Ever since I got out of the industry I've been bombarded with emails from former clients who want to see me on a "personal level". What irks me about this is that I want a NEW LIFE and my past is not included in that. I've heard talk of providers who quit and some vindictive ex client found out where they were working in the legit world and "outed" them by telling their current employer what she did in the past. Or about the poor girl who's cousin saw her on the net and outed her to her family and she was disowned. What noone seems to asking is HTF does the guy know what she's doing if he's not taking part in her services (or at least in the industry)? HTF does he know? Because he's involved in some way too.
My take on all this is, HEY IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO. I accept that I was a whore, but I couldnt whore by myself. To the so called "Hobbyist" (Hey, a hobby is building model airplanes, not f***ing) whats your role in all this? You want to "out" me? Should I call your Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Employer? Should I put everytime you saw me and every sexual act we did on the net? Can you married men explain...no "JUSTIFY"... taking money from your household (and possibly out of your kids mouths) to commit adultery? To "BUY" pootang? Oh you're all just as bad as I am, but society wants to blame the woman. In ancient times they stoned women for adultery, well where were the men? You cant commit adultery alone ya know?
Do I sound pissed? I AM PISSED. You paid me to good money to blur the line between fantasy and reality. I must have done too good a job because you think I'm your mistress. I'm not. I'm a girl who wants her NORMAL, REGULAR, MUNDANE life back, without you in it. Cant you understand that? You can be a part of my "normal" life when society holds you equally at fault for what "WE" did. You can be a part of my "normal" life when you tell your WIFE, MOM, EMPLOYER that you used to pay me to have sex with you. You can be a part of my "normal" life when you are arrested and charged just like I would be instead of just going to "john school" and having your record expunged. You can be a part of my "normal" life when you SHARE THE BLAME FOR WHAT "WE" DID.
...And that's all I have to say about that.
hh
If you want a new life, then stop reading/using that email account. Open a new one and only tell your new friends about it.
And change your phone number(s) if necessary.
Enjoy your new life!
The money looked good when it was coming in, didn't it?
If you think you were charging only for body rental time, you thought wrong.
Some (probably few) providers plan ahead, including an exit strategy.
Some don't.
...and that's the name of that tune.
Wow, were you this vindictive and sour BEFORE you became an escort?? Its a good thing you got out of it before it CONSUMED you. Seriously, and this is not a flame, you need to seek counseling, and soon.
Rocket
Sorry HH, but in my humble opinion, your (and my) life includes our past. You can change careers, change homes, change states, change your hair style, but your life is your life... including the past (good and bad). Life is about making choices and making mistakes, you learn and grow from them, but you cannot forget them.
One cannot simple decide one day to start a NEW LIFE, and completely forget the past. It sounds good in theory, but it is not feasible nor even possible. Your life is a series of choices, experiences, and decisions, that all summed up equal who you are TODAY.
I completely agree with you that is takes two to tango. That is not even debatible, but neither do I think that it's your main issue.
Why do you think your ex-clients want a relationship with you, outside the hobby? Have you really stopped to think why? Because you obviously had an influence on their life, on their emotions. Perhaps you had a few "regulars" whom you meant more to than just sex? You had a major impact on folks lives, and that is not something to simply FORGET. That is something to cherish and use for personal growth. I see no reason to be bitter. Just move on.
Why? First because although I have a very good "gut" feeling, I can't prove it. Second, the lady wants to move on, and I for one, would not out her even if I could. Your style of writing makes me think I know who you are. However, out of respect for you, as well as the rest of your family I am going to keep my thoughts to myself.
I sent you an email that was "bounced". That alone tells me that you have closed this chapter on your life. I will say that as a result of our verbal exchange this last year that I became very fond of you in a very platonic sort of way.
I won't lie. I had hoped to meet you some day, even if it was only over lunch or dinner. However,even though we never met I consider you a friend, and I love my friends unconditionally, even if their plans don't coincide with mine.
Times like this remind me of the old saying that says "If you love or care about someone, or something, set them free...."
Consequently, I for one, will sincerely miss you. Even so I wish you the very best in all of your personal and professional endeavors, and if you should ever need someone to vent on feel free to email me.
Cliff.
P.S: Looks like the world HAS come to an end huh? LOL!
-- Modified on 12/27/2003 7:18:42 PM
take a chill pill lady...if you want to forget about your past life, why don't you stop posting on TER?
"How To Hide Your Assets & Disappear.
Great book with some good strategies. I found Northwestern Canada, Ft. St. John and White Horse in particular were very anonymous and respected one's privacy, but Victoria and Vancouver weren't bad either.
I think the men who are seeking you're friendship were probably doing it innocently enough. I would be surprised if anyone was doing it maliciously just to annoy you.
I would take there inquiries as a complement and just politely decline saying that you are simply too busy in your new career to see anyone.
Unless any of your former clients has threatened you, I think you are making a big leap to assume that they would "out" you or otherwise bring you harm. Even if they were so inclined, as you note, you have just as much information to damage them as they do you, probably more.
I really hope that your post is the result of pent-up frustration and not reflective of your day-to-day emotional outlook. To refer to yourself as a wh*re makes me wonder about your self-esteem. I don't think that's a term anyone on TER would use to describe a provider. And you shouldn't think of yourself in those terms.
But hey, it's a New Year and you're on your way to a new life. Congratulations and Good Luck!
Look, if we want to keep hobbying we need to be able to draw a firm line between our sessions with the providers and our REAL LIVES. Obviously HH should have at least changed her e-mail address to protect herself. Beyond that, I have to say that I am shocked at the responses she is getting from all of you. I'm not trying to offend anyone here, but think about what you are saying.
She WAS only renting her body; her life and her mind are her own. What the hell kind of exit strategy should she have planned? She's an escort, not a corporate raider! And what's this about having an "impact" on people's lives and emotions? It's only fuc*ing! Anyone who can't get over a sexual encounter with a woman who was PAID TO BE THERE in the first place, should probably never get laid at all -- he's too emotionally fragile, and his stalker-like behavior could ruin our hobby. In fact, this person probably runs the risk of stalking his butcher, baker, and candlestick maker if they ever retired, too!
You should all think about what you are saying. I'm sure you all didn't intend for it to sound this way, but you're implying that the hobbyist (who has become obsessed with HH) is RIGHT to try to stalk her, and possibly ruin her current life and career. Or perhaps you are trying to say "once a provider, always a provider," and she should never have quit. What kind of shit is that? In my own life, two different providers have actually called my house WITHOUT my having given them my phone number. It may sound like every hobbyist's idea of fun, but it's actually a very unnerving experience and I completely understand what HH is going through.
From another angle, my ATF picked up and moved to Florida about 18 months ago. I'd only seen her two or three times, but she really changed my life, too. Just kidding! She was just real good in bed. And that's the end of it. No stalking, no phone calls, and no visits to FLA. The shit stopped there. I had a great time, and it was my bad luck to discover this beautiful, wonderful woman just when she was planning to leave my state. Tough fuc*ing luck for me. But what kind of sicko f*ck would I have been to track her down and. . . what? Ask her out on a date? Grow up, right?
The bottom line is that no one here would be blaming the hobbyist if we heard that some provider had tried to blackmail him, or get him fired or divorced. So why blame the provider when some hobbyist is harassing her for no reason? I say blame whoever is pissing on the hobby in any given situation. Period.
RIGHT ON! You got my point exactly. I was paid to blur the line between fantasy and reality. I'm not your girlfriend, your mistress or even your friend for that matter...so WTF would I give you my NEW address, phone number and basically invite you into "my reality"? I'm pretty open about my past, but does my past have to call me up everyday and or stare me in the face on a daily basis? If I was still in the industry would he want me calling his house or work place "to chat"? No. Then why cant my ex clients understand that and extend me the same courtesy?
(repeat after me) THIS. IS. NOT. REAL.
The "hobby" would be much better off if we can all remember that.
hh
and thats rare for me..I usually go on and on and on
I'm not sure what you read but all I see is:
I've been bombarded with emails from former clients who want to see me on a "personal level."
That's former clients, not a client, and she hardly indicates that they are stalking her, only continuing to try to contact her, presumably for friendship (or possibly to lure her back into bed, but that’s a different issue.)
I think for those of us who engage in the "hobby" but also have a emotionally intimate relationship with a significant other, this is just a quick adventure with a beautiful woman. (Or renting her body, as you so eloquently put it.) But I would guess a number of men who participate are just as desperate for an emotional connection as a physical one. For someone with an emotional need it would be easy enough for them to develop an unrealistic attachment to a provider confusing what is in fact a business transaction with an emotional one.
Obsessiveness, stalking, or generally being rude are unacceptable and obnoxious behaviours. Lots of people don't CARE about "acceptable" or "unacceptable"...only what they want. Christ, the news is full of it.
A provider is not engaged in a detached business of selling widgets. A provider sells something which, for some (many?) has some degree of emotion (primal urge?) involved. It ain't "just sex" for some...and let's face it, some providers take advantage of that fact.
That said, any provider who enters the industry should take appropriate steps to learn about potential risks. Sure, some screen. Sure, some insist on condoms. Sure, some prohibit certain activities. But there are OTHER risks, and that includes people who engage in unacceptable behaviour. Duh.
Now that HH has encountered a person who is, according to her, doing so, she's painting all clients with a feminist, blame-laying, I'm-a-victim, cop-out attitude. She's in a state of denial for having failed, or being unable, to cope with her present circumstances...something she should have given consideration to before deciding to make some money by marketing to the same desires she now condemns.
"If truth were a woman, would anybody be able to know it?"
That if you:
1. work with those who are potentially unbalanced, and
2. personify the relationship in order to improve the business transaction
((Which you do even selling widgets... if you're any good!))
that being harassed or stalked is your fault.
Please, please, please tell me that this is NOT what you meant to imply.
If HH had been a television or movie star, a mental health professional, a criminal lawyer, or any of the many professions that would fit the above criteria... there would not even be a question of how to deal with it. It should NOT be any different for the ladies here.
Although,
it sounds to me as if her anger is in large part due to the double standard of the woman being the whore, and the "man being a man".
This is a simple one:
You would never expect a lady to try to work her way into your "real" life after you decided to not see her anymore. You don't want her contacting you whenever she wants, where ever you are. Why would anyone do this to someone who has retired?
My .02
> if you:
>1. work with those who are potentially unbalanced, and
>2. personify the relationship in order to improve the business >transaction
>((Which you do even selling widgets... if you're any good!))
>that being harassed or stalked is your fault.
Being harassed or stalked is not the fault of the victim.
Failure to anticipate, and plan, for it is.
Whining and slinging shit when it happens is of no benefit to anybody.
Of COURSE there are double standards. A guy who beds lots of women is a "stud." A woman who beds lots of men is a "slut" (although that's changing).
BOTH of those issues are reasons why:
- The price is justifiable.
- A provider should exercise due diligence.
- A provider should plan for her retirement, in many senses,
including security.
Policemen assume risk.
Firemen assume risk.
Insurance companies assume risk.
Providers assume risk.
The difference is how it's planned for.
My frustration is being the scapegoat. My frustration is taking all the risks "and" the blame (in society). In New Orleans on Canal Street there was some infamous brothel that they shut down like 2 or 3 years ago. The three ladies that ran it were gonna do some HARD time. They had doctors, lawyers, police officers, politicians, etc as clients. It's ONLY when they threatened to publish their "little black book" in the local newspaper that the charges were dropped. The powers that be felt is was perfectly okay to prosecute these women until the men were in danger of being exposed then the charges were dropped.
I'm not vindictive. I didnt say I was "going" to call these guys wives, employers, etc. I just want them to think about HTF I'm going to explain him (an ex client) to "my" parents, friends and employer? "Who is he"? they may ask. WTF am I going to say? Even Mark Twain knew that "No man has a good enough memory to become a professional liar" (Now you probably really know who I am).
Yes, you probably "do" know who I am. I used to post a lot on this board. And no, I dont need therapy (thank you very much) I just needed to get it out. I dont know WTF I was thinking. As if you guys are really going to take an honest look at YOUR responsibility for what YOU are doing with us ladies. I'm venting for every single guy who told me I was too smart to be in the industry. For every single time some guy looked at me with pity in his eyes and had the nerve to ask me why I was doing what I was doing. For every time some guy asked me if I wanted/want a future. I'm saying this in the DELLUSIONAL, MISGUIDED HOPE that one of you will understand YOUR role in this twisted little fantasy game we play.
...hold it down (what a jagged little pill)
it feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
wait until, the dust settles.
You live, you learn,
you love, you learn,
you cry, you learn,
you lose, you learn...
You live...you learn.
hh
Nope. Forgive me, but I didnt know if this was a joke, or you were trying to "out" me by putting my name out there (obviously Catherine is not my name).
Which only proves my point. While in the industry my clients expected me to ensure and respect their privacy and confidentiality. I was expected to keep their personal info safe and use the utmost discretion when dealing with them on the phone or in public. I DID MY JOB. Whats puzzling me is why that respect for my privacy and confidentiality doesnt exist for them. They think my life is an open door they can walk through any time they want. Let me give you some advice guys. DO UNTO A PROVIDER WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE THAT PROVIDER DO UNTO YOU. If you want her to respect and keep your privacy and confidentiality, DITTO.
IMHO this is really a case of "HOW DARE YOU?!?! " HDY think you're anything other than a piece of meat? HDY quit and try to start a new life, dont you know what you are? HDY try to make me see you as anything other than a prostitute. My goodness, if you knew I had been a provider, then saw me working as a secretary somewhere then you'd be forced to think...well if SHE used to do it, then who else did? That would mess up your perfect world. Are the bad girls good? Are the good girls bad? Analyzing each women to see if you can "tell".
A while back some guy got on the board to say he was dating an asian lady who gave him the best bj's he'd ever had. Everything was great and he wanted to marry her, until one day she gave him a bj and then got up to get a rag and wiped him off. HORROR ran through his very being. That's what Massage Parlor girls do!!!! Did she work at a MP before? If yes, then how long? I dont know if he ever actually asked her, but that just f*cked with his mind. And what drives me crazy is, HTF does he know what goes on at MP's? Because HE is a client. Why is it that he can be a client, he NEVER intends to tell his future wife he visited MP's, but SHE cant have been a worker?
I'm just venting on the boards, most of you dont even know me yet you're willing to "out" me. Ask yourself why? It's not so easy is it? You accuse me of being bitter and angry, but think about YOUR double standard and love hate relationship with us.
hh
It sucks, doesn't it? The double standard, I mean. When we men think of "people," we think of MEN. That's the REAL double-standard, or at least the root of it. Psychologists say that when people watch movies, the men in the audience can generally only identify with the male characters, while the women in the audience can identify with ANY sympathetic character, male or female. Not to mention the wholesale objectification of women, both individually and culturally. In fact, I can't even imagine a life in which I DIDN'T objectify women -- that's what makes life worth living. I don't know how women can even be happy without something to occupy your thoughts the way women occupy ours. It's like Aristotle Onassis said: "Without women, all the money in the world would be useless."
Yes, I'm sure it's difficult to be a woman, even more so to be a provider. But I won't even talk about how difficult it is to be a man; or the fact that men only objectify women to lessen the pain of constant rejection BY women. You seem like an intelligent person, HH, so I won't bore you with information that you probably already know, like the supposed biological reasoning behind society's desire to keep women monogamous (hence, no "providing"); there really is not similar biological imperative that keeps men monogamous. It's a truly uphill battle when you're trying to reform biology, no? Let me know what you think if you're still out there.
Yup, it sucks out loud. lol. The ironic part is that I'm one of the few women out there who actually thought about the long term impact of what she was doing "BEFORE" she got in the industry. I thought...hoped...that such musings would prepare me for "the life", but alas I still became frustrated. My frustration comes from clients judging me for what I did. At first it was no big deal, and as somone pointed out, I made my bed so I was perfectly willing to lie in it. But after a year or two these constant questions & judgements started to grate on me. It got me to thinking things like: "If I'm a whore then what are you?" "If you expect me to tell my future husband why dont you tell your current wife?" And finally: "Why CANT I just walk away, you will?"
The double standard sucks out loud. Most of my bothersome ex-clients have wandered off into the sunset, but one is still persistent. I've told him point blank GO AWAY, to no avail. Believe it or not I'm actually more sensitive to his plight now. Like you said "It's just f***ing", and that's what I thought. But apparently it was more than that to him. That never occured to me. I still want him out of my life, but I'll be more sensitive now to his feelings.
It's so easy...TOO EASY...to blur the lines of what "we" do.
hush hush...
keep it down now,
voices carry...
hh
That while I don't necessarily agree with you on every single detail... cheers to you miss, for standing up and saying what you want to say!
None of this surprises me... in a "hobby" where half the clients are busy trying to "date" their ATF provider of the moment. It's kind of interesting to watch, in a sad and twisted way, all these providers scrambling to be the "girlfriend" of a married-for-20 years-with-children hobbyists... and the ensuing dramas that invariable unfold with all their gossip and angst. WTF are you guys thinking, hmmm???
And they say I'm a bitch because I *won't* go there and I choose to keep my boundaries in place... well hey, we cannot please all the people all the time!
Girl you go do what you want to do. Don't listen to the idiots on this board that don't understand that you can MOVE ON with your life without forgetting the past.. it's a part of GROWING. I don't still play with Barbies but I fondly remember having done so. This phase of your life is done... I wish you luck, joy, and success in all your future ventures!
Hugs*
Tamara
On the one hand, you complain about what you perceive to be stereotypical images of providers...and call that unfair.
Yet you, on the other hand, paint disparaging stereotypical images of men...and that's okay???
Personally, I have a great deal of respect for most providers because of the demands of the job...and because I've gotten to know a few personally and admire their determination. I'd never harass a provider (unless it was me who was harassed first, by her)...and there are many others out there who'd tell you the same thing.
Are all men wierd because Jeffrey Dahmer was?
Are all women raving radical feminists because Catherine MacKinnon is? (http://www.cddc.vt.edu/feminism/MacKinnon.html)
How long have you been around? Haven't you read posts on this or other boards about providers becoming the focus of some chump's unwanted attention? What is it you don't understand about the male brain? (The small one, leading the big one around...which was the same one you tried to appeal to for business.)
You may be justifiably pissed. But what purpose does it serve to rant about it here? What steps have you taken, or do you plan to take, to end the harassment?
-- Modified on 12/29/2003 10:09:10 AM
I didn't know who she either was until I tried it. She is a feminist who speaks out against pornography. Obviously he was making a little joke.
What I found quite disdainful about this whole business, is it affects the women involved in it in such a profound and deeply emotional way, that they completely lose their bearings, compass, keel ... as if a sailboat, in a gailforce wind, twisting and turning wildly emotionally, even after the "trauma" of the work is over.
I think the poster exemplifies this. If someone wanted to maintain a friendship, could very well have been for honorable reasons. It didn't deserve such a strong response.
And of course someone once noted it is the chicken or egg situation, but I never explored the answer.
I hope I did not offend the original poster, this was not the intention, rather realizing she may need emotional support and a strong arm to protect her till she has fully recovered from the emotional turbulences she has gone through.
I have a little story, post it a little later, this thread is already getting too long
-- Modified on 12/27/2003 6:42:11 PM
I agree, of course I think it's more likely that their compass was a little off course to begin with.
I'll probably get flamed for this, but if we are to be brutally honest with ourselves I think the majority of the women in this profession have some deep emotional scars that in many cases have driven them into this work to begin with... or at least make it something they would entertain doing when most women wouldn't even consider it.
I think one of the saddest circumstances in the world is when a woman feels she has no choice but to sale herself in order to survive. What is equally disturbing is that it seems like most men have the attitude, "I don't care why she's doing it as long as it's for sale, I'm buying."
These are all real people, most with circumstances far less fortunate then the clients who are able to afford their services. Granted there are the Ali's of the world who seem to enjoy what they do and are well compensated for their time, but I'm afraid there are a lot more women who are doing it for the wrong reasons.
And I'm not being holier than thou here; it's a real dilemma for me too. I guess I rationalize it by only seeing older (30+) "high end" providers (like an Ali) where I feel like they're getting a fair exchange for their time, and I treat them a nicely as I can. But I don't always feel good about it...
Sorry for the long post… it just struck a chord with me.
I would just like to applaud you for your bravery. Most hobbyists who post seem unlikely to admit that THEIR favorite providers are anything other than living incarnations of a Goddess. But the sad fact is that, as you have pointed out, most of these ladies are about as fuc*ed up as humanly possible. Note that Nerd said MOST, not ALL. Aren't we all tired of reading some insecure provider's claim of stability and middle-class values. Frankly, they are just the exceptions that prove and illuminate the rule.
I'm very happy to hear that HH is trying to change her life. But that's as far as I go. I somewhat disagree with the socially conscious message in your post: "What is equally disturbing is that it seems like most men have the attitude, 'I don't care why she's doing it as long as it's for sale, I'm buying.'" Think about how hard our lives would be if we really did have to think about the ORIGINS and CONSEQUENCES of the goods and services we purchase. We would probably have to stop buying gasoline, diamonds, precious metals, leather, furs, beef, etc., let alone incall sessions with BBBJTC, Greek, or Facials.
I am truly sorry you feel this way. It is too bad that your life's work has caused you so much pain and agony after you moved on. Good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.
Yeah, like I stood in the Prostitute line on Career Day. NO ONE plans this. This isnt a lifelong dream or ambition. Yes, it paid the bills and served it's purpose. I just wish men had a realistic view of what "we" are doing here.
I'm sincerely confused about you want. As you note, your work as a provider did serve its purpose, so you presumably were getting what you wanted out of it. On the one hand it sounds like you regard men as scum for taking advantage of you, but you relied on us to keep doing it in order for you to get what you wanted.
So in a "perfect world" the would the men have sobbed with guilt the entire time they were with you or should they have just knocked on your door, handed you the money and headed off for the confessional?
I'm not trying to make light of your post, because I do agree with your point about the double standard; the hypocrisy of society in general and men in particular when it comes to the world's oldest profession clearly isn't fair. But, you sound a bit like an addict who's pissed off at their supplier for providing them the source of their misery. As you said, it takes two to tango.
Okay... no more from me. Really, I wish you happiness in your new life.
I hope you did not think I was implying something. I wasn't.
You seem pretty sensitive about this.
What you choose to do with your life I have no opinion about.
I was mearly wishing you well.
On a side note... For some this is a life long dream and they are very happy with thier choice.
-- Modified on 12/28/2003 11:03:19 AM
Having a BLAST. Being independant and fairly well to do. Not suffering cooped up in some cubicle. Making my own hours. Sleeping in. Staying up late. Making the world my playground! Meeting some wonderful people and learning tons about people and the world. Coming home and working on my passion, web design. Writing. Playing with my doggies.
And, sometimes, it's just a *job.* Most of the time, NOT... or I couldn't be here.
I'm sorry your experience was different. I wish everyone could enjoy it as much as I do!
Hugs*
Tamara
with their wife and kids. Obviously you must have been a great provider for these men to have fallen in love with the "idea" of being with you even after you've left the business. You've given them something that they don't get at home regardless of sex. Take that passion and use it to your advance your personal goals and to acheive whatever it is your heart desires but don't waste all that passion in anger and frustration. All this means is that you were great in accomplishing that fantasy most men really crave. I've been in your shoes and have broken many hearts especially doing this. Be patient, have faith and don't loose yourself in this.
Best Wishes
Michelle Elise
Please this is such a non-point. "we" who is "we" you have a mouse in your pocket. every one is differant. I paid some one because my wife could not for a long long long time. I tried others also. She moved to FLA from NY and I miss her some times and she calls me sometimes. I paid her so I could satisfy an erge without falling in love and abandoning my comitment and love. This may be F&^$#D up to you and make sence to someone else.
I respected her and was always conciderate and nice we became friends and did not even have sex sometimes but we each new the score and still became friends. If I was not so deeply inlove I may have fallen for her and she me who knows. If she said to me I need help I would do what I could. If she called my wife and told all that is my fault for letting to much info go to someone that woul have been my fault not hers. Change you E-mail cange your life and move on. Maybe you should chat somewhere else also.
If you are just getting emails asking about continuing some personal relationship, then perhaps some generic form letter explaining why you do not desire that would answer 99% or those queriers. If I had sent such a query, it would certainly answer my question.
I don't quite understand why you feel so bitter, or feel some need to transfer more of the blame to the client side of the equation. Wouldn't it be better if there was less finger pointing, and more acceptance of the biz in general, so it becomes less taboo?
Good luck in your future endeavors.
caguy_69
I think the most obvious answer to this is stop answering your emails. If you are so out of the business, then you should have closed your phone and email accounts, and therefore should no longer be getting any messages.
My guess is that you let a client get too close to you while working and now what nothing to do with him since you are out. He probably knows your full name or some other info he can use to find you and you are worried, no?
Well, just let him know that you are starting your new life and want absolutley NOTHING to do with your old life, present company included. If he persists, remind him of all the new stalking laws. If you are outed, oh well. You made your bed, now lie in it. But it is not that hard to start over, and family can forgive you, and excuses can be made, etc.
There is more to this that you are not telling, and your whole rampage did nothing but make you sound like a man-hating dyke.
I know exactly what you're saying, hushhush..or feel I do.
What interesting responses..
In your quoting of Alanis Morissette, might I add one postscript?... you live, you live. I firmly believe we are not here to learn, we are here to live. Our actions define our life. I've recently read a book called "Conversations with God". I highly recommend it. It's available on Amazon.com. It's helped me with my struggles, perhaps it would be of some value to you also. Oh, and we all need therapy honey... we are all screwed up in one way or another. Discussing things on this board is one method of therapy...
Life is too short for bitterness, regret and hatefullness. Your posts ring of all these things. I do not condone "stalking" and I agree with you and all the other posters in that regard. However, I do not believe that 100% of all encounters is just f***king. If I wanted that, I'd pick up a street walker. There are many stories on this board about men and women meeting their SO's through this business, and many men including myself that DO take full responsiblity for our actions. You are generalizing, and there are in fact many exceptions.
For me, I'll be going on a wonderful ski trip next week with my ATF who is now my girlfriend. Are there other complications to this relationship?... YES, lots. Will I be paying for her time?...NO. Am I taking responsibility for my actions, and willing to deal with the consequences if/when they occur...YES. No matter the outcome of my relationship with this girl, will I have any regrets?... NONE, whatsoever.
You live, you live. Whether we are engineers, artists, providers or ditch diggers... What we do defines who we are. Read the book, it might help.
For those who don't subscribe to the TER month in review LOL, you originally posted a lovely copy of a letter you sent to you ATF explaining why you couldn't see her anymore. A week or two later you posted asking how to tell if things were over with your SO.
Now you blandly announce your ATF is now your girlfriend. What happened dare O ask???
For the record, I don't know who you are.
HH, all you will ever get is a continuation of the life you already have. If you think you will walk away from what you were in the past, you are indulging in a deeper fantasy than the fantasy you ascribe to your clients (remember "no matter where you go, there there you are").
Of course you can quit the business. Of course you have a right not to be stalked. Of course, you can choose whom you will associate with. You will have to manage the transition if you are changing your life. Right now, you are doing a piss poor job of it.
I expect that most if not all of the men posting on this board have indulged the fantasy of having another kind of relationship with the women they are with. Most of the men are able to deal with it and move on. Quit being down on all the guys you were with in the past. On the whole they don't deserve it.
Nobody here made the current legal climate in the US or the social attitutes around what we all do. Don't blame us. If you want to blame "men" for all this, lets blame "women" for not treating us well enough so we went to all of you ladies in the first place. Each claim is equally stupid.
In any case, see somebody that can help you deal with your anger...Harry
-- Modified on 12/30/2003 2:16:31 PM
HH, has any of these people who wished to keep in cocntact with you actually said they would out you if you didn't bow to their wishes? I highly doubt it. I have only seen a provider a couple times, but I am the type that would get attached to a regular if I had one. I would have to agree with spaceghost that the reason you got so many emails like that is because you had that much influence on people's lives. In response you shouldn't ignore them, but, rather, thank them for their interest and express your desire to be left alone, which you have every right to do. If they truly like you as much as they say they do, they will respect that. By the way, from one Alains fsn to another I give you this:
"I will always have your back and be curious about you, your career, your whereabouts"