I'm new to the hobby, and have learned many things about this industry. The girls are regular people just like everyone else. That being said, I was wondering if it's stupid for me to romance the girl during the sessions. I am unfortunately a hopeless romantic, and I prefer to "make love" to the lady instead of the raw sweaty cumfest sex I sometimes hear about. Since the provider tries to give me an GFE experience, I am automatically inclined to give a boyfriend experience in return. Am I just being lame? I was sweet-talking a provider to the extent that she was almost crying and held me like it was for reals. I think I was in dangerous territory, but I can't help it. I made love to her like she was my SO. I was beginning to feel vulnerable, so I never saw her again. I don't know how to separate love from sex yet....maybe I'll be a pro eventually. Any comments?
Yes, you are lame...and so am I, and so are many of the men on here...as well as some of the women.
What you experience during your session does not supercede what happens outside of it, or where that woman's (or yours, for that matter) life is. I know it is damned easy to get lost in the moment, but unless you both share that feeling, talk about it, and decide consciously and from a healthy place that it is something you want to pursue, you have to be able to recognize that we all let our guard down somewhat to have these little encounters. For a romantic like yourself, your mind has to take over while that guard is down and remember that this is a simulation of something that really should be part of a larger picture, and if you can't keep that concept clear while you do this, you need to reconsider having these encounters.
There are many who don't struggle at all with this conundrum, but I sympathize with you. Go into it with realistic goals and not looking to find something that the situation shouldn't really be bringing you, and you should be okay. And if something mutual happens...then enjoy whatever it brings you, as long as it makes you both happy.
As Ice-T said, "Mind over matter".
-- Modified on 6/15/2004 5:36:21 PM
Good advice, but try to never again quote Ice-T (EOM)
you shoulda killed me last year.
Hey, Ice-T is super cool.
And I'm almost 60.
I love LIFE!
And I love all of you.
Play safe my friends,
Ol' Tony
I don't need to post anymore. Well, almost.
Don't expect it to happen. All depends on chemistry. I've fallen in love twice in this hobby in the last two years. Currently in my second affair -- it's blissful and otherworldly, and I do know she feels the same, but she's highly independent and is a carefree spirit in the world. Not a chance of her settling down. However, it could happen for you with the right one at the right time with the right chemisty, but don't bet on it.
I try to go through the day with my guard down. You take a few shots but you sure get to feel the sun as well.
Just my .25 cents, balancing precariously on the edge of the bedtable.
Ah everyone has a weak spot, and the heart can get hit anytime. We try to keep our guards up because we don't want to be hurt. Inside us lurks a soft mushy heart, so we must keep our guards. But we are not aware all the time, and we let that guard down. That's why we always ponder whether we will continue to see the provider when a genuine connection is created. Even providers don't always keep their guards up. Many won't admit it and may even try to forget it ever happened. But it is when we let our guards down that the connection is geniune, and we often don't accept that reality ... after all, we often want fantasy, not reality. Few choose the difficult path of reality.
Hi.
This might be a bit rambling, but I'll throw in my 2 cents worth.
I'm going through a similar situation right now myself; thankfully there are a few hundred miles separating us so I can have time to think things through.
I was visiting my sister in a different city from where I live and decided to see a local girl who had good reviews and seemed very nice over the phone.
My one hour session lasted three, after which she invited me out to the bar with her and her friend (I went); later at the bar, she asked me to spend the night at her place(I did). All through this time she was really coming on to me (through words and actions). She talked about having a connection/chemistry that she hasn't had for a long time and I admit that I had similar feelings. We've talked several times since and I know she is planning to come out and visit me in late July (non-business for her; ie. no fee).
So, I'm still trying to figure out what to make of this situation. There is a fine line between business/personal and fantasy/reality. Luckily, for me, summer hockey starts in 2 weeks so I can focus on my TRUE love!! lol
P.S. I have to meet Sedona and NetMichelle someday...always like what they have to say.
Dude, you come as some innocent guy that's new to the hobby. While you may be alot of things, you are not some virgin. Fellow hoobyists and Providers, you are being played by this guy. For all you know, he's writing a book or doing some stupid research. Give him the finger if you ever meet him
remember, what happens in an hour or two is just what happens in an hour or two. Now you're reflecting on it, consolidating it, processing it and getting feedback. If you're into it seriously, you'll experience a Hegelian dialectic, come out with a new perspective, and go forward again...okay, seriously, not to be too philosophic about it... GO FOR IT and let it happen, whatever it is. Just keep things in perspective.
It's one thing to be polite, flirt and compliment the lady, but "sweet-talking" a lady you just met, to the point of tears, sounds unusual.
You shouldn't be feeling "vulnerable" with a lady you just met, so you have obviously crossed some boundaries.
If a guy acted like that with me (and I didn't know he was new), I'd think either he was very needy, or was behaving like an obsessive client.
Obsessive clients are over the top from the get-go--nonstop compliments, huge tips, gifts, love poems (after the first date, mind you), proclamations of love, etc. Then they turn weird....
With time, I'm sure you can learn to rein in your emotions and keep an even keel so no one gets hurt. Good luck and have fun!
Five-plus years of hobbying has taught me that there's nothing like a great orgasm, administered by a lady you've connected with, to foster other emotions. It's easy sometimes to get carried away -- but you need to maintain some self-control and decorum for both you and the lady. Hey, we're all human. We all crave love, acceptance. We're all vunerable. My point is it's possible to enjoy an intimate encounter quite thoroughly at a genuine and wholly human level -- WITHOUT pretending you're making love to your lost soulmate. Doing so will only make you seem foolish to some providers, or will cause anguish to yourself or a vunerable provider -- which seems to be the case you experienced.
The poster isn't specific about what he means by "romancing" and sweet-talking. My perspective is it's fine to tell a lady how hot she looks, how you love the feel of her body and give her some credible appreciation in general. That builds good karma. Telling her that the angels have ordained you both to be together forever, or gazing into her eyes and telling her (heaven help us!) you LOVE HER is TOTALLY out of bounds. Particularly on a first encounter. I suppose there's some segment of hobbyists who get off on trying to get a lady to fall in love with them -- thus providing the thing they won't sell. I hope this poster won't be one of them. That's simply inhumane.