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crownroyal 9 Reviews 4210 reads
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Although I've been a TER member for about a year, I've only posted once before and got some great information.  I'm hoping for the same again.  My wife and I had actual sex Friday night (shocker, since it was the first time in 5.5 months) at her request (even bigger shock).  However, it was of the typical variety for us (No BJ, no DATY - only been able to do that twice in 15 years because since birth of 1st child, she said she's ticklish, no digits - see previous explanation, no boob fondling - doesn't like their size, but I do).  Afterwards, when I said I'd like to incorporate more of the above items, I was met with the following response,  "the way sex is portrayed in media and tv isn't how it really is."  As you see, I'm not asking for anything unusual or deviant, at least in my mind.  It wasn't like that before marriage.  We may have a sex act (usually HJ) once per two weeks and that's about it.  I find her statement a little hard to believe and would be curious if sex is exciting for those of you who really hobby for variety, not for lack of spouse/SO sex. Also, do most civilian women (and providers too, for that matter), seem to enjoy the kinds of activities I've listed above?  I think you can see my reason for hobbying the past 1.5 years and frankly, I'm surprised it took me that long.

     We're in our early/mid 40's, 2 kids.  I'm in fairly decent shape, not really fat.  She's a little heavy but not bad.  She just had final hysterectomy, so she's been on hormone therapy for a couple of months, but it's been this way for years.  Thanks in advance for the serious input.

Crownroyal

Emma Bond2293 reads

I'm puzzling over this one.  Why does she need HRT in her early 40's?  Has she had her ovaries removed?  If so why?

Low estrogen = low libido so maybe there is some medical reason why your sex life is crap.  HRT should address some of these issues but maybe your DATY technique is all wrong and it's been going on for so long she doesn't know what to say.  So, Step 1, think about what you've been doing.  It's obviously not working, so change it.

There is no correct answer to your question regarding frequency and range of activities.l  Is sex like on TV? Well, I guess that's an obvious no.  I mean, these people never have a period, have to take a pee or wear really daggy PJ's and for godsake, who wears mascara to bed?  But in terms of frequency and DATY etc etc.  I guess twice a week is the norm for a couple with kids and both working and yes, there is nothing that happens in the hobby world (ok, maybe the GS/BS thing is a bit out there) that doesn't happen in the 'real world'.

She's probably just exhausted and values sleep over sex.  When was the last time you went on a mini-break?  My suggestion is - park the kids somewhere, book into a hotel, go out to dinner on the Friday night - make sure she gets the message that you don't expect a shag that night.  Let her sleep till midday (take a good book, book a suite and watch TV in the sitting room) go to lunch, come back to your hotel and be prepared to fuck your brains out and see what happens.

Just remember, men need Viagra, women need sleep.


-- Modified on 4/3/2005 8:08:38 AM

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mich572128 reads

Emma, don't you think this women may just think some of the things are man wants to do are just wrong? Don't you agree that this is why so many married men go outside the marrage to explore their fantasies? I am not married but many of the guys I know who are did so for this reason.

I thank you ahead time for responding :)


Mich

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Emma Bond3870 reads

"Just wrong"? Like what?

The more adventurous practices are much more likely to occur in the context of a long term relationship, so married couples tend to have more varied sex lives than singles.  Hard to believe but true. There have been a couple of studies on just this subject, I shall do some googling and post a link.

But the women in this thread sounds like she is estrogen depleted and that's a whole different issue.

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mich574428 reads

I guess like in anything else with time comes trust. Those studies sound like good reading. No wonder I liked the women from down under when I visited Sydney.  Man what a great time.

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Tigerguy2400 reads

I can share your experience.  My wife had fibrois growth problem before and she had to be on hormone therapy.  Her bleeding and hormone supplement had limited our frequency of intercouse with me to no more than once every few months.  Now she had the operation, not hesteratomy but tightening of the blood vessels to induce her into early manapause.  After the operation, she would grant me intercouse once per week, but with the exact routine with no DATY, BJ and even kissing is off limit. She no longer has the libido she used to have in her 20s and 30s ,though she could still infrequently reached orgasm but would never initiate sex for at least a decade.  I think her lack of libido is all hormone related.  This is why I am hobbying on the side to satisfy my needs.

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Emma Bond2120 reads

I sounds like your wife had an endometrial ablation, removal of the lining of the uterus to control heavy bleeding.  This has no effect on estrogen levels and doesn't induce menopause.  The 3 most common reason for low estrogen and hence low libido and thinning of the vaginal walls are, estrogen blocking drugs used to treat estrogen receptive breast cancers (eg Tamoxifen), removal of the ovaries because of disease or normal menopause.

Performing a standard hysterectomy - which spares the ovaries and cervix - should have no  impact on estrogen levels.

I think women (and men) tend to use the woman's hormone levels as an excuse when the problem is really one of fatigue, boredom or resentment by one of the parties at feeling unappreciated or taken for granted.

-- Modified on 4/3/2005 11:47:12 PM

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Bizzaro Superdude3991 reads

I agree, we do tend to overlook the GIANT sex  organ between the ears.  Would suggest that this sounds more like it has been going on since you said "I do"  If that is the case, you may need professional intervention - unless you are happy with the situation - as is.  Luck.

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crownroyal1879 reads

As a point of clarification, she had one ovary removed 5 years ago, uterus removed 4 years ago, and final ovary removed 2 months ago.  She was quite prone to cysts.  My understanding is that one ovary should supply sufficient estrogen, but maybe not.
Even before the first ovary was removed, her libido and sexual excitement was low.

As far as your statement regarding DATY technique, you may be right.  She enjoyed it prior to our first child.  However, if that was something she still enjoyed, she would have wanted to see me improve.  As the saying goes, perfect practice makes perfect!:-)

Crownroyal

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