I was just wondering, ladies, how has becoming a provider affected your view of men and ability to have a relationship? One provider I saw a while back said that she didn't think she could ever have another relationship because of providing. Now, she didn't come out and say it, but I think she saw men as just sexual carnivores who only view women as slabs of meat. I think the business had a big effect on her, for the worse. I haven't seen her in a while, but she seemed very depressed with how her life had turned out.
Ladies, how do you feel? Do you view men differently than before you started providing? How has this profession affected you, both mentally and physically? I know these are personal questions, but they're important ones as well.
"Do you view men differently than before you started providing? How has this profession affected you, both mentally and physically?"
Yes, I do.
I am more selective now in who I choose as a partner. I have a better idea of my self worth, and am less likely to settle for someone who doesn't value me as a person, a sexual being, and a partner.
I'm more confident sexually, more sexually adventurous, and more sexually aggressive. I'm not willing to settle any longer for a partner who doesn't both accept and embrace these qualities.
I've made peace with my nature as a non monogamous woman, and am no longer willing to pretend that I am capable of being one while in a relationship. I've learned to choose partners who understand and share this quality, and who understand that this doesn't affect my ability to be faithful romantically.
I've learned that not only can *I* enjoy my curves, but that there are others who do, as well. This has made me a more open, content person, a better lover, and a happier person all round, not to mention a better partner.
Sexwork has been a positive, life affirming choice for me, and one I'm proud of. I'm content with who I am, what I do, and who I share myself with. I'll always be grateful for that, and grateful to the clients and friends who helped me achieve it.
Morgan
-- Modified on 5/4/2005 3:58:52 AM
Enlightened and very much the outcome that one would hope for with women in this profession. Also one that I would hope that more civvie women would embrace.... they would be happier.... with accepting who they are, and only accepting mates who accept them for what they are and what they desire - this would cut down on the games that civvie women tend to play....
Thanks for a great outlook.
That's great and all I can say is "you go girl". I know that is a bit of a cliche, but as a non-monogomous male who has been in a lousy marriage and an excellent marriage, there is a world of difference - never settle for anything less.
To the point and you promote a visual with your descriptive words. I feel the same way from the business as you do. It is very nice to see a provider who is positive in response and also truthfully realistic. Your self respect impresses me. In this business or not, wish more women had this level of respect for themselves.
I look forward to reading your views in the future. A clear and clean mind you have.
Jolie
It's one of the funniest things I've read and certainly the best on a provider's website.
Careful, or people will stop sending me silly emails. Then what will I use to update it with?
Morgan
I don't know who to thank first...EB for telling me to read them or ME for writing them or the uneffinbelievable yahoos who inspired those responses!
That was hilarious and incredible. For once, I find myself, speechless.....
-- Modified on 5/4/2005 9:23:40 PM
No doubt about it... Morgan's infrequently asked Qs are the best reading on the net... And they actually expected a response to "give them what they wanted?" yahoo. Then again, I have seen things just as strange in my world.
My follow up question to all providers is "What is the strangest engagement that you have endured?" That has gotta be wild reading....
gotta run.
This hobby has destroyed me in some ways. I used to let people borrow money in hard times. I don't now esp if my friend is good looking. I offer to find them a sugar daddy or sugar momma.
I have guys who want to date me for free esp married men. No way! If a married guy wants me that badly...to have adultery, he can pay for me and do it on my schedule. (they are actually the cheapest cheapskates as they are not only cheating on their wives, they used to make me wait by the phone just to have dinner w/ them or just wanted sex and told me their money was controlled by their wife.)
I also schedule my vacations on months I know to either be slow (sept. hurricanes and xmas) or when I am having my period as I am regular as a clock 6 months in advance so I lose out on the least amount of money.
I have also started keeping track of my money better too.
As one who did NOT hobby while married - but am not casting stones.... let me see if I've got you straight....
You are somewhat destroyed because...
This hobby has cause you to not enable people to take advantage of you with their having no thought to your wellfare...
This hobby has forced you into better money management....
This hobby has forced you to consider why a man wishes to be with you (share a lifetime or a convenient quickie)
This hobby has enlightend you to the fact that men may not have been honest with you and now you keep your guard up a bit more...
And you are destroyed by all this....???
These are exactly the issues that I am trying to TEACH my daughter so that people (men and women) do not take advantage of her....
wannariderher - I usually agree with much of what you say, but I have to be honest - I hope that your post was meant sarcastically!
Best.
looking at the time I wrote it, I may have used the wrong tone which is why I hate writing on the internet b/c I explain things better in person.
This hobby has helped me.
I used to date guys via the personals and meet up with them to only find out they were married or that they wanted a one night stand. They would call me at all hours and whine if I couldn't rush over to have sex with them
Now that I am a escort, I decide when I want to get laid and I go to nicer restaurants and the men dress up in nicer clothes. They apologize to me when they are 10 mins late while when I was in college--my dates acted like they deserved a trophy if they remembered their date w/ me over shooting pool with the guys.
I am not saying I was abused by teenage guys but I like escorting. I get paid to be around men who eat at expensive restaurants and they drive nicer cars and they don't mind if I date someone else the next day.
I just ran into an ex-boyfriend today who was talking about how I was a slut b/c I flirted w/ guys while dating him but I found out before we broke up that he slept with others behind my back.
I don't have clients calling me a slut or telling me that they are spending too much money on me.
I dated this one married guy who would tell me that he didn't even have money to buy me roses b/c his wife held onto the money but he wanted to do things with me that his wife wouldn't do like BJs.
I am tired even now so I can't understand that one line "This hobby has cause you to not enable people to take advantage of you with their having no thought to your wellfare"
Before escorting, I did use to do free babysitting and give money to my friends more. I held minimum wage jobs so when I ran out of money, it didn't bother me as I was already poor.
Now that I escort, I notice how precious an hour is and I have dreams of owning my own business. I save as many pennies as I can and I have ended every negative relationship I could as I used to hang around people who told me that I was ugly and I can't have that karma going into a session
if you or someone thinks that I dislike this hobby, icq me or yahoo me b/c I can explain better if I got input immediately as TER has no edit buttions.
Escorting has caused me to set higher standards for what I do in my free time and how my new friends treat me. I have also started taking even better care of myself in the gym and etc so that I will look even better. I am now taking spanish classes as I have noticed that most high class providers are bilingual. I had no interest before even in the office before escorting.
I am going to bed now but email me w/ any questions.
I do this while talking to someone but it doesn't look good on this board
I have the same overall view on men, I just find ways to make sure that I look out for myself more now. I don't let a man talk down to me or let a friend waste my time if I think he is a moocher the way I used to.
From all of the posts that you have made- I was really hoping that my "take" of your original post was incorrect! As stated, I was really shocked by the tone... etc. Clarification helps. and when I write at night - sometimes I too, think one thought and present the counter thought - The thoughts that you express above is common among the better providers.... Self-reliant, confident, easy going, not defensive, but able to defend themselves.... and very interesting. And as I stated, that is the type of personality I wish for my daughter.... Thanks so much for the clarification!!!
For me the changes are pretty complex yet simple.
I no longer put up with the bs of a civi guy whom thinks I should be thanking the good lord he deamed me worthy of his presense as we go to our nightly dinner at Krystal or some other fast food joint. I have become both spoiled and selective because of the fantastic gentlemen I have met in this job. I have higher expectations of how a man should pay attention to his personal hygene and will flat tell a civi guy I am seeing to either shave his balls or I will. (and yes I have showed up with the razor and had at it)
Knowing that the upscale gentlemen I see at work find me desirable has been fantastic for my self esteme to the extent that for the first time in over 20 yrs I went out and bought a 2 piece bathingsuit for my trip to Caracas later this week. I think the changes in my self confidence have been possitive in how people (especialy men) react to meeting me out in public in that I am hit on now at 45 yrs of age than I was when I was 20 and had one of those figures that men say are perfect. It may also have a bit to do with the fact that I am much more sexual than when young I suppose though I do not hang a sign around my neck statint "Entering my sexual prime want to enter it with me?". God forbid how civi guys would react to that one to say nothing of the fact that I am in the heart of the bible belt.
Personaly if in a relationship I would lean towards being monogamous I would be more open in begining of such as to the expectations of each. As most of the guys I meet these days are in hobby I feel it should be agreed apon both if he continues to hobby and if I continue to work. I have learned that more importanty than monagamy is honesty. I am up front with civi guys about my job and if they cannot accept me as the person I am then they can go out the exit only door. Also when I date a civi guy he has to accept that things are not going to move straight to the bedroom as the entire relationship is supposed to be that first and I will decide if and when I will take him to the bed. At same time I have had guys contact me wanting to date civi wise knowing in advance that I escort and frankly if they know that in advance I suspect they either hobby or would like to but are too cheep to value me as a person or my time (now most likely this catagory of men do look at women much as a slab of meat). In such cases I flat will even tell the guy if he so much wants to see me then he will have to first do so as a client paying full fee and following all of my rules.
I have also learned so much more about why relationships fail and hope that if or more likely when I enter one I will remeber to apply those lessons. Oddly though when in a relationship I tend to be monogamous I have so much higer self esteme I would not feel jelous if the guy I am with wished to see providers from time to time but I would demand that he be honest about doing so with me and respect me enough not to see ladies whom are my friends.
As far as my view of men in general I frankly feel it has improved as before I had become somewhat jaded in the way I looked at them in pretty much all the same catagory of a bunch of selfish cads whom wanted only to add notches to their belts. Yes I realize there are still many such men both in civi world and hobby but I also now know there are men out there whom realy care for their partner both civi and hobby. I have met men whom would never consider leaving a wife with whom sex does not happen for the wife is so much more than an object of sex. She is a best friend, partner, maybe mother, a part of what makes his life whole. Most of these gents are very giving when with a provider but mainly hobby for the simple physical needs but would never look at any lady as just a piece of meat.
I will agree with you for many this is a very personal set of questions but even before I started in hobby I had learned to be open with myself and others about most things. I will admit that I do compartmentalize my life to a large degree, hobby, civi, family, work but I had that tendency before. If any of this seems broken or out of order etc I am sorry but with the little itty bitty window they give us to work with on posting these days reviewing for proper composition is not easy. Ah well, such is life.
It tells me you've developed some 'bad habits' 
Sorry, that was horrid.
However, I do have a thing for priest/nun fetish play... I'm not Catholic, but I do dig the costumes!
Morgan