoning the very first day of visiting?Yep...I eat out all the time here never had extreme food poisoning.

Another excuse for cancellation I had one time.As soon I told him he was verified he had to cancel.
His best friend's mother died that very minute I sent the verification email to him.
I totally understood said he would reschedule after he deals with the funeral.
He did reach out to me for reschedule day of the appt he goes radio silence....no response for room info nothing no excuse....never heard from him to this day.

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Your dog or your kitty?

An hour before a date, my ATF texts me to ask if she can call me. Sure, I reply. She calls me and in a sleepy, hung over voice explains she was out too late celebrating a happy event and doesn't think she can get ready to see me.  

If this were someone else, I probably would've been pissed. But I wasn't, because she was honest with me, apologized profusely, invited me over to her house to have tea with her and a fellow party animal (a provider), and I has a great time with them (just tea and conversation, but my ATF and her friend were hot even in their jammies).

-- Modified on 9/21/2015 5:45:14 PM

...who got food poisoning so bad, I had to take him to the hospital.

A provider cancelled an hour prior and told me her mother showed up at the airport for a surprise visit.   Now, let's get real here.  Whose mother just hops on a plane and is suddenely waiting at the curb for a pickup without prior notice?      Jeeeeeesh!!

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Grand Lux is owned by the Cheesecake Factory but a different menu.
Sorry to hear your friend got sick.I have never had a problem there.

did you say to him, "I'm not your wife.. you dont have to lie to me. are you sure youre not hungover?"
xx

...she texted me to tell me that she had fruit flies coming out of her bathroom sink and she couldn't get control of them...we never did meet, needless to say...

So I waited an hour and a half for her to get ready.  Ok, guess I'm pussy whipped.
It was so worth the wait.

she had call forwarding to her personal phone...  she was 1000 miles away...  Yes, her sister really died.   (Sister had last chemo for breast cancer...  "beat it"...  and just inexplicably died.  Toxic stit!  I am familiar with one kind of chemo which has a lifetime max because of heart damage.  Sister was not a provider.  Left husband & 2 children.)    
I reconnected with the provider a couple of months later & she was practically in a trance.  I noted the prayer cards on her mantle...  listened to her for an hour before we tried to play.  She really tried but her heart wasn't in it.  

-- Modified on 9/22/2015 8:48:27 PM

No one wants to fuck in the same city as the pope?