I originally composed this message as a reply to jks622 a few threads below. But before hitting the post button I realized that it would be unfair of me to hijack his thread. So, a little clipboard action, and voila, a new thread. Here is what I wrote to him.
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I feel a bit better now than when I posted earlier ... in the wee hours of the morning ... watching the clock as it approached the hour which would mark the one week anniversary of her passing.
I will share a little about how our relationship began. It will help me to write this, though I do not know if it will help jks622. But then again, it might.
We first met in March of '05. I think that there was a spark on both sides from that very first meeting, but ....
During 2005, I was a very active hobbyist. I would see different ladies several times a week. I would see her on Monday afternoon every week for a few hours. Eventually, we began to get together on other days, off the clock, for a drink or a meal or just to talk, and sometimes to play. But the rules were clear: if we played I would compensate her, if we did not, I would not.
For months each of us tried to deny, to ourselves and to the other, the feelings which were growing inside. She because she did not want to risk driving away a good, a very lucrative "regular" ... I because I was afraid of where this seemed to be leading and was not at all sure that I wanted to go there.
But then, little things would happen which drove us closer. I will not go into detail about those. Late in the year (I cannot fix an exact date, hard as I try), the feelings broke free, the walls came tumbling down, the line was irrevocably crossed.
The last two weeks have been the most painful of my life, but the last two and a half years have been the most wonderful. Despite the pain, I would not trade them for the world.
Warning: this is the story of two people. The nature of this "little world of ours" and this business is such that this story, while not unique, is the rare exception and not the rule. Do not expect the same results. In fact, do not have any expectations at all. If something is meant to be, it will be.
-- Modified on 8/24/2007 10:58:55 PM
Hyabby
Your story brings tears to my eyes as did your email. We must never be afraid to love somebody because we are afraid of being hurt.
I think of Miki and I think of energy and a lust for life. Please take some comfort in the fact you brought her so much happiness and her life was enriched for sharing part of it with you.
I'm thinking of you and.
With love……Carrie xxx
I'm thinking of you and sending you warm wishes xxx
despite the pain of it all, he would do it all over again.
Love and life is not for the fainthearted.
First, Hyabby, my condolences to you on the loss of someone who obviously was an important person in your life.
Maybe after 10 years as a hobbyist, I guess I still dont get it. I have always been able to separate the business aspect of this hobby from anything else. When I walk into a session, I understand that I am PAYING for this lady to spend time with me. I am a DOLLAR sign to her and that the only reason we are going to talk and have sex is that I have CASH. My rules going into a session is to show up on time, be respectful and professional, have sex, and leave on time. My providers rules going into a session is to put on a good act and try and make me feel important, let me do what I enjoy sexually, and hope that I repeat. That's it.
To me, when I spend time with a provider, I know its not real. It is all an act that she has played over 100's of times with other clients. The provider is only being with me because I am paying her to do so. It's her job and obviously the ones that are good at it, get the repeat business.
I just will never understand how clients fall for providers when the bottom line is that it's all a FANTASY. I am using the provider for sex, she is using me for cash. This is not what I call a strong foundation to develop anything other than a business relationship.
-- Modified on 8/24/2007 7:54:17 AM
I don't disagree -- it's important for all who pursue this activity to be realistic about the bedrock nature of it. But we humans are a variable and unpredictable lot, and strong feelings can spring up in unexpected soil. Remember, it's not unusual for providers to care about their clients even though it's a business, and it's certainly not unusual for hobbyists to care about providers as human beings beyond the strictly sexual aspect of their encounters. So, please bend a little -- if people find a way to genuine emotional engagement despite the risks and obstacles, more power to them.
Well( IMHO) the $ is important to me but I get a lot out of a lot of my sessions. Can't say every client I connect with but when I do I just love it!!!!!!!! I love to admire my clients both intellectually and sexually. Sometimes it's one or the other but when one connects on both levels for me, it's a Great Time Had!
If I never see that client again I would still do anything for them if they pick up the phone and ask! They never have to think I expect another booking etc.
It is not all fantasy at times, but there are times when that "fantasy door," is left open for other doors to enter if one is lucky!
Hardy5456, yes it's our job to make you feel like a super hero but providers are still human and sometimes we connect with and fall for clients.
It IS possible and it does happen. You may not have had the pleasure of experiencing it but it relationships that go beyond a business level do exist.
I dont believe anyone asked how you felt about it.
Yes, we are whores, but aren't you a whore to society too? Life and society brings us things in our lives that we don't see coming.
This is a story about to souls coming together.
Miki has taken many people on Marvelous journeys in her life. And With Hyabby, he is still living out that journey even now that shes gone..
I don't think you're being fair, Ciara. Hardy is just being realistic about his hobby – frankly, more realistic than most of us can ever be. His comments are just poorly timed, given Miki's recent passing. But I bet the best clients are the ones just like Hardy – they’re reasonable and polite and level-headed, you never have to worry about emotional complications, and if you do a good job, you get repeat business. What more can you ask for?...unless you really did get into this business to fall in love, make friends, and, um, not make much money. It's your call.
Especially when there's sex between them. People can be in the hobby and not have it happen for 20-25 years. Then suddenly, it happens. You could make a resolution about it, and it can work until the day it doesn't. It's one of the risks we take.
In one way, it's like falling in love with your accountant, doctor, or college professor. You can't expect it, but it does happen now and then.
It makes complete sense for providers and hobbiests to keep the boundaries clearly drawn. But in particular situations it is understandable that boundaries get blurred.
I know Hyabby well and I know Hardy by his posts. They are completely different people with completely different perspectives on life. Doesnt make one of them right or one of them wrong.
I prob. will never ever experience what Hyabby has felt and gone through because I approach my sessions completely differently.
I understand that I when I walk into to see a provider, I need to be respectful, professional and make the provider feel comfortable and safe with me inorder to strip and have sex. I expect that the provider will be professional in turn and try to use her charm and personality to make me want to see her again. I assume that she doesnt generally like me (after all she doesnt really know me) but rather is trying to make me feel important for the hour or two so that I enjoy my time. If I enjoyed my session, there is more of a chance for me to come back and repeat. Hence, more business for the provider.
I just cant figure out how the client/provider relationship ever gets crossed over into these new BF/GF boundaries. It is a relationship built FROM THE START on paying someone for sex. How you go from that point to having a meaningful relationship is beyond my comprehension.
Back in the days before we shopped at Walmart and Costco in anonymity (beyond what data mining reveals), your grandparents knew their butchers, grocers, seamstresses, shopkeepers, doctors and so on.
They were quite possibly friends with them, too. Yeah, they did commerce- but they had human relationships with them, too- developed friendships and so on. Goodness knows, maybe they even married them.
So, why can't this happen with someone you have sex with for money? Not saying it MUST or it SHOULD, at all- but wouldn't put it beyond the pale, either.
I like having providers for friends. It doesn't mean I expect freebies or to have GRAND ROMANTIC LOVE WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS AND FLOWERS... but knowing there's a person behind the session is a great thing. We live in a world that seems to actively reduce us to impersonal relationships in drive-through windows, disembodied voices of customer service representatives, and so on. It's nice to have a human connection... even if the friend also sells companionship.
and you hijack the thread with your crap about it always being a business. We get it already, Hardy. You don't want any emotional involvement with a provider. Why not let other people experience life for themselves in their own way, though?
And why not show some respect for Hyabby's obvious pain over his loss? Or is it more important for you to instruct others on how to hobby exactly as you do?
Jeez!
Not everyone is alike. We all enter this on our own terms and proceed as we see fit according to each person individually. The fact that these two wonderful people found something special in the midst of what can be a cold and unsympathetic industry is a wonderful thing. I consider them lucky to have one another.
JMHO,
Lea
that you once had your heart broken by a provider and are still bitter. That's too bad. It happens sometimes. I would say you are in need of some therapy. The hostility that you display is boiling up inside you. Please see someone. They can really help.
I am so sorry you have lost her. I am sorry we have all lost her.
You obviously shared an amazing experience with Miki. My best wishes and deepest sympathy to you.
... and thank you for sharing that. "It is comfort, warm and cold at times, that though Heaven seperates us now, My lady awaits me, My home where the dawn will rise".
For posting a little glimpse into your world with Miki. It is nice to know that the whole business isnt as negative, cold and callous as it can seem to be at times.
Wishing you the very best....
Lea
These words apply to all cases of human love. Whether they be provider hobbiest or civie to civie... I've read books, articles and essays on how to "get a man/woman." Or How to keep a man/woman. or How to attract.... etc.
Sad thing is, we can all "Fake" an attitude or behavior just long enough to attract someone, but in the long haul, it is impossible to "fake" true feelings and behavior.
So Hyabby's advice to not have any expectations - or to plan expectations - well, life just does not work that way in matters of the heart.
while the ache to Hyabby is real, it is always better to have had this love, if only for a while, than to have never had it.... it is so precious, and so rare.
Peace.
Thanks Hyabby for your touching post. You are lucky to have had such a marvelous relationship with Miki and I sympathize with your pain and loss. Although I can understand Hardy's view and think it is sensible and level-headed and makes logical sense, I agree with the general view in the posts and I understand that sometimes a relationship can develop between a lady and a hobbyist. It can happen because we are all human and we are not always sensible and logical fortunately. Despite all the rules and boundaries that both sides observe and despite understanding clearly that this hobby is a business, sometimes two people can transcend the rules and connect in ways that neither expected. It is rare, but when it happens as the relationship happened with Miki and Hyabby, it can be fantastic. Best wishes to you Hyabby and hope everyone, ladies and hobbyists, have a wonderful time.
paxx7
I've seen so many replies that tell me to forget about my dilemma but then stories like this make me realize that I almost have to give it a chance to see if something special could develop like what happened with you and Miki.
Thanks for this heartwarming story. It sounds like Miki was a very special person that anyone would've been priviledged and happy to know. I feel for your loss.
This won't help jks, the provider he's talking about has NO romantic feelings for him.
Many of you want to spout about love this and love that, did you ever think about the awkward position that many providers are put into because of this situation? Especially those providers who have already found love but find it unprofessional to talk about the SO at work.
I'm happy for you that you found someone, but the girl who is the focus of the other thread is not looking.
J